I had all the best intentions - then "life got in the way". (Had to go pick up my truck over lunchtime, so I bought Misti & her daughter lunch as small compensation for taxicab service... Perhaps someone else with an ironclad will could have abstained while they ate, but I'm sorry, that would be damned peculiar!)
Maybe next week - since it looks like I'll be holding down the proverbial fort through the end of September - fingers crossed for Dr M's return.
Stalling Out...
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
I'm chomping at the bit to finish packing my trailer & HIT THE OPEN ROAD... I have so well EARNED this vacation!
My head almost exploded when I walked in Mon AM to encounter... NO DR G !!!
A double-booked schedule and a full slate of surgeries - fortunately it was not "just me", my receptionist was of the same understanding - she thought Dr G would be back this week after her shoulder surgery on 7/02...
Toni called her, and thankfully she was able to come in Mon PM and half the day Tues to oversee appts (she can't do much of anything w/R hand for next 5 - 6 wks; she was wearing a sling Mon but came in Tues "unsupported" after her PT session). Therefore I have most of the hair remaining on my head!
My trainer put me through a grueling session of core work yesterday - I'm stiff & sore from the nape of my neck to my ankles... And Mon night I managed to complete an entire Spinning video session, leaving a sizable puddle of sweat on the gym floor. Such things are great for stress relief, not so much for weight control.
But I'll be heading back to NM roughly 20 lbs lighter than what I was LAST summer; let's see if anyone notices! Well I know my pony will appreciate it if nothing else ;-)
(I went ahead & made my Payment for Justice**; my attorney is going to try to schedule Z's audience w/family court judge in the narrow window of time I'll have him back between 8/05 - 14, when school starts up again! I'd desperately like to have something settled by then.
**when I've mentioned this latest chapter in the ongoing legal drama, several friends/family members have expressed incredulity that Z has no legal standing in regards to the visitation schedule, especially considering his teenaged, almost-adult status. So I've taken to making mild jokes about being able to pay for "justice"... more about that later!)
My head almost exploded when I walked in Mon AM to encounter... NO DR G !!!
A double-booked schedule and a full slate of surgeries - fortunately it was not "just me", my receptionist was of the same understanding - she thought Dr G would be back this week after her shoulder surgery on 7/02...
Toni called her, and thankfully she was able to come in Mon PM and half the day Tues to oversee appts (she can't do much of anything w/R hand for next 5 - 6 wks; she was wearing a sling Mon but came in Tues "unsupported" after her PT session). Therefore I have most of the hair remaining on my head!
My trainer put me through a grueling session of core work yesterday - I'm stiff & sore from the nape of my neck to my ankles... And Mon night I managed to complete an entire Spinning video session, leaving a sizable puddle of sweat on the gym floor. Such things are great for stress relief, not so much for weight control.
But I'll be heading back to NM roughly 20 lbs lighter than what I was LAST summer; let's see if anyone notices! Well I know my pony will appreciate it if nothing else ;-)
(I went ahead & made my Payment for Justice**; my attorney is going to try to schedule Z's audience w/family court judge in the narrow window of time I'll have him back between 8/05 - 14, when school starts up again! I'd desperately like to have something settled by then.
**when I've mentioned this latest chapter in the ongoing legal drama, several friends/family members have expressed incredulity that Z has no legal standing in regards to the visitation schedule, especially considering his teenaged, almost-adult status. So I've taken to making mild jokes about being able to pay for "justice"... more about that later!)
The Pounding Continues
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
...otherwise known as "Escapism is Futile"!!!
I went to NM and.....................NOBODY NOTICED my weight loss. Which was somewhat disappointing. As I look back over blog entries, perhaps I'm only 15 lbs lighter - I'll try to scan in a couple of photos, last year's vs this year's, to let everyone judge for themselves.
Overall the differences may be subtle, but I FELT so MUCH BETTER this year. And my lil' greyhound of a pony could tell too - he finished each of his days as if it had been a stroll around the block. In the end, it rained on us Mon so I didn't take him out under those potentially treacherous conditions, and then I wasn't going to expect green, underconditioned Miss Scarlett to tackle 35 mi of tough high desert trails. I packed it up & came home Thurs - good thing I did since my mom ignored a bladder infection & almost put herself in the hospital. She'd been running a fever all week "but didn't want to bother me"!?! Oh my!
I went to NM and.....................NOBODY NOTICED my weight loss. Which was somewhat disappointing. As I look back over blog entries, perhaps I'm only 15 lbs lighter - I'll try to scan in a couple of photos, last year's vs this year's, to let everyone judge for themselves.
