Four vs Six Minutes

 At one of the last memorable 50’s I completed on Baraq, Lucy and I turned back towards camp too soon and wound up having to go back out in the dark out and do the correct segment of trail, finishing up with only four minutes to spare!

So of course Val found the Madonna song “4 Minutes” and played it incessantly for a while - hey, it’s a catchy tune and I like Madonna anyway! Just another tune in my eclectic jukebox collection…

https://youtu.be/aAQZPBwz2CI

I don’t know what theme song I’m going to use for my Rocky-montage style exercise rehab program. My day didn’t get off to a good start yesterday morning when I showed up at my old Life Sciences building instead of the shiny new science & engineering building across the street. I eventually figured it out by squinting at the map a little harder - a grad student was waiting for me in the lobby but no one was answering the phone since the professor was out of town! They drew my blood & had me answer some questionnaires, I signed their release forms and then we went next door to their physiology lab which was full of gym equipment: treadmills, exercise bikes and the like. I fully expected to march on the treadmill but instead we left the lab and went out to the outer hallway, where the girl set up cones for me to walk a 30-yard length of corridor as many times as I could in six minutes. I guess this was supposed to make it more like real world conditions? I broke a light sweat, was a little breathless but achieved 1000 steps. They fitted me with a clunky activity monitor on my wrist and a CGM; I’m supposed to carry on as usual for the next two weeks, then I go back to find out if I’ve been selected for the interventional part of the study which will mean a graded exercise program with coaching via text messaging.

It was nice to see my old campus with its shiny new buildings as well as old familiar places. This display with a reticulated python skeleton and various species of sea turtle skulls & shells has been there since I was an undergrad (that's 40+ years folks! Might be time for an update)

Took V out for her 25th BD Tues night

Baby Steps

 …are the buzzwords of FlyLady, whose home-organizational advice I’ve imperfectly followed for years.

 I took two more “baby steps” for myself: I’ll be returning to my undergrad alma mater (UT Arlington) Thursday morning to participate in a research study for cancer survivors. I will be fitted with a CGM & receive an activity tracker, have a Dexa scan, then come back at 2-wk intervals. (I think it’s a 12-wk program) I hope this program will help me jumpstart my completely deconditioned self… I’m tired of being breathless after simply marching from one end of my barn to the other!
Then Thursday afternoon I’ve scheduled a follow-up with my doctor to see if she has any more bright ideas?
Monday night my poor mom locked herself out of her cottage when she walked across the street to visit her neighbor. Yippee for any attempt at socialization, boo at her shame and humiliation for making this mistake, although of course we reassured her that stuff like this happens to everyone! Her next-door neighbor was with her when I pulled up; he had called the front office but no one had ambled down yet - I’m glad I stopped by. John said he had tried to call me but mom must have not dictated my number to him correctly because my phone had not rung? But now I have John’s phone number, thankfully, and I will get him a copy of mom‘s door key.

Another sweaty restless night - stretched things out as long as I could this morning, but gotta get moving with my workday. In other better news, the City of Ferris finally approved my permits so for the low low fees totaling a little over $9K**, hopefully I will see a work crew this morning!

**$4K to the City, $4K to the architect, another K in miscellaneous costs incurred by my contractor - he brought me a pile o’ receipts and I wrote the man a check, I’ll go through ‘em later!

Well Said

 Again, **JUST** when I'm ready to delete FB, quit devoting any precious irreplaceable time & effort to this social media juggernaut, I come across a post which helps clarify my own situation. (This is a response to colleague in my single-moms group - her husband has decompensated in his mental health over these past 4 years and doesn't seem invested in helping himself or his marriage. She is considering building herself a "She Shack" since she doesn't want to divorce or abandon him, nor does she want to vacate her home & property - sounds as if she may have a hobby farm like my own? Her young adult children are guilt-tripping her, but "in sickness & in health" is not a helpless "Get Out of Jail Free" card.)

I've made many grim, not-entirely-satirical jokes in the past when P & I were having our worst difficulties, that he loved my farm more than he loved ME...

