Bell Wether

(Seems an apt description for someone trying to steer a friend in the right direction while mostly being ignored - alternative title: “Those Were the Days”)

I met KM at one of my Saddlebag rides “back in the day” (early 90’s): B.Z. & B.C. (Before Zach & before I owned the clinic) I actually had Thursdays OFF, free to do as I wanted - so of course what I wanted to do was go ride with my friends! The Saddlebags were a riding group who rotated between different sites in Kaufman County for the most part - a bit of a drive for me but well worth it for the camaraderie…

I learned that Karen lived in Red Oak (much closer to me), so we started riding together at other times & of course I introduced her to endurance riding. When we first met, she was riding a tall, leggy Appendix QH mare named Lucky but she soon went out & bought herself an Arabian for the long-distance rides. Both of us were childless at the time, so we racked up quite a bit of mileage in competition as well as pleasure rides…

At any rate, the years have passed, we’ve both built our families & rarely get the opportunity to ride together anymore. Karen gave up endurance riding after she had her first child, but acquired several more horses & ponies as her own “primaries” aged out & her family expanded. While I’ve maintained an overflowing barn between my competitors, rescues & prospects…

About 10 yrs ago, Karen bought a mare & her 4-yr old colt in a pseudo-“rescue” scenario - I’m sorry, but when good amount of money changes hands, I consider that a slick deal vs a “rescue” (she only “rescued” that lady’s bank account). I gripped my forehead when I saw this pair, as they both were splay-footed, walking conformational nightmares - I wouldn’t have taken them on a bet! The mare had colicky symptoms almost every time she was worked so she was soon “retired”, Karen couldn’t afford to invest in a workup, & the poor creature finally dropped dead - sparing Karen the expense of euthanasia but not that of burial (of course she was her teenage daughter’s favorite; just a bad scene all the way round!)

So now Karen is left with Chrome (the colt) - at 14 yrs of age, he should have long ago outgrown gaited horse “clumsiness”. I am convinced he has some sort of neurologic condition - whether that is “Wobbler’s”, which is set of deformities affecting the cervical vertebrae (a birth defect which gets worse as they age), or EPM, a parasitic disease that attacks the brain & spinal cord - we may never know bcz there again, Karen cannot or will not invest in a workup. Believe me, I get it! - horses are an expensive hobby, just in routine maintenance alone. But I also can tell you right now if one of mine is lame (I’m looking at you, Scarlett & Kizzy!), they will either be retired permanently as pasture ornaments or euthanized in the case of dear Moonie, who became unbearably crippled.

It scares me to death to see Karen ride Chrome bcz he will stumble on flat level ground - it’s a good thing she never wants to go faster than a walk these days… It’s been almost 2 yrs since she went on one of our big group trail rides in East Texas where I was seriously worried if she was going to get him out of the woods safely. Of course Karen defends her choice by saying he’s her “favorite” but to me it’s nerve-racking! I realize it’s 100% her choice but I’m not going to facilitate it - we can have our future meet-ups at a restaurant or other social occasion. Maybe that’s harsh of me, but to me it’s looking more & more like a case of “play stupid games - win stupid prizes”. Equestrian sports are risky enough, even with a horse who’s 100% sound.

Cinco de Mayo

 (an easy choice of titles today, even as I contemplated something more esoteric)

The downside of being in this veterinary bidness for so long is that I’ve been through multiple episodes of “Watch puppy (or kitten, or foal) grow up, grown old, & eventually require euthanasia”. Last night was a rough one, even though I knew it was coming. I’d made several house calls over these past several months, delivering medications as Patricia could no longer get her aging, crippled old Labrador loaded in the car. 

I learned of another complication when I got there: Patricia herself has had a minor stroke, so she’s had to start offloading responsibilities. Her neighbor to come over to help, thank goodness - with the husband utilizing his small tractor to dig Bear’s grave. She broke down weeping several times as poor ol’ Bear staggered over to try to comfort his mama. (Patricia lost her husband several years ago to COPD & heart failure, but I remember how proud they were of their chocolate Lab - all Bear had to do was cough, shake his head or scratch a body part too aggressively & they’d have him through my door! Granted, he did have chronic allergies & ear infections)

