Monday, December 23, 2024

Twelve Days of Christmas

 (I should have posted this last week)

But it’s my son who is now in the midst of his own “12 days of Xmas”: starting last Wednesday, he will work for 12 days straight, yes, including Christmas Day. Welcome to adulthood, son! He is planning to go in a little earlier on Christmas Day itself so he can hopefully slide out by noontime…

Meanwhile, I feel like a slacker for having the weekend off & riding two days in a row. The guilt level is moderate since I’ve still got a few things to acquire as far as Christmas gifts & I feel as if I’m neglecting  my mother even though there doesn’t seem to be much I can do for her at this point…. Yesterday’s offering was two varieties of Happy Meals since I wasn’t sure if she would prefer a cheeseburger or chicken nuggets - turned out she ate four chicken nuggets. (Her appetite is flagging as she spends most of her days in bed)

I rode Mr. Silas on Saturday & grabbed Baraquinator for Sunday since I misapprehended the time - my friend Sam is rarely early for anything so when he said 11 AM I took him at his word. I was dismayed when he texted me at 10:30 to say he was there! (I’m 25 minutes away from the AT&T trailhead) Then I raced home to meet my former padawan Tony who wants to get back into the riding scene - always great to see him and I’m sure I can get him saddled up safely. Ho ho ho!!!

I didn't carry my phone since I wore sweatpants in our chilly weather, so all I have is a screenshot from Sharon's video clip, getting ready to cross the historic wooden bridge in downtown Waxahachie...



Monday, December 16, 2024

Seasonal Affect

 I am struggling to get in the holiday spirit, you guys… Got extra nursing care lined up for my mom - so far, so good (fingers crossed, voodoo charms rattled, etc. etc.)

My one concession to home decoration was setting out my ol’ Lenox nativity set, these white porcelain pieces which I’ve collected over these past 32 yrs (H1 got me my first piece, which of course was the donkey, when we moved into this house). I actually haven’t added anything probably for 15 years - they discontinued the set & my last piece was the ox which I found on eBay. 



My cousin & his wife are going to try to capture their semi-feral dog and bring her to me to be spayed - of course she’s come into heat and formed an alliance with another stray so we want to prevent more unwanted puppies. I’ll post a link to Dee’s blog, but the truth she doesn’t reveal is that under any other circumstances, Joe would have shot this intruder for harassing his livestock - Sara is very lucky that Dee & Jim had come back home. 

https://cookingwithdee.com/2024/11/20/house-proud/

My little lap intruder is doing well: eating three times a day with normal bowel movements; I just can’t get her to gain any weight! It is what it is - I keep asking myself WWJHD: What Would James Herriot Do? While I would love radiographs to evaluate her liver/gallbladder, I probably won’t have that capability for another month. Oncor has installed our new power pole and transformer but the new electrical line has to be pulled and everything hooked up before I can reinstall my Xray machine… I am so tired of apologizing to clients - having to send them elsewhere for radiographs.

Friday, November 29, 2024

Black Friday

  - certainly is not a fun shopping day for Yours Truly! Despite the fact that it's a beautiful-blue-skies, mild-winter-in-North-Texas kinda day, my mood itself is quite black. Time for "The Rest of the Story":

8 days ago (Thurs 11/21), my mom slipped down to her bathroom floor & couldn't get herself up. The facility has strict guidelines; they will not lift a resident off the floor, they have to get themselves up (I guess I partially understand that from a liability standpoint, but c'mon! Grandma's on the cold hard tile, and all you'll do is bring her a pillow to cushion her head until the paramedics arrive?!?) - so an ambulance was summoned, Mom was taken to the ER, and we spent a tedious afternoon & evening getting radiographs, CT, & bloodwork. Fortunately, nothing was broken, Mom was ultimately diagnosed w/a UTI, given IV antibiotics & a breathing treatment (they kept asking if she was on oxygen which she has not been up until this point)

I spent the next 3 days trying to line up extra care for her (good luck with THAT over a weekend!) and, last but not least, tracking down her prescription which had vanished into the stratosphere! I finally retrieved it from the Walgreen's in South Dallas where it had been inexplicably phoned in for God knows whatever reason? Undoubtedly that caused a setback, but on Saturday Mom was feeling well enough that I got her showered & dressed & took her to my cousin's for our Early Thanksgiving family reunion & feast. I took but a single photo:


Yesterday, for The Day Itself, I prepared more cornbread dressing, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, & Z's favorite spicy Chex mix to convene at Victoria's grandmother's for another celebration. Unfortunately, poor Andy remains in skilled nursing/rehab section of the VA; I didn't know if they would try to "spring him" which quite honestly might seem like cruel & unusual punishment?  I keep trying to put myself in Andy's position: would I want to be faced with bounteous plenty with a feeding tube? I know the delay in getting my mom back on her antibiotics caused a setback (only time will tell if this deficit can be overcome?), so I did not even try to get her out yesterday...
I'm going to write a note to Cousin Vanessa since there never seems to be a good time to call. I feel woefully unprepared to offer her much of anything as my own life seems to have spiraled out of control. I'm so far behind I don't even know where to begin? Taxes are always the first logical/inevitable step - I was actually on my way to talk to my CPA Thursday before last when I was interrupted by mom's ER trip. Death & taxes, those two constants! Tina Fea has gone on another hunger strike as well. Little dog, you're breaking my heart in another sort of way.

At least I still seem to have the intellectual capacity to defeat Mijo at chess - but lemme tell ya, it was a long, brutal, messy battle!


Monday, November 25, 2024

No Fairytales

 We are a pretty up-close-&-personal, in-your-business type of family… I’ve made lighthearted commentary for years that I don’t have siblings, I have cousins! (Of course that was proven in error 4 years ago with the discovery of my half-sister, but that’s still a deep dark secret to most of the family - even though I am not ashamed about an apparent torrid romance my dad had prior to marrying my mom**, I still need to keep this fact from drifting across my mom‘s consciousness even as she grows increasingly detached)

** during our sole weekend meet-up, Linda & I determined that she was conceived during a brief “hall pass” break when my grandfather had taken my mom out of the country on vacation. I guess you could consider that unfaithfulness, put that’s my thorny ethical dilemma for another day. “She is dead now; dead & buried” - a poor paraphrase

Anyway I’m still in shock from learning that my cousin’s husband of almost 25 years has left her: 4 almost-grown kids, a huge historic home in Waxahachie, and an empty résumé. (Vanessa has devoted herself to being a SAHM) I’m terrified for her - not that I’m trying to hold the tragedy sweepstakes; while I think it was more traumatic to be abandoned with a newborn, at least I had a career & an income source I could lean into. I need to reach out to her to be sure she is protecting herself: of course Texas does not have any requirements for spousal support or alimony; we have to hope that Robbie plays fair. I wonder who his side piece is - I’ve seen it proven over & over again: men don’t leave unless there is somebody else.

Wednesday, November 20, 2024

Primum Non Nocere

 “First, Do No Harm”

I may have one of those hard decisions facing me today, if poor little Tina Fea made it through the night. I left her hospitalized at the clinic after throwing a few “Hail Mary” treatments at her, but I’m not gonna let her suffer. It’s remarkable how quickly one can get attached. It is my working theory that her former owners dumped her out of an inability to face these choices.

