Yesterday was a rough day in more ways than one: a busy Monday workday, and then I had to attend a rosary for the 95-year old mother of one of my old school chums.
The Derdeyns were your typical “big Catholic family”, as Atypical as that was in Big D - home of the Southern Baptist megachurch! 8 kids being raised on a blue collar electrician’s salary, Mrs D as the devoted, perpetually scrimping n’ saving wife & mother. (In some ways similar to my familiar godparents’ brood of 6, but in many ways different since Mrs D & my mom were frenemies - she was a woman of strong opinions who wasn’t shy about expressing them. Quite diametrically opposed to my Type A workaholic but nonconfrontational mother!)
But Linda (their next-to-youngest daughter) & I were inseparable in middle school, and have remained friendly throughout high school & into adulthood. She married a slightly older guy (last night of course, I was marveling at how “old” everyone looked while, as we all know, I have remained dewy & youthful, ha ha!) and had only a single son, similar to myself. He’s a couple of yrs younger than my Z, and was going through “social transition” (identifying as female) in his late teens. I was relieved to see last night that apparently he has detransitioned, by all outward appearances presenting as an ordinary average young man. Of course, last night wasn’t the time or the place to discuss complicated social issues, but Linda plans on having a St Cecilia meet up soon…
And I will have to add on to my 3 AM epiphany later, as I’ve used up all my coffee time!
It nice that you are in contact with any of your old school mates. I have no clue what any of mine are doing. Of course I moved after my first semester in high school to another county so maybe that makes a difference.
ReplyDeleteOne of my mom's school mates was a "practicing" Catholic. Not unheard of in my home town with a lot of Italian immigrants. The town was split down the middle mostly. Lots of Baptists, lots of Catholics. Mom's GF had 13 children. Her husband worked 3 jobs to support them until he died at an early age from a M.I. A testimony to working yourself to death, in my opinion. The thought of having 13 children is enough to give me a M.I. My mom was an early feminist hybrid. Not June Cleaver, not Gloria Steinem either. So their friendship seemed strange to me. Dad was a "feminist". All for it. No confusion when we were still a family - his message to me was "do something with your life". Don't be a "girl".
I had no plans to ever marry, let alone have children. I had a long list of things I never wanted to be in life and those were the top 2, followed by things like secretary, teacher, nurse, store clerk, etc. Anything considered traditional female jobs. So I obviously failed big time. It wasn't a good time for a girl to want more. A male genius, in my class, informed me in grade school, that my dreams of being an astronaut and any such other similar pursuits were worthless. Males only need apply. Long before Sally Ride. His father was the docile editor of the town newspaper. His mom a pharmacist, a weird hybrid feminist. His mother told my mom his plans for me were that I was to be his wife. I'm still disgusted at the thought. I look ridiculous in an apron. And, yes, "one and done" was enough for me too. Probably one too many for me actually. I had 3 male doctors whose wives were pregnant at the same time as me ask me separately if I planned to have another child as they had a second. My response was, "H---, No!" Their resort was basically that I was a practically a genius. Actually it was a no brainer. Being pregnant for me was like having chemo. Having a preemie was like radiation. Children are like a chronic disease that never goes away. I don't enjoy suffering.