I plug the nice "round" numbers into my calculator (of course I can do that math in my head) - but considering that I have painstakingly peeled off almost 40 lbs over my 11-year Spark Journey, with tack I would qualify as a "Heavy Middleweight" at 205-210 lbs... If Baraq has gained 25 lbs lounging around the pasture, that would put him at roughly 800 lbs - placing us precisely at that 25% threshold for long-distance riding.
But that doesn't instill me with enough gumption to tackle the Ozark Trail - even if wishes WERE horses! Add up all the mitigating factors: low energy, bad back, chronic pain... Might as well face facts, you'll be lucky to even knock out another 50 miler, as I struggled through 20 min on the elliptical last night.
What An Odd Thing to Say
Monday, June 10, 2013
(which I'm putting in the title so I don't forget to mention it later)
But again, this week, hanging on by teeth & fingernails to my Middleweight status (of course, buck nekkid first thing in AM!) - I knew this was gonna be another "maintenance" week, w/the stress & commotion of the last week of school coupled w/last weekend's Big Social Event, the quinceanera for Z's "just a FRIEND, Mom!" Sat night...
I could breathe a lil' easier since M DID take Z to the last 2 dance practices (5/17 & 6/01); we picked up Z's tux last Thurs...
(Many interruptions later, it's been one of THOSE days so this will obviously have to be a 2-parter!)
MORE TO COME
Part 2
It's weird how things can go from absolutely balls-to-walls yesterday, to relatively quiet today... (Shhhhh, don't want to jinx myself ;-)
So much of the time, I keep up this running dialogue in my mind "Things Val WANTS to Write" - most of which never makes it to computer screen or journal. This is my backdated apology if I haven't gone into any detail re: this quinceanera which Z was included in... For those unfamiliar w/the concept, this is the Hispanic coming-of-age party for a girl's 15th BD, her quince: it can range from an ordinary, "slightly-special" BD party to a huge elaborate debutante-type event. Z's friend was near the upper end of the spectrum w/dance lessons arranged for the quince & her 'court', 6 additional couples. I was tickled to have Z getting "free" dance lessons, got a little teary-eyed when they started to play The Grand Waltz...
Originally since this event fell on M's weekend, I had planned to attend a ride in the Panhandle in conjunction w/my 'niece's' HS graduation... However, Z spied the entry forms stuck under my sun visor a couple of wks ago & asked "What are these, Mom?"
All he had to do was say he wanted me there - damn straight I would be!
I wound up meeting Z at the dance hall 20 min prior to the Final Practice so he could change into his tuxedo (yes, I know, I will try to post photos!); his father dropped him off & went in search of Home Depot. (The only saving grace was the fact that She Who Shall Not Be Named went to the ride) I sat at one of the big tables w/another couple who were the parents of another escort... Hubby was coming later since he had to wait for AC repairman!
When M & Z's stepbrother came back, they joined me at the table, but when P showed up right before the dinner buffet started, M said quite pointedly, "All you have to do is line up a couple more husbands and you could fill up this table!"
I arched an eyebrow but could not come up w/a witty reply... Although what I WANTED to say was twofold: A.) I wasn't the one who broke that covenant, you arrogant b@stard!, and B.) At least MY spouse was present! (although the truth of the matter was, it would have been a miserable evening if I had to share space w/that witch)
I asked that Soul of Tolerance P if he had heard what M said - he did, but like me he didn't think it warranted a response. "It's just M being M"
I wish I could brush it off that easily, but I'm hurting no one but myself if I let evil get to me.
But again, this week, hanging on by teeth & fingernails to my Middleweight status (of course, buck nekkid first thing in AM!) - I knew this was gonna be another "maintenance" week, w/the stress & commotion of the last week of school coupled w/last weekend's Big Social Event, the quinceanera for Z's "just a FRIEND, Mom!" Sat night...
I could breathe a lil' easier since M DID take Z to the last 2 dance practices (5/17 & 6/01); we picked up Z's tux last Thurs...
(Many interruptions later, it's been one of THOSE days so this will obviously have to be a 2-parter!)