I think my all-time record is six euthanasias in one day, and there are many times when seems like it’s the topic of discussion several times a day. Folks think it’s the hardest part of my job but it is not - what’s hard are convenience euthanasias, behavioral cases or those of economic necessity… “Most” of the time it is a mercy, as I’m relieving suffering.

But this morning I’m dragging my feet - also hope my guy is well underway in fixing what he didn’t get hooked up correctly with repairs to my septic system! Just when I think I’m getting ahead, there goes almost $9000 for that, not to mention another $3000 in prep work for the new power pole/upgrades so I can get the X-ray machine reinstalled at long long last. I’ll have lots of excuses when I skulk around to talk to my CPA.

Dr. W is scheduled to pick up the surgery trailer December 5th; I think I can hang on by my fingernails until then.


Tuesday, November 12, 2024

Sisyphus’s Travels

 I hauled off for a mini-overnight horse camping trip, even though I shouldn’t have run (limped) headlong away from my duties for the weekend - “I’m so far behind I think I’m in first place!”

Little Bit (Tina Fea) didn’t adapt well to her first camping trip and has gone on a hunger strike. She vomited Saturday afternoon which I blamed on delayed carsickness, but I ran some bloodwork on her yesterday & uncovered some liver issues - great!!! that may be why she’s so skinny & why her owners dumped her (often times owners won’t take on the responsibility of euthanizing a pet with an incurable health problem - I guess they think slow starvation is better??)

I really hate the human race sometimes - but she ate a few bites of a different canned food last night, I got her meds down her even though this morning she didn’t want to eat again. We’ll struggle along for a bit longer, but if I can’t get her to eat consistently I will release her from her suffering.  The least I can do is give her a decent end of life - it’s amazing how quickly one gets attached. Aka “you can’t save ‘em all”; of course that’s the lesson that was drilled into me by cold hard experience from my very earliest days working in veterinary medicine…

But speaking of human medicine - we were shorthanded yesterday when Kristy had to go help her dad (staying with her mom while he had his own doctor’s appointment), and I suspect she’ll be out today as well. Kristy had shown me a picture of her mother last week: the poor woman is wasting away, & yesterday she showed Misti & me a candid snap of her parents, who look like the zombie apocalypse - a pair of ragged survivors! Kristy is praying that she is released from her suffering before the end of the year. Last week I went to the visitation for her adoptive grandma - seems like all I do these days is attend funerals and fill out sympathy cards.

But in the meantime we’ll struggle on and try to extract a few grams of joy from the experience - the weather was perfect at Lake Waco; I can’t believe in all these years I have never been to these trails? They are a little bit tricky since there is a single point of access and then many loops of interconnected trails (it’s not a very big park). I’m jealous of my friends who got to stay over for the Veterans Day holiday but look forward to going back to explore it some more.

I’m trying to store up as many good memories as I can for the days when I really can’t do this anymore

                                            "Behold the Lost Oak Lagoon!"




Monday, November 4, 2024

“The Life You Save Might Be Your Own”

 Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I did not haul off to the ride in Oklahoma this past weekend. It turned out to be a Perfect Storm of excuses - the most important being that I had a crew trimming trees at the clinic so Oncor can install my new power pole & transformer, upgrading our power so I can reinstall my X-ray machine! I could’ve just as well have titled this “The Never-ending Project”… (periodically, I’ll go back and skim entries from last year so I am well aware things could be far FAR worse)

And speaking of worse outcomes, I then attended the funeral for one of our animal control officers. Poor Drew requested a new assignment from his supervisor on Friday - of course he promised to get right on it, but Drew couldn’t make it through the weekend. It seemed almost surreal for the young pastor to be making the pitch for mental health services. I’m glad I went even though it was difficult; it seemed to mean a lot to Drew’s widow for me and Dr Brown (my young colleague from Red Oak who had also worked with Drew) to be there. Most of the local animal control services sent representation - they drove their trucks and had their lights flashing in the parking lot, lining up to form an honor guard of sorts when we went into the reception.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/legacyremembers/drewrey-daily-obituary?id=56589064&_gl=1*u49c5d*_gcl_au*NDAyNTczNTkwLjE3MzA0NzkzMjQ.

Since I stayed in town, I fulfilled another obligation Sunday - picking up Heather’s gelding to see what I can do with him. TwoFace reminds me a great deal of dear old Quigley and my sincere wish was to pawn him off on my cousin but he’s still working on fencing…

When I had to run into town last night (Hubby & I kept overlooking  the need for bleach), I stumbled into another rescue - a scrawny elderly little Chihuahua was running down the side of the road, darting into traffic! One lady had stopped, I pulled over to help but eventually it was a nice young Hispanic guy who ran her down. (on foot of course! I realize that wording sounded bad when I went back to proofread) No collar but I’ll scan her for a microchip** (Ha!) when I take her to work with me and a miracle might happen. Or God has sent me another dog…


**and of COURSE she doesn't have a microchip - but I've put her on my FB groups, maybe we will turn up her owner?!?



Wednesday, October 30, 2024

Duties & Obligations

 I have joked around with my endurance friends about the competitive trail bunch trying to recruit me to their side - it’s like an adult game of Red Rover! Last spring when I judged their 7iL event, Julie B asked me about judging her Oklahoma event which is this weekend (in other words, a good solid 7 months ago). I heard nothing more until about a month ago: as I was finalizing my schedule, I reached out to confirm. Julie said she had secured another veterinarian to be the head judge, but asked me to come help out anyway, much as I have done at Alice’s spring rides: hauling in with my gear to be there in case of emergencies, helping out wherever they need me. 

Part of me is relieved (it’s actually a hell of a lot of work to judge these rides, especially considering the minuscule compensation - last spring I don’t even think it covered the cost of my diesel), but part of me is offended, mostly by the fact that she didn’t tell me when she booked another veterinary judge. These arrangements are made months in advance, and if Julie had told me I probably would not have asked Dr. M to cover for me (that’s $850 right there). That’s a precious Friday I could’ve saved for my trail riders’ campout or another endurance event!

It’s really too late for me to back out now - Dr M is already booked; it wouldn’t be fair for me to jerk the rug out from under her! So I will go and I’m sure I’ll have a good time even though it looks like we’re gonna get long-awaited rain this weekend, hopefully that means it will dry up by the weekend of the eighth when I am supposed to meet my trail riders at nearby Lake Waco…

The state park where this OK ride will be held is also a site of historical significance to Yours Truly: we have had a long-standing endurance ride at this lake for many years, but I quit going 20 yrs ago since I ceded Oklahoma Territory to Ex & his slut (!!!). So part of this trip will be Auld Lange Syne for me as I recall several good rides Back in the Day...

Meanwhile, I pulled a couple of Victoria's Tulum photos off FB




                                                I commented "No, you can't have one!!!"

Sunday, October 27, 2024

In Vino Non Veritas

 (What is this blog if not a place for true confessions & deep dark thoughts, not to mention reminiscence & retrospection??)

Back in the day when I felt as if I was frantically juggling my responsibilities as mother, wife & veterinary practice owner, I must admit I relied on alcohol as a minor crutch as well as self-medication. I met an old friend for a good ride yesterday - she’s been having health issues of her own, which can be partially traced to her sobriety issues. She had gastric bypass with significant weight loss but then struggled with malnutrition because she was drinking too many of her calories. I myself have come to the conclusion that I will gladly remain pleasantly plump if only I can get some of my stamina back!

