Scary Stories

I need to back away slowly from Ye Olde Social Media - I stumbled across a post by a colleague in my “Mature Veterinarian” group - basically concerned that she will never be able to retire. I can sympathize, being in a precarious financial situation myself these days.

“I’m posting anonymously because, frankly, I am ashamed of my financial position and don’t want people to know this about me. I am of the age where classmates of mine are retiring or have already retired. I do not see how I can ever stop working. I do not have hardly anything in savings. I had a late-in-life divorce and I gave up a lot financially just to keep the peace and not have a long, drawn-out fight. I feel how tired I am at the end of the day and worry how long I can physically practice as the years go by. I have been and always will be an associate and never wanted to be a practice owner. I have always accepted low salaries because of my personality…people-pleasing and sacrificing.  I thought it would make the practice owner like me more if I didn’t ask for much. I could go on and on. Not sure what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe to see if there are others like me. Maybe to see if any of you have suggestions on how an older veterinarian can earn money besides active practice. I will continue to do this as long as I can. I just wish I had been financially smarter and that circumstances had been better in my life.” 

Folks chiming in the comments shared similar tales of woe, most related to divorce turmoil.

 This is exactly what has happened to me....38 year marriage and a six year dragged out divorce by ex who had an affair and is now married to the adulteress.... I owed $165,000 in attorney fees , have a lien on my  house.    I was straddled with a student loan my kid won't pay, the ex says I signed it  ($132,000 for both kids 2 degrees and 2 minors)    I am a practice owner, but my associate retired...can't find or afford another with the COVID shutdown and now high inflation and economy.   I am almost 69 and cannot afford to sell.  I can't live long after taxes on an sale if I live say another 20 years.    I would lose my nice home of 42 years that I got from the divorce and be on the streets or in a bad area.     I struggle to maintain a gross to pay adequate staff due to health issues and age.    (which has been so hard to find and keep and costing me way more than years back and with taxes on them).       I do love my profession and am good at it so I do drops offs for 90 percent of medical cases and staff can get diagnostics for me and well pet/exams/vaccine or simple things like check an ear or itchy skin which I can get done fairly quick.   I utilize staff my staff to the maximum and go in at a time based on my schedule.  I do my own bill paying, order drugs (had a trusted staff ordering on my account and sending things to her house!)  , accounting, banking  (staff stealing cash deposits I trusted once)    (because in 42 years I have been stolen from, scammed and will never let anyone have my checks and pay bills or know my business)     I try not to think of anything.  I just keep going and plan to until I can't walk in the door.     I adjust my schedule going in depending on what we have.  Surgeries I go in earlier,  otherwise around noon after staff lunches.   They intake patients, do anal gland, nail trims, clean, inventory until I get there.   I am efficient and fast and in 42 years have seen about everything so practice is easy.  I also have board certified internists and surgeons who work as needed.  Yep, I think there are many of us in the same position.     I feel for you and right there with you.   Having a business is frightening.  I have a lease monthly and outrageous expenses to run a veterinary hospital of any size in today's world.   I have to work or I lose everything I have known.   As my grandfather told me..."It's hell getting old."

And my own comment:

Did I write this? No, wait - I AM a practice (& hobby farm) owner, even as chronic fatigue drags me down, down, down. At this point I’m working to keep my farm & all my critters afloat, I’m too emotionally attached to liquidate but it feels like struggling through quicksand - there’s no escape but also no end in sight.

**************************

I am often plagued with worry about theft/embezzlement by my employees but at this point everything seems to be OK - I think it would destroy me if I found out one of my current crew was a thief.

My own cash-flow situation should improve in a few months since a good client (semi-retired) has volunteered to be my foreman on the remodeling project. I have faith that he will not screw me over…I may be bemoaning this decision in a few months but I’ve GOT to have some help - I do not have the stamina to spearhead this project  myself - not and keep up with all my appointments!

So the carousel continues  to spin…

Humbug Antidote

 Unfortunately Izzy’s first Jingle Bell Run was a bust - long story short, I had to go pay a contractor who’s been working on Zach’s house. Of course these folks want to get their money especially over the holidays.

The kids went to Denver while I held down the fort, feeding critters so it was no holiday for me with a thankfully brief but intense cold snap. Luckily no power outages, ice or snow (there were snow flurries on Friday but nothing stuck). I was trying to complete my Christmas shopping at the mall Friday afternoon when alarms blared, strobe lights flashed and they evacuated the mall because of a brawl in the food court where I had just enjoyed a nice sushi roll. You can imagine the tidal wave of shoppers who poured out of the facility - I then spent almost an hour in the resultant traffic jam just trying to get out of the parking lot!

It felt sinful taking “a day to myself” yesterday but that’s what I did when Janet invited me for a return visit to Wyatt Ranch - yes please! Although Mr Bo thought I was trying to work him to death…

These photos are out of order - near the end of our ride, Bo would NOT hold his ears up!