MORE TO COME
Part 2
It's weird how things can go from absolutely balls-to-walls yesterday, to relatively quiet today... (Shhhhh, don't want to jinx myself ;-)
So much of the time, I keep up this running dialogue in my mind "Things Val WANTS to Write" - most of which never makes it to computer screen or journal. This is my backdated apology if I haven't gone into any detail re: this quinceanera which Z was included in... For those unfamiliar w/the concept, this is the Hispanic coming-of-age party for a girl's 15th BD, her quince: it can range from an ordinary, "slightly-special" BD party to a huge elaborate debutante-type event. Z's friend was near the upper end of the spectrum w/dance lessons arranged for the quince & her 'court', 6 additional couples. I was tickled to have Z getting "free" dance lessons, got a little teary-eyed when they started to play The Grand Waltz...
Originally since this event fell on M's weekend, I had planned to attend a ride in the Panhandle in conjunction w/my 'niece's' HS graduation... However, Z spied the entry forms stuck under my sun visor a couple of wks ago & asked "What are these, Mom?"
All he had to do was say he wanted me there - damn straight I would be!
I wound up meeting Z at the dance hall 20 min prior to the Final Practice so he could change into his tuxedo (yes, I know, I will try to post photos!); his father dropped him off & went in search of Home Depot. (The only saving grace was the fact that She Who Shall Not Be Named went to the ride) I sat at one of the big tables w/another couple who were the parents of another escort... Hubby was coming later since he had to wait for AC repairman!
When M & Z's stepbrother came back, they joined me at the table, but when P showed up right before the dinner buffet started, M said quite pointedly, "All you have to do is line up a couple more husbands and you could fill up this table!"
I arched an eyebrow but could not come up w/a witty reply... Although what I WANTED to say was twofold: A.) I wasn't the one who broke that covenant, you arrogant b@stard!, and B.) At least MY spouse was present! (although the truth of the matter was, it would have been a miserable evening if I had to share space w/that witch)
I asked that Soul of Tolerance P if he had heard what M said - he did, but like me he didn't think it warranted a response. "It's just M being M"
I wish I could brush it off that easily, but I'm hurting no one but myself if I let evil get to me.
There's 44 cents I'll never get back...
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
...OK, homies, now on Day 3 of Allan's Fat Dog Challenge; my low-grade GI issues have made it easier to stick to an "NPO" regimen. Yesterday I was constipated, today bloated & gassy - a partial explanation was revealed on my way to this AM's farm call: oh, there you are, my long-overdue period!
almostgastricbypass2.blo
gspot.com/2013/06/day-1-mo
nday-june-17-2013.html
On Mon afternoon, I dropped by the pharmacy to pick up some Ketostix - seeing 'em change from (normal) beige to pink & then purple would be gratifying; metabolic proof that I was burning fat even if the scales weren't showing much progress (according to clinic scales I'm down 1.8 lbs)... I jumped the gun by peeing on one as soon as I got back to work - too soon!
But yesterday afternoon I obtained a faint pink (trace) reading: 5 mg/ml on ketonuria. I'm holding out for slightly darker today. Ancient history: almost exactly 30 yrs ago, at the ripe ol' age of 19, my mother took me to local "bariatric specialist" (remember this was before the advent of the bariatric surgery craze) - so his regiment consisted of weekly visits in a mis-matched support group (I was the youngest), injections of God-knows-what (probable mostly multivitamins), and a 500-cal/day diet. No particular type - he honestly said he didn't care if you ate 500 cal of french fries or Fritos every day, as long as it added up to 500 cal or less. Of course I lost weight like gangbusters - I still remember my 1st memorable week, in which I racked up an 8-lb loss! but after 6 wks & a little over 20 lbs, the diet was not only making me psychotic, I didn't have much more to lose anyway, so I dropped out of the program... That was the thinnest weight of my young-adult life: initially around 145 lbs, stabilizing around 150 for the next 2 yrs until I effed everything up by getting MARRIED (yeah, I plead guilty to being young, stupid, horny, too much "in love" to read the big flashing warning signs in my face...)