Yesterday evening we celebrated my friend’s younger daughter‘s 21st birthday, and Courtney decided to tie one on! She was already urging her cousin to do shots with her and it wasn’t quite 6 PM… she poured me a cup (she picked out a coffee cup for me because it had a horse on it!) of sweet red wine which she forced into my hands. I can’t believe I’m nursing a minor headache this morning after that minor indulgence, but obviously I cannot drink the sweet varieties anymore. I had to give up white wine several years ago since it always gave me a headache - for the most part I can have a glass of a nice Malbec or Cab with dinner like a civilized person. Peran & I bowed out early when Courtney had retreated to her room to go through her old prom dresses. K reports she is alive if not well this morning - not surprisingly having thrown up several times! But she’s young so I’m sure she’ll recover quickly, ha ha! I’m very glad that Zach seems to have outgrown his binge drinking phase; I was very worried a couple of weeks ago when he took a bottle of tequila over to his friend’s as he plotted his proposal to Victoria.

Sounds like they had a great betrothal trip - I took Tyson back to Zach’s house Friday night with an invoice detailing all his veterinary care during the week: between boarding, bathing, treating his minor ear infection, updating his vaccinations and heartworm protection, it was a little over $600 and that didn’t even include ambulance service for Grandma to pick him up and return him safely home! Zach was very appreciative and hopefully I’ll get to see him this afternoon where he can show me vacation photos. (He sent me a few but I want the narration)

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

The Moth & The Flame

 Once again Val has screwed up - I did not cancel my monthly membership to the acupuncture clinic, so I’m on the hook for another month’s worth of these treatments. While I can’t discern any earth-shattering health improvements, it does seem to help my sleep quality. Unfortunately the clinic changed their schedule & is no longer open on Thursdays, which is the main reason I signed up! So I have been trekking up there on Tuesday nights and either Saturday or Sunday…

Last night when I emerged from the soothing dim lights & mellow music, I saw that I had a missed call from my son (of course NO CELL PHONES in the treatment area, which is a great thing - I need to set aside the technology more often!). A short game of cat & mouse ensued because of course, when I tried to call him back he didn’t answer, but I could see his location so I headed thataway… we finally linked up at Aldi where I accompanied him on a short stroll browsing through the store. I couldn’t bring myself to buy anything even though I’ve been daydreaming about what I might have for dinner as I lay on the acupuncture table - now nothing sounded good! The fundamental problem was that I didn’t feel like cooking - I wound up going through a drive-through and buying a couple of tacos; not the best nutrition but far from the worst.

Zach is getting stressed out about my financial predicament - I appreciate his concern but him coming up with what I consider harebrained schemes (like selling off rental properties) would be counterproductive. Mea culpa for oversharing - it isn’t that I expect him to solve any of these problems; I’m just trying to use myself as a prime example of how not to manage your money.

He called me as I was getting ready for bed and talked my ear off for another half an hour until I told him we both needed to get some sleep: worrying about these things was no longer helpful! I have to hold on until the first week of December when Dr. W is coming to pick up the surgery trailer…”Every day in every way I’m getting better and better!” (10 points if you can identify that quote)

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Just Another Manic Monday

 (I realize that today is Tuesday, but I damn sure didn’t have a chance to blog anything yesterday!)

I got an unprecedented 3 calls from my son yesterday - the first two were appreciated but unremarkable; just routine stuff. Zach is dealing with the aftermath of his car accident: fortunately the other party is accepting complete responsibility which means he was able to pick up a rental car yesterday & return Andy’s old Lexus. The old reliable warhorse of the Impala is fixable with Andy’s help in finding a body shop, which is great news…

But when he called me at the end of the day asking me if I wanted to meet for dinner, Z’s voice sounded funny - of course I would come meet him even though Monday night would be something out of the ordinary. I was glad I had completed my errand of mercy over lunchtime, making a house call for a friend to euthanize their elderly Doberman. Fortunately traffic coming from the south (going into town) is minimal in the evenings; Zach asked me to rendezvous at Andy & Adela’s house which there again was perfectly reasonable since Andy has been struggling - I had tried to take them some Chinese food on Sunday, but Adela had taken him back to the VA.

It came as a complete shock when Zach walked into their kitchen with his little bag from the high-end jewelers - his surprise was that he had gotten Victoria‘s rings paid off! He had not mentioned a word about it for months & months; with their recent “little bumps in the road”, I’d been afraid to ask. Of course I’ll post photos when I can - I don’t want to rain on my son’s parade, but as much as he would love to propose to her when they go to Mexico next week, all three of us (Andy, Adela & myself) advised him not to take the rings into Mexico. Andy said it best: that Z might make an honest man a thief. Fortunately Zach seemed to get where we were coming from, but he rushed off shortly thereafter to talk to his friend & former roomie Brooks. Adela loaded me up with leftover birthday cake so Peran & I could have our own little celebration when I got home. This does make me glad to be the mother of the groom with less financial obligations - I had offered to sell my old rings and contribute those meager funds towards the cause, but there’s not a market for small, mid-quality natural diamonds when you can obtain these huge, flawless laboratory-grown ones for a fraction of the cost.

Today’s gonna be a terrible Tuesday in its own way, so I’d better start getting ready. My dogs woke me up barking at something around 2 AM but I managed to shut down my anxious brain and drift off back to sleep until shortly after 6:00.



Thursday, October 10, 2024

The Ties That Bind

 I had to look it up to confirm dates, but when PF Chang’s came on the scene in the early 90’s, I remember it as more of an upscale “Asian-fusion” dining experience? Never in our regular rotation like our beloved Tex-Mex joints, but we went a few times Back in the Day… All I can say now is that it’s definitely gone downhill - feels as if they’re serving Panda Express in a fancier setting!?!

Let me back up and start at the beginning - all I intended to do yesterday afternoon was to deliver a couple of pumpkins to my son, but I wound up with an impromptu invitation to Victoria‘s grandmother’s birthday celebration. Of course I will never bypass any invitation from my son, even if it involves getting roped into running an errand like picking up her birthday cake (Zach had forgotten he had a dentist appointment). But with all the fine dining opportunities that abound in the DFW area**,  somehow we wound up at PF Chang’s? Victoria had the day off so she had taken her grandmother to the Dallas Arboretum, perfect weather for their pumpkin-patch display!

** we had to find someplace that would satisfy Victoria‘s grandfather’s inconsistent appetite; he has not been doing well, but that’s another story

PF Chang‘s now has their “Chef’s Feast” option which is the best value since you get an appetizer, soup or salad and then a main-course dish. Andy was adamant that he wanted “no rice!” as we patiently explained to him multiple times that the rice would be served on the side. (Even more alarming than his physical deterioration is his cognitive decline) And again, while it was nice to see everyone, this was not a memorable fine-dining experience like our expedition to the Fort Worth stockyards two weeks ago… “I ate it anyway” so won’t be approaching my scales after all that oil, sodium, & MSG. The highlight was returning to Andy & Adela’s to cut the cake & witness their dog Mac’s unbridled joy at seeing ZACH!!! since he’s been taking him for walks. (I wanted to tell Mac I know how he feels, but if I wiggled my butt & jumped up & down in delight, Zach might not invite me over as often ;-)

Time to disturb my little lap warmer Izzy & get on with my day



Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Diminishing Returns

  There comes that cold hard point in one’s existence where the reality of your own limitations (physical, financial, existential??) meet the parameters of this Great Escape you’ve planned, like waves crashing upon the beach. And in the long run, having as little effect.