Thankfully the procedure itself went smoothly: I sedated Bear, he laid down on his dinosaur blanket, I clipped the hair on his foreleg to give him the final IV barbiturate injection. No gasping, no paddling, no confusion - just a peaceful slide into oblivion. We bundled him into his blanket & dragged him across the grass to the gravesite. The grave was rather shallow but Patricia said she’s going to lay some pavers across it. Patricia has been proud of keeping her 6-acre ranchette by herself, but I fear she may soon have to move into a more constricted living situation…

(My retired groomer) Ashley has moved her grandma into Arabella, the assisted living facility where I had my mom for 2.5 yrs - so far it seems to be working well for them. WTH am I going to try to do for Mother’s Day? I’m exhausted just contemplating the effort to try to take my mom out, so it may be a sandwich tray & some cupcakes…

The Truth is Out There

Message reconstruction for my edification:

(First contact: 12/05/25)

Robert: Hi. How are you? I hope you are making progress on your fitness? How long have you been using your fitness pal? 

My reply: 12/10/25 (I had received several blind inquiries like this from guys on MFP which had me scratching my head - I’m there for accountability & moral/emotional support, not as a dating app! But I see no problem with having male friends…)

Hi Robert -

I crossed over to MFP after my SparkPeople website shut down, while it seemed to be the “next best thing”, it ain’t the same!

Same day: poor grammar, a little disjointed - had me wondering, bot or catfisher?? & I don’t have photos of ME on my profile unless he stalked me onto one of my groups? (How would he know I’m “fit & beautiful”?? Do you come here often?)

Sorry hear that and hope you will be making more progress soon. Little wonder you look fit and beautiful. I've been using mine for about some years now. Although I've been having issues with my device and have not been sleeping properly of late. Which device are you using for your fitness pal right now?

Me: Mostly I use MFP on my ancient iPad, although right now I am using my work computer (shhh, don't tell! but sometimes it's good to be the boss!) I have gotten up a little early these past 2 mornings to roll around on my yoga mat - nothing strenuous, just stretching out a bit...

(Same day reply:) Wow that's sounds good. I can see you pushing so hard to lose more weight. So tell me which device are you using for your fitness pal right now?

Me: Nah, I don’t have the stamina to go “all-out” anymore… I bought a new FitBit about 6 wks ago as my early Christmas gift; it seems to be “good enuff” for my purposes. My son had gotten me something fancier (whose name escapes me!) several months ago, but my iPhone is so outdated it couldn’t download the necessary app

12/11/05: That's okay. I think I might just have to get another device instead maybe Fit-bit. The Apple watch I use now frustrates me and I was being sincere. You still look fit and beautiful. Whatever you are doing sure is working. where are you from?

Me: Born & raised in Big D (Dallas TX). Returned to the S side - about 30 mi S of downtown (where H1 & I could afford some acreage to keep our horses at home w/us), but it’s easy enough to drive up into The Big City if we want to go shopping or partake of any cultural amenities.

I don’t appreciate the ever-growing traffic issues, but not enough to seriously contemplate pulling up stakes & relocating…

RJ: Texas is lovely. Actually I'm from Raleigh North Carolina but currently deployed in Iraq. I serve the US Army. Retire in a few months. Quite exhausting being here. What do you do. your profession? Does it really helps with your fitness routine?

12/12/25 (me): Wow, Iraq?!? Thanks for your service - just so happens that my stepson (another long complicated story - he’s not really my stepson, that’s just an easier designation than saying Alex is my son’s adopted brother on his dad’s side) is in the process of completing basic training at Fort Moore. I don’t have many details - he’s probably still angry with me! as I said, it’s a long complicated bunch of blended-family nonsense. I sent him a friend request but I need to go check & see if he’s blocked me (Alex has blocked my son as well as Z’s fiancée).

My ex-husband was an Air Force brat, but his parents divorced when he was 5. I ought to type all this up in a blog post since I’m frequently asked about Family History by my son…

Anyway, I am a veterinarian - predominantly small animals but I treat a few horses & goats & potbellied pigs which keeps life interesting 

RJ: Wow, I can understand completely how complicated a family history can be especially with a lot of moving factors and perhaps discounted emotions, but I just hope for peace in the family and that everyone reconciles cause no one really gains when the family is at odds with each other. At least I can tell from your right up that you have a good heart and you want to reconcile with him if he is open to it. I also think you have a lovely career. I’m sure you love what you do very much. I just hope it doesn’t get stressful for you sometimes. It’s a pleasure to know such a lovely woman as you. Are you still married now?