More backstory later!
almostgastricbypass2.blo
gspot.com/2013/06/day-1-mo
nday-june-17-2013.html
On Mon afternoon, I dropped by the pharmacy to pick up some Ketostix - seeing 'em change from (normal) beige to pink & then purple would be gratifying; metabolic proof that I was burning fat even if the scales weren't showing much progress (according to clinic scales I'm down 1.8 lbs)... I jumped the gun by peeing on one as soon as I got back to work - too soon!
But yesterday afternoon I obtained a faint pink (trace) reading: 5 mg/ml on ketonuria. I'm holding out for slightly darker today. Ancient history: almost exactly 30 yrs ago, at the ripe ol' age of 19, my mother took me to local "bariatric specialist" (remember this was before the advent of the bariatric surgery craze) - so his regiment consisted of weekly visits in a mis-matched support group (I was the youngest), injections of God-knows-what (probable mostly multivitamins), and a 500-cal/day diet. No particular type - he honestly said he didn't care if you ate 500 cal of french fries or Fritos every day, as long as it added up to 500 cal or less. Of course I lost weight like gangbusters - I still remember my 1st memorable week, in which I racked up an 8-lb loss! but after 6 wks & a little over 20 lbs, the diet was not only making me psychotic, I didn't have much more to lose anyway, so I dropped out of the program... That was the thinnest weight of my young-adult life: initially around 145 lbs, stabilizing around 150 for the next 2 yrs until I effed everything up by getting MARRIED (yeah, I plead guilty to being young, stupid, horny, too much "in love" to read the big flashing warning signs in my face...)
More backstory later!
The Flood Recedes...
Sunday, June 23, 2013
One week into Allan's Fat Dog Challenge & I'm 4 lbs down... Yeah, yeah, I should be celebrating, but all I can think of is how (30 yrs ago) I could buckle down & lose 8!!!
There's the difference for ya between a teenager & a perimenopausal obese woman's metabolism. I can only admit it here (Allan is calling for us to adhere to all-protein-shakes, liquid diet as if we WERE in fact prepping for bariatric surgery), but last week I ate a few low-carb meals in a desperate attempt to relieve constipation (thanks for asking, things are moving along better now ;-)
I don't want Allan to kick me off as I await w/great curiosity everyone else's statistics. Allan asked us to submit our weights YESTERDAY but has not posted anything yet. One lady apparently was stricken w/such severe electrolyte imbalance, she was vomiting - collapsed & scared the sh!t out of her husband; paramedics hauled her to the hospital!
So I guess that makes 14 of us remaining...
CORRECTION; only 12 of us remaining in Challenge
There's the difference for ya between a teenager & a perimenopausal obese woman's metabolism. I can only admit it here (Allan is calling for us to adhere to all-protein-shakes, liquid diet as if we WERE in fact prepping for bariatric surgery), but last week I ate a few low-carb meals in a desperate attempt to relieve constipation (thanks for asking, things are moving along better now ;-)
I don't want Allan to kick me off as I await w/great curiosity everyone else's statistics. Allan asked us to submit our weights YESTERDAY but has not posted anything yet. One lady apparently was stricken w/such severe electrolyte imbalance, she was vomiting - collapsed & scared the sh!t out of her husband; paramedics hauled her to the hospital!
So I guess that makes 14 of us remaining...
CORRECTION; only 12 of us remaining in Challenge
Almost Stepped in It...
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
...I must watch my step, come make my confessions HERE - I almost "stepped in it" by posting a comment on one of Allan's follower's blog** but NO I am not adhering to a completely liquid-protein diet; I don't think I would be able to function under those circumstances!
Those first few days, I was so constipated it was MISERY! So last Wed I ate a SALAD, then over the next few days I was slipping in a low-carb meal once a day... There again, I have to remain functional, so w/my relatively high activity level I still managed to drop 4 lbs last week! Of course w/Val's tendency to push that envelope, I've added enough solid food that I have stalled myself out these past few days. Gotta quit shooting myself in the foot (or literally in the STOMACH) or I won't be able to post a loss this week...
Anyway, **Vanessa is not one of my fellow Fat Dogs, and I started to brag about the roasted kale chips I made last night - I was pleasantly surprised that Hubby (never a strong advocate of the vegetation) had a large helping! They seemed to help w/my GI issues, so for the love of Pete I'm not apologizing for EATING KALE.
