Even though the burden of guilt has been quite heavy, I have done my best to distance myself from my mother recently, physically & emotionally as I work through my own health issues & concentrate my limited energies on the implacable, inevitable relocation of my clinic.
I had not visited her in 10 days - I was honestly surprised at how chipper she sounded yesterday morning during my check-in call: during most of my recent calls you could almost taste her disappointment & dejection oozing through the phone…
Mom will reminisce about family history anecdotes, which of course is fine but only serves to delineate some of the dysfunctional aspects of their relationship sometimes. Mom was always pathologically jealous, which had some basis in fact - as she and dad separated for a while before I was born because dad had cheated on her.
Mom was 26, which would’ve made Dad 28 (!!!) - Dad’s “wingman” came by to take mom out for a cup of coffee and offer his services in a gentlemanly fashion since he knew she had “needs” 😳
She just as graciously declined - she & Dad reconciled soon after but she never told him about this so-called friend.
At one point I heard yowling which I presumed was a cat - but unfortunately it was my mom‘s neighbor from across the street who had tipped over the curb in her upright walker. I don’t think she broke anything, but cut & scraped herself up pretty badly & was taken by the paramedics to the ER.
I had run out to her, but looked up at one point to see that my mom had tottered out onto the sidewalk - “Mom where’s your walker? I don’t want to be scraping you off the pavement too!”
I went in for overdue MRI and CT imaging yesterday morning - nothing horrible was seen at first glance & my oncologist basically said “see you next year”. I left Texas Oncology and immediate pivoted from “patient” to “Uber Eats delivery driver” - I picked up food to take by my mom’s and then to my son, somewhat dejected myself that I couldn’t rope in anyone to meet me for lunch at one of those nice Las Colinas restaurants.

It would be nice if your mom has turned a corner. Personally, I don't think anyone should ever feel guilty for avoiding people who are bordering on "almost always completely negative". I insist on it. I will not have my otherwise constants attempts to remain positive derailed by such people. My hubby reads now and he always reads depressing books which I refuse to read. He wants to tell me about them and I am not interested and suggest he read cozies and I'm serious. Life is challenging enough to weather through with what we have to deal with. We don't need more bitter pills to swallow.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else and I think people have a responsibility to take care of themselves as well as they can. You do that. I do that.
Your mom's story was amusing and I might have taken "wingman" up on it. LOL. Why be the devoted wife to a less than devoted husband. Statement, not a question. LOL.
I worry about falling all the time and do it too often. I must quit.
Can't imagine turning down a lunch out. Not too smart.
Tish said it all.
ReplyDeleteI could use a wingman right now.
I'm glad you survived the trip to moms and the trip to the docs!