Monday, November 11, 2019

End of the Season Whimper

I count myself lucky that we had one more minor slice of good weather for last weekend's ride; even though it was freezing cold Friday night, thank goodness for my lil' dogs! As I made the decision while both riding & working that this would be my last endurance ride of my less-than-stellar 2018 season (all 160 miles of it). There's no point in me hauling off to FL to rack up 50 more miles that **MIGHT** put me in 6th place - I'd rather cede that to Gail, Lord knows he deserves it.
Scarlotta & I can regroup for next season, maybe plot out an attempted 50-miler.

I'll Take It!

Monday, November 01, 2010

When I finally had the courage to face my cruel work scales (for consistency's sake they're what I always weigh-in on), I am FINALLY just 0.1 lb below 214 lbs.

(Nor do I play mind games w/myself by presuming I can subtract 2 lbs for clothing, 1 lb for shoes - wait a minute, have I emptied my bladder? etc etc...)

As soon as I set my stuff down in my office, I walk onto the scales & record that weight... Certainly on many days, when I weigh-in on my gym's scales at lunchtime, I'm generally 3 - 4 lbs lighter - so probable True Body Weight is below 210. Whoopee, almost a true Middleweight again!

(In my endurance-riding competition, there are 4 weight divisions:
Featherweight: less than 160 lbs
Lightweight: 161 - 180 lbs
Middleweight: 181 - 210 lbs
Heavyweight: 211 lbs +
This consists of rider + tack, just like a jockey! - so I could conceivably continue to compete as a Heavyweight even as my weight sunk down into the 180's - although my own internal limit will be around 200)

Family members comment that I appear thinner - which I suppose must be improved muscle tone; I do my best to accept the compliment graciously while admitting that my actual weight remains virtually unchanged...

Again, I'll take what I can get - especially considering my boy & I were living it up over our Halloween weekend together. Back to my still-evolving routine this week, as we count down 24 days till the Trot!

Back Away from the Scales...

Friday, November 05, 2010

I realize I'm doing NOTHING but torturing myself, yet I am drawn time & time again to creep onto these scales, studying the outcome w/horrid fascination...

I guess I should be proud of myself for possessing one of the most efficient metabolisms in the Western world ;-)!

Seriously, though, I do think the hypnosis CD is helping; at several stressful junctures over this past week** which ordinarily would have me distracting myself w/food, I have contented myself w/a nice cup o' tea, or a soak in the tub...

**What is the origin of that old saying: "Bad things come in three's"...
A.) Riding-buddy family lost their 17-yr old daughter in auto fatality this past weekend (I went to the funeral last Tues.)
B.) Vet school classmate similarly lost his young-adult son in traffic accident in the Panhandle.
C.) My cousin took out a 4-point buck the hard way when he hit him on the Indian Nation turnpike, sending his vehicle hurtling down the embankment, fracturing his pelvis & 1st lumbar vertebra... Obviously could have been much worse - there's no spinal cord damage, thank goodness, but currently he lies in misery in Parkland Hospital (they Care-flighted him down from OK after radiographs were taken) awaiting surgery. Gotta get by the hospital tonight to visit him... (Cousins are the closest I've got to siblings)

So I'll keep plugging along; working hard at the gym & taking care of 'bidness'; quit flogging myself about the small stuff!

Starting Over...

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Of course my SP journey feels like a perpetual "restart" (since I don't seem to be budging off this plateau UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHH
HHHHHH! mini-primal scream here)
but actually I've referring to restarting my equitation education; got back together w/my dressage instructor yesterday after taking the long hot summer off...
Certainly was starting over, both for me & my horse - he seemed to remember NO-THING of the exercises we had practiced, and once more the dramatic weakness of my left side was made apparent! We did a bit more trotting than our previous lessons, so strangely enough today my L hip & entire abdominal wall is sore; guess I was doing SOMETHING right?!?


Here I am struggling through a turn last May; luckily our photographer (Maddie's mom) was NOT in attendance yesterday!



"The Critical Eye" - actually our instructor is wonderful; she doesn't nag or yell at all



Amira was much more of a natural at this; of course she wasn't stressing about the kids playing & screaming on the other side of that wooden fence!

A little more good news: after a solid week of misery, my cousin should have his spinal surgery tomorrow (GI tract shut down so last week's surgery was canceled; he's been having a miserable time of things w/nausea & a nasogastric tube. Finally had a BM Friday night so they rescheduled surgery for Monday... I told him this is a hell of a way to lose weight - he's been NPO all week! & the poor guy was too miserable to even crack a smile at my weak attempt at a joke...)

Stalemate...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

...is the strange little mind game I've been playing w/myself.

Because obviously OF COURSE it counts, if I eat french fries, candy, cookies or other junk foods; it doesn't matter HOW MANY miles I pound out on the gym treadmill afterwards!

An extra measure of shame & humiliation today: there was a new [fat] guy at my gym today. I nodded & smiled to make him feel welcome (big whoop; I'm sure you made his day), proceeded onto the TM to knock out a fast interval workout since I didn't have much time...
But I had to back off after only one 8.0 MPH interval; not only did I not want to subject the poor man to the spectacle of this flesh propelled into "Ultimate Jiggle" mode at that speed, my R knee is feeling creaky as my GI tract was trying to rebel (serves me right for previous dietary indiscretions, I suppose)...

Ugh! so I settled down to a steady slog, a flat 2.0 mi in 28 min on Cardio Level 4.

Maybe I've got a new gym buddy during my [usually lonely] lunchtime exploits?

Slight Progress...