Nothing really “bad” happened on my mini-vacay trip to Quitaque; things just didn’t go quite as planned. Most folks were somber as we realize that this might be our last chance to enjoy these trails as the ranch is on the market (for the low low price of $8 million - needless to say, it might take a while to sell) and who knows if the new owners will continue to allow equestrian access? 

https://www.land.com/property/5457-acres-in-Briscoe-County-Texas/20852165/

Silas didn’t like his new boots (I think more a case of he’s never worn such things before rather than not fitting properly) so we wound up picking our way gingerly through the first day barefoot. We wound up falling in with a group of 7 moms & daughters; everything was fine but we had to go slow and both of us were tired at the end of our 16-mile loop. I treasure these horse-camping opportunities for the splendid isolation/private time it affords me, but this time instead of reading & journaling, I mindlessly surfed the 'Net. (Cue minor guilt for wasting precious irreplaceable time) Silas’s back wound up a little sore so I decided not to ride on Day 2. My friend Chris’s horse likewise had girth galls, so we had a nice “coffee-time” visit Saturday morning before I loaded up for a leisurely haul home. Chris is recently widowed (her husband passed away last month after an extended cancer battle), so she of course is still grieving as she adjusts to her new reality.

About 150 miles from home, my truck developed an alarming vibration. Everything was running fine, so I slowed down and kept proceeding towards home (spoiler alert: it was a bad tire, but it didn’t blow out on me and I got home safely even though my nerves were stretched tight) Victoria’s grandfather has loaned Zach a car to drive to work as he goes through the slow & tedious process with the insurance adjuster. (I offered him either my baby Buick or my mom’s big land yacht of a Buick, but he’d rather drive Andy’s old Lexus) Once the settlement is complete, we will sort out what to do about a “new used” vehicle for him.

At some point I have to seriously question how much benefit I received from this recreation: this last weekend seemed like it carried a large component of stress, even though it was great to see everyone as always. I am on my last week of this two-month commitment to acupuncture, and while I can say I seem to be sleeping better I don’t know that it’s done me much benefit in my other symptoms of fatigue, shortness of breath, etc.

I didn’t take very many photos but I’ll try to post a few later.


                                                   This is another friend's panoramic shot

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

67 Inches Above Ground

 I recently completed “Six Feet Under” which, while quite engaging & entertaining, did not seem to have the profound effect on me many other people have attested. Perhaps because I deal with death & dying Every. Damn. Day - granted, in veterinary medicine, not the human field but it makes me more inured to it. “Yes, Virginia, we’re all gonna die & it’s a process for the most part that we have little or no control over!”

Last night, Zach had completed his first community outreach program for the City of Dallas (setting up a table, handing out water bottles & talking to citizens at a nearby park) - he was feeling good about himself after a 12 hour workday when some kid ran a stop sign and Zach could not avoid hitting him. Fortunately Zach is uninjured, although he is stiff & sore and may go to an urgent care clinic today to have his potential whiplash injuries investigated, but in all likelihood insurance will total his car - it’s a 2012 Impala & it’s just not worth that much! So, like it or not, we will be car shopping and Zach will have to take on (another**) car payment.

**I’m still covering the car payment on the other car which Zach seems to have ceded to Victoria for the most part - I’m grateful he wasn’t in the Lexus; it would’ve been heartbreaking to wreck that one!

So I’d better shift my freight to get moving on my own workday, since I don’t want to sacrifice my ride this weekend, carpe diem & all that…I’m going to finish paying the piper for my colleague Dr M by spaying their pet skunk!

Monday, September 30, 2024

Chin Up, Chest Out, Shoulders Back

 A banner weekend for me in more ways than one: physically, emotionally, maybe even spiritually?

I took my girls to our Southwest Veterinary Symposium in Fort Worth; I seem to have succeeded in showing them a good time on a little mini-vacay - I booked us rooms at the Sheraton. Metroplex traffic has gotten so horrendous - I know I saved us between 3 - 4 hours each day of commuting time. I had to get my truck serviced Thursday for this upcoming weekend’s trip, so I was a little late getting out of my gate;  coming up to Fort Worth in the late afternoon I only hit one minor traffic jam which probably delayed me 10-15 minutes but felt like forever!

I did not book Dr. M & her husband a hotel room since they were going to stay with her daughter in Heath (a nearby suburb which under normal circumstances would be 30 minute commute). However, after 2 days of bucking northside traffic, on Friday night Dr M bunked with me - & Saturday night we had a full-fledged slumber party since her husband stayed over too; he didn’t feel like driving back after our celebratory “family dinner”. (Well, it wasn’t a full-blown slumber party since I couldn’t convince P to sleep over, he just drove over for dinner - & what a dinner it was!)

To Be Continued…

As you can read, I continue to cope with most of life's issues through dark'ish humor - and while I was not thrilled to sacrifice my privacy in my upscale hotel room (I know for my mother, highlights of her existence were our vacations when I became a teenager: we were well-off enough that we no longer had to camp out, we stayed in hotels & ate in restaurants where somebody else was doing the laundry, the cooking, & the dishes! Of course I absorbed those traits), I was trying to make the best of it & even felt some guilt after Dr M's profuse gratitude. It really was not that big a deal!

The physical aspects of my victory came from surpassing 10K steps on Friday, attending my first "real live" yoga class on Saturday (not perfect but I tried to keep up), and fasting all day Saturday in preparation for our Big Fancy Family Dinner Saturday night - Dr M & her husband were celebrating his successful recent cancer surgery which he came through like an absolute rock star. He insisted on picking up the check at the Ft Worth Stockyards steakhouse (easy to remember as it's named Lonesome Dove) where we enjoyed exotic sausage (rabbit & rattlesnake), wild boar ribs, and sharing tidbits of elk tenderloin, Berkshire pork chops, bison ribeye, and my own beef filet which, hands down, was one of the best pieces of meat I've had in my whole life! MM insisted on picking up this hefty tab, so I could justify my hotel room sharing as part of "paying the piper".





Tuesday, September 24, 2024

Trainspotting

 Last week, Big Boy, one of the few remaining operational steam locomotives in North America, came through Ellis County on its big multi-state tour. He steamed right down the tracks across the road from my clinic - I was not out early enough to see this, so I drove down to Ennis to catch the whistle stop. I will get some photos posted later; it was damned impressive.

https://www.up.com/heritage/steam/4014/

On Sunday afternoon, we got the surgery trailer cleared out so that yesterday I was able to work completely in my building. This was nice as long-awaited rainstorms came through; we didn’t have to trek back-and-forth to the surgery trailer. I hope to get news from the bank today that Dr. W’s loan has been approved and then we just have to finalize details of when he will pick it up? Hopefully it won’t be this weekend as we are going to the state veterinary conference, but even so, Zach has already volunteered to be my handoff man. He’s as anxious as I am to get those funds so I can pay off some debts & start catching up on dadgum tax payments! One hurdle at a time…

Things seem to have stabilized with Kristy’s mom under hospice care at home. I certainly hope nothing dramatic changes so Kristy can enjoy (as best she can) our short little weekend in Fort Worth. She & Misti have been plotting out which lectures they will attend; I haven’t even had a chance to look at their schedule so that will probably be Thursday evening’s chore when I check into our hotel. (I splurged to get us hotel rooms since it will save us close to three hours of commuting time each day)

But speaking of chaos, my son does seem to thrive on it - he was filling me in on more drama in his personal life with Victoria. Obviously they’ll either work things out or they won’t - for now I can just be content that all is well in his professional career - he is picking up extra shifts, socking away some overtime so he and Victoria can go to Tulum. My boy is figuring out the true cost of things and I haven’t even finished transferring responsibility for his utilities and car payment…I’m giving him a few more months to adjust to adult life.