Made it back to the gym today - Trainer Bill was making up for 2 wks of missed sessions with a hardcore session - I limped over to show him the skinned knee from my girlie pushups as he was torturing his next victim ;-)
Those first few days, I was so constipated it was MISERY! So last Wed I ate a SALAD, then over the next few days I was slipping in a low-carb meal once a day... There again, I have to remain functional, so w/my relatively high activity level I still managed to drop 4 lbs last week! Of course w/Val's tendency to push that envelope, I've added enough solid food that I have stalled myself out these past few days. Gotta quit shooting myself in the foot (or literally in the STOMACH) or I won't be able to post a loss this week...
Anyway, **Vanessa is not one of my fellow Fat Dogs, and I started to brag about the roasted kale chips I made last night - I was pleasantly surprised that Hubby (never a strong advocate of the vegetation) had a large helping! They seemed to help w/my GI issues, so for the love of Pete I'm not apologizing for EATING KALE.
Made it back to the gym today - Trainer Bill was making up for 2 wks of missed sessions with a hardcore session - I limped over to show him the skinned knee from my girlie pushups as he was torturing his next victim ;-)
Fed Up & Frustrated
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Only MY whacky metabolism could manage to GAIN weight on 1600 cal/day, after two gym sessions yesterday! Of course I realize it's all about the endocrinology: the more I "purify" my diet, the more sensitive my system seems to be to refined carbs & sugar...
Anyway, I need to clamber off my high horse - my diet has been far from "pure" w/a cheeseburger here & there last weekend, some french fries, a few handfuls of Fritos snaffled here at the office (I've bemoaned the fact many a time of how my office manager will never allow us to starve)... However, it's still a grave disappointment when I limp through a mad dash like yesterday - running my butt off at work, skinned knees from my trainer, relatively low-cal even if not low-carb, and the scales are UP 1.8 lbs?!?!? Give me a bleepin' break!
Let's all jump on the Poor-Val-Can't-Catch-A-Break wagon, shall we? Trying to float my battleship again today w/renewed vigor of water consumption; I know most of that is in fact "water weight" so hopefully I will pee it out by the end of the week...
Anyway, I need to clamber off my high horse - my diet has been far from "pure" w/a cheeseburger here & there last weekend, some french fries, a few handfuls of Fritos snaffled here at the office (I've bemoaned the fact many a time of how my office manager will never allow us to starve)... However, it's still a grave disappointment when I limp through a mad dash like yesterday - running my butt off at work, skinned knees from my trainer, relatively low-cal even if not low-carb, and the scales are UP 1.8 lbs?!?!? Give me a bleepin' break!
Let's all jump on the Poor-Val-Can't-Catch-A-Break wagon, shall we? Trying to float my battleship again today w/renewed vigor of water consumption; I know most of that is in fact "water weight" so hopefully I will pee it out by the end of the week...
Sadness All Around
Friday, June 28, 2013
My beloved granddad's baby sister died early yesterday AM at the ripe old age of 95...
(We lost Granddad prematurely @ 65 - which sounds YOUNGER & YOUNGER to me, the closer I get to that big 5-0!!!)
Maternal family dynamics are too intricate to explain in a short blog post, but at least I got in one brief visit last weekend; Aunt Lucille was perfectly lucid until the end. She took my hand "Hello Valerie". I'm very sad that Z didn't have a chance to see her - we would have gone yesterday after FB practice.
I stayed up late Wed Night stewing vegetable broth; Aunt Lucille had stopped eating so I figured that would be something nutritious (Allan actually gave the idea by posting the recipe as a change of pace from pure protein shakes)
almostgastricbypass2.blo
gspot.com/2013/06/day-9-we
dnesday-june-25-2013-even-
more.html
I listened to Mom's msg right after I dropped Z at AM FB practice, but went by the house anyway, arriving just as the funeral home van was getting ready to pull out. I called for a toast w/my broth; her daughters prob thought I was an egomaniacal jerk but they humored me. I left the rest of the thermos in the fridge; they can drink it or pour it down the sink as they choose.