Monday, November 15, 2010

It's hard to describe what a GOOD FEELING it is, to finally go out & accomplish what I had actually PLANNED last weekend, after a year w/so many setbacks...

Overall, it was an excellent finish to what would otherwise have been a very disappointing ride season (endurance riding season, for some reason runs from Dec to Nov instead of matching the calendar year). Sounds simple enough: Ride 50 mi on Sat, saddle up again & ride 25 mi on Sun. But in these past few months, I've failed time & time again to meet my training goals:

A.) Baraq's sore back in New Mexico; only completed 4 out of 6 days planned
B.) Baraq stiff & lame after Memorial Day ride = non-completion
C.) my OWN stiff back knocked me out of 100-mi ride last April after 72 mi

& a combination of other factors (tired ponies, exhausted self, tough trails, bad travel conditions or all of the above!) kept me from completing other lesser ride goals last spring...

However, things finally came together for the B-boy & I last weekend: a little rain tamped down those deep sandy trails (but then quit raining so it didn't turn into mud!), the storm front cooled things off & blew away the oppressive humidity, & we had a short pleasant haul of less than 2 hrs, giving ponies plenty of time to rest & stretch their legs before Sat's athletic endeavors...

Today I'm sore primarily on the entire "back half" of my body, all the way from the soles of my feet (many hrs standing in those stirrups) to the base of my skull; but the worst of it is my neck, shoulders, & upper back. Yesterday afternoon I was feeling it in my quads & knees too, with a marked gait asymmetry ;-)

(Good thing that RIDERS aren't graded for lameness!)

A nice hot shower yesterday evening, followed later by a warm bath did me a world of good - I daydream today about a lovely massage, but jumping back into the merry whirlwind of my day-to-day life

Changing focus...

Friday, November 19, 2010

I just changed the "mission statement" on my SparkPage - if you look carefully, it now says "neo-paleo" instead of vegetarian...

Try as I might, this ol' carcass needs her protein; something I don't seem to be able to satisfy w/only eggs & cheese. I've been noodling around in nutritional research for some time now, which started w/Tom Naughton's "Fathead" DVD:

www.fathead-movie.com/

This has led me down the Protein Power & eventually onto the Paleo path... w/the most recent purchase of Robb Wolf's Paleo Diet book:

robbwolf.com/

So these days I am steering my nutritional ship on a unique course - hybridizing the "paleo lifestyle"** w/my vegetarian idealism! (I gave up eating beef 18 yrs ago over concerns about animal cruelty/factory farming & the overall safety of our food supply) yet I find myself supplementing my diet w/tortured-chicken meat all too frequently; I would not be morally opposed to eating meat if I could find consistent, humane, ethically-farmed sources...
**but don't worry; I'm not ready to give up soap & water, not to mention shampoo & deodorant! esp not w/the high-intensity interval training I'm been trying to implement means that probably ain't gonna happen until later in the week.

Pulled this off my web-surfing...

Friday, November 19, 2010

"We haven’t evolved all that far from our primate cousins. And for a species, having some genetic diversity in body shapes/fat retention is as advantageous as it is for other traits: it allows at least some individuals to survive/thrive if the environment abruptly changes. Which leads us to environment.
For most humans, their largest problem has been and is obtaining ENOUGH food. In times of temporary surplus, the ability to store energy as fat is a big survival advantage, especially for women... Few societies had enough of a permanent surplus that its disadvantages would eliminate many individuals with it from the gene pool, especially since obesity related problems tend to appear after the age of child-bearing. [sic]
We are getting fatter because the gene(s) has/have more opportunity to be expressed, i.e. food calories are now readily available in calorie-dense forms. And so we will eat to the point where we are at the weight our genes have programmed us to be.
What we will eat varies, but only those who are willing to accept being at least a little bit hungry all the time and maintaining a higher activity level will be able to keep their weight lower than what they are genetically predisposed to. And it requires constant vigilance because your body wants that weight back."

Frustration & Elation...

Monday, November 22, 2010

...in roughly equal proportions this weekend - when I couldn't blog from recalcitrant home computer this weekend, don't ask me why?
Downloading photos w/revamped system/new hard drive was a challenge too - didn't want to harass Hubby too much (he made it clear it was enough of a sacrifice, getting up early Sat morning to go hike the 3.1 mi event in my wake!) - not to mention I haven't invited him onto SP; probably not his cuppa tea anyway.

So, the elation => knocking out 3.1 mi at the "5K" event Sat morning in what was a blazin' time of 41:29 for me! (Hubby hiked it in about 12 min later). Didn't hang around for awards to see what the FASTEST times were, that would have been too discouraging. I knew the course felt short - a nice flat loop thru a beautiful park, down the road to the cemetery (hmmmm, a little hidden meaning there perhaps?), & back along the great hike n' bike trail...
Gotta take my boy back w/our bikes!
Princess drew accolades as "the smallest dog to ever compete in this event", & surprise that she ran the whole thing - yes, of course she did, she was towing me! I could have handed her leash to the front-runners & really watched her go...

Frustration comes from being stuck in the exact same place on my damned scale, but as I gradually tweak my diet, hopefully that will shift.

An Oldie but Goodie...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

...which I pulled off my other blog, written in '06! Tonight my brain is fried (no new material); I hosted 4 of Z's classmates so they could work on their Social Studies project this afternoon.
This puppy's TIRED.
Then after returning the crew to their respective families, we had to caravan across town to pick up our Turkey Trot race packets, woo hoo!
I can hardly wait - our first running event TOGETHER!