                                               Better attitude in this photo (early on in our ride)

                                                                Fording the Paluxy River

Bah Humbug

 Aka “Forcing Ye Olde Holiday Spirit”!

This evening is our Dallas Jingle Bell Run, a huge raucous family-and-dog-friendly event near downtown. I’m in no shape to do a 5K, but I’m going to go anyway and take Izzy. Couldn’t interest P in going but one of my yoga students actually talked me into it - we’ll both be casual amblers. Izzy and I will probably hit the cutoff and just do the 1 mile fun loop.

In years past I’ve jogged it with Buddy-dog (carrying Clarice like a football, the following year I made her wait in the car! Clarice has never been into strenuous exercise ;-) but my last time to toe the line in Big D was 2018 with my darling Amelia. I’m sorry to say I only got to enjoy two 5K events with her: the Jingle Bell Run & the Polkafest Run here in Ennis. So I might have a tear or two tracking down my cheek, but I can blame my eyes watering on the cold wind. It will be nice to see the Anatole decked out for the holidays, a little “forced holiday cheer” is better than nothing!

Last night Zach invited me for a brief holiday shopping expedition at North Park - Victoria has a few days off and the kids are going to go to Denver, winter jackets were needed. But I believe my boy is double-dipping  - he now wants to celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas! However since he passed calculus, I feel he has earned the extra gifts. Words cannot describe my relief…

After her initial orientation period, Victoria has been switched to overnight shifts so she will work tonight and she and Zach will hop a plane tomorrow morning to go to Denver for four days. I hope all goes well with their return on Christmas Day.

We have hiked many a mile in NorthPark Mall - I remember the pecan reindeer team from MY childhood!

Taco Time! Velvet Taco offers quite the eclectic assortment: chicken tikka marsala, fish & chips, chicken & waffle, chicken pot pie (L to R)

Say hello to my little friend - tiny baby scorpion in my shower. I wish I could've posted video of him angrily wringing his tail & gesticulating with his pincers - he was trying to make himself big & scary

Peaceful Easy Feelin’

 The lil’ jukebox in my head played this old Eagles song as I drove back from Glen Rose Saturday afternoon - unfortunately it (my own "peaceful easy feeling") only lasted as long as the drive home, although Baraq & I had a very pleasant ride. Sam was my sole riding buddy - I didn’t seem to be able to scare up anyone else this close to Christmas! This holiday behemoth stumbles towards me, I have done practically nothing in preparation!

I have spent an ungodly amount of time on hold with customer service representatives - online ordering is supposed to make our lives easier, is it not? Insert ironic laugh here - I had Friday off, tried to do a little Christmas shopping but just couldn’t get “into it”… Met up with son for dinner, yet caught shit from hubby when I then returned home later than P expected. I had called the man to give him a heads up - I knew he wouldn’t want to come meet us and he said he was going back to the gym?!? Damned if I will sacrifice any opportunity to spend time with my son - maybe one of these years P will realize that.

Thursday I had a quick “oil check” visit with my doctor and embarrassed myself by spilling my guts about some of my marital problems - she did ask me how I was feeling after all! I am afraid 12 months into this ordeal (my car accident was 12/03, Covid exposure probably 12/29 with “The Longest Haul” starting end of January/first of February) this may be “As Good As It Gets”, so I need to make the best of it. 

Clarice continues to perform her best “dead dog” impressions as she relaxes in her bed - causing me to tiptoe over multiple times, wondering “Is this it?” with her little neck at an awkward angle. I’m going to take her to visit the Animal Diagnostic Clinic next week - I’d like to do another scan to see what Ye Olde Pancreas looks like! I took her picture this AM, but iPhone and iPad don’t seem to be talking to one another - but I can post a few photos from our ride.

                                          Trail photo of Sam & Thunder doesn't do the place justice

                                                       Fording the Paluxy River

                                    Ranch owner is building nice paddocks, suitable for overnight campouts

                                            Easy access to trails behind his hay barn

                                                       Hilltop cross overlooking Glen Rose

                                       This cowgirl bears startling resemblance to Scarlett Johansson

                                             Mila's first visit with Santa & Mrs Claus!

                                                      Stiff competition for #1 Lap Warmer

Finally got "dead dog" photo to download ;-)

PEM & PWM

 Spend much time on the Internet and you become familiar with many acronyms - not just text-message abbreviations like “LOL” either!

One symptom which is a common complaint of many of us long Covid sufferers is PEM: Post-Exercise Malaise, aka overdoing it! While graded exercise is prescribed for some fatigue-related conditions, overdoing it can cause devastating relapses. And as Jake Spoon said, “I didn’t see no line Gus, I was just trying to get through the territory without getting scalped, that’s all!”

