...was the indomitable Matthew Mackay-Smith's advice for "getting 'er done" in endurance - but of course I MUST hurry if I want to save any significant number of my old (invaluable, ha ha!) blog posts.
24 Days
Friday, July 01, 2011
"Date Night w/Myself" yesterday...
I came to the realization w/a jolt that for all intensive purposes, I am a single person for the next 6 mos as Hubs will be a weekend date at best.
(I may be slow but I do catch on eventually)
I was slightly perturbed when he told me last week that he wouldn't be home for this 4th of July weekend - of course it makes perfect sense, starting the New Job & all - he's trying to settle in, get his lil' home-away-from-home organized, scout out his routine...
But why did he wait to break the news to me until the day before I left for my MO ride last week (Wed, when he was leaving on Fri). Ah well, the challenges of marital communication, eh ;-) ?
Yesterday was spent making small increments of progress towards preparations for my big NM expedition: went to town to get new tires on horse trailer (we had TWO flats last weekend; changing tires is NOT my idea of a good time!), filled up the propane cylinders, went by feed store while I had trailer hitched to load hay bales directly onto rack (hey, I ain't as dumb as I look!)
But I guess I AM as dumb as I ACT... still must learn to eat before I get headachy & ravenous - normal appetite is NOT a character flaw! After parking the trailer, I schlepped across town for my long-awaited, twice-rescheduled appt w/sports medicine podiatrist... When I finally made it there, I walked into a completely packed house - there was not even a place for me to sit!
To me this speaks of more than simple overbooking - I was not impressed. I always do my best not to keep my own clients waiting - apologizing profusely if it's more than a few min past their scheduled appt time. Everything in my head was screaming No, no, no! so I carefully backed out of there... My foot has been feeling better, whether that's simply bcz I haven't been running on it, or my intermittent exercise regimen for flat feet is actually doing some good? It's hard to say - but I didn't feel like wasting 2 hrs of MY precious time just to get a pat on the head +/- a prescription for new orthotics.
So I took advantage of this opportunity to shop a little: Half-Price Books & a couple of other places to browse, wound up at the taco shop my friends & I went to Mon night... Felt like "Date Night" w/myself - really odd NOT to be in a time crunch, loitering w/HP4 (Goblet of Fire; couldn't find my original copy so I bought a "new used" volume at Half Price), then trailing home to watch the movie! (in my opinion Goblet of Fire is the best HP movie of the bunch)
Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend - I'll be leisurely packing up for my trip, taking my time in this blast-furnace heat!
I came to the realization w/a jolt that for all intensive purposes, I am a single person for the next 6 mos as Hubs will be a weekend date at best.
(I may be slow but I do catch on eventually)
I was slightly perturbed when he told me last week that he wouldn't be home for this 4th of July weekend - of course it makes perfect sense, starting the New Job & all - he's trying to settle in, get his lil' home-away-from-home organized, scout out his routine...
But why did he wait to break the news to me until the day before I left for my MO ride last week (Wed, when he was leaving on Fri). Ah well, the challenges of marital communication, eh ;-) ?
Yesterday was spent making small increments of progress towards preparations for my big NM expedition: went to town to get new tires on horse trailer (we had TWO flats last weekend; changing tires is NOT my idea of a good time!), filled up the propane cylinders, went by feed store while I had trailer hitched to load hay bales directly onto rack (hey, I ain't as dumb as I look!)
But I guess I AM as dumb as I ACT... still must learn to eat before I get headachy & ravenous - normal appetite is NOT a character flaw! After parking the trailer, I schlepped across town for my long-awaited, twice-rescheduled appt w/sports medicine podiatrist... When I finally made it there, I walked into a completely packed house - there was not even a place for me to sit!
To me this speaks of more than simple overbooking - I was not impressed. I always do my best not to keep my own clients waiting - apologizing profusely if it's more than a few min past their scheduled appt time. Everything in my head was screaming No, no, no! so I carefully backed out of there... My foot has been feeling better, whether that's simply bcz I haven't been running on it, or my intermittent exercise regimen for flat feet is actually doing some good? It's hard to say - but I didn't feel like wasting 2 hrs of MY precious time just to get a pat on the head +/- a prescription for new orthotics.
So I took advantage of this opportunity to shop a little: Half-Price Books & a couple of other places to browse, wound up at the taco shop my friends & I went to Mon night... Felt like "Date Night" w/myself - really odd NOT to be in a time crunch, loitering w/HP4 (Goblet of Fire; couldn't find my original copy so I bought a "new used" volume at Half Price), then trailing home to watch the movie! (in my opinion Goblet of Fire is the best HP movie of the bunch)
Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend - I'll be leisurely packing up for my trip, taking my time in this blast-furnace heat!
20 Days
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
"Speak calmly with your demons. Don’t provoke them. The most radical act you can perform in terms of being contrary to the destructive processes of this decadent culture is to sit still on a cushion. Give money to bums. Talk to animals. Listen to children. Keep only a few intimate friends."
I can't even remember where I snagged this quote in my aimless surfing; it just spoke to me!
This has been a weird holiday weekend, me all by my lonesome... I vacillated between staying up too late in second-teenage-hood rebellion, then needing a long nap the next day!
I should be taking advantage of my solitude this month (Z at his father's, P away at his new job) to organize this squalor & make my abode a fit human habitat, instead of once again packing up & hauling off to Ft Stanton in what may likely be another futile quest to complete all 6 d of this daunting ride.
(It just seemed a good omen, since I already had this exact week scheduled off in what might instead have been my 2nd Tevis attempt)
My boy has sounded somewhat brighter these past couple of days, since he's looking forward to their Washington DC trip - I believe they leave Thurs (that reminds me, Ex promised an itinerary which I have yet to see). Believe it or not, this is the FIRST time in 13 yrs that Ex has taken his son on any sort of family vacation. Let's hope it's a good memory for him.
I can't even remember where I snagged this quote in my aimless surfing; it just spoke to me!
This has been a weird holiday weekend, me all by my lonesome... I vacillated between staying up too late in second-teenage-hood rebellion, then needing a long nap the next day!
I should be taking advantage of my solitude this month (Z at his father's, P away at his new job) to organize this squalor & make my abode a fit human habitat, instead of once again packing up & hauling off to Ft Stanton in what may likely be another futile quest to complete all 6 d of this daunting ride.
(It just seemed a good omen, since I already had this exact week scheduled off in what might instead have been my 2nd Tevis attempt)
My boy has sounded somewhat brighter these past couple of days, since he's looking forward to their Washington DC trip - I believe they leave Thurs (that reminds me, Ex promised an itinerary which I have yet to see). Believe it or not, this is the FIRST time in 13 yrs that Ex has taken his son on any sort of family vacation. Let's hope it's a good memory for him.
10 Days
Friday, July 15, 2011
I utter a small ironic laugh to myself - serves me right for sneering at my friend Deb for not bring able to uncouple herself from her social media while we're supposed to be on vacation in central NM...
Look at what I've done - the same thing: drive into town to hook up to WiFi & put up a post instead of staying in camp w/what feels like false sympathy from my other so-called friends...
Are they too thick to realize that Chihuahuas can't roam around horse camp freely like the big dogs?!?!? My puppies escaped the trailer while I was out on trail... I can debate endlessly whether this tragedy is the combined result of Deb failing to latch the screen door properly (I always double-check) her stupid dog driving them away from the relative safety of their trailer (he was on a tie line outside), or as I mentioned above, my other friends unconcern (they did "try" to catch 'em, but gave up) - the bottom line is that Princess's life was always in MY hands.
I failed her - she tried to cross the road to find me on the trail, was struck by some a$$hole who never even slowed down, & blessedly was killed instantly.
Now for the first time, I am NOT looking forward to getting my son back home; how on earth am I going to break this news to him??
Poor Buddy is trying very hard, staying snuggled up to me, but he's got impossibly sweet "shoes" to fill. Please know Momma loved you, my darling.
Look at what I've done - the same thing: drive into town to hook up to WiFi & put up a post instead of staying in camp w/what feels like false sympathy from my other so-called friends...
Are they too thick to realize that Chihuahuas can't roam around horse camp freely like the big dogs?!?!? My puppies escaped the trailer while I was out on trail... I can debate endlessly whether this tragedy is the combined result of Deb failing to latch the screen door properly (I always double-check) her stupid dog driving them away from the relative safety of their trailer (he was on a tie line outside), or as I mentioned above, my other friends unconcern (they did "try" to catch 'em, but gave up) - the bottom line is that Princess's life was always in MY hands.
I failed her - she tried to cross the road to find me on the trail, was struck by some a$$hole who never even slowed down, & blessedly was killed instantly.
Now for the first time, I am NOT looking forward to getting my son back home; how on earth am I going to break this news to him??
Poor Buddy is trying very hard, staying snuggled up to me, but he's got impossibly sweet "shoes" to fill. Please know Momma loved you, my darling.
9 Days
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Well I woke up this AM after another damnnedly poor night's rest (I won't even call it "sleep" since it was more like a series of short naps!) to find that unfortunately it was NOT all a nightmare; my baby girl is still dead...
I came back from my self-imposed exile last night to find silk flowers for Princess's grave, a precious lil' plaque, & a sympathy card signed by everyone.
It helps dull the pain a little bit. Bud & I hiked up to place the flowers on her grave early this AM. Doing laundry in town right now, but when Deb & Al are finished riding this PM, we'll give the ponies some rest time before packing it up to drive home. Wish I had the stamina to drive straight through (12 hrs), but probably will have to stop somewhere. Feeling very old & tired.
Momma misses you so much, my sweet baby girl.
I came back from my self-imposed exile last night to find silk flowers for Princess's grave, a precious lil' plaque, & a sympathy card signed by everyone.
It helps dull the pain a little bit. Bud & I hiked up to place the flowers on her grave early this AM. Doing laundry in town right now, but when Deb & Al are finished riding this PM, we'll give the ponies some rest time before packing it up to drive home. Wish I had the stamina to drive straight through (12 hrs), but probably will have to stop somewhere. Feeling very old & tired.
Momma misses you so much, my sweet baby girl.
8 Days
Sunday, July 17, 2011
(Why is this posting the wrong date? both on my computer & my watch, it's 11:14 PM SUNDAY night!?!?!)
aka "The Perfect Storm"
I do not tend to be a weeper, but I'll have to admit I cried on both occasions when I read the book, & later when I saw the movie (although as usual the book was vastly superior).
I drove myself harder than I would ever drive one of my own mules yesterday: by the time Deb finished her ride (needless to say I did not saddle up Saturday morning after Friday's tragedy), I had us all packed up. As soon as she had a chance to shower off, we loaded the ponies & I drove us all the way home. I was hoping that if I completely exhausted myself (we arrived at 3:15 AM), I might be granted some dreamless sleep. It seemed to work.
I slept from 4 AM to a little past 9, far better than Friday night, when I spent one of my most miserable nights ever, filled w/guilt & recriminations over my baby girl. I don't know what Perfect Storm aligned to steal my precious lil' puppy from me before she'd even reached 5 yrs of age. A bad job of latching the screen door (again & again I visualized myself simply turning to close the main door as I left, a solid barricade), Deb's neurotic terrier driving them away from the trailer, Princess setting out to find me...
But I kept coming back again & again to the true conundrum: with the elaborate communication system set up by Roger (the ride manager) to assure our ability to hold our ride on BLM property which would otherwise have been closed due to the extreme fire hazard, why did no one try to get word to ME, out on trail???
There were multiple checkpoints staffed by ham-radio volunteers; Roger also required those who ride w/their cell phones to register w/the office. (I don't ride w/my phone - I ride to get AWAY from technology!) But my friend Deb had her phone, so did her stepdad Al. Everyone knew those were my Chihuahuas (I'd taken Princess every year of her short life), & if I had known they were loose in camp, I would have abandoned my ride & rushed back to camp by the shortest route possible, as fast as my mule could travel...
I replayed the sequence in my mind - sometimes I saved her, sometimes I came over the crest of the hill just in time to see her struck down. Pointless fantasy, I know.
Today I've been basically worthless, stumbling around to do some minor unpacking & laundry, escorting Deb to town for brunch, trying to send her on her way gracefully as she thanked me for "a wonderful trip" (oh yeah, absolutely wonderful except for the minor detail of having half my lap empty for the trip home). The whole reason I caravan out to NM is for peace & quiet & glorious SOLITUDE.
I got none of that on this trip: between junior-high drama during the week between Deb & a couple of her other friends (extending into our commute home as they texted back & forth), dealing w/her neurotic dog & culminating in the tragic loss of my darling Princess, all I could think of last night as I chugged coffee & pressed a little harder on the accelerator was how desperate I was to GET HOME & get free of her. Ungracious of me, I know. Some friend I am.
aka "The Perfect Storm"
I do not tend to be a weeper, but I'll have to admit I cried on both occasions when I read the book, & later when I saw the movie (although as usual the book was vastly superior).