"If you are miserable with him, and you think living apart from him will make you happier, then staying married isn’t likely to work out long term. At this point, the only real reason for you to stay together is because neither of you wants to lose your property, and you can’t base a marriage on “neither of us wants to leave our property.” Honestly, it sounds like that’s the ONLY reason you have left to stay married to your husband, as you are miserable with him and clearly want to move out. But you can’t stay in a miserable marriage forever just so neither of you has to leave your property. Is it worth it to have your property but be unhappy for the rest of your life? I wouldn’t think so. What good does property do you if you spend every day totally miserable with the person you are married to and living with?

You only have one life to live. No one deserves to spend it with someone who is making them miserable. You’ve spent 4 years fighting for the relationship you used to have with your husband; how many more years are you willing to sacrifice and spend unhappy? At some point, you need to live YOUR life, and do what is right for yourself. Don’t live in misery for the sake of doing what other people want you to do, even if those people are your own kids. More than anyone else, they should want you to be happy. Don’t feel guilty for not being able to make everyone around you happy, and instead focus on doing the right thing for YOU. Big hugs… doing what is right for yourself can be so hard sometimes, but in the long run, it will be the one decision you won’t regret. "

Occasional Miracles

 …are known to occur, which I should be all the more grateful for, considering my generally crappy luck here lately!

The rescue of Tweedledum from jaws-of-death Tyson (remarkable that he kept his ear which got thoroughly chomped, suffered punctures & bruising to neck which also healed up without lasting damage), Bo’s colic surgery (I know our methods and technology have greatly improved in my lifetime - I’ve had a handful of serious colics over my course of owning horses, yet Bo is my sole survivor), Tigre’s return after a week in The Great Outdoors, and most recently, my recapture of Enola the blue-tongued skink (she’d been roaming the Mesquite house for three weeks).

Enola had been living in a home built wooden cage with sliding plexiglass doors on the front - on a previous occasion, she had managed to squirm through an opening but was only out for a few hours as Zach was still in residence. I had set a small live trap baited with canned cat food but I wasn’t even sure if she had sufficient body mass to trip the trigger? Each time I came by the house to feed rats, fish, snakes and her mate Alfred, my heart sank as I saw the untouched trap. It was horrible to think of this tropical creature slowly dying in the unfriendly environment of north Texas.

But last night, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I walked into the bedroom and saw the trap was closed! And Enola herself was wearily curled up in the far end, smeared with stinky cat food (I had to bathe her). I triumphantly carried her home where she is sharing the tortoise tub until we get her a more secure habitat - I can’t do this again!

So this morning I am also celebrating by taking a short ride on Bo, even though it’s three days shy of his 90 day postop recovery period. I’m feeling reckless 😊

(My photos are completely jumbled up but I’ll get one transferred from my phone so you can admire this snaky lizard for yourself)

                                                                The Prisoner is recaptured 

                                                        Enola had little appreciation for her bath 

Done for in Less Than 60 Minutes

  (Hat tip to “Gone in 60 Seconds”, that dreadful Nicolas Cage film - while I’ve enjoyed NC in many other movies, that was not one of ‘em!)

But my brain suggests these little segues as I plodded wearily back to camp Saturday morning - I should’ve known the beautiful Priefert Ranch was not the best venue for Baraq to behave himself. Many parts of the trail consist of looping around the perimeter of their pastures, which means B-boy could see the front runners - of course he wanted to catch them! The head-tossing and jigging I could put up with, and I count it as an upper-body workout when he tries to dislocate my shoulders pulling against me, but the last straw was when he executed a perfect flat reining spin when we had stopped at a water tank before crossing a bridge.  (I wanted him to pause and let the other riders go on - he, of course, wanted to pursue them) I wish John the photographer had video capability because I was proud of myself for riding that episode out! but in the end I decided discretion was the better part of valor (not that I ever HAD a margin for injury but I especially can’t afford to get thrown off and injure myself these days!), so I dismounted & took the shortcut back to camp - leading him in hand for about half a mile before he let me remount and do our Walk of Shame, coming in The Wrong Way back into camp.

