Retail Therapy

 I am abashed to admit that I was not really looking forward to my “Girl’s Day Out” Saturday with my friend Janay & her daughter. Janay & I are fellow veterans of ye olde custody wars: we met as fellow victims of an unscrupulous custody evaluator who had a real axe to grind against mothers! (Out of a group of five, I was the only one who retained primary custody; his actions were truly unethical & horrifying) I’m thankful we were able to band together, file complaints, testify at a board hearing & get that man disqualified from performing custody evaluations…

Janay & I have stayed in touch; in many ways we continue to deal with the repercussions of our family implosions decades after-the-fact, trying to help our children as we handle our own issues. Are the kids all right? For now, things to be seem to be headed in the right direction.

Anyway we met for brunch & set off from there to go to good ol’ NorthPark Mall (Janay & I have such fond memories of this mall from our own childhoods; it was one of the first in the Metroplex!) & do some “retail therapy”. I bought some jewelry: a necklace & earring set for Ashley as she is retiring after 28 yrs of grooming dogs for me! We are having a big “clinic family” dinner Wednesday night so Dr M & her husband can attend. I was contemplating how “the joy is in the giving” as I also bought little stuffies for a couple of my employees’ kids & thank-you cards which I need to pass around. Then I came across these great thoughts from Dr Deb as I skimmed FB this morning:

I write because it is therapy for my brain and helps me make sense of what I see and do everyday and it helps me grow as a human.  I write because I have been there and done that and if my story helps someone not make the same mistakes I have made than it was worth the time to write.  I write because if we never share what we have learned then we are responsible for the future generation’s failures.  I write because then people can read or not read and hopefully if they do read they will open their mind up to consider what and why they do what they do and maybe learn from my mistakes or lessons.  I write in hopes that one day my children will read my writings and learn from my mistakes and not have to go through the same struggles and stupidity lessons.  I do not want to be doing the same things and acting the same way a year or five from now because growth is constant and if we never do any self inspection, we never grow and who wants that life?!

                                            The Three Muskateers juicing up!

                                              (I wish my baby would still hold hands w/ME ;-)

                                                       The stuffed toy

                                      A real nudibranch (Addyson really loves 'em)

Reassessment

 I know full well it’s flu season; Covid continues to circulate as I do my best to avoid “the crud”. Poor Peran was in the early stages of what Dr Val diagnoses as the flu (not that he’ll go to a clinic & be tested for anything!?!), while Victoria appeared to be in the final stages of her illness in Vegas. (Zach called me once while they were on their honeymoon, and I didn’t get to talk to them very long when I delivered Tyson back to his parents Monday night** but he didn’t mention any further complications secondary to illness?)

What’s more disturbing is the fact that, for whatever reason, Andy has determined that I am the source of all bad things?!? While Andy behaves like your prototypical irascible old Jewish guy, I have a soft spot in my heart for him because he reminds me of my ex’s stepfather, with elements of M’s adoptive father mixed in… Andy had a meltdown at Zach (fortunately none of his ire was directed MY way at that time!) Saturday night as we were trying to line up an Uber back to the Wynn hotel. Zach had called an Uber for he & Victoria (the newlyweds!!!) while Andy saw absolutely no reason we should not carpool. Peran escaped the chaos early on & set off to hike what was about 3/4 of a mile back, but I was tired, my knees & lower back hurt, & most of all I was worried about getting Adela safely back as her cane had disintegrated - she cannot afford to fall again. Everything had seemed to work out as Zach’s Uber was a big Suburban & we were all able to pile in…

I thought it had all worked out, but apparently Andy continues to hold some sort of grudge against me?!? He was texting me both Sunday night & Monday, asking about me bringing Tyson home - Adela was going over to their house to feed the cats (which was great, one less thing for me to worry about!). I assured him Tyson was fine & we were treating his ear infection besides - somehow the text messages darkened that Adela had gone to feed the cats, clean the house & do some laundry, but now she was sick in bed. I mentioned “the crud” going around, with Peran being sick & suddenly Andy accused me of wishing for “mission accomplished” if Victoria had been too sick to carry on?!? No, it didn’t make much sense - I will try to post the text string to see if it’s just me? But honestly I think it’s just more proof that text messaging is a horrible means of communication - you cannot infer humor, sarcasm or almost anything else!

(upon review, the flaw appears to be in my use of emojis - Andy was texting me over the course of a busy busy Monday, so at one point I sent a short string of emojis instead of a verbal reply: zany + ROFL in 2 iterations. Looks like I've fallen victim to that old canard that Boomers don't understand emojis! I wasn't "laughing" about the illness being spread around; nor was I pleased at the fact that poor Adela was sick - this was in reference to what I perceived as Andy's joke about it being some sort of "Texas tradition to pass around the crud"... Ai yi yi!)