I drove myself harder than I would ever drive one of my own mules yesterday: by the time Deb finished her ride (needless to say I did not saddle up Saturday morning after Friday's tragedy), I had us all packed up. As soon as she had a chance to shower off, we loaded the ponies & I drove us all the way home. I was hoping that if I completely exhausted myself (we arrived at 3:15 AM), I might be granted some dreamless sleep. It seemed to work.
I slept from 4 AM to a little past 9, far better than Friday night, when I spent one of my most miserable nights ever, filled w/guilt & recriminations over my baby girl. I don't know what Perfect Storm aligned to steal my precious lil' puppy from me before she'd even reached 5 yrs of age. A bad job of latching the screen door (again & again I visualized myself simply turning to close the main door as I left, a solid barricade), Deb's neurotic terrier driving them away from the trailer, Princess setting out to find me...
But I kept coming back again & again to the true conundrum: with the elaborate communication system set up by Roger (the ride manager) to assure our ability to hold our ride on BLM property which would otherwise have been closed due to the extreme fire hazard, why did no one try to get word to ME, out on trail???
There were multiple checkpoints staffed by ham-radio volunteers; Roger also required those who ride w/their cell phones to register w/the office. (I don't ride w/my phone - I ride to get AWAY from technology!) But my friend Deb had her phone, so did her stepdad Al. Everyone knew those were my Chihuahuas (I'd taken Princess every year of her short life), & if I had known they were loose in camp, I would have abandoned my ride & rushed back to camp by the shortest route possible, as fast as my mule could travel...
I replayed the sequence in my mind - sometimes I saved her, sometimes I came over the crest of the hill just in time to see her struck down. Pointless fantasy, I know.
Today I've been basically worthless, stumbling around to do some minor unpacking & laundry, escorting Deb to town for brunch, trying to send her on her way gracefully as she thanked me for "a wonderful trip" (oh yeah, absolutely wonderful except for the minor detail of having half my lap empty for the trip home). The whole reason I caravan out to NM is for peace & quiet & glorious SOLITUDE.
I got none of that on this trip: between junior-high drama during the week between Deb & a couple of her other friends (extending into our commute home as they texted back & forth), dealing w/her neurotic dog & culminating in the tragic loss of my darling Princess, all I could think of last night as I chugged coffee & pressed a little harder on the accelerator was how desperate I was to GET HOME & get free of her. Ungracious of me, I know. Some friend I am.
5 Days
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
aka "Autointoxication" - in other words: "It's the Sugar, Stupid"
This AM, I find another cheery email from SP in my inbox: "Are You Ready to Change Your Lifestyle"?
In my case that answer seems to be "No" based on my constant persistence in eating things that make me feel like crap! For many months now, I'm suspicious of gluten sensitivity - but an even more likely culprit appears to be simple carbs/sugar...
I'm trying to commit to ONE SINGLE DAY of adhering to my paleo/primal principles - I've read so many accounts of people noticing vast improvements after one solitary day of giving up the processed junk... But once again this morning, I dallied too long at my home PC, did NOT prepare my protein shakes or the fried eggs I had planned, and rushed out the door to grab one of Jack's breakfast sandwiches. (At least I removed half of the bun)
But the fact of the matter is, if I don't peel off 10% at the very least, I need to put poor lil' Baraq on the market. I made his back sore after only two short days in the hills of NM - he's got the best endurance saddle money can buy, so it's not a saddle-fit issue, it's pure physics! Those weight-distribution panels can only do so much.
My boy had a hopeful note in his voice last night ("Only 5 more days, Mom!") - there again, as much as I'm looking forward to getting him home, I quail & cringe away from the grief-filled scene when I must tell him where his sweet puppy is...
This AM, I find another cheery email from SP in my inbox: "Are You Ready to Change Your Lifestyle"?
In my case that answer seems to be "No" based on my constant persistence in eating things that make me feel like crap! For many months now, I'm suspicious of gluten sensitivity - but an even more likely culprit appears to be simple carbs/sugar...
I'm trying to commit to ONE SINGLE DAY of adhering to my paleo/primal principles - I've read so many accounts of people noticing vast improvements after one solitary day of giving up the processed junk... But once again this morning, I dallied too long at my home PC, did NOT prepare my protein shakes or the fried eggs I had planned, and rushed out the door to grab one of Jack's breakfast sandwiches. (At least I removed half of the bun)
But the fact of the matter is, if I don't peel off 10% at the very least, I need to put poor lil' Baraq on the market. I made his back sore after only two short days in the hills of NM - he's got the best endurance saddle money can buy, so it's not a saddle-fit issue, it's pure physics! Those weight-distribution panels can only do so much.
My boy had a hopeful note in his voice last night ("Only 5 more days, Mom!") - there again, as much as I'm looking forward to getting him home, I quail & cringe away from the grief-filled scene when I must tell him where his sweet puppy is...
Monday, Monday
Monday, July 25, 2011
(My little timeline was disrupted - ALL FOR THE GOOD - when Ex for once decided to Play Fair, & let me get my boy back yesterday instead of today)
No time to dive into that now, just posting a little tidbit I came across:
"Be honest. This is exactly what you want. You want to keep doing exactly what you are doing (which is nothing) and get all the rewards of great health.
But if you are not prepared to make whole sale (sic) changes then forget about any chance of transforming your body. You can’t get something for nothing. If you aren’t prepared to…
give up fast food
get up 30 minutes earlier so you can eat a proper breakfast
get 8 or 9 hours of sleep
cut out processed foods from your diet
give up foods you love (but are killing you)
commit to an exercise program that actually works
then you aren’t emotionally or psychologically prepared for this journey and you are once again doomed for failure."
My boy babbled to me nonstop about his New Improved Nutritional Plan last night when we made a quickie shopping trip & he stocked up on healthy snacks like Greek yogurt, sliced turkey, a few canned soups & couscous for variety...
Perhaps I should just follow my 13-yr old's advice - it was certainly music to my ears when I heard him this morning, singing the praises of "It's so great to open the refrigerator & see foods that I LIKE!!!"
No time to dive into that now, just posting a little tidbit I came across:
"Be honest. This is exactly what you want. You want to keep doing exactly what you are doing (which is nothing) and get all the rewards of great health.
But if you are not prepared to make whole sale (sic) changes then forget about any chance of transforming your body. You can’t get something for nothing. If you aren’t prepared to…
give up fast food
get up 30 minutes earlier so you can eat a proper breakfast
get 8 or 9 hours of sleep
cut out processed foods from your diet
give up foods you love (but are killing you)
commit to an exercise program that actually works
then you aren’t emotionally or psychologically prepared for this journey and you are once again doomed for failure."
My boy babbled to me nonstop about his New Improved Nutritional Plan last night when we made a quickie shopping trip & he stocked up on healthy snacks like Greek yogurt, sliced turkey, a few canned soups & couscous for variety...
Perhaps I should just follow my 13-yr old's advice - it was certainly music to my ears when I heard him this morning, singing the praises of "It's so great to open the refrigerator & see foods that I LIKE!!!"
Snape's Tears
Sunday, July 31, 2011
(spoiler alert: a melancholy combo of movie review & memoir)
I was pleasantly surprised when Z consented to go see HP 7: DH-2 w/me last night... After waiting breathlessly for him to get home, he talked me into taking him to see "Horrible Bosses" instead (which was quite amusing; earning its "R" for foul language - a running joke about why one character was nicknamed "MF" made the mom part of me cringe while the teenager in me laughed!).
Anyway, once again the (HP) movie was not quite as good as the book, although an entertaining spectacle. (Had me thinking that they should have done the entire series as two-parters; I'm certain they shot enough movie footage to do it, & die-hard HP fans would have gladly paid two admissions) The battle for Hogwarts was amazing, even as I cringed as first Harry, then Ron & Hermione attempted to kill Nagini w/basilisk fangs. (I whispered fiercely to myself: "It's GOT to be Neville!")
But the one part in which I thought the movie surpassed the novel was when Harry collected Snape's tears for the Pensieve instead of the mists of his memories. It made sense that they were more concentrated, wielding more emotional impact & power of expression in brief intense segments of memory. I wept last night as I do now, when Snape conjured his Patronus & whispered "Always", and when he gathered Lily Potter's body in his arms (again, a nice touch)...
(Of course, Alan Rickman is an amazing actor; he could demonstrate emotional range reading the phone book - that old-fashioned bound volume that still exists in these days of the Internet.)
Of course I was also crying over my baby girl, because I'd do almost anything if I could only get my hands on a Time-Turner or better yet, the Resurrection Stone! Z was mocking me for my tears, but when I explained myself as we walked to the car, he choked up too. Quite seriously, he explained that I wouldn't WANT to use the Resurrection Stone bcz I would just be conjuring up a lil' zombie dog.
"Well, darling, I know she'd be a SWEET little zombie!"
(I also cried when Will Smith had to strangle his zombie-Shepard in "I Am Legend", but in general I am NOT a big weeper, in or out of the cinema!)
I didn't bother to explain the complicated time-travel negotiations I've been obsessed with - if only if only if only... I've always loved those sorts of quirky sci-fi stories, & now I'm paying the price.
I don't know if I can write it off this way, but I am slowly convincing myself that the low-grade alarm I felt from my Diagnostic Sense ever since we brought Princess home (oh, was I a nervous wreck when Princess was an even tinier puppy!) was my own precognition that my baby girl would not live a long life (I started to type "& happy" but dammit, she WAS happy! I've gotten a stack of sympathy cards w/several mentions of what a sweet & happy dog she was, how well taken care of she was, & how much everyone loved her. She was the best ambassador for the Chihuahua breed you've ever seen.)
I felt oddly cleansed & lighter in spirit, as you often do after a good cry. But my oh my, Momma still misses her baby girl.
I was pleasantly surprised when Z consented to go see HP 7: DH-2 w/me last night... After waiting breathlessly for him to get home, he talked me into taking him to see "Horrible Bosses" instead (which was quite amusing; earning its "R" for foul language - a running joke about why one character was nicknamed "MF" made the mom part of me cringe while the teenager in me laughed!).
Anyway, once again the (HP) movie was not quite as good as the book, although an entertaining spectacle. (Had me thinking that they should have done the entire series as two-parters; I'm certain they shot enough movie footage to do it, & die-hard HP fans would have gladly paid two admissions) The battle for Hogwarts was amazing, even as I cringed as first Harry, then Ron & Hermione attempted to kill Nagini w/basilisk fangs. (I whispered fiercely to myself: "It's GOT to be Neville!")
But the one part in which I thought the movie surpassed the novel was when Harry collected Snape's tears for the Pensieve instead of the mists of his memories. It made sense that they were more concentrated, wielding more emotional impact & power of expression in brief intense segments of memory. I wept last night as I do now, when Snape conjured his Patronus & whispered "Always", and when he gathered Lily Potter's body in his arms (again, a nice touch)...
(Of course, Alan Rickman is an amazing actor; he could demonstrate emotional range reading the phone book - that old-fashioned bound volume that still exists in these days of the Internet.)
Of course I was also crying over my baby girl, because I'd do almost anything if I could only get my hands on a Time-Turner or better yet, the Resurrection Stone! Z was mocking me for my tears, but when I explained myself as we walked to the car, he choked up too. Quite seriously, he explained that I wouldn't WANT to use the Resurrection Stone bcz I would just be conjuring up a lil' zombie dog.
"Well, darling, I know she'd be a SWEET little zombie!"
(I also cried when Will Smith had to strangle his zombie-Shepard in "I Am Legend", but in general I am NOT a big weeper, in or out of the cinema!)
I didn't bother to explain the complicated time-travel negotiations I've been obsessed with - if only if only if only... I've always loved those sorts of quirky sci-fi stories, & now I'm paying the price.
I don't know if I can write it off this way, but I am slowly convincing myself that the low-grade alarm I felt from my Diagnostic Sense ever since we brought Princess home (oh, was I a nervous wreck when Princess was an even tinier puppy!) was my own precognition that my baby girl would not live a long life (I started to type "& happy" but dammit, she WAS happy! I've gotten a stack of sympathy cards w/several mentions of what a sweet & happy dog she was, how well taken care of she was, & how much everyone loved her. She was the best ambassador for the Chihuahua breed you've ever seen.)
I felt oddly cleansed & lighter in spirit, as you often do after a good cry. But my oh my, Momma still misses her baby girl.
The Last Straw
Monday, August 08, 2011
Back at work today, being semi-productive...
Lord only knows how much I could accomplish, if only I would quit sabotaging myself!
I wanted to whip out some snazzy entry about my rejuvenated resolve & sense of purpose after a humiliating incident on our river-rafting expedition (full explanation to follow in next post), but am hobbled by another crippling episode of grief from a new source: oops I did it again!
This time I lost our bird.
It's been such an impressive "trick", leaving Mango (our Goffin cockatoo) fully-flighted: she would return when called just like a hawk... Of course in my household, I decided it would be MORE dangerous to trim her wings, since she might need to escape a cat or dog! But last night at dusk, I was attempting to multitask - bringing Mango up from the "pet shed" (where her big cage is & she spends most days), locking up the chickens & letting the new dogs (Catahoula mix & German shepard pup) out of their temporary confinement in the horse trailer until they learn not to chase chickens!