The funeral will be Sun; I seriously doubt M will let me pick up Z so he can re-introduce himself to a whole raft of cousins whom he hasn't seen in years...
Bright spot: obviously the broth has a diuretic effect: I only drank 1 cup yesterday AM but seemed to urinate quarts! Looks like I'll be dead-level even this week; if Allan kicks me out of his Challenge so be it. Several have posted impressive losses of 10, 11, & even 12 lbs - yes, yes, of course I know that's mostly water weight & unlikely to "stick" but reflexive jealousy persists.
Now I'm off to waterpark to enjoy my last blessed day w/my boy - hopefully intensive doses of sunshine will help lift my mood.
(We lost Granddad prematurely @ 65 - which sounds YOUNGER & YOUNGER to me, the closer I get to that big 5-0!!!)
Maternal family dynamics are too intricate to explain in a short blog post, but at least I got in one brief visit last weekend; Aunt Lucille was perfectly lucid until the end. She took my hand "Hello Valerie". I'm very sad that Z didn't have a chance to see her - we would have gone yesterday after FB practice.
I stayed up late Wed Night stewing vegetable broth; Aunt Lucille had stopped eating so I figured that would be something nutritious (Allan actually gave the idea by posting the recipe as a change of pace from pure protein shakes)
almostgastricbypass2.blo
gspot.com/2013/06/day-9-we
dnesday-june-25-2013-even-
more.html
I listened to Mom's msg right after I dropped Z at AM FB practice, but went by the house anyway, arriving just as the funeral home van was getting ready to pull out. I called for a toast w/my broth; her daughters prob thought I was an egomaniacal jerk but they humored me. I left the rest of the thermos in the fridge; they can drink it or pour it down the sink as they choose.
The funeral will be Sun; I seriously doubt M will let me pick up Z so he can re-introduce himself to a whole raft of cousins whom he hasn't seen in years...
Bright spot: obviously the broth has a diuretic effect: I only drank 1 cup yesterday AM but seemed to urinate quarts! Looks like I'll be dead-level even this week; if Allan kicks me out of his Challenge so be it. Several have posted impressive losses of 10, 11, & even 12 lbs - yes, yes, of course I know that's mostly water weight & unlikely to "stick" but reflexive jealousy persists.
Now I'm off to waterpark to enjoy my last blessed day w/my boy - hopefully intensive doses of sunshine will help lift my mood.
NSV's, then Back to Our Normally Scheduled Griping
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
There are holes in my gray matter these days: I stumbled around yesterday morning in a fog, couldn't remember for the life of me HOW Z & I HAD SPENT OUR SPRING BREAK...
(It finally came to me: cold weather camping in AR w/my cousin & his boy, then off to more cold weather in DC visiting hubby & seeing the sights)
That Spring Break was the last I've seen of my good ol' workhorse of a tankini, purchased from Land's End - it was at least 7 or 8 yrs old so I certainly got my money's worth - I have nothing but good things to say about the fit, durability, & value of their swimsuits. But it had grown TOO BAGGY (yippee!) for last week's trip to the waterpark (for regular swimming, "MAYBE", but embarrassing disaster might have ensued if I had worn it down one of those slides ;-) - I didn't want to invest in a good suit in-between sizes like this (as I am hopefully easing down the next stairstep of my plateau)...
So I borrowed my mom's size 14 tankini and, wonder of wonders, IT FIT!!! (yes, it was a big snug on the bottom but I don't believe I stretched it out too badly). For once, I would have been HAPPY to get a picture from one of the roving photographers, but my boy kept on slippin' away from me. You'll just have to take my word for it that it didn't look half bad!
I only ate a single slice of pizza all day, but the rest of my dietary transgressions for the week stalled out any weight loss (I laughed aloud when the SP tracker gave me credit for 900-some-odd calories for 30 min of swimming - ha, no way! I float too well) - thankfully I came clean in a "mea culpa" email to Allan Sat night, & he's let me remain in the Challenge...
