I was surprised but not completely shocked** to open the Book of Faces yesterday and see that my friend J got married in an ultra-small ceremony last weekend. What a status update!
** J had warned me that they were gonna tie the knot first, worry about celebrating later…Not that the size of the wedding has anything to do with the longevity of the marriage, of course, but it does worry me a bit that she was so keen on getting him tied down; seems as if they only reconciled a few weeks ago? (I know it’s been longer than that as my foggy brain smears time frames together)
J shacked up with M 12 or 13 yrs ago primarily to transfer her daughter into Highland Park schools. Their relationship imploded in part bcz M was on the rebound from the demolition of his 2nd marriage - another contentious divorce which I was only hearing about from J’s POV. M’s late-teen & young adult children were not in favor of this new potential stepmother… At any rate, it was a messy breakup at the time, but the next thing I hear “all is forgiven” when M reappears after J has conveniently settled her lawsuit (I’ll have to do an entire separate post on that mess!) - that alone makes Val’s suspicious mind grind her gears.
Let’s just say that J has been searching for as long as I’ve known her (I met her during my own contentious divorce around 2005) for that fairytale ending: finding her Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet & take care of her. I wish her every happiness, but doubts remain. Not that I’m any great model of a fantastic ecumenical marriage, but 20 years together must mean something doesn’t it?
At least Peran acquiesced to date night Saturday night and we went to see “Oppenheimer” which was fantastic. I was as impressed by the sweeping New Mexico landscapes as I was by the character studies and the quantum physics. Z & V had already seen it - Zach was a little underwhelmed but I hope I rekindled his interest with some of our discussion. I had hoped my mom had some memory of those proceedings (I’m sure my dad kept abreast of it at the time) but alas, I have waited too late to ask her such questions.
Ah, the prized skill of tongue-biting, and well-wishing, in the face of doubts. We move forward with optimism and we all hope that the optimism of others is rewarded. We remember that often we are comparing our own "inside" with the "outside" of the lives of others as portrayed on that book of face, of which you speak.
ReplyDeleteOppenheimer is on my list, but haven't seen it yet.
Hope you have a good week ahead!
Mmmm, there is wisdom in silence. I know someone in her 50's trolling for DH#4, still looking for that $$$ Prince Charming. I dunno, when is she going to realize her happiness is in her own hands, not his wallet?
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same boat about a lot of memories gone, although the person is ,too. Kicking myself for not writing down all those stories Dad told.
J's "intermediary" BF (after initial breakup w/M) was an older investment banker whose adult children also, ahem, were vehemently opposed to a new stepmother. Unsurprisingly, the poor man chose peace with his children & grandchildren and broke up w/J, then succumbed to cancer. J was devastated not so much by his death, but by the fact that she was not left anything from his substantial estate. It was a bad look, especially when she investigated suing his children! (luckily she couldn't secure an attorney to joust at that windmill)
DeleteLOL at Janet. She is totally right and so are you. My mother was trolling for husbands up until her last one cured her of it in her late middle age. He wasn't so bad really - just a male. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. I never really wanted to dig too deep into her motives but she did always tell me the sage advice that it is just as easy to love a rich man as a poor one. Advice given to her by her mom/my grandma who I adored. Of course, I don't believe it for a second. Mom did add to her financial security with each failed relationship but it was kind of like sleeping with dogs. You end up with fleas. Love is not like learning to gag down liver. It's complicated.
ReplyDeleteI for one am not into the formal rites thingie of any kind. I sort of eloped for my first marriage and did the same for my second. I was not the troller in either one. I was the prey not the hunter. So standing before tons of people wearing a scratchy gown, teetering on high heels, wearing a Mary Kay mask, with a mile high bouffant hairdo was not my idea of a good time and never will be. If my parents had a few thousand dollars to spend on a wedding I would have rather had the cash to buy something I wanted. A better life.
J sounds a little too focused in a really bad way. Like my mommy. Her beau sounds like a serial loser. My parents were total weiners but dad did do something right. He taught me to WANT to take care of myself and not be dependent on undependable men, like him. Not by observing his miserable behavior, which did reinforce my aversion to "desperate housewives" thinking, but by his own sage advice to me which really was the antithesis of mom and grandma's terrible advice. Take care of yourself. Stand on your own two feet. Be someone in your own right. Not just someone's wife or mother. Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.
Good news about Peran. Maybe there is hope for him.