Since I seem to be determined to test my GI tract in all possible permutations & combinations: will THIS Tex-Mex joint's cuisine result in the usual bloating, indigestion, & diarrhea? (El Fenix - YES)
Will onion rings from Sonic at one venue vs another cause less belching & flatus? (NO)
So if Woo calls herself Cornholio with her "walking & chattering to self" routine, my obvious not-so-secret identity must be Fartholio... I'm relieved that I made the right call in selecting Christina as my avatar on the Ozark Trail; she & Baraq did me proud! Too bad I couldn't follow up with one stinkin' LD 2 wks later (15 mi on my lil' pogo stick gave me all the misery I could stand; the blister on my L hand is just now healed)
Never Enough...
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Had a minor flash o'insight yesterday as I skimmed a couple of my neo-Paleo blogs (Free the Animal, Mark's Daily Apple) - I realize a big stumbling block is my own perfectionism:
I want everything to be "Just So" w/perfect atmospheric, seismographic, & photographic conditions before I plunge fully into my wonderful new lifestyle...
Yet of course that's never gonna happen - "It's Always Something" & I must accept these vicissitudes of life if I'm ever going to get on w/LIVING vs this measured existence I grant myself!
(Thought I'd already been through this) but I hereby grant myself permission to start incompletely; to do SOMETHING even if it's not perfect, & quit beating up on myself...
I'm all I'm ever gonna get, after all!
(& completing last weekend's 50 under adverse conditions really DID give my ego a boost. Maybe I'll keep you after all, Baraq ;-)
I want everything to be "Just So" w/perfect atmospheric, seismographic, & photographic conditions before I plunge fully into my wonderful new lifestyle...
Yet of course that's never gonna happen - "It's Always Something" & I must accept these vicissitudes of life if I'm ever going to get on w/LIVING vs this measured existence I grant myself!
(Thought I'd already been through this) but I hereby grant myself permission to start incompletely; to do SOMETHING even if it's not perfect, & quit beating up on myself...
I'm all I'm ever gonna get, after all!
(& completing last weekend's 50 under adverse conditions really DID give my ego a boost. Maybe I'll keep you after all, Baraq ;-)
A Jumble...
Monday, April 18, 2011
...of thoughts pile up in my brain when consciousness looms close. It's like one of those closets crammed full of junk, which all starts avalanching down when I start to think things over...
Of course when I THOUGHT the edge of my plateau was in sight, the ol' carcass piled on an extra 2 lbs from God knows where (fluid retention? hormones? too much sodium or MSG?) as if to prove to me "Oh no, not YET"!
My new "Sleep Therapy" CD does seem to be helpful, if only from the standpoint of giving me some designated relaxation time as I prepare to go to sleep.
www.isabellacatalog.com/
p/SleepTherapy.cfm
The downside? I guess it's a turnoff to my husband, for me to be lying there, sleep mask in place & headphones on - but I've already spoken to him about how my lack of decent-quality sleep seems to be driving me slowly I*N*S*A*N*E - he's either w/me or he's not. (He's a hard one to elicit communication from; I do what I can but quite frankly I'm tired of beating my head against THAT particular wall! I have to just RELAX & take his actions at face value.)
More later - I was hoping that typing things out would be helpful as I get my day organized.
Of course when I THOUGHT the edge of my plateau was in sight, the ol' carcass piled on an extra 2 lbs from God knows where (fluid retention? hormones? too much sodium or MSG?) as if to prove to me "Oh no, not YET"!
My new "Sleep Therapy" CD does seem to be helpful, if only from the standpoint of giving me some designated relaxation time as I prepare to go to sleep.
www.isabellacatalog.com/
p/SleepTherapy.cfm
The downside? I guess it's a turnoff to my husband, for me to be lying there, sleep mask in place & headphones on - but I've already spoken to him about how my lack of decent-quality sleep seems to be driving me slowly I*N*S*A*N*E - he's either w/me or he's not. (He's a hard one to elicit communication from; I do what I can but quite frankly I'm tired of beating my head against THAT particular wall! I have to just RELAX & take his actions at face value.)
More later - I was hoping that typing things out would be helpful as I get my day organized.
Suspicious Minds
Monday, April 18, 2011
In those early-morning hours, my thoughts first drift towards my son as I awaken...