** I drove up to Dallas to deliver Tyson Monday night - the hilarious thing is, Zach went to the back door of my car & Tyson growled & barked at him! Talk about not being able to infer meaning - I joked to Zach that Tyson had become a ladies’ man, but guess what? he didn’t reach in the back of my car to grab his leash! I got T out, he finally recognized daddy but seemed much happier to see Victoria. I wouldn’t take any chances with a big dumb 90-lb pitbull either 😳

Definitely my error came in the form of using those darn emojis; Andy thought I was amused at Adela's illness when those were in reference to "passing around the crud" as a Texas tradition... Oh well - our communication has gone dead silent so we shall se if he says anything on the next occasion that I see them (which probably won't be until the end of April for Victoria's BD)

Vegas Photo Dump

 (while I have been forbidden to post photos on social media, surely I can share a few w/y'all here!)

                                                      The majesty of Hoover Dam

                                                     Tina Fea Does Vegas :-)

Everything Everywhere All At Once II

 (I knew I had previously utilized this title; here’s Entry the First:)

https://endurovetssparkjourney.blogspot.com/2024/01/everything-everywhere-all-at-onc.html

It feels as if the weight o’ the world is upon me this morning, as I slump exhaustedly in my chair - trying to juice up for another busy day in the aftermath of getting the kiddos hitched…

“How was it?” everyone asks, as I admit there was a little drama (not on my end!!), but overall I think it worked out just fine. While Z & V had originally planned to just elope by themselves, somehow it metastasized into a party of 11: Peran & I, Victoria’s parents & grandparents, her dad’s buddy “Big Joe” & his wife, & last but not least, Z’s best man & former roommate Josef. As things seemed to be spiraling out of control last weekend - Z & V were understandably upset at the inclusion of Big Joe & his wife - I asked Z how I could help? He asked me to buy Josef an airline ticket, which I promptly did. We scooped Josef up on the way to the airport & folded him into our lil’ family group; he is another unofficial nephew after all! (Several people presumed that he was Zach’s brother)

Zach had been tied up at work in OKC all of last week & didn’t get home until Thursday night, so the bride & groom didn’t fly to Vegas until Friday. We had already booked our departure for Thurs, so Jo & I drove out to see Hoover Dam Friday morning - it was awesome as always! (Josef had never ventured out to behold it on his previous Vegas excursions) We met up Friday night for dinner (more minor drama as V’s grandparents felt excluded; of course they were since Z made a faux pas by failing to invite them?!?)) & were given our marching orders to meet at Z & V’s hotel (the Wynn) at 4 PM Saturday to board the party van that the Two Joes (V’s dad & Big Joe) had booked for the wedding party…

On Saturday, we passed the time by going to the Mob Museum which was interesting & informative - also jam-packed for their half-price "celebration" of the Valentine's Day massacre (NV residents were free, all else were half price). I picked Z up a copy of Frank Calabrese's book; he was there for Q & A's & to sign copies. Minor stress as we gathered our party together Sat afternoon, but in the end we all made it onto the van without a hitch. Elvis did his thang & we went back to the Strip for a couple more hours until our celebratory dinner at another fine dining establishment at the Fontainebleau.

Dear Tina Fea was an awesome lil' traveler; but she was so excited upon our return Sat night as she ran about & spun in circles that she made herself vomit! Good thing I had a few bites of leftover steak for her ;-)

And that, as they say, was that - we flew back on Sunday as the kids continue on their honeymoon to San Diego! I'll post some photos when technology cooperates & I have a few more free moments.

Disgruntled

 … is what best describes my mood this morning. Overlying (or underlying?) everything is my low-grade malaise as I recover from the crud that Misti shared with us all last week. 

My original plans to take Victoria out for a “dinner with the old married ladies” had to be scrapped with Misti being sick, Kristy tied up in her own family drama, & Amber having her own date-night plans, so I wound up just taking the kids out to dinner myself which was very nice - how can I refuse Mijo when he invites himself?!? On Saturday I laid low, fasting & drinking lots of vitamin C, & on Sunday I went for a short ride. Dear Tony will always be that glass half-empty kind of person - we had a challenge getting Katie-mule loaded, nor he did enjoy riding her! Yet he has invited himself to my next endurance event in two weeks - we should be able to just share Twoie: he’ll ride him on Saturday, I’ll pick up his reins Sunday… Go Twoie!!! Gotta make hay while the sun shines!