(maybe he took pity upon me when I mentioned the death in my family)
As expected, M refused to let me P/U Z so he could attend Aunt Lucille's funeral last Sun. I see no alternative to proceeding w/plans to petition for Z to have an audience w/Family Court judge to determine if he can have any say whatsoever in this visitation crap... BOTH of us have literally been waiting for YEARS for something resembling justice: "way back when" (in aftermath of 1st custody battle, when Z was 5), at age 10 the child could be granted a hearing w/judge. When Z was 8, they raised it to age 12, but when he was 10, the State wiped this provision entirely - it was as if the child didn't grow a brain until that magical age of 18!!!
I have laid awake many nights agonizing over these choices; believe me, no one would like to put aside this gauntlet more than I do. Why are we investing thousands of $$$ in private-school education if I then allow M to undercut Z w/the stupidity of juggling a weeknight visitation schedule?!? As I was going through paperwork, I came across the letter I wrote to Z's guidance counselor last fall - just trying to give her fair warning of our contentious past. I might as well have made a paper airplane & thrown it out the window, she never responded. (just as she gave me a vapid stare when I went to see her face to face a couple of mos ago, when Z's grades had slipped)
Z ended up his freshman year w/a 3.0 - half A's & half B's. I know those are good grades, but I think he could have done better without the disruption of that Mon night visitation. My lawyer has already warned me NOT to expect any reduction in that 1st/3rd/5th weekend visitation schedule, but I think it will be worthwhile if the judge listens to Z & at least eliminates the weeknight...
(It finally came to me: cold weather camping in AR w/my cousin & his boy, then off to more cold weather in DC visiting hubby & seeing the sights)
That Spring Break was the last I've seen of my good ol' workhorse of a tankini, purchased from Land's End - it was at least 7 or 8 yrs old so I certainly got my money's worth - I have nothing but good things to say about the fit, durability, & value of their swimsuits. But it had grown TOO BAGGY (yippee!) for last week's trip to the waterpark (for regular swimming, "MAYBE", but embarrassing disaster might have ensued if I had worn it down one of those slides ;-) - I didn't want to invest in a good suit in-between sizes like this (as I am hopefully easing down the next stairstep of my plateau)...
So I borrowed my mom's size 14 tankini and, wonder of wonders, IT FIT!!! (yes, it was a big snug on the bottom but I don't believe I stretched it out too badly). For once, I would have been HAPPY to get a picture from one of the roving photographers, but my boy kept on slippin' away from me. You'll just have to take my word for it that it didn't look half bad!
I only ate a single slice of pizza all day, but the rest of my dietary transgressions for the week stalled out any weight loss (I laughed aloud when the SP tracker gave me credit for 900-some-odd calories for 30 min of swimming - ha, no way! I float too well) - thankfully I came clean in a "mea culpa" email to Allan Sat night, & he's let me remain in the Challenge...
(maybe he took pity upon me when I mentioned the death in my family)
As expected, M refused to let me P/U Z so he could attend Aunt Lucille's funeral last Sun. I see no alternative to proceeding w/plans to petition for Z to have an audience w/Family Court judge to determine if he can have any say whatsoever in this visitation crap... BOTH of us have literally been waiting for YEARS for something resembling justice: "way back when" (in aftermath of 1st custody battle, when Z was 5), at age 10 the child could be granted a hearing w/judge. When Z was 8, they raised it to age 12, but when he was 10, the State wiped this provision entirely - it was as if the child didn't grow a brain until that magical age of 18!!!
I have laid awake many nights agonizing over these choices; believe me, no one would like to put aside this gauntlet more than I do. Why are we investing thousands of $$$ in private-school education if I then allow M to undercut Z w/the stupidity of juggling a weeknight visitation schedule?!? As I was going through paperwork, I came across the letter I wrote to Z's guidance counselor last fall - just trying to give her fair warning of our contentious past. I might as well have made a paper airplane & thrown it out the window, she never responded. (just as she gave me a vapid stare when I went to see her face to face a couple of mos ago, when Z's grades had slipped)
Z ended up his freshman year w/a 3.0 - half A's & half B's. I know those are good grades, but I think he could have done better without the disruption of that Mon night visitation. My lawyer has already warned me NOT to expect any reduction in that 1st/3rd/5th weekend visitation schedule, but I think it will be worthwhile if the judge listens to Z & at least eliminates the weeknight...
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