Blue (the Catahoula) startled Mango & she took off in an explosive high-speed burst of flight, getting into the deep darkening woods below the pond... By the time I corralled the dogs again (they were happy to have their freedom & didn't understand why it was being so soon revoked), it was too dark for her to see her way back. We called back & forth quite a bit ("Mango!" "Squawk!" etc) as I tried to echo-locate her, but it was soon too dark for me to plunge into the briar-laced underbrush.
I made an executive decision to leave her where she seemed to be safe, high in one of the big oaks overnight, & arise at the crack of dawn to call her safely home.
I slept poorly (no duh!) & went out this morning to... Silence (from Mango; of course other birds were racketing about; the rooster was crowing , the ducks were gabbling & the donkeys were braying for their breakfast). My boy went out later when he arose & likewise could hear no sign of her.
My heart is heavy; if only I had done ONE THING AT A TIME last night, I wouldn't have lost another beloved family pet.
Lord only knows how much I could accomplish, if only I would quit sabotaging myself!
I wanted to whip out some snazzy entry about my rejuvenated resolve & sense of purpose after a humiliating incident on our river-rafting expedition (full explanation to follow in next post), but am hobbled by another crippling episode of grief from a new source: oops I did it again!
This time I lost our bird.
It's been such an impressive "trick", leaving Mango (our Goffin cockatoo) fully-flighted: she would return when called just like a hawk... Of course in my household, I decided it would be MORE dangerous to trim her wings, since she might need to escape a cat or dog! But last night at dusk, I was attempting to multitask - bringing Mango up from the "pet shed" (where her big cage is & she spends most days), locking up the chickens & letting the new dogs (Catahoula mix & German shepard pup) out of their temporary confinement in the horse trailer until they learn not to chase chickens!
Blue (the Catahoula) startled Mango & she took off in an explosive high-speed burst of flight, getting into the deep darkening woods below the pond... By the time I corralled the dogs again (they were happy to have their freedom & didn't understand why it was being so soon revoked), it was too dark for her to see her way back. We called back & forth quite a bit ("Mango!" "Squawk!" etc) as I tried to echo-locate her, but it was soon too dark for me to plunge into the briar-laced underbrush.
I made an executive decision to leave her where she seemed to be safe, high in one of the big oaks overnight, & arise at the crack of dawn to call her safely home.
I slept poorly (no duh!) & went out this morning to... Silence (from Mango; of course other birds were racketing about; the rooster was crowing , the ducks were gabbling & the donkeys were braying for their breakfast). My boy went out later when he arose & likewise could hear no sign of her.
My heart is heavy; if only I had done ONE THING AT A TIME last night, I wouldn't have lost another beloved family pet.
The Rest of the Story
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
...I know I promised a recap of our vacation!
Yellowstone territory was absolutely beautiful, but we learned the hard way that it's best to encamp closer to the park. (We were 90 mi out; my mom found a great deal on a hotel in Idaho Falls which was very nice but too long a drive!)
By Friday my elderly parents (Dad is 82, Mom will soon be 80) were too worn out from driving so they elected to hang out at our hotel while Z & I caravaned up to the N entry of the park (Gardiner, MT) for a short white-water rafting trip...
It was cool & cloudy when we arrived, so when a few rainclouds drizzled on us, the outfitters issued wetsuits - thank goodness they had dressing rooms so no one was subjected to the ordeal of watching me stuff myself into a longjohn! (Note to self: pack shortie wetsuit for next expedition)
By the time I was suited up & strapped into my lifejacket, I could barely move, but we had to march down a narrow trail - probably a 200-yd descent to get to the river. I was regretting putting on the wetsuit - already sweating! (although I appreciated it later on - the Yellowstone River was FRIGID!) I was also carrying a 1-liter water bottle (as suggested) for both Z & I, although no one else was "packing" (maybe they were going to drink from the river if they got thirsty ;-).
I stumbled on a loose rock at the riverbank's edge & went down on my back like a turtle... Fortunately one of the guides came over to help me up - I was too close to the rushing current, didn't want to drop my oar or the water bottle! (dumb a$$ litterbug) I made some lame joke about being "like the Stay-Puft marshmellow man". I guess I hid my mortification well, & Z didn't seem too terribly embarrassed...
On Thurs I bought Z a tandem hang-glider ride; he claims it was "the most fun he's ever had in his whole life"! But they have a 200-lb weight limit; I'll have to peel off a few more lbs before I can try it myself.
Of course there were dude ranches EVERYWHERE, scattered throughout SE Idaho, Wyoming, & Montana, but I couldn't justify renting plugs when it would be so much more meaningful to ride our OWN ponies through that gorgeous territory. No matter which way I sliced it, it's a solid 24-hr haul = 2 days' driving, each way. Maybe next year?
Yellowstone territory was absolutely beautiful, but we learned the hard way that it's best to encamp closer to the park. (We were 90 mi out; my mom found a great deal on a hotel in Idaho Falls which was very nice but too long a drive!)
By Friday my elderly parents (Dad is 82, Mom will soon be 80) were too worn out from driving so they elected to hang out at our hotel while Z & I caravaned up to the N entry of the park (Gardiner, MT) for a short white-water rafting trip...
It was cool & cloudy when we arrived, so when a few rainclouds drizzled on us, the outfitters issued wetsuits - thank goodness they had dressing rooms so no one was subjected to the ordeal of watching me stuff myself into a longjohn! (Note to self: pack shortie wetsuit for next expedition)
By the time I was suited up & strapped into my lifejacket, I could barely move, but we had to march down a narrow trail - probably a 200-yd descent to get to the river. I was regretting putting on the wetsuit - already sweating! (although I appreciated it later on - the Yellowstone River was FRIGID!) I was also carrying a 1-liter water bottle (as suggested) for both Z & I, although no one else was "packing" (maybe they were going to drink from the river if they got thirsty ;-).
I stumbled on a loose rock at the riverbank's edge & went down on my back like a turtle... Fortunately one of the guides came over to help me up - I was too close to the rushing current, didn't want to drop my oar or the water bottle! (dumb a$$ litterbug) I made some lame joke about being "like the Stay-Puft marshmellow man". I guess I hid my mortification well, & Z didn't seem too terribly embarrassed...
On Thurs I bought Z a tandem hang-glider ride; he claims it was "the most fun he's ever had in his whole life"! But they have a 200-lb weight limit; I'll have to peel off a few more lbs before I can try it myself.
Of course there were dude ranches EVERYWHERE, scattered throughout SE Idaho, Wyoming, & Montana, but I couldn't justify renting plugs when it would be so much more meaningful to ride our OWN ponies through that gorgeous territory. No matter which way I sliced it, it's a solid 24-hr haul = 2 days' driving, each way. Maybe next year?
A Handful of Dust
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I don't WANT to get so bogged down in my grief that I forget these scattered jewels of my single-mom life (yes, I know I'm remarried, but when P is on the road so much, that leaves me for all practical purposes, a single mom!):
First week back to school, bittersweet as my Big Boy enters his last year (8th grade) in the sheltered environment of St E's... Over the years, I have lamented the great bleeding chunks of Z's childhood which have been ripped away from me; I counted down this 23-d precious chunk of uninterrupted time w/him like a miser (guess only those who likewise have been through a custody battle or suffered the travails of divorce would understand...)
Neither my childless nor "mommy" friends seem to comprehend why I DON'T relish these periods of non-custodial freedom: it isn't that I don't appreciate the "time off", it's that it is FORCED upon me! Nevertheless, if there were more room for compromise & negotiation w/my ex, it would undoubtedly be better...
Anyway, back to school also meant back to the standard visitation schedule; this does not obscure my quiet joy when I got my boy home last night & he sidled over onto my LAP to show me the latest features he'd added to his Warhammer model! All 5'6" & 115 lbs of him... He's only 2" shorter than me now, but I'll hold him as long as he'll let me!
I kissed his broadening shoulders & sniffed back the tears in my eyes before he could turn around & see 'em. My angel. Maybe I've done a few things right after all.
First week back to school, bittersweet as my Big Boy enters his last year (8th grade) in the sheltered environment of St E's... Over the years, I have lamented the great bleeding chunks of Z's childhood which have been ripped away from me; I counted down this 23-d precious chunk of uninterrupted time w/him like a miser (guess only those who likewise have been through a custody battle or suffered the travails of divorce would understand...)
Neither my childless nor "mommy" friends seem to comprehend why I DON'T relish these periods of non-custodial freedom: it isn't that I don't appreciate the "time off", it's that it is FORCED upon me! Nevertheless, if there were more room for compromise & negotiation w/my ex, it would undoubtedly be better...
Anyway, back to school also meant back to the standard visitation schedule; this does not obscure my quiet joy when I got my boy home last night & he sidled over onto my LAP to show me the latest features he'd added to his Warhammer model! All 5'6" & 115 lbs of him... He's only 2" shorter than me now, but I'll hold him as long as he'll let me!
I kissed his broadening shoulders & sniffed back the tears in my eyes before he could turn around & see 'em. My angel. Maybe I've done a few things right after all.
TGIF (Not)
Friday, August 26, 2011
One of the first things I should do, if I were a person of integrity, is APOLOGIZE to my DH! Because the bottom-line is, HE'S not to blame for the miserable quality of my sleep... (he's been out of town for the past 9 wks, w/only a couple of brief weekend "conjugal visits", yet I continue to toss n' turn, dragging my poor aching carcass out of bed each morning **ALMOST** as exhausted as when I collapsed the prior evening)
I was only up once @ 2:40 AM to empty the weak bladder, but once again my internal alarm clock awoke me almost precisely 1 hr before my scheduled alarm, despite 6 mg of doxylamine - that's only 1/4 tab of Unisom! but I remain logy, dull & depressed this AM as my mind turns longingly towards my latest addiction: a big creamy cup of iced coffee procured from the local gas station!
I need to cut that sh!t out if I'm the least bit serious about safeguarding the health of my liver or any other part of this mortal frame, the only model I'll ever be blessed to own! (I've contemplated the theory of reincarnation a few times in my brief forays into Eastern philosophy but nah, can't buy into that!) & now in 13 short days, I'll be climbing onto my doctor's scales to demonstrate - ho-hum - that I've stayed EXACTLY THE SAME! Hey, at least I'm consistent ;-) !
I keep on thinking that the latest episode of disgust/humiliation (a few unflattering photographs here, crash-landing on the edge of a riverbank there) will provide me w/that rock-bottom foundation of motivation, but again & again I find myself taking the easy way out: stopping for fast food, using the excuse of buying my (skinny) son a treat to swing by DQ & get something for myself. Until the day that poor Baraq's lil' legs literally collapse under your weight (& you then have NOTHING to ride competitively), it seems that my path remains unchanged...
I was only up once @ 2:40 AM to empty the weak bladder, but once again my internal alarm clock awoke me almost precisely 1 hr before my scheduled alarm, despite 6 mg of doxylamine - that's only 1/4 tab of Unisom! but I remain logy, dull & depressed this AM as my mind turns longingly towards my latest addiction: a big creamy cup of iced coffee procured from the local gas station!
I need to cut that sh!t out if I'm the least bit serious about safeguarding the health of my liver or any other part of this mortal frame, the only model I'll ever be blessed to own! (I've contemplated the theory of reincarnation a few times in my brief forays into Eastern philosophy but nah, can't buy into that!) & now in 13 short days, I'll be climbing onto my doctor's scales to demonstrate - ho-hum - that I've stayed EXACTLY THE SAME! Hey, at least I'm consistent ;-) !
I keep on thinking that the latest episode of disgust/humiliation (a few unflattering photographs here, crash-landing on the edge of a riverbank there) will provide me w/that rock-bottom foundation of motivation, but again & again I find myself taking the easy way out: stopping for fast food, using the excuse of buying my (skinny) son a treat to swing by DQ & get something for myself. Until the day that poor Baraq's lil' legs literally collapse under your weight (& you then have NOTHING to ride competitively), it seems that my path remains unchanged...
Hate It When That Happens...
Saturday, August 27, 2011
...if nothing else, I am a compulsive PLANNER, so I absolutely HATE IT when even my casually-laid plans go awry!
My boy was up this AM @ 7:15, ready to roll up N to meet up w/his Warhammer buddies:
"Honey, the mall doesn't open until 10 AM!" (I was really hoping he would sleep in, at least until 8, so I would have a few precious moments of peace n' quiet to check my email & contemplate my day.)
Obviously that wasn't to be, & when I DID log on after feeding the ponies, I find a charming email from Ex: (backstory: Z decided he wants to go back to our old visitation schedule, which used to be Mon nights. However when he called his dad last Wed night to inform him, M said Not this week! otherwise he would MISS OUT on "HIS" night! So in other words, M's usual power trip.)
"Hi Val,
What do you have in mind with your proposal to switch our weekday visitation to Monday? Z mentioned restarting Karate on Mon and Wed. If we move to Mon I'm wondering whether we'll end up back where were.
Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks"
I replied (trying to stay calm & reasonable; I even kept my mouth shut after the Wed-night fiasco - as badly as I wanted to jump to Z's defense. If M is actively working on ways to further damage his relationship w/his son, he couldn't go much better than to constantly negate Z's wishes like this):
"Zach wants to go back to Monday-night visitation... We have talked & talked about going back to Ms Kristy's (Z's old tae kwon do school), but he wants to try someplace new. We may visit one this afternoon that offers Krav Maga** & jui-jitsu. Their schedule would be geared more towards Tues/Thurs.
I'll send you some photos if we go today
www.kravmagadfw.com/
Talk to you later,
Val"
**KT, this would probably be right up your (kickboxing-style) alley ;-) !
No reply yet - but what do I expect, it's only been 3 hrs! So I showered & dressed & drove my son to the mall - receiving one more piece of bad news along the way, which is that my mom didn't want to come w/us after all. It would have been a nice change of pace for her, but we'll stop in & see her this afternoon.
Meanwhile I can visit the gym & meditate upon my prospects for another half-marathon... W/Hubby's new schedule, there's no way I can make a Sun-night run in Vegas work (RNR Half 12/4), but we **could** stay at the snazzy new Dallas Convention Ctr Hotel & catch a shuttle to our local White Rock half (scheduled for that same Sun, but of course in the morning).
One thing that has always bugged me about the big events I've done, are the tremendous traffic jams - here we all are, trying to improve our health, maybe even go green & save the planet - yet last March I sat in an early morning crunch w/thousands of other runners for almost an hour, barely catching the shuttle to make it to the starting corral on time! There's GOT to be a better way!
My boy was up this AM @ 7:15, ready to roll up N to meet up w/his Warhammer buddies:
"Honey, the mall doesn't open until 10 AM!" (I was really hoping he would sleep in, at least until 8, so I would have a few precious moments of peace n' quiet to check my email & contemplate my day.)
Obviously that wasn't to be, & when I DID log on after feeding the ponies, I find a charming email from Ex: (backstory: Z decided he wants to go back to our old visitation schedule, which used to be Mon nights. However when he called his dad last Wed night to inform him, M said Not this week! otherwise he would MISS OUT on "HIS" night! So in other words, M's usual power trip.)
"Hi Val,
What do you have in mind with your proposal to switch our weekday visitation to Monday? Z mentioned restarting Karate on Mon and Wed. If we move to Mon I'm wondering whether we'll end up back where were.
Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks"
I replied (trying to stay calm & reasonable; I even kept my mouth shut after the Wed-night fiasco - as badly as I wanted to jump to Z's defense. If M is actively working on ways to further damage his relationship w/his son, he couldn't go much better than to constantly negate Z's wishes like this):
"Zach wants to go back to Monday-night visitation... We have talked & talked about going back to Ms Kristy's (Z's old tae kwon do school), but he wants to try someplace new. We may visit one this afternoon that offers Krav Maga** & jui-jitsu. Their schedule would be geared more towards Tues/Thurs.
I'll send you some photos if we go today
www.kravmagadfw.com/
Talk to you later,
Val"
**KT, this would probably be right up your (kickboxing-style) alley ;-) !
No reply yet - but what do I expect, it's only been 3 hrs! So I showered & dressed & drove my son to the mall - receiving one more piece of bad news along the way, which is that my mom didn't want to come w/us after all. It would have been a nice change of pace for her, but we'll stop in & see her this afternoon.
Meanwhile I can visit the gym & meditate upon my prospects for another half-marathon... W/Hubby's new schedule, there's no way I can make a Sun-night run in Vegas work (RNR Half 12/4), but we **could** stay at the snazzy new Dallas Convention Ctr Hotel & catch a shuttle to our local White Rock half (scheduled for that same Sun, but of course in the morning).
One thing that has always bugged me about the big events I've done, are the tremendous traffic jams - here we all are, trying to improve our health, maybe even go green & save the planet - yet last March I sat in an early morning crunch w/thousands of other runners for almost an hour, barely catching the shuttle to make it to the starting corral on time! There's GOT to be a better way!
Weenie
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
We arrived at the Krav Maga place 20 min early to find a handful of yoga students going through their asanas... (I would dearly love to attend regular yoga classes SOMEWHERE, but could not realistically expect to make a 6 PM class on Tues night; more on that later!**)
My friend Lisa had asked us to pick up HER boy, Z's friend/classmate Eric, so I brought him along - she's had a lot of turmoil in her life, just getting her mom out of the hospital & all... I had originally planned to suit up & serve as Z's sparring partner, but offered this role to Eric instead. He was a little shy, but went ahead, suited up & got out there w/a little encouragement from Mr Jack, the older-gentleman instructor.
This place was about the same size as Z's former tae kwon do academy, but had only 10 - 12 students vs the 25 - 30 which would commonly crowd Ms Kristy's mats. (A confounding variable when Z quit Ms Kristy's was overcrowding as well as the "little 'uns" who really should have had their own separate class - but Ms Kristy lacked both the space as well as the extra teaching staff.)
Z thoroughly enjoyed himself as did Eric (I already threw out the offer to Lisa, that I would be happy to bring Eric to the Tues/Thurs classes if she could pick him up); as we went over the "fine print" I was pleasantly surprised to see that it would cost $28 less per month than Ms Kristy's. I am tempted to sign on myself since they offer a 30% discount on additional family members: attending 2X weekly w/Z would drop our individual per-class costs from just under $14 to a little over $11 (yeah I realize I would still be spending $22/session but the prospect of not laying out all that additional capital for tournament fees, private lessons, extra uniforms & the like makes me feel flush!).
(I really can't dwell too much on how much those shiny trophies culminating w/Z's 1st-place State weapons champion jacket really cost me, or I'd get sick at my stomach - then again, it'd be a good appetite suppressant wouldn't it?)
But what I DO worry about is A.) first & foremost, whether my creaky ol' knees could tolerate all the mat work - in Krav Maga they seem to do A LOT of practice falls, takedowns & the like! as well as B.) would Z be embarrassed by his mom? I certainly wouldn't want to impede his progress, but then again it might be a golden opportunity for us to share a few more mos of "Mommy & Me" Quality Time before Z really DOES grow into a full-fledged teenager!
Time for more Deep Thought... I asked Z who was, of course, noncommittal (he wanted Mom to sign him up so I'm sure didn't want to slow my check-writing hand!) We'll talk more about it over the next week or so - I'm sure Mr Jack would be glad to add me on anytime before next month's automated payments kick in!
(KT, I wish to hell you lived closer ;-) I think it would be Big Fun to take these classes w/a GF, but it ain't Lisa's cup o' tea!
**there's also a 6 PM Thurs-night Power Yoga class, which would give me back a tiny slice of Me Time before the 7 PM KM class, but what to do w/my boy? Perhaps I can persuade him that yoga is not "gay"!!??!!
My friend Lisa had asked us to pick up HER boy, Z's friend/classmate Eric, so I brought him along - she's had a lot of turmoil in her life, just getting her mom out of the hospital & all... I had originally planned to suit up & serve as Z's sparring partner, but offered this role to Eric instead. He was a little shy, but went ahead, suited up & got out there w/a little encouragement from Mr Jack, the older-gentleman instructor.
This place was about the same size as Z's former tae kwon do academy, but had only 10 - 12 students vs the 25 - 30 which would commonly crowd Ms Kristy's mats. (A confounding variable when Z quit Ms Kristy's was overcrowding as well as the "little 'uns" who really should have had their own separate class - but Ms Kristy lacked both the space as well as the extra teaching staff.)
Z thoroughly enjoyed himself as did Eric (I already threw out the offer to Lisa, that I would be happy to bring Eric to the Tues/Thurs classes if she could pick him up); as we went over the "fine print" I was pleasantly surprised to see that it would cost $28 less per month than Ms Kristy's. I am tempted to sign on myself since they offer a 30% discount on additional family members: attending 2X weekly w/Z would drop our individual per-class costs from just under $14 to a little over $11 (yeah I realize I would still be spending $22/session but the prospect of not laying out all that additional capital for tournament fees, private lessons, extra uniforms & the like makes me feel flush!).
(I really can't dwell too much on how much those shiny trophies culminating w/Z's 1st-place State weapons champion jacket really cost me, or I'd get sick at my stomach - then again, it'd be a good appetite suppressant wouldn't it?)
But what I DO worry about is A.) first & foremost, whether my creaky ol' knees could tolerate all the mat work - in Krav Maga they seem to do A LOT of practice falls, takedowns & the like! as well as B.) would Z be embarrassed by his mom? I certainly wouldn't want to impede his progress, but then again it might be a golden opportunity for us to share a few more mos of "Mommy & Me" Quality Time before Z really DOES grow into a full-fledged teenager!
Time for more Deep Thought... I asked Z who was, of course, noncommittal (he wanted Mom to sign him up so I'm sure didn't want to slow my check-writing hand!) We'll talk more about it over the next week or so - I'm sure Mr Jack would be glad to add me on anytime before next month's automated payments kick in!
(KT, I wish to hell you lived closer ;-) I think it would be Big Fun to take these classes w/a GF, but it ain't Lisa's cup o' tea!
**there's also a 6 PM Thurs-night Power Yoga class, which would give me back a tiny slice of Me Time before the 7 PM KM class, but what to do w/my boy? Perhaps I can persuade him that yoga is not "gay"!!??!!
Sick Daze
Saturday, September 03, 2011
It was interesting from a clinical perspective to watch the progression of my symptoms: I woke up for my usual 3 AM pee-pee call w/a sore throat (sinus drainage)...
Over the course of the day, my sinuses drained freely: early on, I was blowing out clear mucus, but it gradually turned cloudy & nasty yellowish-green by the end of the day, while the pressure in my sinuses slowly built up to head-splitting levels. But I managed to crank out 30 min on the elliptical at lunchtime (luckily I had NO appetite, but bought a cheeseburger which I removed from the bun, just because I thought my body needed the protein!). For this I was rewarded w/horrendous indigestion (was it the beef? the cheese? or the condiments?? or maybe just That Wretched Phlegm draining down the back of my throat!)
Unfortunately The Boss does not GET sick days, so I suffered through the rest of my afternoon appointments (fortunately there were a couple of cancellations) & stumbled home to collapse while I waited for sinus meds to take effect...
I also prescribed myself a short round of antibiotics (doctor, heal thyself, etc etc).
Pressure & drainage already lessening today, so hopefully I'll be past the worst of this manana... I've got horses to train!
Over the course of the day, my sinuses drained freely: early on, I was blowing out clear mucus, but it gradually turned cloudy & nasty yellowish-green by the end of the day, while the pressure in my sinuses slowly built up to head-splitting levels. But I managed to crank out 30 min on the elliptical at lunchtime (luckily I had NO appetite, but bought a cheeseburger which I removed from the bun, just because I thought my body needed the protein!). For this I was rewarded w/horrendous indigestion (was it the beef? the cheese? or the condiments?? or maybe just That Wretched Phlegm draining down the back of my throat!)
Unfortunately The Boss does not GET sick days, so I suffered through the rest of my afternoon appointments (fortunately there were a couple of cancellations) & stumbled home to collapse while I waited for sinus meds to take effect...
I also prescribed myself a short round of antibiotics (doctor, heal thyself, etc etc).
Pressure & drainage already lessening today, so hopefully I'll be past the worst of this manana... I've got horses to train!
Momma's Little Helper
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
I can't blame my attack of sinusitis on being less-than-enthusiastic about returning to work this AM... (How's that go: "I Can Do Bad All By Myself"?!?)
However, w/dedicated use of my invaluable Neti pot, I believe I hastened my recovery; today I have a minor sore throat/nagging cough, nowhere NEAR as bad as things have gotten in the past, when I would struggle for several days w/copious drainage, unrelenting cough/sore throat/stuffed-up head/etc etc...
www.webmd.com/allergies/
sinus-pain-pressure-9/neti
-pots
In my constant quest to do things "Better, Stronger, Faster!", I use this 60cc syringe to expedite the process:
www.naturalhealthyconcep
ts.com/nasaline-irrigation
.html
I can get it all done in about 3 min - there again, if I practiced this faithfully EVERY day, I might never be troubled by sinusitis again! but it's easy to fall out of the habit...
A habit I wish I COULD break is that of digging out the scales from my closet, & tormenting myself by climbing on 'em! Nothing has changed - & while I am grateful to more eloquent bloggers like 4EVERDONEGIRL for her recent elucidation of being comfortable w/"the lifestyle": I believe I have made great strides in improving my health over these past couple of years, if nothing else than re-establishing my regular routine of EXERCISE... I don't seem to be willing to make any more serious changes to dietary habits - the sacrifices necessary to get back to onederland!
I also picked up a thought-provoking book this weekend: "Wheat Belly" by Dr William Davis
www.amazon.com/Wheat-Bel
ly-Lose-Weight-Health/dp/1
609611543
This is only Day 3 of my wheat-free experiment (again, far from perfect since I celebrated a visit w/an old friend & her new baby w/a slice of lemon meringue pie), but this at least may be a lifestyle change I can accommodate...