I've been mulling over a question posed by Scott re: why running?? which is a good one...
I could be flippant & reply that I'm actually an inveterate masochist cleverly disguised as your Friendly Neighborhood Veterinarian (woo-hoo! I'll post pix of my bondage equipment -- JUST KIDDING!) -- next thing ya know, I'll be submerged in perverts! Reminds me of a hilarious column by RMM many moons ago -- when he had to explain to airport security (this was pre-9/11) his suitcase of equine AI equipment: EQUINE artificial vagina, twitch, hobbles, & so forth...
But believe it or not, even though I'm slow as molasses, I honestly enjoy the sensation of pushing the ol' bod along the path -- & I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the low-grade endorphin rush which sets in about an hr postrun & keeps me on a natural high for a good solid 24 hrs. (That's why most runners like to "do it" EVERY DAY.) I can't say I've ever experienced the true "runner's high" -- yes, it looks like I'm struggling out there BECAUSE I AM!!! I laughed about my dizziness around Mile 9 of my 1st half-marathon, but I blame that 100% on hypoglycemia (this time I'm packing my OWN Power Gel!)

Trot On!

Friday, November 26, 2010

I had my doubts yesterday morning - w/gray clouds scudding in, & a little light rain as we were leaving our place...
The temperature was also dropping rapidly (aka Welcome to Texas - what we tell folks who complain about our amazingly changeable climatic conditions; after all, Tues afternoon we were sweating in 85 degree heat; & I went down to the barn early Thurs AM in a T-shirt) - by the time we reached downtown Big D, I was regretting NOT purchasing the sleek UnderArmour sweatpants** I admired at Sports Authority Tues night...
I knew we would warm up as we started Trotting, & as we maneuvered our way into the HUGE crowd (over 30,000 attended this event!), the cold didn't bother us at all.
I carried Princess for the first half-mile since she was intimidated by the massive crush of people, dogs, & baby strollers - yet it remained an exercise in broken-field running as we threaded our way through the crowds of walkers until we crossed the finish line in 44:20.
Several times I told my boy to go on ahead & wait for me at the flagpoles, but he wanted to stay w/Slow Mom... Soon enough he'll be leaving me in his dust.

**I told myself after 5 more lbs, I could have 'em - after all, $49 for sweatpants? I'm accustomed to buying the cheap ones at WalMart: you know, the ones that shrink up, that pill & fade, that don't last... Of course it would be my boy, w/his expensive tastes, who has sold me on the UnderArmour brand, w/their high-tech fabrics & persuasive advertising. But the proof is in the pudding, I suppose - since I feel COOL in my UA hoodie, but like a big fat schlump in my tacky WM sweats...

My Core is Sore...

Saturday, November 27, 2010

... as I have started BACK on my program of core-strengthening exercises.

I rolled out of bed yesterday w/a grimace, then realized what had done it to me: just a few selections from the book I found at B & N a few months ago (after my disastrous wash-out at the 100 mile event last April, when Baraq was still goin' strong @ 72 mi but MY back had locked up!)

This weekend is a "stay-cation"; there's a ride in S TX but I'm trying not to dwell on it as I catch a glimpse of brilliant blue skies out of the corner of my eye - clear cold weather after the rain clouds blew away, perfect for riding!

But there again, I had nothing at stake at the end of this ride season**, & my boy was begging to just stay HOME - a chance to vege out, play his XBox, hang out w/his friends... The house is strangely silent this AM, since he spent the night w/his BF.

**I am actually antsy for the final points & mileage to be tallied; there's a remote possibility that w/our surprise Top Ten finish 2 wks ago, Baraq may have actually elevated us into the Heavyweight standings! The one & only advantage of being greater than 210 lbs is that the competition thins out significantly - the "bulk" of our TX riders seem to be Middleweights (181 - 210), ar ar...

Of course there are scads of Lightweights (161 - 180) & Featherweights (less than 160) - one of the worst things for me to listen to - from a standpoint of truly being SYMPATHETIC - is hearing one of my Featherweight friends agonize over how they're going to make their weight requirement of 165 lbs for an FEI event... Yes, like jockeys, they will use weighted saddle pads, weighted vests or otherwise pile it on to make it a more level playing field.
There are even a few custom saddles, w/special chambers to which lead shot had be added.
Doesn't your heart bleed for 'em?!?
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I've tried innumerable times to motivate myself by imagining how much faster Baraq could go if I peeled off as little as 20 lbs... but that is also a double-edged sword: the faster he travels, the potentially harder I could hit the ground when he unseats me! emoticon

A Matter of Perception...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Woke up earlier than I'd planned, so why not hit the keyboard? A series of bad dreams left me unwilling to try to go back to sleep...

The strange thing is, in these dreams I am always thin (relatively speaking); it's as if the fact of my slow steady weight gain over the years has not sunk into my subconscious.

Not the 30 lbs I've gained since my marriage to P, eight yrs ago.

Not the 40 lbs since my thyroidectomy over 20 yrs ago.

Certainly not the 60 lbs since 1st marriage at the ripe ol' age of 21 (25 yrs ago), & not even CONSIDERING the 75 lbs since high school!

That's why I set my goal to my modest Middleweight standing = 30 lbs. I can't realistically hope to lose much more body weight than that, not now that I'm pushing 50. Especially in light of my awesome progress in these past 7 mos on SP - NOT!

Oh well, I should be grateful that at least I haven't gained any MORE weight... I'll have to admit, it was a big letdown when I weighed in a couple of wks ago at the ride, to see that I've lost a net total of TWO LBS.

But now my donkeys are braying for breakfast, so I'd better go feed 'em. Today's a new day, after all.