While I’d like to compare myself to the fun-loving Gus McRae or dutiful, hard-working Woodrow Call, I probably have more in common with Jake Spoon, just trying to get by at this point. I have added my own acronym: PWM, Post-Work Malaise which ain’t exactly new in my case. I could unearth old Spark-blog entries from years ago in which I bemoan my lessening stamina - it used to be that a busy workday was a challenge and I would finish up feeling proud of myself. It is becoming an increasing struggle to “get ‘er done”, after which I stumble home to collapse in my recliner, not looking forward to resting up & trying to do it all over again the next day…

I went to the gym with DH Friday night and did a little grab-bag of activities: a few minutes on the elliptical, half a mile on the treadmill, followed by the stationary bike and a couple of the weight machines. It was a hard task to roll out of bed yesterday morning - I was sore from nose to tail. I continue to try to draw inspiration from my dear Clarice, who soldiers on with her special pates of canned puppy food and softened kibble - I wish I could post videos here, she has a very amusing, alligator-like toss and swallow routine down! Her weight is stable, her blood work has returned to normal - I’m gonna take her back to see the internal medicine specialist at the end of this month more for a humble-brag than anything. I am as proud of her as anything I’ve done in my entire career - almost 4 months out after a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, that’s a long time especially in dog years…

I don’t know if I’ll have it in me to slog through a 50 mile ride next month, but all I can do is keep placing one foot in front of the other. As other endurance writers have paraphrased, sometimes you learn as much from your failures as from your successes.

I have very little in common with Charles Darwin from the brilliant-scientist perspective, but I do know he also suffered from chronic illness - one  theory is that he developed Chagas disease (bitten by “kissing bug” in South America), which caused heart problems, fatigue and general ill health. I can certainly relate to general peevishness - if this is my “new normal” I strongly protest (ha ha, that’s the sound of the universe laughing at me)!

Janet has been giving Alex a tune-up; I’ll pick her up next week to see if we can forge a stronger bond. After all, she was supposed to be the successor to my dear Coyote (ex-mule stolen from me, I got a lot more mileage out of missing the mule more than the husband!)

Keep Going

 “When you’re going through hell, keep going” - Winston Churchill 

“No one can take advantage of you without your consent“ - Ann Landers

I need to bookend these phrases as I continue to struggle through this non-joyous holiday season - I got myself into this mess, there is no way out except to keep trudging forward, grimly trying to accomplish each task. What I would like is to hire a foreman to ramrod my remodeling project - of course, every client who comes to the new property is eagerly asking when we will have the building remodeled - “No time soon!” seems to be my foreshortened, gruff answer. I miss my dad - if he were still alive & able, he would be all over it. I got sick and tired of Subway sandwiches, which was the only place he wanted to take a lunch break when we were working on the Red Oak facility! Dad always ordered their Italian sub, the least expensive option on the menu - that’s not even offered anymore with all their “upscale” options. (I went there the other day for a quick, auld lang syne option.)

I drove to downtown Dallas Saturday morning to serve as the standby emergency treatment vet in case there were any problems with the parade horses - A good client of mine serves on the committee. Obviously I work very cheap - free parking and VIP seating! But Izzy and I had fun, it was her first parade! (4 yrs ago, the last time I volunteered, I took Clarice but I didn’t think she’d appreciate the commotion this time around)

I did manage to muster enough energy to get out Saturday afternoon for a ride with my friends - what I hope is the first building block for my Arizona ride next month. Easier to natter on about these plans than to dwell on this deep pit I've dug myself into financially... The quote I NEED to focus upon are the immortal words of Spock (ST6: The Undiscovered Country): "What you WANT is irrelevant, what you have CHOSEN is at hand!"

But for today I need to concentrate on doing my best for my patients to continue replenishing my coffers so I can pay for said remodeling. There again, plenty of clients have sympathized with me on what an unfair situation this is - I didn't WANT to be starting all over in a new location at this stage of my career, but here you have it...

Junior & Senior Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders

 

 

                                              We didn't have NEARLY enough parade ponies!
 

Early Christmas

 My man at the trailer dealership got repairs done well ahead of schedule (I had requested to pick it up by December 8 but now that ride has been rescheduled) - I picked up my “early Xmas present” yesterday. Rebuilt hay rack, rebuilt & rewired generator (along with a significant portion of other wiring, including power supply to the furnace, which shorted out when hay rack disintegrated), minor plumbing leaks fixed, as well as routine maintenance like brakes & bearings… fortunately it appears the tires are holding up well for another season!

I handed over ye olde MasterCard, I need to slow down my massive cash outflows which have me feeling like some mortally wounded creature, hemorrhaging cash to all comers: the plumbers, the electricians, water tank and “rescue” landscaping (I had a man come in to do some minor dirt work and spread gravel to remedy the mud pit that our front yard becomes in rainy weather - I was joking that we were going to set up a ferry boat ride!) Let us not speak of my son’s profligate spending - despite my pleas to “make do”for a while, he dove right into major remodeling of kitchen and master bathroom, we now have to put all that back together.

This morning I have a dull headache which I presume is mostly sinus-related. Not all maladies can be traced to a primary source - I’ve had a nonspecific GI upset all week also, bloat & misery! So I’m going to go steam myself in the shower, take some ibuprofen, and ease into my workday.