However, w/dedicated use of my invaluable Neti pot, I believe I hastened my recovery; today I have a minor sore throat/nagging cough, nowhere NEAR as bad as things have gotten in the past, when I would struggle for several days w/copious drainage, unrelenting cough/sore throat/stuffed-up head/etc etc...
www.webmd.com/allergies/
sinus-pain-pressure-9/neti
-pots
In my constant quest to do things "Better, Stronger, Faster!", I use this 60cc syringe to expedite the process:
www.naturalhealthyconcep
ts.com/nasaline-irrigation
.html
I can get it all done in about 3 min - there again, if I practiced this faithfully EVERY day, I might never be troubled by sinusitis again! but it's easy to fall out of the habit...
A habit I wish I COULD break is that of digging out the scales from my closet, & tormenting myself by climbing on 'em! Nothing has changed - & while I am grateful to more eloquent bloggers like 4EVERDONEGIRL for her recent elucidation of being comfortable w/"the lifestyle": I believe I have made great strides in improving my health over these past couple of years, if nothing else than re-establishing my regular routine of EXERCISE... I don't seem to be willing to make any more serious changes to dietary habits - the sacrifices necessary to get back to onederland!
I also picked up a thought-provoking book this weekend: "Wheat Belly" by Dr William Davis
www.amazon.com/Wheat-Bel
ly-Lose-Weight-Health/dp/1
609611543
This is only Day 3 of my wheat-free experiment (again, far from perfect since I celebrated a visit w/an old friend & her new baby w/a slice of lemon meringue pie), but this at least may be a lifestyle change I can accommodate...
The Holy Grail
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Hmmm, been a relatively long time by my standards, hasn't it Sparkfriends???
Basically I've been too bummed out - when nothing has changed & I seem to have nothing worthwhile to report... Still teetering at the upper edge of my High Plateau; disappointed to weigh in w/my endocrinologist this month to see that I'm EXACTLY THE SAME - after how many miles logged, how many hrs at the gym???
Of course I know full well, it's not JUST the gym, it's the whole nutritional picture, so to that end I logged on to a "Free!! Webinar!!!" last week w/a group I had come across on FB called "EET", for Eating & Exercise Timing...
eetfit.com/
No great revelations there - it's no surprise that any plan will work - that is, if YOU work the plan!!! I'll post more later from my hastily-scribbled notes, but the bottom line seemed to be that it was the SUPPORT that made the difference between long-term success & regression...
Last week I bought myself a new cookbook: "Everyday Paleo" - believe it or not, I do enjoy cooking although I rarely practice as much as I should... Got my mom on board w/at least planning on home-cooked meals on Tues/Thurs evenings before Z goes to martial arts practice - maybe this will finally morph into change I can believe in?!?
(& speaking of home-cooked meals, I've got to go put the finishing touches on today's Sunday lunch - Z & I made a huge batch of organic, free-range meatballs yesterday which I delivered to mom's in the Crockpot, all she had to do was plug it in & turn it on this AM. Smells great! I'll post a link to my nifty new cookbook later ;-)
Basically I've been too bummed out - when nothing has changed & I seem to have nothing worthwhile to report... Still teetering at the upper edge of my High Plateau; disappointed to weigh in w/my endocrinologist this month to see that I'm EXACTLY THE SAME - after how many miles logged, how many hrs at the gym???
Of course I know full well, it's not JUST the gym, it's the whole nutritional picture, so to that end I logged on to a "Free!! Webinar!!!" last week w/a group I had come across on FB called "EET", for Eating & Exercise Timing...
eetfit.com/
No great revelations there - it's no surprise that any plan will work - that is, if YOU work the plan!!! I'll post more later from my hastily-scribbled notes, but the bottom line seemed to be that it was the SUPPORT that made the difference between long-term success & regression...
Last week I bought myself a new cookbook: "Everyday Paleo" - believe it or not, I do enjoy cooking although I rarely practice as much as I should... Got my mom on board w/at least planning on home-cooked meals on Tues/Thurs evenings before Z goes to martial arts practice - maybe this will finally morph into change I can believe in?!?
(& speaking of home-cooked meals, I've got to go put the finishing touches on today's Sunday lunch - Z & I made a huge batch of organic, free-range meatballs yesterday which I delivered to mom's in the Crockpot, all she had to do was plug it in & turn it on this AM. Smells great! I'll post a link to my nifty new cookbook later ;-)
"SWMMing" Upstream
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Of course I had some scrap paper lying around when I was listening in on the EET Webinar last week... Didn't take exhaustive notes, but did jot down what I thought were the pertinent ones:
A catchy phrase bandied about was the concept of continuing to "SWMM":
Support
Written goals & plans
Menus/predefined portions
Manage expectations
One of the main concepts he wanted to hammer home was that the main differences between success & failure was one's SUPPORT system, shored up by a solid set of goals.
Very important not to be unrealistic; 5% is a reasonable stepping stone in goal setting.
I loved what Jon termed the "check mark from hell diets": rigid, uncompromising plans which made it too easy to fall off that dietary wagon, not making allowances for ordinary missteps & foibles... (I know in my own case, trying to adhere to too-strict a plan or implementing too many changes at once is a sure way to trigger my rebellion. No more chocolate, no movie popcorn?? Ya gotta be kidding!)
He cataloged these elements of success:
1.) manage expectations
2.) frequent weigh-ins
3.) invest $$ in the SWMM steps (hmm, w/a program like EET, no doubt?)
4.) journaling (a great one for me, even if I seem to be getting nowhere)
5.) knowledge (the one point I disagreed w/him on was the necessity of a low-FAT diet; all of my research seems to be channeling me towards the low-carb/primal or paleo path)
He also spoke of how "triggering" life events (i.e. one's springboard for change) tended to be medically-based for men, but emotionally-based for women. Whatever, dude. My own stated goal is to reduce the workload on my beloved equines, but of course there's a large degree of vanity - a "look better naked" concept involved as well.
Looks like I'm destined to be the poster child for "Fat but Fit" since I'm likely in better cardiovascular shape than I was 20 yrs ago - maybe not quite as good as when I was still in college, adhering to a rigid diet of 1300 - 1400 cal/day & running 3 mi daily...
That's obviously not going to work for me nowadays. I almost remounted the treadmill today to make it "3 in a row", but opted for the elliptical instead. Mildly pissed at myself - missed early entrance deadline for the White Rock Half which will cost me an extra $15. Of course that's pocket change compared to the cost of flying out to Vegas, but we just can't justify that kind of expense when P's long-term employment is in doubt. (Hopefully his best Xmas gift of all this year will be a contract extension - but P's already said, they only extend this in 6-mon increments, the ba$tards!) Ah, welcome to grownupland - life was MUCH simpler when all we had to keep up w/was our class schedules & wondering who was going to host that weekend's potluck dinner!
A catchy phrase bandied about was the concept of continuing to "SWMM":
Support
Written goals & plans
Menus/predefined portions
Manage expectations
One of the main concepts he wanted to hammer home was that the main differences between success & failure was one's SUPPORT system, shored up by a solid set of goals.
Very important not to be unrealistic; 5% is a reasonable stepping stone in goal setting.
I loved what Jon termed the "check mark from hell diets": rigid, uncompromising plans which made it too easy to fall off that dietary wagon, not making allowances for ordinary missteps & foibles... (I know in my own case, trying to adhere to too-strict a plan or implementing too many changes at once is a sure way to trigger my rebellion. No more chocolate, no movie popcorn?? Ya gotta be kidding!)
He cataloged these elements of success:
1.) manage expectations
2.) frequent weigh-ins
3.) invest $$ in the SWMM steps (hmm, w/a program like EET, no doubt?)
4.) journaling (a great one for me, even if I seem to be getting nowhere)
5.) knowledge (the one point I disagreed w/him on was the necessity of a low-FAT diet; all of my research seems to be channeling me towards the low-carb/primal or paleo path)
He also spoke of how "triggering" life events (i.e. one's springboard for change) tended to be medically-based for men, but emotionally-based for women. Whatever, dude. My own stated goal is to reduce the workload on my beloved equines, but of course there's a large degree of vanity - a "look better naked" concept involved as well.
Looks like I'm destined to be the poster child for "Fat but Fit" since I'm likely in better cardiovascular shape than I was 20 yrs ago - maybe not quite as good as when I was still in college, adhering to a rigid diet of 1300 - 1400 cal/day & running 3 mi daily...
That's obviously not going to work for me nowadays. I almost remounted the treadmill today to make it "3 in a row", but opted for the elliptical instead. Mildly pissed at myself - missed early entrance deadline for the White Rock Half which will cost me an extra $15. Of course that's pocket change compared to the cost of flying out to Vegas, but we just can't justify that kind of expense when P's long-term employment is in doubt. (Hopefully his best Xmas gift of all this year will be a contract extension - but P's already said, they only extend this in 6-mon increments, the ba$tards!) Ah, welcome to grownupland - life was MUCH simpler when all we had to keep up w/was our class schedules & wondering who was going to host that weekend's potluck dinner!
The Title is the Hardest Part
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
I percolate along through my daily tasks, thinking up clever titles for my next blog post...
("Try HARDER!" echoes from the peanut gallery - thanks a lot, guys. I knew I could count on ya!)
The next contender was "Everything's Endocrine", cobbled together loosely from two sources:
A.) A Stephen King short story collection, "Everything's Eventual" (Yes, I am an inveterate SK fan; look past the horror & appreciate the character development, m'kay? ;-)
B.) Wonderful post from another awesome blog I follow, "Deb's Just Maintaining" - a woman who has maintained her 70-lb weight loss through diligent effort:
justmaintaining.com/2010
/12/16/it%e2%80%99s-all-en
docrine/
I have felt exactly like a loosely-bound sack o' hormones here lately: my emotional lability coupled w/PMS & chronic fatigue (insert acronym here) equals disastrous consequences for current mood & affect... Sabotaged my Weekend Away at last weekend's state veterinary conference by tumbling off my son's tall mule last Thurs - while I'm glad I had just gotten my new riding helmet in & strapped it to my noggin, I'm lucky I didn't break my damned collarbone! I landed mostly on L shoulder & hip, but raised a tremendous bruise over the collarbone, leading to several miserable nights & continued inability to sleep comfortably on my preferred L side. (So much for a restful weekend in a plush San Antonio hotel)
This setback makes me doubt my ability to do ANYTHING: ride properly, run my personal life OR my business, let alone continue on my puny training schedule to do my next half-marathon... I'm so far behind, it seems useless to even TRY to catch up!
Not to mention it's hard to justify the expense when I also notice that I made another miscalculation - at current consumption rates, my ponies will be out of hay by DECEMBER (still no rain around here; my pasture is a dessicated lunar landscape), so that will mean another substantial investment in forage... I really can't justify any frivolous expenditures - $100 for another medal to string up w/my other ones?!? That's eleven bales, 5 & a half day's rations!
I'd be better off just getting back on schedule & doing the training for its own sake...
("Try HARDER!" echoes from the peanut gallery - thanks a lot, guys. I knew I could count on ya!)
The next contender was "Everything's Endocrine", cobbled together loosely from two sources:
A.) A Stephen King short story collection, "Everything's Eventual" (Yes, I am an inveterate SK fan; look past the horror & appreciate the character development, m'kay? ;-)
B.) Wonderful post from another awesome blog I follow, "Deb's Just Maintaining" - a woman who has maintained her 70-lb weight loss through diligent effort:
justmaintaining.com/2010
/12/16/it%e2%80%99s-all-en
docrine/
I have felt exactly like a loosely-bound sack o' hormones here lately: my emotional lability coupled w/PMS & chronic fatigue (insert acronym here) equals disastrous consequences for current mood & affect... Sabotaged my Weekend Away at last weekend's state veterinary conference by tumbling off my son's tall mule last Thurs - while I'm glad I had just gotten my new riding helmet in & strapped it to my noggin, I'm lucky I didn't break my damned collarbone! I landed mostly on L shoulder & hip, but raised a tremendous bruise over the collarbone, leading to several miserable nights & continued inability to sleep comfortably on my preferred L side. (So much for a restful weekend in a plush San Antonio hotel)
This setback makes me doubt my ability to do ANYTHING: ride properly, run my personal life OR my business, let alone continue on my puny training schedule to do my next half-marathon... I'm so far behind, it seems useless to even TRY to catch up!
Not to mention it's hard to justify the expense when I also notice that I made another miscalculation - at current consumption rates, my ponies will be out of hay by DECEMBER (still no rain around here; my pasture is a dessicated lunar landscape), so that will mean another substantial investment in forage... I really can't justify any frivolous expenditures - $100 for another medal to string up w/my other ones?!? That's eleven bales, 5 & a half day's rations!
I'd be better off just getting back on schedule & doing the training for its own sake...
Bittersweet
Friday, October 07, 2011
My boy distracted himself this AM w/a nonsensical video game** on the iPad; we were all talked out...