Me: Well, sure enough, when I logged onto FB I found that Alex has blocked me. I jokingly suggested to Peran (aka H2 - yep, I remarried!) that maybe Alex would accept HIS friend request, but he says he’s happy to not poke that hornet’s nest, to let sleeping dogs lie, or insert your favorite metaphor here… (He’s the guy who drove Alex to the airport when he left our household a couple of years ago. Let’s just say we all did not part on good terms! Alex had a lot of growing up to do - being in the Army may be the best possible outcome for him)

I may drop him a Xmas card in the mail which he’s likely to wing into the trash - I know Zach (my son) is done with him too. 

It’s all just so sad - I need to write it all out; that’s always been therapeutic for me.

I remember when my uncle came to see me in the hospital right after I gave birth to Zach - this grizzled rancher tenderly held my newborn as he told me: “Your family is everything - the most important thing in life.” And he’s right. Unfortunately he had a stroke & passed away when Z was 6 wks old.

RJ: I'm really sorry you're carrying this weight, especially around the holidays when family stuff hits hardest. It sounds like a deep, aching kind of sad the kind where you can still feel love for someone even though the bridge between you is burned. I actually lost my wife to Lekuemia [sp] some couple of years ago. Single father. How many are your kids?

Me: My deepest sympathy on the loss of your wife - that’s rough. I have one (human) son - Zach, age 27. 

Once again, that’s a long involved backstory - but when Z was born, my cousin bought him a tiny football jersey #23, bcz at that point we had 22 other dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, reptiles & 1 mule. 😉🤣

I see one child in your profile pic, is she your one & only?

Hubby & I are decompressing this evening by watching “The Menu”** which I find darkly hilarious. I have a love/hate relationship w/Ralph Fiennes - he’s either very very good or jaw-droppingly awful!

** definitely NOT a kid’s movie, but Z & I loved him in all of the Harry Potter films!

Postscript (12/13): My apologies - looking more closely at your picture I can see two kiddos!!! (I do need to go get the new lenses put in my glasses)

RJ: Yeah I'ma single father of two

Thank you so much, you are so kind. It's in the past now, life has to move on. I'm sure your kid (Adults now) is just as adorable as you are. I have two young kids. Struggled for kids for years before we got blessed with both. 15 and 12, their names are Oliver and Allison. Would have loved to send a picture but I'm not sure how to using this platform. I'm not so social media savvy. Are you on a better one like WhatsApp, Telegram or Google chat perhaps.

(& then I thought I pissed him off, didn’t hear from him for a week! I was wrestling with my conscience as to whether to switch platforms)

12/20/25, RJ: Good day pretty. How's your weekend going so far? 

12/21/25: Not feeling “pretty” this morning, I’m sorry to say - suffering a lapse in judgment & getting myself tossed, creating hardship & pain for Christmastime - was not on my game card! On the plus side - I met my friends for a nice ride yesterday, we had beautiful mild weather. But as for the negative - I KNEW those boulders were boogersome, we had ridden past ‘em twice! So what foolish impulse made me lope up to ‘em that 3rd time, tempting fate?!? Twoie dumped me, no doubt have some cracked ribs. This made for a miserable night, but I just took another handful of ibuprofen which will give me some relief…

RJ: Sounds good. Would have loved to send a picture but I'm not sure how to using this platform. I'm not so social media savvy. Are you on a better one like WhatsApp, Telegram or Google chat perhaps.

I went ahead & decided to take the plunge:

Maybe I’m techno-savvy enough to do this:

Nope, apparently not! (Trying to send QR code for Telegram)

But you should be able to look me up as Val Jaffe (no imagination; that is my real name ;-)

Profile picture is of me on my gray horse Twoie, wading in a creek

RJ: Aww lol. Your name is actually so cute. Love it. Just tried searching for it on telegram but couldnt find it. Perhaps you could search for me on @blessedone54 Please let me know if you seen it. I have a lion head on my profile

Since then, we have chatted intermittently on Telegram, but at this point it’s been 18 days since I’ve heard from him, I hope nothing bad has befallen him. No fool like an old fool!

A Useful Idiot

 (I originally had something else in mind, but this is what floated to the surface when I finally got to the point of sitting down to immortalize my thoughts - the title is what cranks my motor, after all!)