Speaking of which, I’ve got to get on with my own! Life doesn’t feel very carpe diem-ish now, but next week will be better when I’m prepping for my ride at Pole Canyon





Tuesday, September 17, 2024

More Blessings

 I’m doing my best to cultivate that “attitude of gratitude” but it’s challenging when I creak out of bed feeling like The Tin Woman - multiple joints stiff & achy, where’s my WD40?? By the time I pace the aisle of my barn, getting the ponies fed, it’s better but I’m grateful to settle in with my cup o’ coffee.

My FitBit logged me at 3.2 miles Saturday; while it didn’t feel as if I walked 5K at the time, today the ol’ bod is telling me differently! I didn’t have a chance to download my photos from the festival - Monday Monday! - but hopefully I’ll have that opportunity today. More gratitude on the front of having a full complement of staff members; Kristy reported further declines in her mom’s condition as I expect she’ll linger for weeks or months under hospice care** - I make no claims as to my diagnostic abilities with humans.

All systems “Go” as we should have Dr M back on board Wednesday; she also confirmed my ride dates in October, so I sent off my entries for next month’s beautiful Pole Canyon ride (10/4 & 5). But unfortunately my young friend Heather is letting her own anxieties get the better of her: I had offered her a ride to Pole Canyon but she doesn’t think Smidge is ready. I really have no business taking off work myself, making such a long haul for these short intro rides but what the hell, it’s carpe diem time!

** while my dear friend Rhonda lasted merely 6 wks after her lung cancer diagnosis, my “god-sister” Dana (my godparents’ only daughter, about the same age as Rhonda) lingered in a comatose state for over a month under hospice care. And I shake my head bitterly at the lost opportunities with my half-sister Linda: I feel as if I was robbed of my chance to have our relationship “out in the open” since I thought learning of her existence would’ve been too big a shock to my mother. Poor Linda’s been gone almost 20 months now, yet while I wouldn’t say my mom is “still going strong”, she is still alive if unwell. I know that sounds awful of me, but she seems to take no pleasure out of life anymore.

And pleasurable or not, I’ve got to get on with my work duties.





Monday, September 16, 2024

Counting Blessings

 I will never turn down an impromptu invitation from my son - Saturday afternoon he wanted to go downtown to the Viva Dallas festival, a pre-celebration of Mexican Independence Day (which is actually today, Diez y Seis de Septembre). It actually worked out well because I had a 3 PM acupuncture appointment: Zach was working Saturday, so by the time he got home, mowed the front yard & took a shower, it was perfect timing. 

We drove downtown, parked at a lot a couple of blocks away (which was “merely” $11, the festival itself was free!) and hiked over to City Hall Plaza. What’s not to like? We ate tacos & elote, listened to mariachis, watched the dancers and saw some impressive displays of horsemanship. I was especially impressed by the young lady riding astride in the full flowing skirt.

Zach couldn’t stay out too late because he had to get up for work Sunday morning - this was perfectly agreeable to me also… We strolled around admiring our architecture and I tried to fill Z in on some of the controversy - many traditionalists were not in favor of our modernistic City Hall design or the Henry Moore sculpture in the plaza. The modern faction won, I think mostly from a desire to prove that we were not Fort Worth! If you walk a few blocks west, you can see the traditional cattle-drive, western bronze sculptures. Zach had to do his employee orientation inside City Hall by which he was favorably impressed.

 But then Sunday morning, it was back to reality - like it or not, I had to get my mother showered. Let me just say that I can handle animal clean-up much better than the eye-watering combination of stale urine and body odor. I tried to work as quickly &efficiently as I could and I got it done. On the classic movie channel they were doing a Lonesome Dove marathon, which turned out to be far superior to the disappointing Cowboys game.









Monday, September 9, 2024

All Shook Up

 I was fortunate yesterday morning when we went riding & my friend Sam volunteered to ride Silas. Dr M’s husband was released from MD Anderson last Wednesday and they drove immediately to come get their pet baby skunk Lily whom we had been babysitting. All went well with his surgery and hopefully I will have Dr M’s help back as usual in another week and a half - that means I can start laying plans for my fall ride schedule. While this seems ludicrous with my meager stamina, it does give me something to look forward to. The next scheduled event is the Pole Canyon ride the first weekend in October (actually there’s a ride in Oklahoma 9/21 but that could be pushing my luck) - I’ve been on the fence as to whether Silas or Baraq gets the nod?

We did a 10 mile out-and-back trail yesterday, and Baraq nearly beat me to death between pulling & jigging when we turned back towards “home”. I had serious doubts those first couple of miles until he simmered down a bit - but there was literally nothing to be done? It wasn’t as if I could dismount & hike it back to the trailer - I couldn’t play take-backs and ask Sam to ride my lil’ fire-breathing dragon; the man is my friend, after all! So this was a minor accomplishment right there, just making it back to the trailer in one piece. I was exhausted afterwards, so even though I should’ve gone to visit my mom, instead I camped out in my living room and watched the Cowboys’ season opener.

So while Mr Silas may be “slow but sure”, he’s the only logical choice to campaign this fall. In other news, Aphrodite has escaped my attempt to make a safe enclosure for her in the shallow end of my pond and is now “wild n’ free” - this is fine by me and thankfully my husband didn’t freak out. We went able to spotlight her (glowing green gator eyes) Saturday night when we got home from our movie date. We went to see “Reagan” - Dennis Quaid did an excellent job in this cheesy puff piece which had Reagan literally riding off into the sunset. Peran was much more enthusiastic, where to even begin? So I did not.

Wednesday, September 4, 2024

Happy Anniversary

 (I cannot write this phrase, or utter it aloud, without mentally singing the Flintstones version of their silly little song: Happy Anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, haaaaaappy anniversary!!!)

https://youtu.be/UhMzeGZhxWk?si=RSfL15VwUHHXewZH

Obviously I watched far too many cheesy cartoons as a child - but Zach & Victoria celebrated their unofficial anniversary by taking a mini-weekend trip to Broken Bow, Oklahoma. As much as I joke about sawing through that gnarly ol’ umbilical cord, it’s hard when my phone is pinged by a notification for their AirBnB reservation - my number is still primary on that account! Besides, they needed mommy to feed the dog and cats - Mr. Tyson lost his farm privileges a couple of years ago, when he tried to kill my sweet ol’ Tweedledum over the automatic dog feeder. I know I posted about that fiasco…

https://endurovetssparkjourney.blogspot.com/2022/10/snapshots.html

So lucky for Zach, Labor Day was also a holiday for me - but when I got to the house Monday morning, I found the frog with a dirty half-inch of water and Mila the python with NO water in a filthy cage. There wasn’t any point in lecturing him about it long distance, but I will not tolerate animal abuse/neglect. Reptiles and amphibians tolerate a great deal of this, probably proportionally more so than dogs & cats - there is a great deal of ignorance about proper care despite everyone carrying a mini-computer around on their phones. But in my son’s case it was sheer lack of initiative.

