While it may seem very counter-intuitive to splurge on a facial when my bank accounts are cratering out, I was intrigued to see our cryotherapy place (Peran goes faithfully, myself intermittently) advertising a “Cryo-Facial”. They were offering an introductory special, so on a whim I booked myself one…
I’ve only had a handful of facial treatments in my lifetime; again it seems like a pointless indulgence to pay someone to massage creams & potions on my face when I could just do this myself? But I must admit it was nice to “have to” lie quietly on a padded table for an hour - and if the girl could’ve just pasted that cold probe between my brows, it felt really good!
The Before & After photos are startling - it undoubtedly smoothed out some wrinkles & partially unpacked the bags under my eyes.
The “glow” is from the infrared treatment applied afterwards
But we are now 9 days into this new phase of my mom’s existence, and all I can say is, it ain’t going well! Mom has now completely “flipped the script” (as I anticipated) to cast me as the villain in this drama: the evil conniving daughter who has ripped her out of her peaceful cottage to abandon her in this godforsaken place.
My mother has always decried nursing homes, although strangely enough she (seemingly) had no problem consigning my dad’s aunt to one when their own home-care experience failed. Backstory: my dad built their house 28 yrs ago in part to fulfill his promise to his aunt - bringing her to Dallas to live with them when she was no longer able to live independently. Aunt Mary Sue was wheelchair-bound at that point, incontinent & demanding. Mom became her primary caretaker for 3 yrs but finally insisted that AMS be moved to a facility. She stayed in DeSoto for another 3 yrs, until further deterioration required transfer to The Villages (which is why Mom chose it of her own accord when this assisted-living drama of mine commenced as my last surviving aunt lay on her deathbed).
ANYWAY, last week I escorted Mom to dinner each night - but she continues to “hide” in her room, skipping meals and avoiding hygiene (today’s dodge was asking me to return her to her cottage where she could bathe in that walk-in tub (the same one she bitched me out for “overfilling” when I gave her final ablutions there, the weekend before last)
I spoke to the nursing director yesterday who still seemed confused about the level of care I am requesting for mom - although I’ve made it abundantly clear that she needs assistance bathing & dressing?!? This is why I was dismayed when they took Mom to a different room 2 wks ago when they did her “assessment” - no doubt in my mind Mom denied the need for ANY assistance.
Lord give me strength! Bad daughter or not, I am going to sneak away to ride with friends this weekend.
You are a good daughter! Dang, it, girl! You know it takes time for any animal, four or two-legged, to get used to a new life. Give her and yourself some time. Keep in mind there are different types of aging (I hate to use dementia words) and some people mellow into smiles, others gain fangs. Stand your ground as you are doing what is best for her. Keep doing what is best for you, too!
ReplyDeleteThe cryo facial is intriguing. Cryo treatments in general seem to surge like the tides. There was a place near me that had full body cold therapy and I think it's closed now. I can speak to the benefits of cold therapy that I got as part of my job. We stored plasma in walk-in freezers at -20C (-4F) and had to spend time searching/counting products. 10 minutes was ok in a thermal coat. 10 minutes in a lab coat (hubris) was numbing. I noticed I felt invigorated about 20 minutes after I thawed! The task was also fought over for hot-flashers!
I agree with Janet. I tend to think that most things like facials and anything that changes ones everyday "dull" routine and that shocks the system help because many of us neglect anything to do with self care and any self care is better than none. I do peel- off facials at home and always feel awesome after one. Or I do a skin care routine involving alcohol and SeaBreeze and some Olay products. My face is like, "OMG!! You looked at me! You touched me!! I love it!" I take a bath twice a day and anyone knows me will know it is my hydrotherapy. Anything that interferes with it makes me anxious and cranky. If it is just psychologically beneficial than that is enough for me!! Placebo affect? I'm on board. You need to set aside some time every day for some things like this. You are a woman. Not just a vet, mom, daughter, wife, etc. You need to take care of YOU!
ReplyDeleteJanet is right again. Aging often defines people into those who are happy no matter what and those who are unhappy no matter what. It's our choice for ourselves but we can't chose for others. I think most people of your mom's generation hate nursing homes and most nursing homes are not real well run but some are. My MIL was in a great one. It even had an indoor aviary. No stink. Your mom will always find something to gripe about if she tries hard enough. In my opinion, your mom is no longer behaving rationally. Do you have power of attorney.? I hope so. If not then you need to be documenting all of this that is going on and you are on here. Skipping meals and avoiding hygiene is proof positive that she is not able or willing to care for herself. Why choose to stink and starve? Only 2 things come to mind to me - a way to manipulate others or she is unable. Maybe the nurses have discovered something that you have not thought of. Maybe your mom is capable of bathing herself and such if she wanted to but she prefers to manipulate and coerce. That doesn't change the fact that the result is the same. She can't or won't do activities of daily living and needs a higher level of care. I am an expert at motivating patients to do what they are capable of. Not in a cruel manner but in a firm positive manner. It's time for the staff to do their job there. My staff always did theirs. I did mine. They should have the knowledge and means to outwit an old lady and get her to make the most of the time she had left. Bathe her, feed her, dress her, get her involved, whatever is needed. That is what they are being paid for. Let them handle it.
Yes, off on the ride you go.
I'm going to simply agree with what Janet and Morticia said... you are a good daughter, and you are a woman and you deserve some self-care be it facials or rides. You are worthy of it! Go, Val!
ReplyDeleteTish makes a good point about mom's self-care as her way to take control. Let someone else take the hit for that.
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