(He's not here - no need to wake him up, start the shower for him, pack his lunch)
Damn straight I spoil him - he's my only (human) child & all too soon he'll be all grown up, gone permanently where I can no longer kiss his face, snatching progressively shorter opportunities for hugs & hand-holding... But for now he'll still squeeze onto the couch between us, casually slinging his leg over mine. My heart constricts w/the exquisite agony of these precious moments - to me it feels like they've been too few & too far between.
I punish myself w/this extra load of adipose tissue I lug around in a cruel mockery of pregnancy (is it just a strange coincidence that I don't seem to be able to get past this weight which almost exactly matches where I was almost 13 yrs ago at full term?!?) Breastfeeding was the most dramatic weight loss I've ever experienced: I lost 25 lbs in those first 6 wks, then another 15 as the drama of the next 18 mos unfolded, the unraveling of a marriage...
I was never bikini-model thin, but I remember my dull panic: I could lose WEIGHT but I certainly couldn't lose HEIGHT - the GF was a petite lil' stick figure. If that was my husband's "type" why on earth did he ever profess to love & marry a big Amazon like me?!?
I find myself awash in these nonproductive Ancient History battles as I await my son's return from his weekend at his father's - he sounded completely beaten down, tired & discouraged when I spoke to him on the phone. These days I'm torn between cautious optimism (he's almost 13; only 5 more yrs until he's off to college & adulthood!) & futile anger at all that he's been through & yet has years more to endure. My friends & family are undoubtedly sick & tired of hearing me bemoan the choices I've made - legal decisions which I thought were the best path at the time - which obviously have worked out well for ME, but at what cost to my SON?!?
It wouldn't be so hard if it seemed that Z got the least bit of joy or satisfaction out of his time w/Father Dearest...
I know taking care of myself & living well is the best revenge, but avoiding sinking into the swamp of depression & alienation is damned hard at times.
(He's not here - no need to wake him up, start the shower for him, pack his lunch)
Damn straight I spoil him - he's my only (human) child & all too soon he'll be all grown up, gone permanently where I can no longer kiss his face, snatching progressively shorter opportunities for hugs & hand-holding... But for now he'll still squeeze onto the couch between us, casually slinging his leg over mine. My heart constricts w/the exquisite agony of these precious moments - to me it feels like they've been too few & too far between.
I punish myself w/this extra load of adipose tissue I lug around in a cruel mockery of pregnancy (is it just a strange coincidence that I don't seem to be able to get past this weight which almost exactly matches where I was almost 13 yrs ago at full term?!?) Breastfeeding was the most dramatic weight loss I've ever experienced: I lost 25 lbs in those first 6 wks, then another 15 as the drama of the next 18 mos unfolded, the unraveling of a marriage...
I was never bikini-model thin, but I remember my dull panic: I could lose WEIGHT but I certainly couldn't lose HEIGHT - the GF was a petite lil' stick figure. If that was my husband's "type" why on earth did he ever profess to love & marry a big Amazon like me?!?
I find myself awash in these nonproductive Ancient History battles as I await my son's return from his weekend at his father's - he sounded completely beaten down, tired & discouraged when I spoke to him on the phone. These days I'm torn between cautious optimism (he's almost 13; only 5 more yrs until he's off to college & adulthood!) & futile anger at all that he's been through & yet has years more to endure. My friends & family are undoubtedly sick & tired of hearing me bemoan the choices I've made - legal decisions which I thought were the best path at the time - which obviously have worked out well for ME, but at what cost to my SON?!?
It wouldn't be so hard if it seemed that Z got the least bit of joy or satisfaction out of his time w/Father Dearest...
I know taking care of myself & living well is the best revenge, but avoiding sinking into the swamp of depression & alienation is damned hard at times.
Forced Meditation
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I've known for years that yoga/meditation would be good habits for me to pick up... I've been in sporadic yoga practice for YEARS (more on that later**) but have never been any good at sitting quietly w/my thoughts. Are you kidding me? There's stuff that needs to be done, & contemplating my navel is NOT one of those chores!
Nevertheless, in my recent "home spa" splurge I bought myself a bonafide meditation cushion w/a cylindrical pillow for my wrists:
www.isabellacatalog.com/
p/Herb-Infused-Organic-Med
itation-Set.cfm
(The blurb promises to fast-forward you to meditative nirvana ;-)
& not being content w/going HALFway, I went ALL the way w/this "Therapeutic Massage Mat":
www.isabellacatalog.com/
p/Therapeutic-Massage-Mat.cfm
I suppose of the two investments, so far the mat is "winning" if only bcz it appeals to the masochist in me...I have attempted a couple of short meditation sessions w/the herbal pillows but not surprisingly, continue to have trouble calming my racing, anxious thoughts.