I got very little accomplished of what I had planned this past weekend: everything from my endurance ride Friday, to canceled plans with Tony Saturday, to not getting the blizzard of paperwork on my desk sorted out Sunday…

At least Wednesday went all right - this was Tony‘s actual birthday, so I spayed his dog & he hung out at the clinic with us. Took him to lunch at the pierogi place, got his ears pierced which was another BD gift from Auntie Val. I also gave him a substantial discount on Marigold’s spay. We went to dinner with Tony & his parents Wednesday night. I hauled up to horse camp Thursday in order to ride Friday & come home Friday night so I could take Tony to the Dallas World Aquarium on Saturday.

My ride was a bust since our weather turned hot as we dragged in OT yet AGAIN. I have a feeling I had a lot of company but I didn’t hang around to hear the ride statistics. Poor Chris’s gelding stepped off the trailer lame so she didn’t get to ride at all! At least she told me Corey was doing great & was so appreciative for him - he’s a great dog so he deserves this chance to be the center of attention, the “perfect farm dog”.

Unfortunately, Tony had to go to urgent care Friday with migraine-like symptoms so we did not go to the aquarium Saturday after all. I filled this gap in my social calendar by taking Lisa out for a slightly belated sushi BD dinner. (Her party was last Sunday afternoon - I showed up late as I was returning from the CT ride in Athens I had been judging)

& once again, time races away from me so I will have to tell you The Rest of the Story later

*****************************************

Boy howdy, did I titled this post appropriately! I was doodling around last night during my TV time fleshing out my story, & yet I lost it all when I navigated away from this page… Silly me - I really thought this ancient iPad had an auto-save feature?!?

ANYWAY - quick recap: I did my best to supervise Zach’s video games, reading materials, & activities growing up. Initially I was horrified by his fascination with Deadpool - a Marvel anti-hero if there ever was one - with his foul mouth & decidedly marginal ethics. Zach painstakingly explained to me that Wade Wilson (who had pre-existing mental health issues) had been driven insane in the process of becoming Deadpool. I came to an understanding of why Zach would admire him in view of his own topsy-turvy custody wars existence - especially during his last horrendous senior year when I lost custody after years of conflict. I took he & his friend Josef to see the Deadpool movie in the spring of 2016 - it was a small humorous light near the end of that awful tunnel.

I try to make the most of my drive time by listening to podcasts - one of my faves is The Cine-Files; their most recent episode was Deadpool. I’m feeling like a useful idiot myself, as the consensus from MD Anderson continues to be watch & wait. Dr Hu wants to see me in 6 mos but let’s face it, I’ll barely have this round of medical bills paid off by then! Methinks they’ll have to wait a year unless my condition precipitously deteriorates… 3 yrs until I’m eligible for Medicare - some nice folks in my thyroid support group offered suggestions, but unfortunately as a self-employed person who does possess the means I don’t think I’m eligible for much help. Here’s my post:

Whelp, it appears to be mostly good news following my recent check-up at MDA: “stable disease” with a calcitonin around 1800 & CEA of 8.3**. See ya in 6 mos!

The kicker is my share of these expenses appears to be $8100 (current insurance carries a $3500 deductible & I’ll have to verify percentages beyond that). Obviously not gonna get any real answers over the weekend so Val can just fret about it…

We won’t mention that it cost me roughly $2000 in travel expenses which of course came straight out of my own shallow pockets.

I’ll set up ye olde payment plan - I’d like to space this out over a year, so the math just ain’t quite mathin’!!!

Looks like Dr Hu won’t get to see me for 12 mos. Life’s too short & I don’t want all my discretionary spending to go towards health care.

Places to go & horses to ride!

** Clarabelle (my metastatic L collarbone tumor) actually measures smaller than she did in 2016 - she just appears more prominent bcz I’ve (deliberately) lost a little weight. It’s funny - I gained about 50 lbs post-thyroidectomy & bemoaned the difficulty in peeling off this avoirdupois… One clinician told me years ago that there’d come a time when I would lose weight unintentionally - the challenge would be preventing that. Maybe I’m at “that age”? I always said I really just wanted to get back to the weight I was when I lost my thyroid, which equals about 10 more lbs. Updates to follow!

Oh, I also find it strange that they advised me not to do any more hyperbaric oxygen treatments - so no answers for my worst issue these days which is exercise intolerance/shortness of breath.

