(I tried to watch that TV series which was so “highly-rated” - highly hyped is more like it! - but I found the main character annoying; couldn’t even finish the premiere)
Anyway, my reference has nothing to do with popular entertainment - I refer to the Gottman marital therapists’ discussion of “bids” for your partner’s attention/affection. I’m obviously NOT a poker player - I believe in straightforward honesty and I’ve gotten MUCH better over the decades about not expecting romantic partners to read my mind or otherwise anticipate my needs. Basically I’m a simple cowgirl: if you help me around the farm, feed me occasionally and give me some affection, I will be content. I cringe away from these recent “tests” that women (actually, girls! they’ve obviously got a lot of growing up to do!) devise for their men…
But I’m obviously failing miserably with my own husband - yesterday morning I was so overwhelmed after another damned night of insomnia. I could not peel myself off the mattress below the weight of my existential dread at all the things I need to do. I have compared it to that towering tidal wave in the Interstellar movie: slow-motion, unavoidable disaster is approaching, yet I am slogging through molasses trying to escape it. Is it worthwhile to keep struggling or should I just give up?
Anyway I called Peran to come lay beside me & talk me off the cliff. It was fairly underwhelming and after a while (several failed attempts at Communication), I have had the sick, nagging feeling that I am exposing my soft underbelly to a potential enemy. This morning his alarm went off at 6:10 AM - I asked him what was up with that, but he just shrugged. As soon as I came in the door from the barn, he was heading upstairs - it doesn’t take a genius to notice the avoidance behavior.
I just wish I could skip through all these hard parts and discern some sort of goal? I do have an offer on the Mesquite house - it’s about $20K less than what I had hoped for, but my bad for missing the peak of the real estate market - at this stage I’ll take what I can get!
I can totally relate about T.V.. We didn't watch any T.V. for years or watched minimal T.V. more years so now that we have access to it we check out old series sometimes and some of them totally suck. I don't like "Bones" at all. Seems like this would be my kind of show on paper but the characters suck. We kind of liked "Third Watch" until they decided to depress the crap out of us. I can get that from real life. Hate drama.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to being honest as I tend to tell too much according to people I know. My mom hated lying and I was nearly punished to death for it so I finally learned to tell the truth and avoid being around people who can't live with the fact that you want to tell them the truth. My own life is an open book which my friends say proves I'm an Id. LOL. Keeping my opinions to myself, and sometimes we all have to, makes me miserable. Reminds me of the only therapist my first husband and I went to for marriage counseling. I worked with her and she told me she was supposed to be objective but she couldn't. I understood clearly that she HATED my ex after one session with him and she recommended that I divorce ASAP. I was shocked but I trusted her and she was right. Sometimes I need someone to tell me what is clear for everyone else to see.
I'm not testing men either. I don't especially like tests so why would I put someone else through that?
You need a girlfriend to comfort you. Most men are terrible at
empathy. Some even admit it. There needs to be some kind of training or classes for this for me. "How to appear to be human."
So glad you have an offer on the house. Can you counteroffer? Or is the best you can do?
Yes, I myself am an "oversharer" (can't you tell from these blog confessions of mine? ;-)
DeleteI was supposed to have a long-overdue luncheon with my friend Lisa (who, unlike me, is always a ray of sunshine no matter WHAT disasters are taking place in her life!) but she had to cancel out on me which was disappointing.
My realtor is negotiating a counteroffer since "every little bit helps" - I am already partitioning off in my head how I need to allocate those funds. Talk about juggling bowling balls + chainsaws!
MorticiaAddams
DeleteI doubt if bottled-up people would have much use for either one of us, Val. LOL. When I was young I was attracted to men who didn't say much. At some point I discovered that a lot of them were just dumb. I'm serious. While I was imagining they were thinking great thoughts they insisted they weren't thinking at all and I am convinced now that they weren't. I appreciate solitude but at some point too much silence turns into loneliness. I need someone around who isn't sleeping with their eyes open.
DeleteThe last lunch date I made with a female friend she stood me up. Never had that happen with a male. LOL.
Loved the bowling bowl/chainsaw visual. My favorite joke as a child was - What's the difference between a truck load of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? Answer - You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork. Yes, very sick joke but it struck me as hilarious back then. I must have veered off of norm at an early age. LOL.
Nah, we had a whole series of “dead baby jokes” when I was a teenager (as well as quadriplegic ones - “Whaddaya call a quadriplegic in a pile of leaves? Russell!”) Sheesh!
DeleteLOL!!!!!
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