Noeticism

 One benefit to my endless social-media surfing is that it can be educational - I just added another word to my vocabulary. "Noeticism" refers to a state of inner wisdom or direct knowledge.

"A noetic experience is a state of intuitive illumination, a sense of connection to a higher truth. It skirts the ineffable and inscrutable. From religious epiphany to the overview effect to psilocybin-induced altered states of consciousness, a noetic experience is a visitation that never leaves us."

This writer (an MD & fellow long-Covid sufferer) was referring to the experience of the astronaut Edgar Mitchell, witnessing the diminutiveness of the Earth (& consequently, the human race) in reference to the vast expanse of the universe.

But then, like a zoom-in shot, reality returns “up close & personal” - and my breath catches in my chest again as those financial chickens circle back to their roost: right in the forefront of my consciousness! Maybe I could sense those apocalyptic hoofbeats approaching as my girls & I enjoyed our brief continuing-education weekend in San Antonio; shit has gotten realer than real as all these bills (routine stuff like pharmaceuticals & testing supplies, stacked on top of the electricians’ invoice for rewiring ($17K), another draw by the contractor ($14K), and the new cabinetry ($18K) require payment at the end of the month as another biweekly payroll period for my employees rolls around. I am skint folks - taking MORE money from my savings account to cover payroll as the last of that economic development grant evaporates! My dear old friend talked me off the cliff last night so I didn’t go down in a gibbering ball o’ flames. Lord knows I couldn’t talk to DH - I had to take a short-term loan from him a couple of months ago (also to cover payroll while I waited for the economic grant money).

I met another vet-school classmate & his wife for dinner last Saturday night in San Antonio; I could read the concern in their eyes as I relayed the news of P’s 8 mos of unemployment & fruitless job search. Todd offered to put P in touch with a headhunter he knows…

Hopefully we put up some good economic numbers yesterday; as soon as I finish whinging here I’m going to open up the banking app & recalculate where I stand.

Wishful Thinking

 … on my part, thinking that Peran was coming home from his “man stuff” weekend on Sunday - he returned Monday afternoon. Lunch or dinner? Forget it, what was I thinking??

Last Thursday I went in for my final wrap-up interview of my interventional exercise study at UT Arlington - I received copies of my lab work & my Dexa scan. My a1C improved slightly (started at 6.1, finished up at 5.8), net loss of 4 lbs but still edging into “Obese” category on my BMI. 44% body fat?!? Dear Lord - but at least the rest of my lab work looked good except for one elevated inflammatory marker, GlycA - I’ll be doing some research to find out what I can about that.

Still contemplating my options for primary care physician - the concierge practice has left multiple messages since I did not renew with their $3K annual fee. I can tinker with my own thyroid replacement levels, thanks so much! In the end, Dr E seemed to run out of ideas to help my chronic fatigue/long Covid symptoms since I wasn’t going to fall back into complacency taking an SSRI. I’m done with that merry-go-round! 

If I had more time I would schedule a diagnostic workup week at MD Anderson but since I don’t have the time OR the money right now I’m probably gonna divert to an Eastern-style practitioner. I drove by a long-standing acupuncture clinic in Arlington last week so I am considering going back there. But for now I need to get on into work.

All I Can Hear IS The Music

 I have become absolutely obsessed with the Oppenheimer movie… I found a discussion forum, downloaded the soundtrack, and yesterday afternoon (despite my long list of things I **OUGHT** to be doing) I snuck up into the big city to catch an afternoon matinee. It was glorious.

Peran and I were jammed into the front row of a small sold-out theatre for our first viewing, which left us with cricks in our necks. On this occasion, I went to the Alamo Drafthouse which serves food and drinks; however, their Lamar Street location was having problems with their AC, so they referred me to their East Dallas theatre which was about 20 minutes away. I arrived early with plenty of time to order my food and luxuriate in the almost-empty theatre. I believe there were three other patrons. Seeing the expansive vistas of New Mexico again brought tears to my eyes - I couldn’t help but miss my dear old friend Roger as I recalled my own experiences riding out there. It was a great mini-escape from reality which was just what I needed. Everything about this movie is superb: the story, the actors, the cinematography, the soundtrack… One early segment is titled “Can You Hear the Music?” as Oppie visualizes chemical reactions, sine waves & other natural phenomena as he “does his thing” with quantum physics. Now it seems all **I** can hear is that music, I could have a worse soundtrack these days…

Our lab courier must have another part-time job as a baggage handler (remember those old American Tourister commercials?) because Annie’s blood tubes got broken in transit; I will resubmit this morning to see if I can figure out the mysteries of Why This Little Mare is So Spooky. My farrier Henry came out for long-overdue hoof trimming, but we didn’t even try with her - I will see if she will let me rasp off some rough edges.

Kristy’s mom has emerged from what I can only presume with some sort of adverse drug reaction, so hopefully I will have a full staff today as our summer heat continues unabated.

Three Strikes & I’m Out

 For most of my life I’ve been mainly a diehard football fan (and by football I do mean American football & not soccer!), but as I’ve gotten older, I find that I have more appreciation for the sport of baseball - there is more to it than just waiting around for the next hit. My Texas Rangers have had an excellent season - off to a phenomenal start, but with recent injuries and problems in their bullpen they have hit a slump. I’m afraid their season will fizzle out once again.

However I may have hit the wall myself - my rides this weekend did not go well. Ms Annie remains spooky and reactive, dumped me twice on Saturday and once on Sunday. More irritating than the discomfort of eating dirt is the fact that she still runs off and won’t allow herself to be recaptured easily. Sunday she wandered so far afield, I was about ready to give up and trek back to our camp to come back with a truck and a bucket of feed but she finally stepped through her reins and let me sneak up on her. The weirdness Sunday was that she had stopped to urinate - which ordinarily no horse will do under saddle unless they’re calm and relaxed - but it was as if somebody came and goosed her in the butt? There were only three of us - myself, Carla and her husband JR - and I owe them big-time since they were probably as sick of this routine as I was! But the ranch was beautiful and I’m still glad I went, even though I’m still working the kinks out today - I went to a double yoga class yesterday which helped a lot.

Today I’m sending off a complete blood profile on Annie as well as updating her Coggins for travel, but if we can find no physical reasons for this behavior I’m afraid I’m gonna have to turn her back over to Sam and give up on this project. Sam is convinced that they had her tranquilized when they first went down to see her. Plenty of unscrupulous horse traders in this world!

                                    Somewhat weary & a little worse for wear at dinner Sat night

Fortiter Ad Metam

 (Now I got A’s in HS Latin, but this motto had me scratching my head - according to Tenney (ride mgr) it means “Strength to the End”, but Google translates it as “Bravely to the Finish”)

Insert bastardized Latin phrase of your choice here - but I’m trying to hold my head up & keep pacing forward. I can’t help but scan everyone’s beautiful photos on social media as I read of last week’s ride results in CO, then try to avoid complete despair as I see this year: 1987

This was the year Dr M’s son was born. In 1987, I completed my second year of vet school, having learned horrible things about the character of my first husband. The summer job market was tight and so I left College Station for the summer to return to Dallas and earn some money working. All I remember there again, was just trying to get through tough times.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/name/matthew-major-obituary?id=52985921

Matt was riding a scooter (unknown if it was his own or one of those little rentals) when he was hit by a utility truck and killed instantly. He was an organ donor, so hopefully several lives were saved and improved by his sacrifice. I can only imagine the depths of his parents’ and his young wife’s despair and grief.

But for now I’ve got to get myself moving and do my duty at work - I’ll sneak away this weekend to ride a few miles with my friends.