Monday, August 22, 2022

The Struggle is Real

 Clarice is struggling to live, I’m struggling to survive this trial-by-fire of clinic relocation with my sanity intact (more or less), Peran has trekked to CO to “find himself”, lose those last 20 lbs or whatever, & Zach starts the fall semester of what I hope will be the final push to achieve his bachelor’s degree by next summer…

I put Clarice on my own surgery table Friday afternoon in sheer desperation, removing a 2-cm pancreatic tumor and ignoring the little speckles which I’m afraid may have been metastases… Her mentation is not normal, she has no appetite and I should’ve brought home more anti-nausea medication. As my friend & colleague is fond of saying, that’s why they call it “practice”!

Misti and I are flying to Pensacola bright & early Wednesday morning to spend what I hope is one glorious day on the beach before driving the mobile unit home on Thursday. I have to decide whether to burden another one of my staff members with Clarice’s care - I could also hospitalize her at the ER or take her back to the diagnostic clinic, although I’m not too thrilled with them at the moment. Dr R was off Friday, I couldn’t seem to get the ball rolling, which is why I did her surgery myself (now as to whether it was “done right”, we’ll see how it goes). In my present mood I am leaning towards taking her to the ER - it isn’t like I want anything heroic, just medication administration, hand feeding and maybe some supplemental fluids. I’ve got to recheck her lab work today. I already signed a DNR at the diagnostic clinic.

I’ve already gotten three calls from my boy this morning as he gets ready to start life as a commuter student again - he got the day started off right at the gym, calling me at 6:15 to ask “Wassup?” I replied “Not me!” but I reluctantly rolled out at 6:30…

We’ve had instant relief from our drought with heavy thunderstorms rolling in last night. I wish I had gotten before & after pictures of our pond - it was critically low yesterday, this morning it’s brimming full! Zach says no one seems to know how to drive in the rain, surface streets in Mesquite are flooded.




A humorous riff on “Jesus guiding the surgeon’s hands”




Peran sent me a few pictures from his expedition 



3 comments:

  1. Hang in there.
    Decent sized tumor for a little girl.
    I'm glad Zach's perked up.

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  2. What OJ said. Can't think of much helpful to say, but thinking of you and Clarice!

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  3. Lots going on there. I hope that while Peran is finding himself he also finds you. That is what he needs to be looking for and looking after. The person who has had his back and been by his side for years. I hope that this beautiful scenery helps him to have an epiphany. I'm praying that God gives him one.

    I am rooting for Zack. Hopefully this will be his year to end strong. In his defense, I think calculus sucks and wonder how many people use it in their every day life. I know scientists, mathematicians, engineers, etc. use it and I might benefit from it's use in many ways but I don't know that I personally use it.

    You have done what you can for Clarice. The important thing is support and keeping her comfortable. I sent a prayer for her.

    I sent a prayer that you and Misti have a safe trip too. I am praying a lot where you are concerned. Hugs.

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