However, the first attempt I made to lie upon the mat had me getting up quickly & putting on a T-shirt - you gotta be kidding me, those lil' lotus flowers are SHARP! But now I've done a couple of sessions in sports bra + underwear & they're right, you DO get used to it...
After a few min, the prickling sensation diffused into warmth & I found my thoughts coalescing into singular concepts - hard to describe but comforting to me in comparison to my usual zapping around between the Top Ten things on my to-do list. I still got up after 20 min - spending the recommended "45 - 50 min" seemed impossibly indulgent!
I seemed to sleep better than usual that night - only 1 potty break, & my sleep seemed deeper & more restful.
Last night was not as big a success - my son was playing XBox so the muffled sounds of gunfire & explosions filtered out to me. I never achieved that "Om" feeling, but rest assured I will be trying it again!
Nevertheless, in my recent "home spa" splurge I bought myself a bonafide meditation cushion w/a cylindrical pillow for my wrists:
www.isabellacatalog.com/
p/Herb-Infused-Organic-Med
itation-Set.cfm
(The blurb promises to fast-forward you to meditative nirvana ;-)
& not being content w/going HALFway, I went ALL the way w/this "Therapeutic Massage Mat":
www.isabellacatalog.com/
p/Therapeutic-Massage-Mat.cfm
I suppose of the two investments, so far the mat is "winning" if only bcz it appeals to the masochist in me...I have attempted a couple of short meditation sessions w/the herbal pillows but not surprisingly, continue to have trouble calming my racing, anxious thoughts.
However, the first attempt I made to lie upon the mat had me getting up quickly & putting on a T-shirt - you gotta be kidding me, those lil' lotus flowers are SHARP! But now I've done a couple of sessions in sports bra + underwear & they're right, you DO get used to it...
After a few min, the prickling sensation diffused into warmth & I found my thoughts coalescing into singular concepts - hard to describe but comforting to me in comparison to my usual zapping around between the Top Ten things on my to-do list. I still got up after 20 min - spending the recommended "45 - 50 min" seemed impossibly indulgent!
I seemed to sleep better than usual that night - only 1 potty break, & my sleep seemed deeper & more restful.
Last night was not as big a success - my son was playing XBox so the muffled sounds of gunfire & explosions filtered out to me. I never achieved that "Om" feeling, but rest assured I will be trying it again!
How Much is Enough??
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sorry, SparkFriends, I'm off on another tangent today & will return to regularly scheduled reviews of products shortly ;-)
(Last night I didn't take the time to lie on the mat; just listened to "Sleep Therapy" CD - all was well until 1 AM, when hubby got fed up w/snoring dogs & woke us all up trying to rearrange everybody!)
But this week's crisis du jour concerns the unhappy coincidence of my dad's BD w/Easter weekend & an important RIDE... (Backstory: for the past several yrs I have helped out at this event which is managed by a friend/client of mine, so I didn't even think twice when she asked me several wks ago if I would work pre-ride exams in exchange for my own entry on Sat.)
Oopsie #1: tomorrow is my dad's 82nd BD. In my family, we tend to make a big deal out of the BD day itself. Silly me for thinking that THURSDAY would be an acceptable substitute, esp in light of what we have to celebrate!**
Oopsie #2: there's that other ride way up in MO also scheduled for this weekend which would have been great prep for my Tevis plans, but I realized w/the confluence of all these factors I might as well forget it. (Haven't heard from my friend Lucy either - she's probably en route as I type this today... Probably read all about it on our email list or FB in a few days!)
Oopside #3: Sunday is EASTER, also a big deal in my family which means I have to ride, rest up a little bit, pack up & come home Sat night. Church service Sun AM & family time thereafter; why should it feel forced & hectic?
** This year I'm lucky to have Easter w/my boy - I'm unbelievably proud of him for telling his dad that Thurs was MOM'S DAY since they're out of school Friday; even more startling that M backed off & didn't make an issue of it!