**monkeys w/laser vision, destroying balloons? but I'll have to admit it had catchy music; I'm still humming it to myself this AM as I get busy at work...
What more was there to say? He was dreading "two in a row" (5th weekend of Sept followed by 1st weekend of Oct - we count 'em by FRIDAYS) at his father's & no suggestion of mine was helping... Flat out telling his dad he didn't want to come - Z has a stronger sense of self-preservation than THAT! Offering to split the weekend, not go until Sat? Talk to Aunt Linda (M's sister, prob one of the few people on this earth who can have a POSITIVE influence on him) - hell, she's practicing family law now, so she ought to have some empathy for her nephew's plight, nevermind the self-righteous speech she gave me yrs ago (during the custody battle) about how she NEVER limited her daughter's father's access (I'll bet Danielle never begged & wept, making herself physically ill in NEGATIVE anticipation of precious "Quality Time" w/her dad either!)...
Ah well - I am powerless; this is a battle my child has to fight himself. The man intimidated ME as a full-grown adult woman! I don't want to imagine my tender-hearted child subjected to M's psychological warfare techniques...
I'm looking down the barrel of 4 1/2 more yrs of this; is it any wonder I'm stalled out here?!?
**monkeys w/laser vision, destroying balloons? but I'll have to admit it had catchy music; I'm still humming it to myself this AM as I get busy at work...
What more was there to say? He was dreading "two in a row" (5th weekend of Sept followed by 1st weekend of Oct - we count 'em by FRIDAYS) at his father's & no suggestion of mine was helping... Flat out telling his dad he didn't want to come - Z has a stronger sense of self-preservation than THAT! Offering to split the weekend, not go until Sat? Talk to Aunt Linda (M's sister, prob one of the few people on this earth who can have a POSITIVE influence on him) - hell, she's practicing family law now, so she ought to have some empathy for her nephew's plight, nevermind the self-righteous speech she gave me yrs ago (during the custody battle) about how she NEVER limited her daughter's father's access (I'll bet Danielle never begged & wept, making herself physically ill in NEGATIVE anticipation of precious "Quality Time" w/her dad either!)...
Ah well - I am powerless; this is a battle my child has to fight himself. The man intimidated ME as a full-grown adult woman! I don't want to imagine my tender-hearted child subjected to M's psychological warfare techniques...
I'm looking down the barrel of 4 1/2 more yrs of this; is it any wonder I'm stalled out here?!?
Pain Management
Monday, October 10, 2011
Boy am I glad I did NOT follow my father's suggestion to go into human medicine!
I called a local "Rehab/Pain Management Clinic" which offered to work me in OCT 20th!?!?! That's OK, I'll probably be all better by then...
I went by my chiropractor Fri evening, & I think his attempts to "realign" me caused pain in my L shoulder/upper ribcage to flare up... I've spent a fairly miserable weekend popping ibuprofen & trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. There's a nice bruise running diagonally across my L decolletage just below the collarbone which I theorize was caused by my chin, as my shoulder & head hit the ground & I crumbled in upon myself.
Needless to say, I skipped the gym although a light workout would have likely done me a lot of good; I was purely too exhausted from poor-quality sleep. Couldn't believe there was a small downtick in the scales this morning, but I'll take it! Every fraction of a pound does wonders for my Bad Attitude.
I decided last night that what will do me the most good of all is a daily yoga practice; I made it as far as lying in savasana on my meditation mat. It did seem to help me sleep somewhat. Took my parents to the movies yesterday afternoon to see "A Dolphin's Tale" (really good BTW); had previously tried last week to drag my boy to see it but as it turned out, his dad had already taken him & Z was just reluctant to tell me? I hate for Z to feel as if he has to "keep secrets" from me; it's not a popularity contest after all (not to mention if it were, I'm sure MOMMY would win! ;-)
Part of me feels perfectly justified for wallowing in my misery, but I'm going to get in a light workout today & see if that loosens up the ol' shoulder a bit...
I called a local "Rehab/Pain Management Clinic" which offered to work me in OCT 20th!?!?! That's OK, I'll probably be all better by then...
I went by my chiropractor Fri evening, & I think his attempts to "realign" me caused pain in my L shoulder/upper ribcage to flare up... I've spent a fairly miserable weekend popping ibuprofen & trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. There's a nice bruise running diagonally across my L decolletage just below the collarbone which I theorize was caused by my chin, as my shoulder & head hit the ground & I crumbled in upon myself.
Needless to say, I skipped the gym although a light workout would have likely done me a lot of good; I was purely too exhausted from poor-quality sleep. Couldn't believe there was a small downtick in the scales this morning, but I'll take it! Every fraction of a pound does wonders for my Bad Attitude.
I decided last night that what will do me the most good of all is a daily yoga practice; I made it as far as lying in savasana on my meditation mat. It did seem to help me sleep somewhat. Took my parents to the movies yesterday afternoon to see "A Dolphin's Tale" (really good BTW); had previously tried last week to drag my boy to see it but as it turned out, his dad had already taken him & Z was just reluctant to tell me? I hate for Z to feel as if he has to "keep secrets" from me; it's not a popularity contest after all (not to mention if it were, I'm sure MOMMY would win! ;-)
Part of me feels perfectly justified for wallowing in my misery, but I'm going to get in a light workout today & see if that loosens up the ol' shoulder a bit...
Tough Enough
Monday, October 17, 2011
(may be a repeat of an earlier blog title but what can I say, haven't had enough caffeine yet this AM!)
I'm happy to report that I can check off another one of my "Goals": the Armadillo 50-mi endurance ride, even as I modify my long-term list... (I've decided NOT to pony up the entry fee & associated expenses for the Dallas White Rock Half-marathon on 12/4 in view of ongoing economic uncertainty; instead I'm going to follow the training schedule on my own)
What can I say; running is a luxury but riding is a NECESSITY ;-) !!! Seriously, though, I have been enjoying my more-relaxed schedule, hiking the lakeshore w/Buddy-dog on Tues/Thurs evenings while my boy does his martial arts practices. I honestly don't know if that has helped nudge me off my high plateau or not, but I'm DOWN another half-lb this week so something is working right! I'll take any minor progress I can get at this juncture...
Saturday's ride was a true test of endurance, since I got a little dehydrated** & was lethargic & nauseous on our last interminable 18-mi loop. I was certain if I had dismounted to purge my stomach, I might not have been able to carry on, so we just had to take lots of walking breaks despite my boy's pleas to trot on out & get 'er done!
**I was too worried about my boy, who set out in the early morning chill wearing a sweatshirt & blue jeans over his riding tights; I was afraid he was going to overheat & pass out! but he kept on insisting that he was fine, so he rode our 1st 18 mi w/those extra layers... (I have always found it easier to just BE COLD starting out on a ride rather than messing w/peeling off layers as we go down the trail!) So I didn't pay attention to MY hydration; just goes to show ya that you're still sweating/losing fluids even in the cold. I must have put away a full gallon over the course of the rest of the day, but I still didn't urinate until 7 PM that evening. Z was also riding in a new saddle, which turned out to have stirrups that were TOO SMALL for his big banana-boat feet... Fortunately a riding buddy was carrying her cell ph, so I was able to place a call to Hubby, who brought his old saddle to the 1st out of camp vet check. The wonders of modern technology, I swear! "Back in the day" - 20 yrs ago, we simply rode out on trail & were lost to human contact until we made it back to the vet check area... I still don't carry a cell ph on the Baraqinator - it would be too big a challenge to try to place or receive a call from atop my lil' pogo stick!
My lil' quid pro quo deal w/my son was that he would ride w/me on Sat, if we hauled home Sat night so he could go roll the dice w/his Warhammer buddies on Sun. Somehow I still got an earful of Teenage Bad Attitude Sun evening when he informed me that riding was MY thing, not his! I'm writing it off to fatigue & disappointment that a good day was coming to an end; but I must grit my teeth at such times to avoid striking back: it would have been oh-so-tempting to threaten to pack up Z w/his stuff (how many hundreds of $$$'s do I have invested in Warhammer models now?!?) & deliver him to his father's... Let's see how he "enjoys" that routine! I read somewhere about motherhood being the ultimate test of patience & perseverance, & that was absolutely correct.
Onwards through the fog...
I'm happy to report that I can check off another one of my "Goals": the Armadillo 50-mi endurance ride, even as I modify my long-term list... (I've decided NOT to pony up the entry fee & associated expenses for the Dallas White Rock Half-marathon on 12/4 in view of ongoing economic uncertainty; instead I'm going to follow the training schedule on my own)
What can I say; running is a luxury but riding is a NECESSITY ;-) !!! Seriously, though, I have been enjoying my more-relaxed schedule, hiking the lakeshore w/Buddy-dog on Tues/Thurs evenings while my boy does his martial arts practices. I honestly don't know if that has helped nudge me off my high plateau or not, but I'm DOWN another half-lb this week so something is working right! I'll take any minor progress I can get at this juncture...
Saturday's ride was a true test of endurance, since I got a little dehydrated** & was lethargic & nauseous on our last interminable 18-mi loop. I was certain if I had dismounted to purge my stomach, I might not have been able to carry on, so we just had to take lots of walking breaks despite my boy's pleas to trot on out & get 'er done!
**I was too worried about my boy, who set out in the early morning chill wearing a sweatshirt & blue jeans over his riding tights; I was afraid he was going to overheat & pass out! but he kept on insisting that he was fine, so he rode our 1st 18 mi w/those extra layers... (I have always found it easier to just BE COLD starting out on a ride rather than messing w/peeling off layers as we go down the trail!) So I didn't pay attention to MY hydration; just goes to show ya that you're still sweating/losing fluids even in the cold. I must have put away a full gallon over the course of the rest of the day, but I still didn't urinate until 7 PM that evening. Z was also riding in a new saddle, which turned out to have stirrups that were TOO SMALL for his big banana-boat feet... Fortunately a riding buddy was carrying her cell ph, so I was able to place a call to Hubby, who brought his old saddle to the 1st out of camp vet check. The wonders of modern technology, I swear! "Back in the day" - 20 yrs ago, we simply rode out on trail & were lost to human contact until we made it back to the vet check area... I still don't carry a cell ph on the Baraqinator - it would be too big a challenge to try to place or receive a call from atop my lil' pogo stick!
My lil' quid pro quo deal w/my son was that he would ride w/me on Sat, if we hauled home Sat night so he could go roll the dice w/his Warhammer buddies on Sun. Somehow I still got an earful of Teenage Bad Attitude Sun evening when he informed me that riding was MY thing, not his! I'm writing it off to fatigue & disappointment that a good day was coming to an end; but I must grit my teeth at such times to avoid striking back: it would have been oh-so-tempting to threaten to pack up Z w/his stuff (how many hundreds of $$$'s do I have invested in Warhammer models now?!?) & deliver him to his father's... Let's see how he "enjoys" that routine! I read somewhere about motherhood being the ultimate test of patience & perseverance, & that was absolutely correct.
Onwards through the fog...
Call of the Wild
Friday, October 21, 2011
I have a painful souvenir of last weekend's ride: that stone-bruised deep ache of plantar fasciitis in my L heel. (Sweetheart grabbed the wrong shoes - silly me, I thought it made perfect sense when I asked P to bring "my black tennis shoes" that he would grab the Saucony's from our closet... But no, he dug through the pile on the laundry room rack & grabbed an old pair of black/gray Asics that had orthotics. They are obviously NOT made for horseback riding - that stiff bar along my arch caused me quite a bit of pressure/pain in the stirrups!)
My feet were killing me by the end of our 2nd loop; I changed into my purple Nike's back in camp but the damage was already done. I didn't even go to the gym Mon - Wed bcz of foot pain. Yesterday I had all sorts of plans - but literally almost immediately as soon as I seated myself on the couch w/a fresh cuppa, BOTH phones (land line & cell ph) rang simultaneously. It was my son's school's alert system: there had been a smell like gas, they evacuated the school, didn't find an immediate cause, but went ahead were dismissing students @ 11:15...
I'm never knocking any chance to get a little bonus time w/my boy, even though that negated my plans to accomplish a lil' housework & a short, tentative gym visit. That evening, though, I went ahead w/my plans to walk Buddy-dog along the lakeshore (he would never have understood Mommy begging off: when we turn that final corner approaching the parking lot, you should see his excitement!)
As we passed a jogger going in the opposite direction, he warned: "There's a coyote up there!" The light was fading too fast for me to get a good look, but there WAS a shadowy canine form... Buddy as usual was straining at the leash, growling & barking at all other dogs, small & large! but as we came back around & passed through the streetlights near the Bath House, I could see that it WAS, in fact, a large female coyote - & she was stalking my Bud!
No doubt he looked like quite the tender morsel, but I scooped him up, stomped my foot at her & growled to drive her away. (I have had several abductions reported by clients of starving coyotes snatching small dogs literally under their noses!) It made me sad - I wish I'd have had a consolation prize to offer her, but my chili meat was back in the Kia! & it's only a matter of time until Animal Control shoots, traps, or poisons her...