Right Back Where I Started From...

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

...but I tell ya what, I am beyond thrilled that w/only a single day of "clean living", I find myself back at 212.5!

I knew most of my weight gain (2 lbs) from Turkey Day had to be mostly sodium & water retention - yes, I indulged myself, but not that badly.

In my family, it's virtually EXPECTED that you will gorge yourself at my aunt's bounteous feast on Thanksgiving Day; luckily for me after my Trot, I honestly wasn't all that hungry! Of course I still fixed myself a plate w/little bits of everything, but it took me a long time to finish it. And I had to sample my aunt's perfect pecan pie...

The problem was quite frankly the REST of the weekend - I was regretful at missing out on my ride, so I soothed that anxiety w/snacks... No surprise about my weight gain; I'm just lucky it wasn't MORE.

So yesterday I skipped lunch, hit the gym, & drank 4 cups of green tea over the course of the day. I was peeing like a racehorse - & thankfully this morning I felt less bloated, so I took a chance & stepped back onto the scales.

An amazing feeling - one of the few times my body has cooperated w/my self-improvement efforts emoticon

It does great things for ye olde motivation: Middleweight status, here I come!

So Much for a Relaxing Weekend...

Saturday, December 04, 2010

...Of course I knew this particular one would be anything but, since it was the weekend of Z's State Karate Tournament championship down in Austin!

I made it unintentionally (but perhaps subconsciously?) harder on myself, since I had a delusion that we** might all come together for Z's sake, in a show of support for his hard work this year in tae kwon do...
**by "WE" I am referring to my parents & my husband who have a long-standing rift of almost 7 yrs' duration - let's just say "It's Complicated" on too many levels to go into a detailed explanation here; can we refer to irreconcilable cultural & religious differences? With the bottom line from my parents' perspective being that you don't even give a HINT of being (emotionally or psychologically) abusive towards their only grandson, can we leave it at that?
(& P would certainly be DEAD MEAT if there were any evidence of physical abuse - my dad would kill him presuming I hadn't done him in first ;-) !

I'm not so delusional to presume that Z's bio-dad would have troubled himself, although he DID call...

Anyway, I wasn't certain until just a few days ago that P was in fact coming down, & by then it was too late - the hotel was booked up; I had only reserved a single room!
Foolish me, to presume that we could all just suck it up & bunk together for a single night - there again, for Z's sake, pretty please?!?!?

My parents were furious w/me for trying to force such intimacy, but if I had told 'em P would be there, they wouldn't have come at all - so a minor deception was justified in my opinion, since it was very important to Z that they be there to watch the culmination of a hard season's work. Sue me, I guess!

So what wound up going down was that Mom & Dad drove all the way back home last night after Z's FIRST PLACE FINISH in his age division (12 - 17). I was more than a little stressed out, since I didn't think they should be attempting that 180-mi haul (I had driven a little over half of the trip down) at that time of night (they set out at almost 9 PM last night).

I'm going to file a complaint w/Crabtree & Evelyn, since I used half the sample bottle of their Relaxing Body Wash & it did NO good...
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I slept fitfully last night, awakening a little after 7 AM w/the lovely hotel gym calling to me... I knocked out 5K on the TM & then had a relaxing dip in their beautiful salt-water pool.

Fabulous. Miraculous proof of the therapeutic value of exercise! emoticon

As soon as I unearth the data cable, I'll try to download some photos. I will title the one of Z's bruised R shoulder (where he repeatedly smacked his bo staff) "Dedication". Unfortunately my camera was MIA for the actual tournament, but another parent snapped a couple of photos for me...

Persistence v. Hormones

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Well at this stage I'll take whatever small progress I can get... which appears to be 0.8 lbs for 7 days of persistent workouts!

In the mad rush of getting out the door Monday morning, I failed to repack my gym bag, so that was an enforced day of rest. Felt strange to force myself to relax.

Now, of course the holiday season is upon us full-swing, w/my lovely clients bringing us treats. I have joked too many times that it's next-to-impossible to stay on any sort of diet around here. Yesterday we received a cheesecake, a smoked turkey, CC cookies, chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, & caramels...

We are either very well-loved, or being bribed! emoticon

I can also detect mild bloating & that craving for chocolate that accompanies my irregular cycles - at this point it ain't too bad. I am keeping my water bottle full, & just restocked w/Larabars. If I can get through this month just holding steady, I will be content.

A Great Article re: Intuitive Eating

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

...which proves that sometimes my compulsive Web-surfing turns up good information occasionally!

http://www.examiner.com/intu
itive-eating-in-raleigh/in
tuitive-eating-your-way-to
-a-movement-love-affair

So then I followed Latoya back to her website...

http://www.transformativeeat
ing.com/

And found further stores of great information:

"5 ways to help you create some weight prevention habits:

1) Decide or believe that it’s possible to maintain a stable weight. For years, I have read and heard others voice fears about how it’s more difficult not to put on pounds as we age. It’s almost like people are resigning themselves to the fate of weight gain. I am willing for my life to be a new experiment and a new experience. I have a fundamental belief that the body has natural and intelligent mechanisms for keeping weight stabilized. In fact, I read a scientific article showing that the body has the ability to recognize the amount of calories in food. So, as long as I am supporting those mechanisms by eating and moving for what my body needs, I feel confident in being able to experience my natural healthy body weight.