And this sharp pain just occurred to me - perhaps Christina didn’t tell me that her husband was riding his mustang in the intro (one loop) Saturday morning because he wouldn’t have wanted my company? Not that I blame him when Baraq is doing his best fiery-steed impression, but still, that stings if that was the case… Christina had ridden one of CL’s horses Friday & never mentioned anything about riding Baraq or anyone else of mine, so perhaps she had agreed to crew for her hubby?**

My FB friend Belinda whom I met IRL last weekend had attempted her first 55 mile ride on Friday -unfortunately she was pulled; her gelding was exhausted and colicky Friday night & wound up having to have him treated with IV fluids. But she’s already making plans for their next ride, as am I…

I guess I’m just stuck with the mule for competitive events: I seem to have this Sophie‘s Choice of either dealing with bad behavior IN camp or bad behavior out on trail! But at least I got in a good visit with my cousins Saturday afternoon - my poor cousin Joe is increasingly stove-up as a lifetime of hard work & injuries is catching up to him. 

** when I mentioned this painful dilemma to another friend, she remarked that perhaps this silent treatment is God’s way of letting me know who needs to be in my life? I know I have a bad tendency to give too much, to over-share, to play a little bit of the martyr just like my mom.

Half a day’s work today and then dealing with a funeral this afternoon. Time to saddle up.

Givin’ It All Away

 …my precious irreplaceable time, that is! Yet as I stare into the inscrutable depths of my coffee cup (the swirling clouds in my coffee from the cream that I will never sacrifice - I’ve trained myself to give up sugar in coffee & tea, but can’t force down black coffee), I know I will never reject any opportunity (no matter how “opportunistic”**) to spend time with my son.

** Z is angling for a “new used” car - his grandfather’s 2012 Impala is likely approaching the end of its useful lifespan, especially since Z has to buck traffic on the north side of town. It hasn’t stranded him yet, but I’d prefer to be proactive. 

Once again, I’ll never regret just hanging out: helping Z assemble his new cat tree, sharing lunch w/him & his GF, even yes, bucking the inevitable traffic as we traverse the Metroplex to look at a few prospects. We ended up at Hertz Rental Sales (where I bought my baby Buick), but Z had his eye on a Honda Pilot & a Dodge Durango - I couldn’t interest him in a clone of my lil’ car!

This gave me just enough daylight when I got home to get the horse trailer hitched and backed up to the barn. Gotta work most of the day today so I can shove off a little early this afternoon and hopefully make it to Priefert Ranch before sunset. I’ve decided to make it slightly easier on myself by taking Baraq (never heard anything from Christina) A FB friend is attempting her first 55 miler today and will hopefully be able to ride a moderate 25 miler with me mañana. If we start at the back of the pack it shouldn’t be too ridiculous. And after the ride I’ll trek over to my cousins - about 30 miles away - it’ll be great to see them.

I was awake off and on since 3 AM worrying about all I need to do to get myself on the road this afternoon, I doubt I will ever learn that worrying about something doesn’t make it any better. Another week’s delay on remodeling since my contractor has to go file a permit with the county for the septic system - I suspect they may require me to dig it up and put in a new improved one.

The Power of Yin

 Last night my butt was still draggin’, but I forced myself to drive into Ennis for Tues-night yoga…

I could subtitle this "How the Mighty Hath Fallen" since Tues night USED to be Power Yoga with Master Bruce. But slower-paced Yin Yoga has its own benefits: "Yin Yoga is slow-paced style of yoga as exercise, incorporating principles of traditional Chinese medicine, with asanas (postures) that are held for longer periods of time than in other styles."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_Yoga

I told myself all I had to do was show up: if I needed to, I could take child’s pose (which is always advised as a resting posture). Fortunately we stayed on the floor, concentrating on hips, shoulders, and lower back. My stomach grumbled throughout class, and I decided I wanted tortilla soup for my belated dinner. By the time I limped on home (quick stop at Tractor Supply for supplemental feed), I was feeling the effects of this minor day of exertion - I had also made a quickie gym visit over my lunch hour; my goal is to make a habit of that again.

I took some ibuprofen with my bedtime supplements and actually got some decent sleep. This morning I feel “looser”, more relaxed & less stiff n’ creaky than I am most days. And I don’t feel such a sense of doom as I contemplate today's To Do list! Guess I did get some endorphins flowing. If anything gets me back into my regular exercise habits, I need to refer to this blog entry. For years I’ve depended on my “3-legged stool” of diet, exercise, and adequate sleep to keep my depression & anxiety at bay - as I visualize a bright ray of hope, as brilliant as this morning’s sunshine.