If my old iPhone3 had a better camera, I'd have gotten her picture.
My feet were killing me by the end of our 2nd loop; I changed into my purple Nike's back in camp but the damage was already done. I didn't even go to the gym Mon - Wed bcz of foot pain. Yesterday I had all sorts of plans - but literally almost immediately as soon as I seated myself on the couch w/a fresh cuppa, BOTH phones (land line & cell ph) rang simultaneously. It was my son's school's alert system: there had been a smell like gas, they evacuated the school, didn't find an immediate cause, but went ahead were dismissing students @ 11:15...
I'm never knocking any chance to get a little bonus time w/my boy, even though that negated my plans to accomplish a lil' housework & a short, tentative gym visit. That evening, though, I went ahead w/my plans to walk Buddy-dog along the lakeshore (he would never have understood Mommy begging off: when we turn that final corner approaching the parking lot, you should see his excitement!)
As we passed a jogger going in the opposite direction, he warned: "There's a coyote up there!" The light was fading too fast for me to get a good look, but there WAS a shadowy canine form... Buddy as usual was straining at the leash, growling & barking at all other dogs, small & large! but as we came back around & passed through the streetlights near the Bath House, I could see that it WAS, in fact, a large female coyote - & she was stalking my Bud!
No doubt he looked like quite the tender morsel, but I scooped him up, stomped my foot at her & growled to drive her away. (I have had several abductions reported by clients of starving coyotes snatching small dogs literally under their noses!) It made me sad - I wish I'd have had a consolation prize to offer her, but my chili meat was back in the Kia! & it's only a matter of time until Animal Control shoots, traps, or poisons her...
If my old iPhone3 had a better camera, I'd have gotten her picture.
355
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
No, that number is completely unrelated to anything "Sparkish": it's not the number of lbs I've lost & regained over the years, the calorie count of my last meal, or even the number of calories I burned on the TM yesterday (although it could be close, considering my sluggish metabolism) - although all of these things could be items of consideration.
That's the number of miles I've ridden this season in competition, and surprisingly enough may keep me in the point standings for my weight division - especially if I successfully complete my last 50-mi ride of the season on 11/12. There are advantages to being a Heavyweight (in our sport, that's tacking in w/saddle & equipment above 211 lbs).
Featherweight: less than 165 lbs
Lightweight: 166 - 185 lbs
Middleweight (what I USED to be when I entered this sport 20 yrs ago): 186 - 210 lbs
Let's face it, I have little or no sympathy for some of my Featherweight friends who have to add weighted saddle pads, weighted vests & other accessories to "make the weight" of 165 lbs which is required for international-caliber competition. Since I never race, that's unlikely to ever be one of MY problems!
But the weirdest coincidence of all is the fact that Ex's old girlfriend (but new bride as of May of this year) has racked up EXACTLY THE SAME NUMBER OF MILES. Of course she's in the Lightweight division, so we're not in DIRECT competition w/each other, but creepy enough.
It remains my life's stated goal to outlive & out-ride that witch, & dance on her grave one day. Probably one of the most sterling examples of my Bad Attitude, but there ya have it, SparkFriends! Da truth, & nuthin' but da truth, as long as I can post my random musings here.
But for now I'm going to hit the gym, see if my shoulder is recovered enough to try this 100-pushup challenge (thanks a lot, Jen!)... She Who Shall Not Be Named already cringes away from me on trail & avoids me at all costs in camp - I can't say that I blame her, since I tower over her by a good 8 in & probably outweigh her by 80 lbs! (Yes of course I have my own personal injunction against hitting anyone smaller than myself, although she's tried my patience over the years!) The thing I still puzzle over, however, is if that body type was my ex's preference, why on earth did he ever marry ME?!?
After all, while I may have been a lot THINNER when I was younger (topping off the scales a good 65 lbs heavier than my 1st wedding day in '85), I was certainly never any SHORTER or finer-framed...
That's the number of miles I've ridden this season in competition, and surprisingly enough may keep me in the point standings for my weight division - especially if I successfully complete my last 50-mi ride of the season on 11/12. There are advantages to being a Heavyweight (in our sport, that's tacking in w/saddle & equipment above 211 lbs).
Featherweight: less than 165 lbs
Lightweight: 166 - 185 lbs
Middleweight (what I USED to be when I entered this sport 20 yrs ago): 186 - 210 lbs
Let's face it, I have little or no sympathy for some of my Featherweight friends who have to add weighted saddle pads, weighted vests & other accessories to "make the weight" of 165 lbs which is required for international-caliber competition. Since I never race, that's unlikely to ever be one of MY problems!
But the weirdest coincidence of all is the fact that Ex's old girlfriend (but new bride as of May of this year) has racked up EXACTLY THE SAME NUMBER OF MILES. Of course she's in the Lightweight division, so we're not in DIRECT competition w/each other, but creepy enough.
It remains my life's stated goal to outlive & out-ride that witch, & dance on her grave one day. Probably one of the most sterling examples of my Bad Attitude, but there ya have it, SparkFriends! Da truth, & nuthin' but da truth, as long as I can post my random musings here.
But for now I'm going to hit the gym, see if my shoulder is recovered enough to try this 100-pushup challenge (thanks a lot, Jen!)... She Who Shall Not Be Named already cringes away from me on trail & avoids me at all costs in camp - I can't say that I blame her, since I tower over her by a good 8 in & probably outweigh her by 80 lbs! (Yes of course I have my own personal injunction against hitting anyone smaller than myself, although she's tried my patience over the years!) The thing I still puzzle over, however, is if that body type was my ex's preference, why on earth did he ever marry ME?!?
After all, while I may have been a lot THINNER when I was younger (topping off the scales a good 65 lbs heavier than my 1st wedding day in '85), I was certainly never any SHORTER or finer-framed...
Nose, Meet Face
Friday, November 04, 2011
I'm still trying to untangle my myriad emotions as I head into what I HOPE is a restful & relaxing weekend w/Hubby (home last night; flying out again Sun evening)...
Factoids:
A.) I honestly don't know why my ex is assiduously avoiding speaking to me directly (unless She Who Shall Not be Named is cracking the whip on him; who knows?) - it's been a common tactic of his to leave VM on my cell ph (I'm one of the few people in North America who does NOT carry my cell ph attached to my person at all times) when it would have made more sense for him to call me, let's say AT MY OFFICE!
But on Wed, he took it a step further by sending me AN EMAIL!?! While I do check email frequently during the day when I'm at work, it's NOT the best way to make contact w/me in the evenings...
"> Val,
>
> I've scheduled Zach to spend the day with a highschooler at Bishop Lynch on Friday. He needs to be there by 8am. What's your preference as to how we make it work?"
My son WOULD have been out of school for an in-service day today... What kind of a$$hole schedules things for his EX-wife w/out bothering to consult her??!!?? (don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question!)
At the time, my blood was boiling, so I simply replied: "I'll get him there"... Yesterday I called the Very Nice Admissions Director to fill in the rest of the details my considerate ex had left out (at this stage she certainly doesn't need to hear any details of our dysfunctional co-parenting relationship). Long story shortened - we decided to treat it as a trial run, catching their bus at St E's. Unfortunately we missed it by a few min, so I had to schlep Z across town in lovely LOVELY traffic. In the end this was probably a GOOD thing, since it firmly convinced me that this particular school is TOO FAR AWAY to be under practical consideration!
(I'm not ready to sell the farm & move to E Dallas, thank you very much!)
I suspect Ex is pushing hard for THIS school bcz it would be closer to HIS current place of employment; fortunately I'm the one w/the final say in educational decisions...
I don't think I'm cutting off my son's figurative "nose" of educational opportunities to spite my ex's face - there are several good high schools on the S side of town.
B.) A friend emailed me: "I bumped into your ex at St. E’s the other evening and man oh man does that guy have the personality of a wet noodle. I don’t know what you ever saw in him, babe. He really had a hard time saying “Hi” back to me but I forced it."
So maybe I shouldn't take his snubs personally - for all I know he's deep in the trough of another major depression. I can relate but fortunately it's not MY problem anymore; only as to how it relates to his treatment of MY SON. Just another minor worry as Z heads off for more "quality time" w/his sire...
Factoids:
A.) I honestly don't know why my ex is assiduously avoiding speaking to me directly (unless She Who Shall Not be Named is cracking the whip on him; who knows?) - it's been a common tactic of his to leave VM on my cell ph (I'm one of the few people in North America who does NOT carry my cell ph attached to my person at all times) when it would have made more sense for him to call me, let's say AT MY OFFICE!
But on Wed, he took it a step further by sending me AN EMAIL!?! While I do check email frequently during the day when I'm at work, it's NOT the best way to make contact w/me in the evenings...
"> Val,
>
> I've scheduled Zach to spend the day with a highschooler at Bishop Lynch on Friday. He needs to be there by 8am. What's your preference as to how we make it work?"
My son WOULD have been out of school for an in-service day today... What kind of a$$hole schedules things for his EX-wife w/out bothering to consult her??!!?? (don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question!)
At the time, my blood was boiling, so I simply replied: "I'll get him there"... Yesterday I called the Very Nice Admissions Director to fill in the rest of the details my considerate ex had left out (at this stage she certainly doesn't need to hear any details of our dysfunctional co-parenting relationship). Long story shortened - we decided to treat it as a trial run, catching their bus at St E's. Unfortunately we missed it by a few min, so I had to schlep Z across town in lovely LOVELY traffic. In the end this was probably a GOOD thing, since it firmly convinced me that this particular school is TOO FAR AWAY to be under practical consideration!
(I'm not ready to sell the farm & move to E Dallas, thank you very much!)
I suspect Ex is pushing hard for THIS school bcz it would be closer to HIS current place of employment; fortunately I'm the one w/the final say in educational decisions...
I don't think I'm cutting off my son's figurative "nose" of educational opportunities to spite my ex's face - there are several good high schools on the S side of town.
B.) A friend emailed me: "I bumped into your ex at St. E’s the other evening and man oh man does that guy have the personality of a wet noodle. I don’t know what you ever saw in him, babe. He really had a hard time saying “Hi” back to me but I forced it."
So maybe I shouldn't take his snubs personally - for all I know he's deep in the trough of another major depression. I can relate but fortunately it's not MY problem anymore; only as to how it relates to his treatment of MY SON. Just another minor worry as Z heads off for more "quality time" w/his sire...
Cold Hard Reality
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
(Obviously no one wants to comment about my convoluted personal life, although I may be flattering myself that anyone's even READING!)
Anyway, I decided to treat myself to an evening at my favorite Korean sauna after stressful weekend... I was mildly disconcerted to see myself naked from afar in one of their full-length mirrors in the women's locker room (one thing's for sure, you must overcome inhibitions about nudity since it is customary to strip down, shower & bathe together!).
Of course my posture remains consistently bad, which doesn't help things - I have been fairly consistent about practicing a few yoga poses each evening @ bedtime, which I believe does help my "body-consciousness"... Nevertheless, I was dismayed to see my complete pear-shaped silhouette, pendulous abdomen & all. Actually I looked pretty much like a taller version of my mother! Many times I remember her scrutinizing herself critically in the mirror... More proof positive that genetics "R" destiny, much more than we'd like to admit!
Morbid obesity actually runs on my dad's side of the family, so his lifelong struggle w/weight has been even more grim & determined than my mom's more vanity-oriented variety. (in old family photos, Mom is a shapely stunner; she just has a big bottom!). Unfortunately I have inherited my dad's muscular frame, so instead of curves, even when I was relatively slim, I was just a big solid block.
But at home, I grabbed my pannus, hefted it up & turned sideways so I could see that my legs, hips, & butt actually look damned good for pushing 50! As much as I would like to make a big splash at Thanksgiving, I'll have to settle for Ordinary Val...
Anyway, I decided to treat myself to an evening at my favorite Korean sauna after stressful weekend... I was mildly disconcerted to see myself naked from afar in one of their full-length mirrors in the women's locker room (one thing's for sure, you must overcome inhibitions about nudity since it is customary to strip down, shower & bathe together!).
Of course my posture remains consistently bad, which doesn't help things - I have been fairly consistent about practicing a few yoga poses each evening @ bedtime, which I believe does help my "body-consciousness"... Nevertheless, I was dismayed to see my complete pear-shaped silhouette, pendulous abdomen & all. Actually I looked pretty much like a taller version of my mother! Many times I remember her scrutinizing herself critically in the mirror... More proof positive that genetics "R" destiny, much more than we'd like to admit!
Morbid obesity actually runs on my dad's side of the family, so his lifelong struggle w/weight has been even more grim & determined than my mom's more vanity-oriented variety. (in old family photos, Mom is a shapely stunner; she just has a big bottom!). Unfortunately I have inherited my dad's muscular frame, so instead of curves, even when I was relatively slim, I was just a big solid block.
But at home, I grabbed my pannus, hefted it up & turned sideways so I could see that my legs, hips, & butt actually look damned good for pushing 50! As much as I would like to make a big splash at Thanksgiving, I'll have to settle for Ordinary Val...