SO WHY ON EARTH SHOULD I BE STRESSED?!?!? All too often, my life feels like some weird circus combination of tightrope-walking & a balancing act. If I take time to myself, even though it may not be SPOKEN, I feel the implied judgment of my selfish ways. This is complicated by the estrangement of my husband & my parents - there's two extra categories right there: "Time w/Hubby" & "Time w/Parents". My folks are getting up there - still independent & capable, but I feel obligated to check in frequently, to help w/minor shopping expeditions & errand running, interpreting doctor's visits - in other words, remaining that dutiful (only) daughter.
Almost time to saddle up (figuratively today, but I can hardly wait for Sat morning!) & set out on my appointed path... Lord help me, I'm just doing the best that I can!
(Last night I didn't take the time to lie on the mat; just listened to "Sleep Therapy" CD - all was well until 1 AM, when hubby got fed up w/snoring dogs & woke us all up trying to rearrange everybody!)
But this week's crisis du jour concerns the unhappy coincidence of my dad's BD w/Easter weekend & an important RIDE... (Backstory: for the past several yrs I have helped out at this event which is managed by a friend/client of mine, so I didn't even think twice when she asked me several wks ago if I would work pre-ride exams in exchange for my own entry on Sat.)
Oopsie #1: tomorrow is my dad's 82nd BD. In my family, we tend to make a big deal out of the BD day itself. Silly me for thinking that THURSDAY would be an acceptable substitute, esp in light of what we have to celebrate!**
Oopsie #2: there's that other ride way up in MO also scheduled for this weekend which would have been great prep for my Tevis plans, but I realized w/the confluence of all these factors I might as well forget it. (Haven't heard from my friend Lucy either - she's probably en route as I type this today... Probably read all about it on our email list or FB in a few days!)
Oopside #3: Sunday is EASTER, also a big deal in my family which means I have to ride, rest up a little bit, pack up & come home Sat night. Church service Sun AM & family time thereafter; why should it feel forced & hectic?
** This year I'm lucky to have Easter w/my boy - I'm unbelievably proud of him for telling his dad that Thurs was MOM'S DAY since they're out of school Friday; even more startling that M backed off & didn't make an issue of it!
SO WHY ON EARTH SHOULD I BE STRESSED?!?!? All too often, my life feels like some weird circus combination of tightrope-walking & a balancing act. If I take time to myself, even though it may not be SPOKEN, I feel the implied judgment of my selfish ways. This is complicated by the estrangement of my husband & my parents - there's two extra categories right there: "Time w/Hubby" & "Time w/Parents". My folks are getting up there - still independent & capable, but I feel obligated to check in frequently, to help w/minor shopping expeditions & errand running, interpreting doctor's visits - in other words, remaining that dutiful (only) daughter.
Almost time to saddle up (figuratively today, but I can hardly wait for Sat morning!) & set out on my appointed path... Lord help me, I'm just doing the best that I can!
Hybrid Vigor
Monday, April 25, 2011
...is the genetic term for the improved health & vitality of an outcross like a mule, which otherwise is a "dead end" since the offspring of a mare & a jack is sterile.
www.myhorse.com/mule-bre
ed.html
(Good general article re: mules)
Our sweet girl Alex proved this w/flying colors this weekend, cruising through her first 50-mi ride w/ease (unlike me, but I get to b!tch & whine later, for right now it's braggin' time!)
Z was skeptical about pushing her to step up to a 50 when she's only done one 25-miler; typically w/a horse I would recommend doing a minimum of 4 or 5 25-mi rides as a foundation before being assured that they were up to the challenge. (Many endurance riders might compete an entire season doing only 25-mi rides to build an even stronger base - however, that can backfire when you suddenly ask a horse to go farther than they've ever been ;-) !
I assured him that we'd be keeping a close eye on her, & if either member of the team started flagging, we would quit & count that distance as a good training ride... (We do have strict veterinary controls at endurance rides, monitoring the metabolic parameters of the equines w/mandatory rest stops.)
An oppressive cell of heat & humidity had settled over N Texas - all week long I had watched those lil' thunderstorm icons over Sat & Sun; it isn't so much RIDING in the rain that bothers me, it's SADDLING UP in the rain! But the rain held off until Sat evening, which was in some ways a blessing & in many ways a curse...
A.) got little to no sleep Fri night in my sweat-soaked bedding
B.) the heat started getting to me again during the ride Sat - most of that due to inadequate water intake I'm sure. (should have worn my Camelback) So I suffered through intermittent spells of nausea & dizziness, but happy to report in the end that I DIDN'T PUKE.
