Yesterday (my so-called “day off”) was a busy non-day-of-rest: I attended the funeral of a good client as our clinic representative, then went by Arabella to help mom shower (I offered 3 times during my visit with her yesterday - when I first arrived, after we got back from lunch, and before I left. No, no, and no! But then she called me yesterday evening after I was already settled in at home to tell me I was welcome to return to help her bathe 🤦♀️)
Once again she did not go to breakfast or lunch, but a staff member brought her a box lunch. I left her to continue my errands shortly after 2 PM (on to Mesquite house to clear out frozen rodents from fridge, retrieve a box of books from the storage shed, then my final stop of the day - going to see Zach in Irving)
Mijo was studying for his last final (Physics), looking understandably tired, but news to celebrate this weekend is that he PASSED CALCULUS!! Putting him 3 credit hours closer towards that degree… Won’t that be One Fine Day?!?
But Mom started calling me at 3:41, 3:58, 4:06, 4:26, 4:56, 5:10, and 5:30 PM, leaving an increasingly garbled series of messages - she was convinced I had left her at a motel and wanted me to “come pick up she & Abby & take them home”.
I called my friend on staff to check on her, and she said she had just helped Mom walk Abby in the courtyard? So I delayed calling her back a little longer, then tried to carefully explain that she was, in fact, “HOME”.
She asked me to please bring her some strychnine to end her misery.
Folks, I got nuthin’ outside of talking to the Nursing Director (AGAIN). Maybe Abby needs some Xanax??
Last weekend’s pleasant memories recede even more rapidly into the past. There is such a thing as being too competent a cowgirl - Sam & Gayle have decided that I need to buy Annie. She’s a beautiful little mare with great athletic potential - I’d be happy to have her, but Deb decided it’s not the right time to take in Bo. So now Val needs to come up with another cover story so I can get what I want (merely a comfortable mount to ride?!?) - perhaps if/when I get my grant money I’ll finish the small pasture fence at the clinic & move a couple of my cripples up there? I suggested that Gayle use Bo as her rehab horse when she’s cleared to ride (hip replacement a couple of months ago) so they are considering that straight swap… He’s not gaited, but calm & steady & prefers to just plod down the trail at a walk.
Congratulations to Zack!! I hope he graduates soon. Some of those classes are a bummer according to my son. I think it must be harder than when I went to college. I didn't like college math classes at all but everything else was okay. It was way too much work back then and even more so now. All consuming.
ReplyDeleteMy half-brother made a career out of getting a bachelor's degree but finally managed it and has a great job now. His original major was computers but classes were too hard for him so he majored in accounting and minored in computers. He couldn't pass his CPA exams but got a job in his minor as a computer trouble shooter for the state of Illinois The same thing happens a lot as it occurred with one of my son's close male and female friends. The male ended up not finishing after going to college for years. The female kept taking dummied-down classes and finally ended up becoming a teacher. I'm glad that I am doing with education. Keep in mind that Zach might should consider having a minor to fall back on as the classes just get harder and harder.
I hope that you can get that house listed and sold quickly. One less burden and more money flowing in instead of out.
Can't the staff there help your mom shower? Exactly what is the level of care they offer? Did the staff member who walked her and Abby not notice anything unusual with her demeanor? Your mom is able to use the phone but doesn't know where she is, can't shower, eat, remember that she just went for a walk. Something seems off to me. Maybe you need a baby cam.
I hope you can find some way to make the horse swap.
Yeah, I don't know why I seemed to be hitting resistance in my last conversation with the Nursing Director about a schedule for my mom. Schedules are good for everyone, young & old!!!
DeleteBut the fact of the matter is, just like my dad, mom wants a family-member caretaker - leaving only Yours Truly. Yours Truly feels like hitching up her horse trailer & driving far far away...
Totally agree. I love schedules and your mom needs one. My family also wanted family caretakers and that is often not an option. Wasn't for me, most of the time, nor is it for you. My mom's doctor, who was also my employer, told her that it wasn't as people for a hundred miles were dependent on me or 2 other nurses who were the only ones who could do our job. People and animals are dependent on you. You are already a caregiver. Your schedule is fairly full already and you need to pencil in a life in what time is left over. You should feel no guilt for needing that time. Don't lose sight of that.
DeleteThe more things change the more they stay the same? Or vice versa! Here's hoping that the next "day off" allows for a better balance of rest?
ReplyDeleteSorry you are subject to the mom guilt. I was fortunate that both my parents were appreciative of my help but always insisted I "had my own life to live." I give my kids the same talks. You ARE caring for her by finding people to help her when you can't! She may never acquiesce to being in the facility but hopefully you will find peace with your decision as she will be safe.
ReplyDeleteGreat that Zach is completing school. It's been a wild ride! His accomplishing the goal may be more valuable than the degree!
Hang in there, girl, there's not much else you CAN do.
Loved what you had to say, Janet. And I am determined to be the same as you and your parents when it come to easing out of this world into the next.
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