I should be able to get one more ball python shipped to her new home (cyber-friend in NC), go by to feed fish & rodents, and do welfare checks on the rest of the reptiles remaining in Mesquite. Z has 2 tests coming up, so once again I won’t pressure him. My “living arrow” must fly his own way as he negotiates the quicksand of Modern Romance (dramatic cycles with his GF are not my problem! I’m happy to lend a listening ear, offer some advice if he’ll take it, but a lot of things Mom can no longer fix these days)

                                                   I know I’ve posted this before, an old fave!

                                                        Isn’t she a beauty?

Tinfoil vs Magnesium

 As I lay awake during my regularly scheduled middle-of-the-night anxiety session, I came to the conclusion that this feels like biting into tinfoil… I force myself to unclench my jaw, breath deeply, do my body-scan relaxation techniques (tensing & relaxing muscles), a few stretches.

But I did unearth a new bottle of magnesium glycinate which I had stashed under bathroom counter - a big win for me as I didn’t make it by the health food store yesterday. City offices were closed for an extension of their Easter holiday - good for them, I suppose - delaying any news of my permit approval by another day. (Note to self: nudge my attorney again today to see if she has any news)

My retired office manager Pat’s husband passed away early Easter Sunday after a long neurodegenerative illness capped off by lung cancer. I am relieved both of their ordeals have ended, but Pat won’t be able to make arrangements until Wednesday. I’ve already proclaimed that whatever happens, we will close the clinic if need be to go support our Patricia (her children damn sure haven’t - when her no-account son gave the excuse last week that he couldn’t come down bcz he didn’t have a vehicle, I said I’ll pay for his Uber! but he finally managed to show up Saturday to see his father alive one last time)

As I told my girls yesterday, seems like all I do these days is mail out sympathy cards - whether for my own patients or humans! I opted out of Pilates class last night since my stomach remains unsettled, not worth the potential humiliation. And here it is Tuesday (when I awaken, my mental gears spin like a little slot machine until they settle on the correct day) and I have heard nothing from Christina; I plan on getting trailer packed & hitched up Thursday, backed up to the barn in readiness to haul out Friday night. While I’m happy to haul Baraq for her to ride, I’m not going to harass her - if I don’t hear from her, I might take him for my own self? It’s a case of picking my poison: race-brained Arab or obstreperous mule…

Wish I could be as blissfully unconcerned as my puppies

Weakness vs Strength

 I don’t want this to turn into a Misery Calculator of Val’s Troubles (physical, personal, professional) but I do want to notate this peculiar period in my Progression of Long Covid:

I started the new “Spike Protein” supplement (basically 4-in-1, trying to reduce number of little bottles on my bathroom counter) about 3 wks ago. For the past 7-10 days, I have had the strange sensation of “heaviness” in my legs, worse with the R leg - with intermittent pains localized in shin, thigh, & hip (large muscle groups). On multiple occasions I’ve had to take ibuprofen or Tylenol (I’ve been alternating ‘em) at night to help me sleep. I am stiff & painful when I start moving, and warm up out of it to a certain extent - but certainly prefer to be stationary for the most part! (Most of my research on long Covid centers the vital importance of “rest” - not overdoing it - so I am also becoming a master of pacing)

I got up Saturday feeling rather rough, but forced myself to get out and meet my friend Sam for a short ride. Gray and gloomy in the morning, the sun came out in the afternoon and gave us a beautiful day. I don’t know if I’ve got it in me to plod through 25 miles next weekend but by God, I’m gonna try!

I also managed to put a fairly decent spread for Easter dinner on my table - my son had requested home cooking. I bought a pre-cooked brisket but did scalloped potatoes, green bean casserole, glazed carrots, & deviled eggs. Bought a pecan pie & made a new lemon tart recipe with P in mind. 

I even managed to get my mom out for the entire afternoon, which has been unprecedented for her even though she was fretting about leaving her little dog at home - Abby doesn’t like to travel!