1.) My friend's stepfather Al was once again piloting Amira: he tends to ride a horse like you or I would drive a motorcycle; get on, set your pace, & never vary! This inhibited my water consumption on that 1st LONG 25-mi loop...
2.) Going out on the 2nd loop, my boy asked for water & DRAINED one of my 20-oz bottles before we'd even completed the 1st mile! Of course I would never deny my child water, but I chided him for NOT drinking when we were at the rest stop back in camp!?!?!
Unfortunately Al's relentless pace took a toll on Amira; she got stiff in the hindquarters & was pulled for lameness after that 2nd loop (40 mi in) - this was a good thing for me since it enabled us to SLOW DOWN on that final 10-mi loop. Z asked me multiple times "Mom, can't we trot?" but that was possible only for very short stretches... Baraq had torqued my L knee, my feet were sore & my spine was jackhammered from his pogo-stick trot!
(I certainly didn't trot out sound at the finish ;-)
But Z basked in waves of praise for his lovely mule - nearly everyone commented how PRETTY she was, how sweet, how good! Hopefully this will inspire him for our next event May 14. (I did have to suffer through a litany of complaints as to why we couldn't just STAY HOME. Ah, the joy of parenting an almost-teenager!)
& on Easter Sunday, I took my mom to church & my dad to lunch afterwards in a belated-BD gesture. I feel as though I deserve a T-shirt: "I Survived Easter '11"
www.myhorse.com/mule-bre
ed.html
(Good general article re: mules)
Our sweet girl Alex proved this w/flying colors this weekend, cruising through her first 50-mi ride w/ease (unlike me, but I get to b!tch & whine later, for right now it's braggin' time!)
Z was skeptical about pushing her to step up to a 50 when she's only done one 25-miler; typically w/a horse I would recommend doing a minimum of 4 or 5 25-mi rides as a foundation before being assured that they were up to the challenge. (Many endurance riders might compete an entire season doing only 25-mi rides to build an even stronger base - however, that can backfire when you suddenly ask a horse to go farther than they've ever been ;-) !
I assured him that we'd be keeping a close eye on her, & if either member of the team started flagging, we would quit & count that distance as a good training ride... (We do have strict veterinary controls at endurance rides, monitoring the metabolic parameters of the equines w/mandatory rest stops.)
An oppressive cell of heat & humidity had settled over N Texas - all week long I had watched those lil' thunderstorm icons over Sat & Sun; it isn't so much RIDING in the rain that bothers me, it's SADDLING UP in the rain! But the rain held off until Sat evening, which was in some ways a blessing & in many ways a curse...
A.) got little to no sleep Fri night in my sweat-soaked bedding
B.) the heat started getting to me again during the ride Sat - most of that due to inadequate water intake I'm sure. (should have worn my Camelback) So I suffered through intermittent spells of nausea & dizziness, but happy to report in the end that I DIDN'T PUKE.
1.) My friend's stepfather Al was once again piloting Amira: he tends to ride a horse like you or I would drive a motorcycle; get on, set your pace, & never vary! This inhibited my water consumption on that 1st LONG 25-mi loop...
2.) Going out on the 2nd loop, my boy asked for water & DRAINED one of my 20-oz bottles before we'd even completed the 1st mile! Of course I would never deny my child water, but I chided him for NOT drinking when we were at the rest stop back in camp!?!?!
Unfortunately Al's relentless pace took a toll on Amira; she got stiff in the hindquarters & was pulled for lameness after that 2nd loop (40 mi in) - this was a good thing for me since it enabled us to SLOW DOWN on that final 10-mi loop. Z asked me multiple times "Mom, can't we trot?" but that was possible only for very short stretches... Baraq had torqued my L knee, my feet were sore & my spine was jackhammered from his pogo-stick trot!
(I certainly didn't trot out sound at the finish ;-)
But Z basked in waves of praise for his lovely mule - nearly everyone commented how PRETTY she was, how sweet, how good! Hopefully this will inspire him for our next event May 14. (I did have to suffer through a litany of complaints as to why we couldn't just STAY HOME. Ah, the joy of parenting an almost-teenager!)
& on Easter Sunday, I took my mom to church & my dad to lunch afterwards in a belated-BD gesture. I feel as though I deserve a T-shirt: "I Survived Easter '11"
