(aka The Rest of the Story”)
I constantly remind myself that ‘It’s not all about YOU!” - I still have a bad tendency to take things FAR too personally, as if I were the center of the universe… But my heart remains wounded from the Bad Ending of what I thought would be a lifelong friendship - I know I’ve touched on the sitch w/KS in years past. (We met & bonded through endurance riding; but I always had the nagging incomplete sense of “pursuit” - as if I was the one expending most of the effort in our relationship. She betrayed me during that last horrific custody battle by telling her husband of my strategies & tribulations, which he promptly shared with my ex-husband, allowing he & his legal team to get ahead of me at every turn. Then they had the self-righteous gall to declare that THEY had the moral high ground! That flavor of Christianity I want no truck with!?!)
Anyway, my point being - even though we smile & nod at one another these days, our friendship will never be rekindled. When I came up to the ride meeting Friday night, Karen was there early, so I went ahead & unfolded my chair to sit next to her. Turns out she was riding with Kacy when she had her horrible accident - I’ll have to check the ride stats when they’re posted, but she may have sacrificed her own ride to stay with Kacy until the paramedics could get to her. I told her of Zach’s graduation and new job, but again, after a while it felt like a one-sided conversation. I wasn’t gonna sit there babbling inanely, so I just shut up after a while. Several people came over to ask about Kacy & thank Karen for her assistance - then Karen got up from her chair to walk across the pavilion and sit with Sue Jaffe. If that wasn’t a snub I don’t know what is!?!
Needless to say I was relieved that she did not ride Saturday (neither did SJ, win-win!) - we did not wish each other a fond farewell, hasta luego, or anything. C’est la vie!
The wildlife-viewing highlight of my trip was the juvenile Western Diamondback rattlesnake which Silas & I sidepassed on our Saturday morning loop. I saw him/her out of the corner of my eye, circled Silas back around, but couldn't get him to simmer down enough to snap a photo - he was restive bcz there were horses up ahead that he wanted to pursue! An absolutely gorgeous specimen, buzzing his 2 lil' buttons furiously to convince us to Go Away...
I am grateful for my decision to push all the way home Sat night - I got an invite from Mijo to come over to Victoria's grandparents for fajitas; Z was the grillmaster & did an excellent job. Poor Andy is struggling with (what I hope are) aftereffects of his radiation treatments - pain in his jaw, difficulty swallowing... He had just been to the dentist who didn't find anything wrong with his teeth, thank goodness. However, my doctors kept careful watch for years following my radiation treatments for any signs of bone loss (osteonecrosis), especially in my jawbone.
From my perspective, as I have gotten older, I have come to the realization that, yes, it many ways it is all about me. Yes, I will consider the feelings of others and will be as patient, kind, considerate, trustworthy, dependable, etc. as I am able to be to those I deem worthy. But.................I will not ever condone or support abominable behavior or people that are basically turds. If KS is on your ex and the super-slut's side then you haven't lost anything in my book. In fact you are doing well to be rid of someone that thinks it's okay to take a pregnant woman's husband away from her and her child. I'm still a little confused about adultery being considered moral high ground. I guess these pseudo "Christians" have not heard of the Ten Commandments. KS is a turd.
ReplyDeleteThe moral justification at the time was that "Z was doing drugs!" which of course was Not A Good Thing, but they never should have presumed to interfere in my (& Michael's, as much as it pains me to say so) parenting decisions... All professionals at the time advised outpatient therapy/counseling BEFORE resorting to M's nuclear option, which was the GD'd bootcamp-style inpatient treatment facility (where I have no doubt M would have been glad to imprison Z for his entire senior year, if insurance coverage had not lapsed). No doubt KS's flounce to go sit with the Slut & her compadres was a calculated slap in my face. So be it!
DeleteI wonder what percentage of the population has tried illegal drugs or used prescription narcotics. I think I read that around half of ADULTS have tried marijuana. I'm completely "clean and sober" and have been for decades. I don't drink alcohol, smoke, do any drugs, or take anythings other than supplements, my BP meds, and rarely a half of a acetaminophen. But practically everyone I talk to takes legal or illegal meds for nerves or sleep or pleasure. So I think most of us are on a slippery slope if we don't think teens are doing to self medicate too with all they have to deal with. I don't know if my son ever drank or tried drugs. I drank like a fish up until I was around 30 with my parents permission. Tried pot in college. Found it to be very nothing compared to drinking beer. Was never addicted to anything but smoking cigarettes and I quit that. Quit all of it cold turkey, no problems, but I do consider drinking the same as taking drugs. Worse in some cases. The bottom line is we all need better ways to cope with life. All of us. Me included. I self-medicate with food. And KS is a turd if she thinks "imprisonment" is good for teens who are experimenting. I wonder what is in her medicine cabinet?
DeleteYep - I did not lose my sh!t, going all DefCon-4 when Zach was a teenager was bcz not only myself but his father BOTH went through our hard-drinking, party-hearty-ing phases... Michael even more so than me, bcz he was smoking pot (I was "only" binge drinking on the weekends). I have better coping skills these days - but who can blame kids for feeling overwhelmed?!?
DeleteTotally agree. I was actually considered a "Goody Two Shoes" but that's just because some of us are better at flying under the radar than others. LOL. I can count the things I have done in my life on one hand that I wished I had never done and am ashamed of so I consider myself fortunate. I believe that we all need to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them and that in itself is very hard to do. With Zach you spared yourself from looking like a complete hypocrite like his dad was and still is. You used empathy. I tend to think sowing some wild oats within reason is normal and prevents problems later down the road like my dad had. I live by the rule of "Never Say Never" because people end up eating those words. My maternal grandma was very wise and taught me that. Once when I and my female cousin (my best friend growing up and 2 years older than me) got in trouble with our mothers who were both using phrases like, "We would have never have done something like this when we were little girls!" my grandma stopped them cold in their tracts by telling us about some of their misconduct - "I remember when 2 little girls made cologne out of sh!t and sold it to a neighbor lady they hated." LOL. Thankfully, most of us have time to atone for our mistakes and make amends before we have to stand before our maker and hope the scale is heavy on the good deed side. I'm certain that someone who has spent a lifetime taking care of animals has accomplished that by that act alone. When my son went to college I was astounded by how much harder it was than when I went. It's enough to blow anyone's mind! For one thing, they seem to think almost everyone needs some really boring difficult classes now, like higher math classes. I knew valedictorians in my son's class who were opting for dummied-down science courses in college as they failed the suggested ones.
DeleteSigh. Such a shame when our values don't line up and those we thought to be friends betray us. Hang in there and hold your head high. You did your best.
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