Overall the differences may be subtle, but I FELT so MUCH BETTER this year. And my lil' greyhound of a pony could tell too - he finished each of his days as if it had been a stroll around the block. In the end, it rained on us Mon so I didn't take him out under those potentially treacherous conditions, and then I wasn't going to expect green, underconditioned Miss Scarlett to tackle 35 mi of tough high desert trails. I packed it up & came home Thurs - good thing I did since my mom ignored a bladder infection & almost put herself in the hospital. She'd been running a fever all week "but didn't want to bother me"!?! Oh my!
In the Blink of an Eye...
Friday, July 26, 2013
...everything can go to sh!t...
I was leaning over to reach something in the back seat of my truck, standing on my L leg, when my knee joint hyperextended. The pain was incredible, the joint buckled, and I almost fell but caught myself w/R leg, spitting and cursing.
So for the rest of this week, I've been limping around, relying on generous doses of "Vitamin I" (ibuprofen) and a knee brace. My mood falls to subterranean levels fairly quickly when I don't get my minor endorphin boosts from a little bit of exercise. I did manage a yoga class last Sun (half of which was floor work) although of course I couldn't do any balancing postures on L leg. I tried 5 min on elliptical, then 5 min on TM the other day - it wasn't happening! So I sat in the gym grumpily, reading an issue of "Muscle & Fitness" - while looking at pictures of Hugh Jackman was nice, it didn't raise my heart rate high enough.
(...& the same holds true for Peace Negotiations w/Hubby - nice & romantic but NOT aerobic!)
Today I've been able to leave off the knee brace, so I'm cautiously optimistic about going by the gym & maybe being able to spin the pedals of a stationary bike. Fasting to repent for yesterday's overindulgences, DON'T ASK! Stressed out from spending the day ferrying my dad to (routine) dr's appts, but they are recommending a stent for his R carotid artery. As good as this sounds in theory, in practice it will be tricky for an 84-yr old in fragile health (there's a risk that this procedure could trigger the stroke they are trying to prevent).
Deep breaths, Val, deep breaths. It would be nice to imagine a world in which I could sit holding hands w/a sympathetic husband, talking over such things - but I've already faded into the background again as far as hubby is concerned (some of the unkind things he said to me last weekend when we were having one of "Those Talks" still sting; I know The Truth Hurts & all that, but sometimes in the best interests of peace & tranquility, complete honesty is NOT the best policy!)
I was leaning over to reach something in the back seat of my truck, standing on my L leg, when my knee joint hyperextended. The pain was incredible, the joint buckled, and I almost fell but caught myself w/R leg, spitting and cursing.
So for the rest of this week, I've been limping around, relying on generous doses of "Vitamin I" (ibuprofen) and a knee brace. My mood falls to subterranean levels fairly quickly when I don't get my minor endorphin boosts from a little bit of exercise. I did manage a yoga class last Sun (half of which was floor work) although of course I couldn't do any balancing postures on L leg. I tried 5 min on elliptical, then 5 min on TM the other day - it wasn't happening! So I sat in the gym grumpily, reading an issue of "Muscle & Fitness" - while looking at pictures of Hugh Jackman was nice, it didn't raise my heart rate high enough.
(...& the same holds true for Peace Negotiations w/Hubby - nice & romantic but NOT aerobic!)
Today I've been able to leave off the knee brace, so I'm cautiously optimistic about going by the gym & maybe being able to spin the pedals of a stationary bike. Fasting to repent for yesterday's overindulgences, DON'T ASK! Stressed out from spending the day ferrying my dad to (routine) dr's appts, but they are recommending a stent for his R carotid artery. As good as this sounds in theory, in practice it will be tricky for an 84-yr old in fragile health (there's a risk that this procedure could trigger the stroke they are trying to prevent).
Deep breaths, Val, deep breaths. It would be nice to imagine a world in which I could sit holding hands w/a sympathetic husband, talking over such things - but I've already faded into the background again as far as hubby is concerned (some of the unkind things he said to me last weekend when we were having one of "Those Talks" still sting; I know The Truth Hurts & all that, but sometimes in the best interests of peace & tranquility, complete honesty is NOT the best policy!)
Brain Dump
Friday, July 26, 2013
Off & on throughout the day, I surf the Web: check my email, skim my cyber-friends' blogs, latch onto a multitude of True Facts... Some of it turns out to be useful but I know a lot of it is just cr@p, a useless waste of time.
I'm greatly encouraged by the fact that I was able to get in a quick, low-intensity session on the elliptical at lunchtime: I went in w/zero expectations, didn't even change into workout clothes in case my knee wouldn't cooperate! but eased through 20 min w/only a few minor twinges. This did wonders for my black black mood...
...since I didn't have access to a pile o' puppies! It's disheartening to feel as though you're stranded in that deep dark forest again, there's no way out.