I am the first to admit my own husbandry is often less than optimal. I have felt horrible for Aphrodite and her little oversized goldfish bowl of a water trough, but I finished reinforcements to her ramshackle pen-on-the-pond and we released her into it Monday. Photos will be posted, but I’ll have to admit I was horrified by my own appearance as I had my friend shooting video of her release. (See previous entry about the Venus of Bristol) 😳




Monday, August 26, 2024

The Tell-Tale Heart

 Whomever wrote (paraphrased) that “being a mother is like having your heart walking around outside your body” was absolutely correct, even though I thought it was a cheesy sentiment at the time. Of course, I feel much the same about my non-human children, but everything is accentuated with Zach…

Zach called me over his lunch break Friday - fortunately, I could “lend an ear” to him for a while as he vented about his relationship troubles**. I have noticed this distinct imbalance from the start - of course, it made sense when Zach was “merely” a student that he did most of the cooking and all of the cleaning & laundry, but now that he is a full-time member of the workforce also, this dynamic needs to be re-balanced. (Before Victoria moved in with Zach, she lived with her grandparents where Adela waited on her hand & foot

** I wasn’t about to overstate my case! - all I told Zach was that I perceive Victoria to be fairly self-centered; “my” truth of the matter is that I think she’s a spoilt little princess and I am amazed in one sense that my son fell in love with such a high-maintenance person. I thought sons were supposed to select someone more similar to their mother? I also only admit here to my annoyance about him ceding the car to her - I bought the Lexus 13 months before he actually graduated as an incentive/reward/early graduation gift for Zach, yet Victoria seems to constantly be behind that wheel, leaving Zach to continue to drive his grandfather’s old Impala (which is still a good vehicle by the way).

I asked Zach to come by after work yesterday to help Peran & I get the furniture rearranged - the old couch went out on the porch and my aunt’s sofa took its place in the living room. I obviously saw it through a veil of nostalgia last weekend, because it’s had its share of wear & tear too, but it’s still in better shape than the green couch! I almost titled this “you can’t go home again” since  I don’t remember how many months it’s been since Zach has been out to the farm?  But he admired Athena & Aphrodite - told me her enclosure was too small,  which is the truth of course! & handled hissy-faced Claude a bit - I took some photos to commemorate which I will have to download later. Victoria called him three times over the course of the approximate 90 minutes he was here, so he rushed off in short order. She keeps my boy on a very short leash.





Thursday, August 22, 2024

Venus of Bristol

 The month that I spent having to use the upstairs bathroom for showering as Peran retiled the master bath should’ve been great for my motivation - stepping out, there is a full-length mirror from which I generally tried to avert my eyes. My silhouette bears a strong resemblance to the Venus of Willendorf, the hell with body positivity! Even more distressing than my physical appearance is my decrepitude - I’ve just barely started this series of acupuncture treatments, and while they seem to give me a temporary boost, it certainly hasn’t given me the energy to go out, for instance, and hit the gym. Even hard-core Peran is getting in only a quick walk in the mornings before things heat up too much…

https://artincontext.org/venus-of-willendorf/

In other news, while the Colorado buyer had a change of heart about Big Bertha, he IS seriously interested in the surgery trailer - this expedites our efforts to finish the remodeling of my surgical suite in the building and get moved out of it! Kristy got her mom settled in with home hospice care - thankfully in her mom’s home, not her own - which I think would’ve been a grave error in her small house with 2 young children. No doubt she will continue to be stretched thin, but hopefully this will bring the revolving door of ER visits to a close. I am having to psych myself up each & every time I visit my mom’s facility - I too have such limited time and energy… my friends are posting beautiful photos from the Colorado ride this week, but who am I kidding? that’s a hell of a long haul to knock off a 12-15 mile intro ride.

I’ve got to concentrate on my immediate sphere of influence - finishing the clinic remodel, getting the surplus equipment sold, and trying to replenish my retirement account/decimated savings. Peran has consented to go back to Bonham to get my aunt’s couch this Sunday, so my great expedition will be to the local nature park to ride with the crew Saturday. Sam should be back from India where he was getting his elderly mother settled into hospice care also. Being a member of the sandwich generation is no fun, as much as I like Oreos!

Tuesday, August 20, 2024

The Buzzard’s Roost

 Periodically, I’m just gonna have “one of those nights”, when my anxieties have boiled up to a minor peak, and all of those evil buzzards come home to figuratively roost over my head. A technique I read of years ago involved telling oneself sternly “Stop!” when intrusive thoughts were keeping one awake, but this didn’t work Sunday night…

And just think - this was triggered by the welcome news that I may have a buyer for the mobile unit! (Buzzkill: all of this may have been for naught, as he should have made his downpayment yesterday which never appeared**) I am tired of treading water, ready to go ahead & take my licks by accepting a lowball offer - I am neither a horse trader nor a used-car salesman. I have rationalized this loss by telling myself that I would’ve had to pay rent on any other space we needed to work out of during remodeling: “the cost of doing business”. The overall market has taken a downturn in real estate and vehicles and I am no Svengali, I’m just a simple animal doctor!

** hopefully the guy has just hit a minor delay, as I have on many occasions trying to dig out from my vendors debt!

So at 3 AM Monday morning, I was wide awake, running down the list of disclosures I need to make - minor repairs that Bertha needs: the backup camera, the fan switch, the leak in the water tank for which I couldn’t track down a replacement… As well as all the ordinary roadworthy checks - the tires, the fluid levels, belts & hoses, etc. Misti & I had an uneventful road trip, driving back from Pensacola and I would hope this Colorado buyer would do the same - of course shit can always happen and that’s where Caveat Emptor, an “As Is” sale on this 20-yr old vehicle comes into play. (Print out necessary sales paperwork to make this clear)

It was really stupid to lay awake fretting about this, but I dragged myself out of bed yesterday and got my job done - my veterinary job, that is! Unfortunately I did not hear from the buyer, maybe today? (Fingers crossed) Thankfully I got a decent night’s rest last night, so today should be less tedious.

In other news, my cousin’s eldest son (51) will be returning to Texas next month with his tail tucked between his legs - he has also been job hunting for 18 months without success. He and his wife will take up occupancy in his parent’s home while his younger brother offers him office space in an outbuilding which used to house my cousin Steve’s model trains. Peran & I are going back this weekend to claim my aunt’s couch, which I’ve joked doesn’t quite fit my color scheme but it’s in much better shape than our weatherbeaten old sofa! “Beggars can’t be choosers” - we need a new sofa, but after spending $1100 a couple of months ago on the new washing machine, I don’t want to put any more on ye olde credit cards. Talk about financial stress!

                                         Lucius looks quite proud of his handiwork, don't he??
The only structure remaining from my cousin's dairy farm is this grain silo

                         This is the New View from where the hay barn once stood (new boat ramp)
              Only the majestic pecan trees remain which formerly flanked my cousin's house

Thursday, August 15, 2024

The Bell Jar

 … was a very influential novel on my young impressionable self, with its portrayal of a young woman “going down for the count“. Snippets float through my consciousness as I dog-paddle to keep my nose above water. My financial situation has improved but remains tenuous; I desperately need to sell the mobile unit & finish the remodeling of my surgical suite so we can move out of the surgery trailer and I can sell that piece of equipment also… Nevertheless, it’s gonna take years for me to rebuild my devastated retirement account.

And yet here I sit, fretting about weekend plans** and the handful of rides I plan on hauling away to this fall.