(I’ve been diagnosed w/early COPD, so Nurse R throwing out horseshit about “working w/my PCP is nonsense)

“In general, light/low-intensity exercise is best with plenty of breaks and focused breathing.”

“We do not recommend hyperbaric oxygen treatments with our cancer patients. She can work with her pcp to find other causes of her shortness of breath but exercises as much as she can tolerate is a good start.”

The Edge of Forever

 Decompressing with my evening dose of Star Trek: in many’s estimation, their best episode - “The City on the Edge of Forever”… Now, if you must know - Val’s favorite episode (which is an extremely difficult choice, kind of like asking a mother to pick her favorite child!) would be “The Naked Time”, in which the crew is infected with a virulent “space virus” that strips one of all inhibitions. Star Trek remains my trusted “companion”, so to speak, echoing little nuggets of wisdom as I forge on in my day-to-day struggles.

There’s rarely enough time with my morning coffee & social media surfing to finish the story - but I also credit Cousin Joe & his wife Margie with giving me priceless sanctuary as a young adult. I made multiple “visits to the farm” over undergraduate college breaks - getting my head back on straight as I broke free from an abusive HS boyfriend. Side benefit was forging close relationships with their 2 young sons: half big sister, half auntie! The farm always needed subsidization - while Joe was always a tireless, competent steward, Margie completed her nursing degree to provide a steady underlying support system. This meant she missed out on a lot of her boys’ childhood, kind of a “same but different” version of my motherhood experience…

I’m feeling a little stressed as I’ve piled a little too much recreation/duty on my plate, between last month’s Louisiana ride & Shanghai, last weekend’s Mt Pleasant ride, the competitive trail ride I have to judge this weekend, & the Decatur ride weekend-after-next - I’m ready for a little downtime! Or as my husband wearily asks: “Where are you off to this weekend?!?”

Also struggling with a little existential dissatisfaction - Army Guy responded to me after a 12-d absence this time in such an unsatisfactory way that I plugged his text into an AI detector, it really makes me wonder sometimes? (There was no evidence of AI influence) Maybe it’s time to pull the plug on this ill-fated relationship? 

My Cup Runneth Over

 (I really do try to cultivate that “attitude of gratitude”, believe it or not! & not just complain all the damn time!)

This is easy when I am sitting in my recliner with a lap full of warm little dogs - a little harder when I look for the silver lining in my personal sacrifices… Last weekend for my long-anticipated Priefert Ranch ride, Catie’s mare came up lame so I wound up handing my reins over to Christina so she could ride Twoie while Catie piloted Baraq (I had brought Baraq for Christina to ride) & they could have a(nother) mommy/daughter ride… This seemed to be the best logical plan: my back has not been feeling too great & my lower right ribs have been giving me these painful spasmic “catches”, I suppose as they are in the final stages of knitting back together! At any rate, they had a good ride & then I loaded up Saturday evening to drive 40 miles NE to visit my cousins in Clarksville.

I grew up in a strange, kind of awkward spot in the family - my paternal aunts had gotten a big head start on my parents fertility-wise, so I was considerably younger than my first cousins. But I’ve always had a special fondness for my Cousin Joe - he took over the dairy farm when he was a young man; both he & his wife busted their tails for almost 30 yrs until they were bought out by eminent domain for one of our newest lakes in NE Texas, Bois D’Arc. Similar to the highway project that steamrolled my old clinic, this was a public works project that had been hanging over their heads for decades. I know I have posted about it in the past, here we go:

https://endurovetssparkjourney.blogspot.com/2024/08/the-buzzards-roost.html

But any rate it’s always great to spend time with family. Joe was fascinated by Tina Fea - I don’t think he had ever met a “purse dog” as I was toting her around in her little baby sling! (Of course I have taken small dogs in the past to the farm, but not one as fragile & ephemeral as Tina Fea) Margie had smoked a pork shoulder in their latest big auction find: a big commercial-style smoker. I slipped Tina Fea a few bites & Joe had to participate too as I regaled them with the saga of TF’s gallbladder. (Joe is also amazed by the investments people will make in their pets - lucky for me! - but he’s a hardscrabble farmer so the dollars & cents always have to add up)

Memento Mori

 Many memories were stirred up during my return to MD Anderson last week for my long overdue “10-point inspection”…