I was a little peeved that I did not get an invite to my trail-riding buddy’s Super Bowl party, makes me feel as if Val is fine for hitting up for free veterinary advice, but when push-comes-to-shove I’m out in the cold like the little match girl. In all likelihood, I would’ve declined the invite anyway since I don’t wanna expose anyone to my crud - but it would’ve been nice to have been asked…

Now I will sulk my way into a shower & get on with my Monday - I can’t believe my son’s wedding is less than a week away! I wrestled myself into my shapewear yesterday and pronounced it acceptable if not ideal…

Never miss an opportunity to see my kiddos; I only hope I didn't expose them to my crud!

I offered to loan Victoria these replica Jackie Kennedy pearls which were my grandma's; she loved collecting Franklin Mint's offerings! If Victoria really likes them, I'll probably gift them to her since I think I've worn them perhaps twice since my grandma's passing in 1999...

& here's another candidate for the "something borrowed" category: the hand-sewn wedding bell which Peran's mum made for me to carry along with my bouquet when we were married...

Total Recall

 (Love the original Schwarzenegger flick, never even bothered to try to watch the remake! Occasionally get sucked into the debates as to whether the whole thing was, in fact, “just a dream”)

But a dream/imagination sequence that left a lasting impression on me was the boy who lost his Red Pony - anyone else scarred by that film??? Nevermind that it’s considered another one of Steinbeck‘s masterpieces, that scene where Jody imagine his poor pony trying to fight off the buzzards - when in fact he has already died, escaping from the barn to collapse in the field - gave me nightmares as a child. And what did that poor pony die of? Strangles - something that is part of our routine vaccination package these days. It’s such a nasty disease that even despite vaccination, some animals still are infected…

Anyway, I had to face my nightmares yesterday when I had to put out a round bale for the horses. Dear Moonie had a “Tibetan sky burial” since I was unable to secure the services of a gravedigger. While I could not bring myself to go inspect what 2 weeks of time, decay, the elements & scavengers have wrought upon my baby, I couldn’t help but see the high arch of his rib cage out of the corner of my eye. Circle of life, my ass! In a few more weeks, I may take the wheelbarrow & gather up a few bones to bring up the hill & inter by his mama. It’s the least I can do.

Alternative Realities

 (Started to type “Endings”, but even as rotten as I’m feeling these days, I think I am years away from that clearing at the end of the path)

I do need to sit down in a meditative stance - for me these days, that’s in the recliner with my lap full of little dogs! - and think seriously about what the hell I am doing here? While I keep on setting these micro-mini goals for myself: Z & V’s wedding, upcoming rides - on a day-to-day basis, it’s a struggle & I must admit, I’m not enjoying this phase of my life. Chronic illness is a B*I*T*C*H as I stagger around with worsening shortness of breath. I went ahead & made an appointment  at MD Anderson after a 10-yr boycott, bcz they're the only place w/a comprehensive care team where I feel as if I might get some answers (even if they're unfavorable ones)

I’ve contracted with one of these tax abatement attorneys - finally got a huge batch of paperwork together & mailed it in yesterday. Let’s hope I can at least break even on this deal, but I’ve got to get out from under this suffocating feeling of failure - not to mention the fact I don’t want the IRS to start levying liens on my properties! This whole disastrous eminent-domain/relocation nightmare has almost demolished me but I’ve gotta find a way to crawl back to some semblance of what I thought my own version of “All Creatures Great & Small” might be…

Army Guy asked me what I might do differently in my life? I told him I couldn’t go down that path -second-guessing oneself is no way to live! Exact quote:

“Thanks for the acknowledgment, but I’m still angry at myself for getting so far behind the 8-ball!!! Procrastination is probably my biggest character flaw & I’m also real bad at second-guessing & what-iffing myself - “If only I had done X, Y or Z” but of course life doesn’t work that way. Maybe that reality is finally sinking in for me at almost 62 yrs of age!

The past cannot be changed, it can only be managed & if I hadn’t been an impulsive youngster when I married my first husband, I would never have gotten my wondrous son out of that raw deal. That long & winding road has brought me exactly here to this place in time** & I’ve got to figure out how to make the best of it…

** I don’t know how big of a sci-fi geek you are? but while Star Trek is my favorite, I’ve got to go back & re-watch Interstellar to figure out the wormholes. (A nearby theatre had a special showing last week, but the weather was still crap so I didn’t get out to see it)”

& now, like it or not, I’ve got to get on into work. Misti has already texted in sick 🤦‍♀️