** I am meeting another cousin at my aunt’s house on Saturday to retrieve a truckload of her big ceramic planters and complete my nostalgic farewells. Hopefully we’ll have time to drive out to the new lake and see the renewed landscape - The only landmark remaining from my cousin’s dairy farm is the old silo.

I want to transcribe some more complicated family history, but I need to get sympathy cards in the mail to my cousin Denise’s daughters on the loss of their father. I’m debating whether to address one to Denise herself, but I may just make that a generic “Thinking of You” card. Maybe I’m hopelessly old-fashioned, but I still appreciate getting cards in the mail. This also reminds me to write my overdue pen-pal Leslie!

I mailed Katie (my brother-in-law’s widow) one of my precious few Z graduation announcements about a month ago with a short note, giving her my email address since that is vastly preferable to Royal Mail, but have not heard anything from her. I cannot take these things personally as I know full well “we are all busy”.

Tomorrow will mark 1 week of Sam’s return to India to sort out care for his elderly mother. (He had texted me upon arrival as he was waiting for his brother-in-law to pick him up at the airport)  God help me, I must get my own showered today - breaking out the air freshener & Vick Salve! And a Costco run for her hygiene supplies…

“I saw the days of the year stretching ahead like a series of bright, white boxes, and separating one box from another was sleep, like a black shade. Only for me, the long perspective of shades that set off one box from the next day had suddenly snapped up, and I could see day after day after day glaring ahead of me like a white, broad, infinitely desolate avenue.” 
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar



Sunday, August 11, 2024

The Ides of August

 (I realize it’s only the 11th, but the ominous foreboding fits my mood)

Why shouldn’t I be thrilled to death? Zach successfully completed his 14-d forced march at the lab, tired & sleep-deprived but otherwise none the worse for wear. He was disappointed that taxes & withholding took a disproportionate chunk out of that overtime - sorry son!

Apparently my link to top-secret blog may be faulty, so I’ll just paste in last week’s entry:

Tuesday, July 30, 2024

The Finish Line

 Whelp who'd have thunk it?? You got your boy through college as he now enters Month 2 of Gainful Employment with the City of Dallas (so far so good as I still can't completely relax - ask me in another 6 mos!)... The oddest of co-inky-dinks considering his father was working for Dallas County decades ago when we first met.

But apparently the New Rules are:

1.) I'm not invited over unless Victoria is working

2.) Lunch or dinner are off the table unless it's a Very Special Occasion (which is a damn shame, considering how most of your life these days seems to revolve around your next meal!) Your own re-edumacation is definitely in order; it’s downright sad and pitiable to live this way.

3.) Phone calls are definitely rationed - whereas Z used to call me almost every day, now I’m lucky to get an unsolicited call twice a week, maybe? (I realize it’s only Tuesday - 3 more days left in this week! - but Zach has called me Friday & Monday, and Friday didn’t really count because he was calling to get payment through for his coworker)

Withdrawal is hard; the process is as painful as any other addiction. I know I must release my arrow & let him fly where he may… And hopefully he will carry on long after I am gone - my legacy

******************************************************************

My cousin’s ex-husband passed away rather suddenly (age 66 which sounds younger Every. Damn. Day) so I went by the visitation this afternoon to show my support for his young adult daughters. It was a good excuse to see my cousins as we haven’t had any significant family social events since Covid. Life gets busy, etc, etc - I wasn’t sure if Denise herself was going (I started to text her but I figured she had enough on her plate - if she was there, I’d see her! & she was) Turns out they were on vacation, so she had to cut things short & drive back.
If I’m lucky enough to outlive my ex, I will probably attend his funeral in pure support of my son (not to mention it would drive his widow CrAzY!). Maybe there’s my goal to shoot for?!?

(Photos still won’t load so I’ll have to put some pictures from yesterday‘s trail ride up tomorrow)

And here’s one last Tevis tale - from a non-finisher who made it exactly as far as I did in my attempt Way Back When in Y2K:

I apologize that this post has taken so long to appear, but Tevis  was, for me, an overwhelming experience. The people involved were simply wonderful. I don’t think I met a single soul who wasn’t kind, helpful, and happy to be there. experienced riders went out of their way to give me their best advice. Non-riders who are simply fans of my book recognized Shiloh across the fairgrounds and on the trail, shouting out greetings, comments on his beauty, and well wishes for our ride. It was amazing.


We settled Shiloh into his stall on the fairgrounds on Monday,  then spent a few days scouting out Robinson flat, Forest Hill, and Robie park. I rode the trail down to the river while searching for No Hands bridge before Jonni Jewell took me in hand and showed me the correct path. On Friday morning we headed for RobiePark. After setting up camp I took Shiloh out on the beginnings of the trail for a quick tack check ride.  It was emotional, seeing the sign that says Tevis start, and the view across the valley towards Watsons monument, especially since I knew it would be dark when next I saw that spot again.  Until that moment, I don’t think it felt real.


The rest of Friday was taken up with rider check in, initial vet in, a bit of shopping, crew meeting, first time rider meeting, dinner, and the ride meeting itself.  It was surreal, like stepping into my computer, to be in Robie Park the day before Tevis, where I had so often dreamed of, but only watched electronically.  We were now a part of it.  The dreamlike quality was only enhanced by seeing a sleek, confident, black bear, and her three cubs strolling leisurely through camp.


After an near sleepless night, the alarm at 3 AM, was something of a relief. Tacking up took a little longer than usual because of the requirements for the tracker to be placed in a spot open to the sky, and the number tag to be placed in a spot visible from a far on the left side but we finally got it figured out and I met Jonni for the walk to pen two.  After walking Shiloh around a few minutes, I found a quiet spot and took the time to savor the moment , feeling immense gratitude for the many people, and the wonderful horse that were allowing me to have this experience. Shiloh was so amped up by the darkness and horses that he actually fell asleep.


The word came down to move out, and we joined the line, headed for the Tevis start. I had worried that Shiloh would find the walking speed of the Arabians too slow, but he seemed willing to simply move with the herd. And then we were off, surrounded by trotting Arabians Shiloh and I simply moved along at the speed of the pack, but as they began to thin out, Jonni took the lead to show me the pace that her calculations had shown that we needed to maintain to make the cut offs. It was a good thing that she did so, for I had had no idea tha you needed to move that quickly, that relentlessly, at the start of this ride.


Shiloh felt good, and was eager but his heart rate was higher than I would want, and I became a little worried about keeping up the pace. Trail is largely very rocky, ranging from hard pack, gravel road consistency to dusty trail that hides predator rocks waiting to pounce. We went through forests, crosssed The highway, emerged above the old Olympic Village, and then climbed up under the ski lifts to Watson‘s monument.  This was the only place that Jonni let me stop to take a picture. Otherwise she was relentless. When I expressed concern about Shiloh’s ability to keep up the pace, she simply stated that without that pace, we would not finish.He drank well on the slopes of Squaw Valley, and recovered well at Watsons monument so I decided to ride the horse and not the heart rate.