2) Accept that your body needs to move regularly. Kick “exercise” to the curb, if you don’t like it, and experiment with ways that your body loves to move: dance, walk, jump rope, toss a ball, play a sport, find a set of movement practices that you are eager to do consistently. For more on this, read my article: Intuitive Eating Your Way to a Movement Love Affair. (see above link)

3) Practice eating intuitively. Learn and honor your true biological hunger and fullness signals. Respond to your body when your stomach growls and discover the point where you are satisfied and make eating to the point of “stuffed” a habit of the past.

4) Feel the difference that whole nutrition makes. Even though candy bars can give me a spike of energy, I’m sure that, like me, you’ve experienced the crash after. Also, when I take the time to taste and savor high sugar, and therefore higher calorie processed foods, I naturally eat less of them. A fresh orange or crunchy apple can give me the same, if not more pleasure, than the taste of processed foods and my body has a better time too!
5) Learn to live your life without using food to cope with your emotions. Create your own self-care plan (i.e., your own emergency escape route) of more skillful alternatives to soothe yourself, when you want to reach for food to calm yourself after stress or a long day or to get you through boredom, anxiety, or anger."

Mirror, Mirror

Thursday, December 09, 2010

You might think I was completely unfamiliar w/these novel devices...

It's still a shock to my system when I see that unflattering photo, or catch a glimpse of myself in that full-length mirror. Not to mention I've conveniently misplaced my camera's data cable, so I can't download a confessional-style photo here! (nowhere near as brave as RUNNINGOLLIE, for instance)

But as part of my core training, I am perfecting my form in front of the impartial floor-to-ceiling mirrors at my gym (only when I have the place to myself)... Starting w/basic squats, overhead presses, a few floor exercises. I notice how my flesh has 'settled' around my hips & lower abdomen; guess I'm not as apple-shaped as I once thought! I need to take measurements, but the back fat layer under my sports bra seems to be shrinking.

I'll diligently search for that cable - the photos would be nice to have, as a record of my own persistence... A few years back, I was horrified by the bat wings which were evident on my upper arms in the typical "Yee-haw!" raised-arm posture on the Titan; I could rationalize a lot of that to wind resistance emoticon
but seriously, my arms seem to be toning up...



Home computer locks up every time I pull up this "Blog Entry" window, so I'm left w/sneaking time on work computer - may commandeer my son's laptop this weekend! www.ultimaterollercoaste
r.com/coasters/yellowpages
/coasters/titan_sfot.shtml



Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Catching Up

This is getting REDUNCULOUS - I'm so far behind on this lil' project of "preserving old blogs from SP" it ain't even FUNNY!!!
A large part of the problem is, on the iPad I only seem to be able to do "1 at a time" & then I cannot edit any farther.

Reprogramming

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A couple of wks ago, on the recommendation of a cyber-friend I bought the Paul McKenna book "I Can Make You Thin"...

I've never been a True Believer in hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming or the like, but I am growing increasingly weary of the suffocating feeling of hopelessness that comes from being stuck on this damned plateau!

Of course, I should have known the 1st challenge would be finding TIME to "relax" & listen to the hypnotic CD; the book is same ol', same ol' reiteration of what we should all know by heart by now:

1. When you are hungry, eat.
2. Eat what you want (not what you think you "should".)
3. Eat consciously and enjoy every mouthful.
4. When you are full, stop.

As my son would say, "Duh!"
So I've had this marvel of modern literature in my possession for almost 3 wks & I've listened to the CD exactly TWICE, both times engaged in an activity strictly warned against - driving! (My son grew mildly panicked when I popped the CD in the car stereo on the way home, to ensure that it worked: "Mom, DON'T close your eyes! Listen to that when we get home!!")

But when we got home, my trusty old portable CD player is missing-in-action, & it seems a shame to throw good money after bad by buying another one...
Hopefully I will be able to overcome my shame & listen to it on home stereo w/hubby around.

Hello Again

Monday, October 25, 2010

I actually stared at the discoloration in the toilet bowl in the dawn's early light for a few seconds before it dawned on me...
Oh yeah, THAT'S what it is! My monthly visitor's here again, after an almost-4-month absence.
That explains the bloat, the recent food cravings (MUST...HAVE...CHOCOLATE!), the terrible grinding anxiety, the mood swings...
Of course it DOESN'T explain the past 6 mos of being perched on this High Plateau, despairing as to whether I'll ever see the edge.
I rode my Big Dummy yesterday (semi-retired due to navicular disease 3 yrs ago) bcz I needed some FUN in my weekend - as opposed to Constant Vigilance required when piloting Mr B.
He huffed & he puffed, & struggled valiantly to keep up w/Miss Amira, effortlessly loping ahead - oh, but what a joy he is to ride!
Eleven hundred pounds of pure muscle (oh well, these days that is overlain by a generous fat pad) - I'm not eloquent enough to describe the awesome sensation of POWER he provides, a complete contrast to the lithe athleticism of Mr B, my scrawny Arab!
I really don't know if the Paul McKenna self-hypnosis CD is helpful or harmful at this stage: I had the guy's mildly irritating voice stuck in my head as we rode:
"Your mind...carries on by itself...Visualize yourself a few weeks from now, slightly thinner..."
And an old photo of Quig & I swims into my memory: he is striding out in his big trot down an East TX dirt road looking like the great engine that he was, in his prime. I'm even in correct position/posture - a lot of my ride photos have the unflattering tendency to catch me unbalanced, eyes closed, slumped posture, that sort of thing. If only I had known how short our competitive career together would be... but of course Quig is far from dead, as long as I can keep him comfortable we should enjoy many more happy years together, just without those career mileage markers, minor recognitions & awards I had hoped for...
Oh well - Mommy still loves ya, Dum-Dum!
(I was not the family member who nicknamed Quig "The Big Dummy": he was originally slated to be my COUSIN'S, but the nickname stuck & now he thinks it's a term of endearment! A teenage girl got SO ANGRY at me, several years ago when she heard me call him "Dummy": "What's his REAL NAME?!?"
"Honey, he thinks 'Dummy' IS his real name!")
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Breakfast FAIL

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I was so excited, trying the overnight-simmer n' soak method to prepare the steel cut oatmeal my boy talked me into buying...