[Not-so-quick recap: over the winter of 1987 (age 23), I suffered through a case of the flu. Coincidentally, a lymph node on the mid-left side of my neck remained swollen. It was painless but mobile so I ignored it until the following winter when I went for my ob/gyn appointment - my doctor was alarmed. She referred me to an ENT who immediately wanted to schedule major surgery (L neck dissection w/muscle resection(s) but I respectfully declined, I needed to get myself through my final semester of vet school! Again - asymptomatic! No weight loss, no difficulty swallowing, no voice changes. I returned to College Station & saw another clinician at the Baylor Scott & White clinic. We proceeded with what I thought was much more reasonable: a stepwise plan. I underwent a series of scans (as I recall, chest radiographs followed by whole-body CT scans). These were non-diagnostic so biopsy of that troublesome but painless lymph node was scheduled…

This was done 3 days before my vet school graduation - therefore I was somewhat hollow-eyed in my pictures with stitches in my neck. BS&W misread those initial slides as “adenocarcinoma of unknown primary origin” - I’ll never forget the poor clinician lugging a stack of textbooks into the exam room to break this bad news to me! Initial prognostications gave me 6 - 12 months to live; kind of startling when you consider yourself a basically healthy 25-yr-old. I came home & kicked a hole in the sheetrock of our rental house out of pure anger & frustration (I did have enough good sense not to risk my hands by punching the wall) One thing for which I can always be grateful to my ex-husband is the fact that he uncomplainably fixed the sheet rock & then we sat down to figure out our own plan - he’s the one who suggested we seek a 2nd opinion at MD Anderson.

Their pathologists successfully identified my tumor as medullary thyroid carcinoma - I returned to MDA for surgery as well as my follow-up tests & care for the next 27 yrs. When the tumor in my left clavicle appeared (2016), I was prepared to take a sabbatical to have my radiation treatments back at MD Anderson - to this day I don’t know how the ball got dropped there? After I had already undergone the modeling/staging procedures, making my mask & everything - BCBS declined coverage, calling further radiation therapy “unproven & unnecessary”. Unbelievable that a $&#@%€ insurance company overruled MD-fucking-ANDERSON, the top cancer treatment center in the USA!!! Riddle me this, Batman - why did they approve my treatment at the Texas Center for Proton Therapy a few months later?

Anyway, in this case, life worked as it should - I was able to keep on working through my 5 wks of proton therapy, Clarabelle flattened out & everything‘s been good until quite recently, when I noticed a (thankfully painless) bulge…

So I decided back in January to try, try again to return to MD Anderson. The previous times they could not get my scheduling right (with appointments Thurs & Fri) - I had been told several times that Dr Hu didn’t consult w/patients on those days.

Luckily times have changed so I was able to schedule my consultation with her last Thursday morning - they went ahead & booked up my bloodwork & a full series of scans for Thursday, Friday & Saturday morning.
Dr Hu was terrific! I really liked her & it was a whole different “vibe” than all my years of butting heads with Dr Sherman (my previous MDA endocrinologist). And astonishing enough, she was really apologetic about the 10-yr gap in my care from MDA - even though, of course she had absolutely nothing to do with BCBS declining my radiation treatment or anything else!
She thanked me at least three times over the course of our conversation for returning to MDA… she filled me in on some of the latest research with some of the newer drugs, so I may not be completely opposed to these?**
I know I said I would never take any of these “latest & greatest” chemotherapy  drugs, BUUUUT…

 My calcitonin has crept up to 1700, but surprisingly Doctor Hu didn’t have a problem with my slightly high T4 or suppressed TSH. We shall see when they read out all my CT & MRI scans whether my spine, liver or that weird thing Dr Mangona (my TX Proton Ctr radiologist in Irving, the guy who managed my local radiation treatments in 2017) panicked about in my brain is anything to worry about? Dr Hu queried me closely about neurologic signs, which I have not had.
I was hoping to explain all this & talk things over with Zach, but Victoria came down with food poisoning so I only saw him for a few minutes on Easter Sunday to drop off their goodies. 
And it’s impossible to know if Peran has any interest or cares, quite frankly, but he kept the animals fed & alive while I was gone so there’s that. Obviously I still need his help if I want to stay here on the farm.

** obviously the restriction will ultimately turn out to be my goddamned insurance company since it’s 3 more years until I qualify for Medicare