It’s hard to adequately describe the beauty of the granite chief wilderness. The vista in the distance is rock, a harsh and savage land, but the area of the trail is alpine, covered in lush vegetation with Wildflowers tucked among gray and white rocks with a trickle of water making a lovely background melody.  It is also a vicious and unforgiving trail. The horses have to weave through rock beds where the rocks vary in size from golf balls to house sized and everything in between. In many spots, the vegetation completely covered the trail, making it impossible for Shiloh to see where to place his feet. The lovely trickling streams make many rocks incredibly slippery, and other spots are boggy. It’s no more tricky than many of the trails Shiloh and I have done at the big South Fork but in Tennessee I can slow down for them. Here they had to be taken, mostly at a fast rack.  At one point the trail made a fairly sharp right turn and Shiloh placed both his left feet on what turned out to be a slippery flat rock. Both feet slid to the left and for a moment I thought we would go down.  Shiloh twisted and recovered, keeping us both upright, but the movement required wrenched his back.


Up to that point, he had been moving out easily, and in good form, rounding his back and using his haunches to absorb the jarring motion of speed on down hills. Over the next miles however, he became more and more reluctant to round.  Even so when we reached cougar rock, he was still doing well. We headed towards the rock, and I simply told him “go for it. You were made for this! “ the volunteers at the rock, give you directions, because it is not clear where the best path to the top lies. Stick to the left in the beginning, and then turn right. Shiloh never lost his momentum and climbed that rock like a boss.  I have never been so proud of a horse.


At the first vet, check, a gate and go, Shiloh took a bit longer than I would like to pause down. At the time I attributed it to the heat, and the speed at which we had been going, but I’m now beginning to wonder if it was the pain in his back.  Jonni was kind enough to wait for me, but as we rode on, we both agreed that I should slow down and she should go ahead. After her kindness, I did not want to be the reason if she were overtime. So Shiloh and I found ourselves still moving fairly quickly but now alone.


We reached Robinson flat, and met up with the crew who were simply superb. They met us down the road and immediately began using the hand, held shower to pour cool water on Shiloh. When I dismounted at the trough, they quickly untacked and continued to spray water on him until he reached the pulse criteria and we could go to the vet. He looked good at the vet, alert happy to move out, decent scores for this part of the ride, but then his CRI was 60/72. The vet asked us to come back in 50 minutes for a recheck.


During the hold, Shiloh appreciated the shady spot the crew had found to set up our temporary camp. He had soaked alfalfa and mash, clear water, and brine and he took full advantage of all of it. Jo massaged his hind quarters, Lori showered him with cool water and Jonni sent over a member of her crew with handfuls of ice to help him cool down. I was told in no uncertain terms, to sit down, drink Gatorade, and eat a sandwich. I also planned to change here from my warmer longsleeved T-shirt to a high tech cooling, sunscreen shirt, in preparation for the heat of the canyons.  I just didn’t feel like walking all the way to the bathrooms to change, however, so I decided that wearing a sports bra constituted being decent, and I simply changed my shirt in my chair where I sat.  Now I know how many photographers were around. I find myself most grateful that there are no pictures on the Internet that I can find of my doing so.


Thanks to the good care from my crew Shiloh’s CRI was 40 and 44 when we went back to the vet.  We left Robinson flat exactly on time and only a few moments behind Jonni. The next 10 miles are not particularly difficult trail, but they are hard packed, are often gravel roads, and have minimal shade.  Much of it is downhill, and Shiloh‘s reluctance to round his back became more and more of an issue. Eventually, I could feel him stabbing his back feet into the ground instead of allowing his hind quarters to absorb the shocks of each step. This is a direct result of a flat stiff back and I became more and more worried. He continued to drink well but by mile 45 I knew that I would pull at last chance.


The last 5 miles are the trail to and around pucker point. It’s a beautiful single track trail under tall trees that comes out on the edge of a cliff with a 350 to 400 foot drop to the American river on your right and steep hillside on the left. The views are spectacular and by this time in the ride I had done so much stuff that scared the spit out of me that pucker point was no problem at all. Indeed, I slowed down knowing that time did not matter when I would be pulling soon and planned to get some video of us going around poker point. I got a little bit of video leading up to it, but my phone died before the actual pucker point.  Sorry about that guys.


At one spot Shiloh and I came up on a woman with her mare pulled over slightly to the side of the trail. She was attempting to place a hoof boot but her horse was most anxious because their companions had moved on. I put Shiloh in front of her and offered to stay and keep them company until she was able to move on. That allowed her horse to feel comforted and stay still. Once she remounted, I moved over to let her pass, but her horse refused to leave Shiloh. I explained that I had given up, but would attempt to pick up my speed to see to it, that she reached last chance before the cut off and we moved out together. After a mile or two, her horse was willing to lead instead of follow, and I slowly fell back until she was out of sight.


That lady is the only reason Shiloh and I reached last chance before the cut off. But I still knew that I did not  need to take an injured Shiloh into the canyons. He pulsed down at last chance quite quickly, and we went to the vet where I explained that he did not feel right and I would be pulling. After close examination, Vet felt that he could go on. His gait was even, his CRI good, his back only slightly tender to palpation, and his hydration indicators were all within parameters as fit to continue. It didn’t matter. I know that I cannot walk the canyons, that our well-being is entirely dependent upon Shiloh’s strength, and that that strength was compromised.


We saw the treatment vet, a requirement if you are pulling, even if the other vet thinks your horse is fine, and she explained that we would be trailered out but that there were seven horses requiring a trailer ride and Shiloh was the one in the best shape so he would, of course be going to last . I understood. Shiloh found the waiting incredibly easy.  He was being enthusiastically, cared for by a group of 10 to 12 year old girls who saw to it that he had an endless supply of mash, alfalfa, water, carrots, apples, watermelon, and petting.  This was surely horse heaven. I sat on a bale of alfalfa and cried.  Just because I knew it was the right thing to do didn’t make the giving up any easier.


We actually didn’t have to be the last people out of last chance. There was a horse who would not load, and they finally looked at me and asked if Shiloh would. Of course he would. And we began the four hour 40 mile trip to Forest Hill. On arriving in Forest Hill we were greeted by my entire crew who had gathered there. It turns out they had spent some hours thinking that Shiloh and I might be the pair who had gotten in to so much trouble in the canyons. The hours that I spent feeling sorry for myself they had spent thinking Shiloh and I might be dead, and next to their obvious distress, my own disappointment seemed quite petty.


In Forest Hills, Shiloh was required to see another treatment vet and get a final clearance to go back to his stall in the fairgrounds. I have to say the dedication of the vets to seeing that every horse is cared for, that no horse slips through the cracks, was very impressive. After waiting a while for some of the rigs around ours to clear out, we once again found ourselves on the road to Auburn, where Shiloh got his comfy stall, clean water, abundant alfalfa, and a chance to rest.


Tevis was an amazing experience. Just to ride that trail, with all the history, both the history of the California gold rush and the history of the sport of endurance, was quite a privilege. The effort that Shiloh put into this, the care he took with me, fills my heart. My crew was nothing short of amazing. Six women and my brother, who didn’t know each other and barely knew me before this experience became friends. The volunteers of Tevis are nothing short of miraculous. There seemed to be nothing I could ask for that they did not have for both Shiloh and myself. I think I could’ve asked for a chocolate malt and someone would’ve found it


If you ever think you might like to do Tevis, I strongly recommend it. It was a life-changing experience. That said, I do not believe that I will try again. I would love to experience that trail at a pace where I could enjoy it. I would love to experience that trail, when I did not feel that speed was of the essence. I am very glad I tried, but far less concerned that I did not complete than I would’ve thought that I would be. I had a wonderful experience that I got to share with the worlds greatest horse.  I got a cougar rock picture. I met great people. A buckle would’ve probably been too much icing on the cake for this old woman.