(When I read the package, it described boiling for 30 min - on MY busy mornings? I don't think so! but there was a shortcut: boil water, simmer for 1 min, then refrigerate overnight & reheat in the AM...)

I was understandably a little apprehensive when I took the pan out this morning, but it worked BEAUTIFULLY! No sticking, no clumping, reheated to a nice texture as if I'd been stirring it over the stove all morning...

The downside is that I was RAVENOUS by 10 AM - obviously I am going to have to choose breakfast foods w/a lil' more sticking power!

[I just ate 3 oz of mixed nuts - WAY too salty! - but I had to do something since it's another half-hour till lunchtime here...]

Committed...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Well I've done it now! Got myself, my boy, & my dog all registered for the 5K Turkey Trot, to the tune of $66...

Yesterday was a difficult "day of rest" - my R heel has been tender so I decided to take the day off. Felt a little bit of guilt; it all ties in w/some of my recent readings:

"You MUST exercise if you want to lose weight they will scream with a disturbing amount of passion. But let me just say that their passion is borne not from any real scientific proof that exercise helps people lose weight, but from a sense of moral superiority that some thin people have when it comes to fat people. You see, if you are obese, then you must be lazy, and with that awful moral judgement held firmly against us, the skinnies march forth proclaiming we must be cured of our laziness if ever we are to become thin, which means we will once again be considered to be people of good moral character (no matter how much rubbish a thin person eats, or how little they exercise, they clearly are better people than fat people it seems). The medical profession is also culpable in their character assassination of obese people. The message is loud and clear – “Get off your fat lazy butt and you’ll lose weight”

This from:
winningtheobesitybattle.
wordpress.com/2010/06/11/t
he-mardy-roux-obesity-trea
tment-project-%E2%80%93-the-rules/


Yet in my own case, exercise remains my anti-depressant of choice (you see here an aging jock w/dreams of glory still floating through her head) - so I'd better GET AFTER IT. My monthly visitor is slowly departing, so I can no longer use the excuse that my uterus feels like it's wringing itself out like a bloody dishrag.
  • vDRAFTLOVER
    I think its awesome you signed your "boy" up for a race! Take some pics and share with us ok? Someday......I am gonna run a 5k race.....Someday!
    3235 days ago
  • vCATIATM
    Wow - lots to comment on here. CONGRATS on registering you and the pooch for the turkey trot. I find racing keeps me disciplined about working out. Otherwise ... well, I'm an admitted bling 'ho, so whatever gets me to the gym, right? As for exercising and weight loss ... I get your point - and your irritation. I'm so sick of twiggy people who don't do any real activity lecturing me on my sloth and poor habits. My boss is in that class, and I know my weight affects his opinion of me. grrr. I do like exercising, though. It helps my mood, which I think helps me overall.

    Hang in there!
    3235 days ago
  • vKT-NICHOLS-13
    I too feel guilty when I don't workout.

    I sure wish it was this easy: “Get off your fat lazy butt and you’ll lose weight”
    Sadly it's not for me.

    Yeah for making the commitment to the 5K Turkey Trot!

Monday, September 9, 2019

Almost There

Bought the 46” girth for the new saddle since there wasn’t a hope in HELL of getting that 28” girth buckled around Miss Alex’s sizable circumference! I barely glanced at the receipt - so what’s another $50?!?
Cycled Saturday AM w/the crew - thank goodness I didn’t try the intermediate ride, I was struggling to keep up the 10 MPH pace with the beginners! Hopefully the new herbal blends will help my energy levels - but I know what would help more than anything, NOT STAYING UP TOO LATE!
Never gonna regret spending time w/mah boy, I’d been wanting to see John Wick 3 w/him for quite a while - gotta adhere to HIS schedule.

Typical Wednesday Morning

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Get up [dependent upon the quality of my previous night's sleep, this could be quite a challenge in & of itself]
Let dog out - let bird out to enjoy a little free flight around the house
Feed cats - feed dog - feed rabbit - feed guinea pig - feed lizard (thank God the snakes only need to be fed every 7 - 10 d)
Go down to barn & feed horses; in this season, pitch hay (extra 10 min)
Tether Z's puppy who tends to wander off in boredom during the day when we're not home.
Come back to house; wake up son & herd him into shower. Throw something together for his breakfast (these days it's easy since he's on a Carnation Instant Breakfast kick), make his lunch.
Take my own shower, get dressed. Summon son away from XBox, TV or computer - gather necessary items for the day (cell phone, bills, other paperwork, school supplies). Get bird, dog & son & get in car...
Drive down to barn; put bird in her cage in the shed, let horses out of the barn.
Depart on the school run.

Whew. All that happens before a lot of folks get up in the morning - no wonder I'm tired! (For a non-stressful commute to school, we need to be heading up our driveway no later than 7:10 AM.) Interspersed in there may be restocking my gym bag, or making myself a protein shake on mornings when I have time... Sometimes throwing in a load of laundry before we leave.

Don't talk to me about time management skills!