But now I’ve got to continue to pace myself carefully to get through this busy workday; it was a sweaty, restless night. It’s weird because I go to bed slightly chilled but then spend the rest the night sweating and flinging the covers off and on like some sort of demented fan dancer.

The Weakest Link

 In my case, my weak links are my GI tract & my bad back… I’ve been suffering from low-grade GI upset, “irregularity”, and bloating for the past week (not that it’s put off my appetite; weight is precisely stable) - and last night I staggered home with my back “locked up” after Another Stressful Workday. I cranked my bathroom heater back on, stretched out on the floor and did the yoga I was able to do which helped a great deal to loosen things up.

Even slept fairly decent, until more thunderstorms rolled through at 5 AM & I was beset by anxious dogs!

But as minor proof that miracles do happen, I found Zach’s cat Tigre safe n’ sound after almost a week’s adventure in The Great Outdoors. He escaped from Z’s arms when he was moving the cats to the Irving house while disregarding his mother’s sage advice to CONFINE THEM IN A CARRIER! Otis scratched Z badly, and Tigre ran away. I didn’t have the heart to write about what I feared was another family loss - but I left a back window open when I was there last Thursday and sure enough, when I went by last night (foregoing yoga for animal care), there was Tigre back in the living room!

Tigre was the tiny abandoned kitten whom Zach rescued from his back alley at "maybe" 5 wks of age. I suspect his feral mom was moving her kittens, was startled & dropped him, running off & leaving him behind. In subsequent weeks, Zach scooped up 3 of Tigre's siblings - he wound up keeping Otis (orange tabby), and Gloria (tabby/tortie), but the other orange brother escaped shortly after I got these kittens vaccinated & neutered. We've seen him here & there but Zach could never recapture him. I took Gloria home with me a couple of weeks ago to see if she could fill the void in our Lucius's life after losing his adoptive brother Severus, but so far they have staked out opposite corners of the house, no family integration yet!

I triumphantly bundled him up and delivered him to Irving myself - Zach didn’t understand my “Candygram for Mongo” message until I pulled up the YouTube clip for him:

https://youtu.be/tH6_kasOHac

Zach assures me he will clean snake tubs today - there has been Trouble in Paradise with the kids but obviously there are some things Mommy cannot fix. They went to couples counseling last week which Z reported didn’t go too great with V’s histrionic personality. Sometimes you point a finger, but the other three are pointing squarely back at YOU?!? 

Zach was trying to call me off last night - “No, not a good time Mom” but all I wanted to do was hand off the cat & make the trek back across town myself. If that was too intrusive of me, mea culpa but I knew Z would be happy to get his little monster back (& he was; he’d been complaining how Otis kept crying for his brother & I knew no other remedy)

Bare Minimum Housekeeping

 …as in, I am fed, animals are fed, kitchen is reasonably clean as I try to overlook the dust bunnies & floating drifts of pet hair (“The housekeeper is coming Wed”). My one minor chore accomplished: changing my sweaty bedsheets! after probably well over 2 wks. Does anyone use the term “slattern” anymore? I apply to myself in the sense of anti-Martha Stewart, not in a sexual promiscuity sense…

I “gave away” another weekend, hauling a short distance to stand by as emergency treatment vet at my friend’s competitive trail event. (I’ve done this for her for three years now) NATRC (North American Trail Ride Conference) is the sister sport of endurance; many riders compete in both disciplines so I am warmly welcomed - they keep trying to draw me over, but it’s just a little too regimented for me! It’s called the “horse show in the woods” as participants are judged on how they keep their camp, how they handle their horse, and then every other aspect of their horsemanship as they ride past obstacles on the trail. I cringed inwardly as I mentally compared these riders’ immaculate gear to my own well-worn, sweat-encrusted equipment. They even manage to keep their clothing clean for the most part!

https://natrc.org/

Everyone was in a hurry to get things wrapped up Sunday afternoon so we could head home ahead of forecasted bad weather - fortunately, most of it seem to pass to the north of us. I got home shortly after 3 PM - I should’ve gone to check on my mom and then by Mesquite to check on Zach’s animals but I did not since the weather warnings kept beeping and buzzing! I called it ”enforced leisure”.

Still like feel like I’m behind the eight ball a bit this morning, but got to get on with things.