Years ago, I likened the end of my first marriage to trying to scramble aboard a rowboat while my ex smashed my knuckles w/a paddle. I was desperately trying every strategy to "re-connect" while my ex was just as desperate to sever every tie between us (including the fact that we had a newborn SON together; one of his more heinous acts which I can neither forget nor forgive was trying to talk me into an abortion when I was 5, 6, and even 7 mos pregnant! Apparently that was the time frame during which Things Were Getting Serious w/She Who Shall Not Be Named)... How exceedingly weird it was that after spending the 1st 11 months of his son's life basically ignoring the both of us, a couple of mos after M moved out, he wanted a chance to prove himself The Best Single Dad of All Time - fighting initially for primary custody but failing that, leveraging the most generous joint custody/visitation agreement he could, courtesy of his Pit Bull of a lawyer... Forgive me for not believing in the purity of his motives.
Sorry, didn't mean to regress into Ancient History - all I meant to do was draw the parallel between Then & Now: one of my crimes as stated by M was that I didn't make our relationship a "priority"... I hadn't the foggiest clue as to what in the hell he meant; I was being the best wife I knew how to be, cooking & cleaning, working full-time, never refusing a sexual request...All of that turned out to be for naught - a blessing-in-disguise for me that left me w/more than a minor case of The Bad Attitude. When P came along, I was determined to present myself As I Am - love me, warts & all!
And I don't really think I've changed dramatically over the years - I'd still rather be in the barn than the kitchen or laundry room, and raising my precious son successfully into adulthood remains my first & foremost priority. Yet now my husband finds me oppressive - he feels pressured & put-upon even though I thought we had hashed out all the hard work the farm requires several YEARS ago, when we committed to the refinance! (I suggested not just once, but multiple times that even though downsizing would be painful, it might be better to move to a smaller, more manageable place.)
There have been many times when I felt as though P loved my property more than he loved me.
This evening I suggested an impromptu free concert at the Dallas Zoo... "Who's Sara Hickman?" P asked, followed promptly by "No thanks". Yet if I fail to make date-night recommendations, you guessed it - nothing occurs. I feel P becoming steadily more & more estranged from me; an eventuality I seem powerless to prevent. Aka History Repeats Itself (w/out any apparent Slut Invasion this time - go figure!)
I'm greatly encouraged by the fact that I was able to get in a quick, low-intensity session on the elliptical at lunchtime: I went in w/zero expectations, didn't even change into workout clothes in case my knee wouldn't cooperate! but eased through 20 min w/only a few minor twinges. This did wonders for my black black mood...
...since I didn't have access to a pile o' puppies! It's disheartening to feel as though you're stranded in that deep dark forest again, there's no way out.
Years ago, I likened the end of my first marriage to trying to scramble aboard a rowboat while my ex smashed my knuckles w/a paddle. I was desperately trying every strategy to "re-connect" while my ex was just as desperate to sever every tie between us (including the fact that we had a newborn SON together; one of his more heinous acts which I can neither forget nor forgive was trying to talk me into an abortion when I was 5, 6, and even 7 mos pregnant! Apparently that was the time frame during which Things Were Getting Serious w/She Who Shall Not Be Named)... How exceedingly weird it was that after spending the 1st 11 months of his son's life basically ignoring the both of us, a couple of mos after M moved out, he wanted a chance to prove himself The Best Single Dad of All Time - fighting initially for primary custody but failing that, leveraging the most generous joint custody/visitation agreement he could, courtesy of his Pit Bull of a lawyer... Forgive me for not believing in the purity of his motives.
Sorry, didn't mean to regress into Ancient History - all I meant to do was draw the parallel between Then & Now: one of my crimes as stated by M was that I didn't make our relationship a "priority"... I hadn't the foggiest clue as to what in the hell he meant; I was being the best wife I knew how to be, cooking & cleaning, working full-time, never refusing a sexual request...All of that turned out to be for naught - a blessing-in-disguise for me that left me w/more than a minor case of The Bad Attitude. When P came along, I was determined to present myself As I Am - love me, warts & all!
And I don't really think I've changed dramatically over the years - I'd still rather be in the barn than the kitchen or laundry room, and raising my precious son successfully into adulthood remains my first & foremost priority. Yet now my husband finds me oppressive - he feels pressured & put-upon even though I thought we had hashed out all the hard work the farm requires several YEARS ago, when we committed to the refinance! (I suggested not just once, but multiple times that even though downsizing would be painful, it might be better to move to a smaller, more manageable place.)
There have been many times when I felt as though P loved my property more than he loved me.
This evening I suggested an impromptu free concert at the Dallas Zoo... "Who's Sara Hickman?" P asked, followed promptly by "No thanks". Yet if I fail to make date-night recommendations, you guessed it - nothing occurs. I feel P becoming steadily more & more estranged from me; an eventuality I seem powerless to prevent. Aka History Repeats Itself (w/out any apparent Slut Invasion this time - go figure!)
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