However, the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again, & expecting different results... Again, I need to stop treating normal appetite as a character flaw: I need to plan my meals so I'm not repeatedly making the same bad choice - such as this AM, stopping for a breakfast taquito & an iced coffee! All it did was give me indigestion.

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  • vDRAFTLOVER
    Mornings! emoticon
    3247 days ago
  • vJENN26POINT2
    I've learned that mornings are less busy if I do some of my things at night: packing lunch, packing gym bag, etc. I passed pet feeding duties off on my husband. :)
    3252 days ago
  • vFUNFROG79
    WOW, you got a lot going on in the mornings

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Once More With Feeling

A fairly decent night of rest - thanks Bud! My little Bed-Bud always helps me sleep better...
A minor gut spasm which I blame on yesterday’s lapse of Mickey D French fries.
Listening to Hubby’s snores as I slurp mah coffee & get ready to roll out for this non-anniversary Sunday - I’d have rather heard Mom’s nostalgic grief than a recap of How My Grandmother Killed My Grandfather’s Chihuahuas, where did THAT come from?!?
Of course I remember all that drama, Mama - I was 12 yrs old, after all. Very random, guess it was triggered by her dogs’ finicky-ness over their new food?
Watching the video clips of my buddies finishing their Tevis rides - has Scarlet got that in her? Not if you don’t plan out a 50...Wasn’t that a tiny fraction of why you splurged on the Stonewall, other than the covetous “I want it!”

Facing the Music

Monday, October 04, 2010

Again, I'll take any progress whatsoever at this point... But I'm back down to 214.3 this AM, only 0.6 lbs higher than my starting point ALMOST 6 MOS AGO!

Oh well, I know a lot of sh!t has gone down (not that those are good excuses but there they are): shelving my plans for the Big California Ride this summer, anxiety & stress over my son's knee injury (goes hand-in-hand w/conflict w/ex-husband!), and a little bit of marital discord of my own as we come to terms w/the implosion of my BIL's marriage...(6 yrs, two young daughters, what a shame!)

At least I had a wonderful ride yesterday - riding Champ & ponying my colt Moonshine. His first exposure to the "real world" trails at the lake, and he performed like a real trooper: crossing fallen logs, weaving through the woods, going over big scary bridges! He spent a lot of the time w/his precious lil' head right over my R thigh - I remember traveling many miles w/his mama in much the same way. I used to ride Wynk & pony Sahara to train two-for-the-price-of-one. Enjoying the fabulous fall weather all by our lonesomes - even if I couldn't share this w/hubby or son (hubby's opted out of riding; son was at his father's) it was still a Very Good Day.

On Saturday, despite my best intentions (I wanted to do some housework, go to the gym, and RIDE), my rebellious body demanded a Day of Rest. It struck me w/a nagging headache which drove me onto the couch, & finally back to bed for what seemed to be a required NAP.
Guess this last week of poor sleep had finally caught up to me.

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  • vDRAFTLOVER
    One of the most pivotal moments for me in this lifelong journey was the first time I got on a scale and my weight started with a one! It has been 20 years or better that I have been over 200 lbs my highest weight was 242 at one point. So when I was under 200 it was very motivating. I cant wait for you to hit that mark. And you are so close. KEEP FIGHTING !!

    I too struggle with that darn life thing. Vacations, surgeries, FAIR FOOD!! Something happens in my life and throws me off track. I need to learn to maneuver around those obstacles. Its just hard to find a way sometimes :)

    I'm glad you had a great ride on your horse and I'm glad Moonshine was good for you. I miss having a baby to train :(

    I recently had to cancel TWO riding trips. I am so sad. First my daughter and I were going to Mammoth cave and camp with the boys. We were due to leave and packed and ready to go. The morning we were supposed to leave my husband had an appendicitis attack and had to have emergency surgery. Then my husband and I are suppossed to be going to shawnee national forest this friday but for the same reason are not going. I'm just sick about it. I could go by myself but I'm a little "map and direction" challenged. Plus Its not as much fun alone in a national forest.......

    Ok done with the "woe is me"

    When all else fails....

    PORTION CONTROL-MORE FRUITS AND VEGGIES-TAKE A WALK
    3239 days ago
  • vFUNFROG79
    I hear ya on lack of sleep! I"m struggling with my weight as well, it's either nothing or a gain! Boooo! Hang in there, we will pull through! emoticon
    3239 days ago

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Countdown to Tevis

An endless barrage of posts & photos assault my consciousness on social media (FB most especially) as we count down these last few days before the Tevis Cup ride...
I suppose I would be best served by turning away, but I guess “it hurts so good” - after all, my original reason for joining SP was to peel off a few lbs to give myself the best shot at a successful return attempt at Tevis... That was 9 yrs ago.

1 lb? I'll take it...

Thursday, September 30, 2010

At least it's a small start, getting back on the path again.
But it's really sad to read of someone "beating back temptation" by rejecting a cookie: instead of admiration, I feel pity...
I realized yesterday that I would do better if I could plan my short sessions of lunchtime R & R (pack a salad, for instance), instead of scanning the local fast-food joints for something outside the nutritional wasteland that constitutes the SAD (Standard American Diet).
I need to quit treating normal appetite as a character flaw! Hell, I'm GOING to get hungry & I'm GOING to have to eat something - I just need to provide myself w/healthier choices...
Obviously the alternate-day partial fast is NOT going to work w/me, since I have to maintain strength, good attitude, & energy throughout my hectic workday.
So for now I'd better get back into it!

Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • vDRAFTLOVER
    I need to start taking my lunch as well. Or at least "planning" ahead what Im going to eat. So heres to us making Healthier Choices !!  emoticon emoticon
    3236 days ago
  • vJESSSPARK
    Yeah, fasting is not really a healthy option. Good for you for getting healthier choices!
    3239 days ago
  • vFUNFROG79
    You can do this! emoticon

Monday, May 20, 2019

Sorry Not Sorry

...to be back at baseline again, 3 d of progress erased by one celebratory meal at the Brazilian steakhouse! (a 3-lb rebound)
But I’ll never regret any offer to socialize w/mah boy - even though I know it’s bcz I was picking up the check. I DO regret slugging down 2 cups of coffee which resulted in a poor night’s sleep. Back to the order of bizness today (IF/LC)

Something's Gotta Give...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Can't blame hormones/water retention/increased muscle mass (as I palpate my protruberant abdomen)/constipation - or the moon, stars, & planets for that matter! This 7-lb weight gain is REAL.

Damn.

I wish I knew what it was about committing to any sort of a regimented program that seems to bring out the worst in me... Who do I think I'm fooling anyway? The scales don't lie.

Nevertheless, I gave myself a day off yesterday, for R & R after a hectic MONTH (where did Sept go anyway?) & I take the time to think a few Deep Thoughts, such as: Where WILL you be in 5 yrs? I pulled this inspirational passage off another blog in my aimless surfing:

"It's about what you believe, and more importantly, it's about the actions you take to create, or to change, what you believe that matters.

Actions lead sometimes.

Actions lead sometimes and then our beliefs follow.

And then it's all synergy baby.

Momentum.

And it's up to us whether those actions, beliefs, and momentum are positive or negative.


It's up to me.


Should I, in the long-term, succeed or fail, I will always know, and be absolutely correct, that the fact is... it's only ever been up to me.

I choose to acknowledge the truth that this is a process."



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  • vFUNFROG79
    I've always heard, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon when talking about weight loss. I hear and relate to your frustration, my scale is getting ready to be thrown out the window if I gain one more pound after busting my arse! Hang in there! emoticon
    3155 days ago

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

An Interesting Perspective

Here is a comment gleaned from Lyn's long-standing "Escape from Obesity" blog... I've followed her blog off & on for almost the entire 10+ yrs she's been blogging - more for the snark value these past few years, since after over a decade of yo-yo'ing, Lyn is no closer to "Escaping Obesity" than she ever was! She is either pondering her predicament, or making grandiose plans (a virtual bike ride across the country) which never come to fruition.
At last report, Lyn had topped out over 200 lbs again & I should be over the moon that I remain consistently ahead of her for these past several months, staying solidly within the "overweight" category, even if I've been at the upper limit of my  "comfortable" weight these past few weeks between Easter travels, Mother's Day & other indulgences which have ingrained themselves as stubborn habits. Time to climb back aboard the IF train!

I thought my problem was that I was "addicted" to sugar for years. Addiction being connected to emotional problems and weakness of character. So I thought I could fix it through willpower, working harder, whatever. But brain chemistry is a funny thing. I found out insulin surges are necessary for certain neurotransmitters to cross the blood-brain barrier. Carbs literally do make you feel better. And ironically, after a while, they can give you the willpower to start the whole cycle over again, feeling energized and positive and determined to do the same damn thing again that had never worked: cut them all out, get healthy, blahblahblah.
I found out I have ADHD and started taking adderal - a stimulant. Surprise surprise, my so-called addiction disappeared. My brain chemistry was more balanced. 
I've noticed you love stimulants - coffee, chocolate, sugar. I've noticed you wrote that on phentermine you felt "something is finally fixed." I bet the thing that was finally fixed was your dopamine levels. I bet your carb-fasting-cycle will continue in perpetuity because part of what you're dealing with is a biomedical issue. I'm sure there was lots of emotional baggage too. I'm sure you need to deal with that. But I'd bet good money there's brain chemistry involved too. The lack of motivation and follow-through (biking across America any more? no? how many days did that last?) is also a symptom of things like ADHD.
My adderal has not magically resulted in weight loss for me, but it has magically changed my cravings and eating habits for the better. "Magic" indeed. 
I have no interest in criticizing you. I've just noticed this pattern on your blog for a long time. I think this is going to be the last time I read your blog or comment on it, not because I think poorly of you, but because I think I've learned what I need to learn. I wish you luck in the rest of your journey. You never would have kept at it this long without willpower, so willpower is probably not something you lack, even if you feel like it. But the struggle against brain chemistry is not easily won.


The Horror...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

...crept over me gradually as I scrolled thru last weekend's ride photos.
Yes, you really ARE that big! (having a small-framed, greyhound-thin lil' Arab only makes me look BIGGER by comparison)
Poor Baraq's ears are back in almost every photo = sour pony
I know he had to work like a sonofagun in the heat/humidity/& deep sand in many spots.
Obviously I need to either lose a LOT (as I mentally compare these to previous ride shots, the fact of the matter is that I'm relatively tall while Baraq is short!) - or buy a bigger horse!
It's like I said - when my ex-husband was freaking out years ago, after I gained weight post-thyroidectomy (he has a real & deep-seated fat phobia which I hope he is not inflicting on our son) - of course I can lose WEIGHT, but I can't lose HEIGHT!
Geez Louise if I could find my reset button I would push it RIGHT NOW. 
  • vLOURON
    You need to get away from the mindset of being a fat gal in a skinny gal's body. I know how hard that can be Years ago I went through a program where I was suppose to visualize myself in a fave outfit thin Hat to say it doesn't always help but all we can do is keep trying. emoticon
    Louise