Hail, Spartacus! (NOT)
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Honestly can't remember if I have mentioned the fact that I have been logging virtually all of my exercise at another site called DailyMile... Memory is BAD; wish I could remember whom to thank for recommending it! I find it to be a lot of fun, keeping up w/friends' activities & just generally being a lot more user-friendly than the Spark Fitness application.
Anyway, somehow I came to be friends w/a young die-hard exercise fanatic named Meg; it tires me out just READING about all that she does: running, cycling, spin classes, yoga, & weight lifting! She posted about this terrific short weight-lifting workout the other day, so when I walked into the gym yesterday to find that I had the place all to myself, I decided to give it a try.
www.menshealth.com/spart
acus/workouts/
I can feel the aftereffects in my sore hamstrings today, & I only did a portion of these exercises. It was probably pure comedic GOLD to watch me attempt the "T-pushup" - of course I can't even DO a conventional full-length pushup yet, but I was wobbling around trying to perform the side-plank posture (wait a minute! Those guys keep their legs spread, not stacked on top of each other as I've seen side plank performed) - I finally had to place my supporting hand flat on the floor, couldn't keep my balance gripping the dumbbell.
(Go ahead, watch the video - you know you WANT to! Heavy sigh, though - my heart breaks at the thought of that beautiful man Andy Whitfield, dead at age 39 of non-Hodgkin lymphoma... Initially that's what my ENT doc thought I had, before I was diagnosed w/thyroid carcinoma.)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An
dy_Whitfield
Anyway, somehow I came to be friends w/a young die-hard exercise fanatic named Meg; it tires me out just READING about all that she does: running, cycling, spin classes, yoga, & weight lifting! She posted about this terrific short weight-lifting workout the other day, so when I walked into the gym yesterday to find that I had the place all to myself, I decided to give it a try.
www.menshealth.com/spart
acus/workouts/
I can feel the aftereffects in my sore hamstrings today, & I only did a portion of these exercises. It was probably pure comedic GOLD to watch me attempt the "T-pushup" - of course I can't even DO a conventional full-length pushup yet, but I was wobbling around trying to perform the side-plank posture (wait a minute! Those guys keep their legs spread, not stacked on top of each other as I've seen side plank performed) - I finally had to place my supporting hand flat on the floor, couldn't keep my balance gripping the dumbbell.
(Go ahead, watch the video - you know you WANT to! Heavy sigh, though - my heart breaks at the thought of that beautiful man Andy Whitfield, dead at age 39 of non-Hodgkin lymphoma... Initially that's what my ENT doc thought I had, before I was diagnosed w/thyroid carcinoma.)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An
dy_Whitfield
Mistakes Were Made
Monday, November 14, 2011
...& will CONTINUE to be made, especially whenever I fail to listen to my tiny Inner Voice of Reason.
I knew I was taking on too much last weekend - my friend the Ride Manager had asked me to "work a day, ride a day" - working Sat & riding Sun since one of the other vets had to back out. Of course I consented - there were no reasonable grounds for refusal; she similarly asked another friend/colleague who just like me, wanted to top off her riding season mileage by riding Sat & working Sun's ride...
Anyway, we were slammed Fri PM & Sat w/a tremendous turnout of 100+ riders; we worked our tails off! I never sleep that well in horse camp either, what w/having to listen up for horses potentially getting themselves in trouble & all... Had to get up at 1 AM Sun to take sinus meds since I had a splitting headache; typical TX weather had us shivering Sat morning, but Sat evening turned warm & humid.
Since I wasn't sleeping anyway, I got up to feed the ponies their brekkers at 3 AM & dozed fitfully until the appointed time of 5:30. I was filled w/trepidation as I considered letting my boy sleep in & "downgrading" our entry to a 25-miler (who weren't going out on trail until 8:45). The problem is, that limited distance mileage wouldn't have accrued us any points or mileage - of course, I realize neither does a non-completion - DUH!
Two days of standing tied to the trailer had not done anything to improve Mr B's (excited) attitude, so of course he managed to jump out from under me during our 2nd loop. Lucky for me this was in the dirt & NOT during one of our segments when we were trotting down the side of the road! No big deal at the time (other than the momentary damage to my pride, coupled w/son's comments on how "funny" we looked!), but obviously I jolted my neck & L shoulder; today I'm pretty stiff & sore.
I just completely ran out of energy after our 2nd loop, 23 mi into the ride. I probably could have slogged on & completed, but what was looming large over me was the knowledge that THEN we'd still have to break camp, load up, drive home, unload, feed all the animals, get geared up for Monday. So me quitting when we did made the difference between getting home/settling in at 5 PM vs 10 PM. It still didn't make it an easy decision.
I apologized profusely to Z & of course it was no big deal to him. I just hope he is able to stay in 3rd place Juniors, that should get him an awards vest (embroidered w/his name/mule's name & all the information. We're very proud of our garments ;-)
So today I have most of the post-ride stiffness/soreness & residual fatigue left over from needing to catch up on sleep (I was awake at 3 AM this morning, second-guessing myself - in the end I should have toughed it out) but NONE of the sense of accomplishment. At least She Who Shall Not Be Named did not witness my defeat; she rode Sat, loaded up & went home Sun before we pulled. Yes, that puts her ahead of me in mileage but at least we're not in direct competition w/each other. Peculiarly enough, another friend asked me why my ex-husband is no longer riding (since SWSNBN was there & he wasn't) - I cocked a quizzical eyebrow at him as I remarked that I didn't have a clue; we rarely talked except about the Bare Minimum needed as we passed Z back & forth. The REALLY sad thing is the fact that we all used to be friends, camping out together in a big circle of horse trailers, gathering around the campfire to have potluck dinners & share adult beverages...
Guess I was the naive one, thinking we were just one big happy family! Obviously a dysfunctional one.
I knew I was taking on too much last weekend - my friend the Ride Manager had asked me to "work a day, ride a day" - working Sat & riding Sun since one of the other vets had to back out. Of course I consented - there were no reasonable grounds for refusal; she similarly asked another friend/colleague who just like me, wanted to top off her riding season mileage by riding Sat & working Sun's ride...
Anyway, we were slammed Fri PM & Sat w/a tremendous turnout of 100+ riders; we worked our tails off! I never sleep that well in horse camp either, what w/having to listen up for horses potentially getting themselves in trouble & all... Had to get up at 1 AM Sun to take sinus meds since I had a splitting headache; typical TX weather had us shivering Sat morning, but Sat evening turned warm & humid.
Since I wasn't sleeping anyway, I got up to feed the ponies their brekkers at 3 AM & dozed fitfully until the appointed time of 5:30. I was filled w/trepidation as I considered letting my boy sleep in & "downgrading" our entry to a 25-miler (who weren't going out on trail until 8:45). The problem is, that limited distance mileage wouldn't have accrued us any points or mileage - of course, I realize neither does a non-completion - DUH!
Two days of standing tied to the trailer had not done anything to improve Mr B's (excited) attitude, so of course he managed to jump out from under me during our 2nd loop. Lucky for me this was in the dirt & NOT during one of our segments when we were trotting down the side of the road! No big deal at the time (other than the momentary damage to my pride, coupled w/son's comments on how "funny" we looked!), but obviously I jolted my neck & L shoulder; today I'm pretty stiff & sore.
I just completely ran out of energy after our 2nd loop, 23 mi into the ride. I probably could have slogged on & completed, but what was looming large over me was the knowledge that THEN we'd still have to break camp, load up, drive home, unload, feed all the animals, get geared up for Monday. So me quitting when we did made the difference between getting home/settling in at 5 PM vs 10 PM. It still didn't make it an easy decision.
I apologized profusely to Z & of course it was no big deal to him. I just hope he is able to stay in 3rd place Juniors, that should get him an awards vest (embroidered w/his name/mule's name & all the information. We're very proud of our garments ;-)
So today I have most of the post-ride stiffness/soreness & residual fatigue left over from needing to catch up on sleep (I was awake at 3 AM this morning, second-guessing myself - in the end I should have toughed it out) but NONE of the sense of accomplishment. At least She Who Shall Not Be Named did not witness my defeat; she rode Sat, loaded up & went home Sun before we pulled. Yes, that puts her ahead of me in mileage but at least we're not in direct competition w/each other. Peculiarly enough, another friend asked me why my ex-husband is no longer riding (since SWSNBN was there & he wasn't) - I cocked a quizzical eyebrow at him as I remarked that I didn't have a clue; we rarely talked except about the Bare Minimum needed as we passed Z back & forth. The REALLY sad thing is the fact that we all used to be friends, camping out together in a big circle of horse trailers, gathering around the campfire to have potluck dinners & share adult beverages...
Guess I was the naive one, thinking we were just one big happy family! Obviously a dysfunctional one.
I May Be Fat, But I Ain't Stupid
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
(aka Lessons Learned)
As I limp back from the bathroom after One More Trip (sorry for the overshare), flashes of insight come to me as the shame & aches n' pains of last weekend's humiliation/failure slowly fades...
Maybe it's finally sunk in, that I Cannot Eat That Crap anymore - I thought I was rewarding myself w/a quick trip by BK's drive-thru yesterday during my mad whirl of running errands. (I know my thoughts are the time were "I deserve this" since I had eaten up my lunchtime taking care of everyone ELSE's needs) I was infuriated when the cashier short-changed me: I paid w/a $20 bill; maybe by giving me a messy stack of a couple of $5's & a couple of $1's she thought I wouldn't notice that she had held back a fiver? (only gave me $12.52 when she owed me $17.52 for that $2.48 order of onion rings) I contemplated as I drove off, how she likely had a sweet deal going, pocketing a few bucks here & there when harried customers failed to count their change...
Unfortunately the joke was on ME, since those coveted onion rings gave me horrendous indigestion, heartburn & gas later. I hereby accept the premise that junk food wreaks even MORE havoc on your system after you've been trying to detox!
& speaking of detox, I am ready to tackle my own version of a "Reboot" after my friend Lucy & I went to a screening of "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead" a couple of weeks ago. Lucy is already a vegetarian, but was squirming in discomfited awareness of how heavily she's come to rely on processed convenience food in her own diet... We both are pledging to do better!
jointhereboot.com/
(I have already joined up; you should be able to guess my username: "endurovet"! No imagination for catchy aliases ;-)
I have dusted off my mom's Jack LaLanne juicer & mulched a few fruits & veggies; so far my efforts have been palatable enough (although I have to admit, I will never be fond of beets!)
I'm starting out w/small, manageable goals: cut out the gluten & PUFA's, eat a salad each day, supplement w/some juice here & there (I think my boy really enjoyed his appointed task of running the veggies down the chute of the juicer!)... Progress report(s) to follow!
As I limp back from the bathroom after One More Trip (sorry for the overshare), flashes of insight come to me as the shame & aches n' pains of last weekend's humiliation/failure slowly fades...
Maybe it's finally sunk in, that I Cannot Eat That Crap anymore - I thought I was rewarding myself w/a quick trip by BK's drive-thru yesterday during my mad whirl of running errands. (I know my thoughts are the time were "I deserve this" since I had eaten up my lunchtime taking care of everyone ELSE's needs) I was infuriated when the cashier short-changed me: I paid w/a $20 bill; maybe by giving me a messy stack of a couple of $5's & a couple of $1's she thought I wouldn't notice that she had held back a fiver? (only gave me $12.52 when she owed me $17.52 for that $2.48 order of onion rings) I contemplated as I drove off, how she likely had a sweet deal going, pocketing a few bucks here & there when harried customers failed to count their change...
Unfortunately the joke was on ME, since those coveted onion rings gave me horrendous indigestion, heartburn & gas later. I hereby accept the premise that junk food wreaks even MORE havoc on your system after you've been trying to detox!
& speaking of detox, I am ready to tackle my own version of a "Reboot" after my friend Lucy & I went to a screening of "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead" a couple of weeks ago. Lucy is already a vegetarian, but was squirming in discomfited awareness of how heavily she's come to rely on processed convenience food in her own diet... We both are pledging to do better!
jointhereboot.com/
(I have already joined up; you should be able to guess my username: "endurovet"! No imagination for catchy aliases ;-)
I have dusted off my mom's Jack LaLanne juicer & mulched a few fruits & veggies; so far my efforts have been palatable enough (although I have to admit, I will never be fond of beets!)
I'm starting out w/small, manageable goals: cut out the gluten & PUFA's, eat a salad each day, supplement w/some juice here & there (I think my boy really enjoyed his appointed task of running the veggies down the chute of the juicer!)... Progress report(s) to follow!
The Die is Cast
Monday, November 21, 2011
It isn't as if we had extensive family discussions, or even my usual painstaking routine of a "Pro's & Con's" list... Once again, the other night I was lying awake at 4 AM & The Answer drifted into my consciousness:
"What the hell, Ma-ROON**, you ain't sleeping anyway - might as well get up & try to give your son what he so desperately wants!"
**I'm making a sincere effort to cut out the negative self-talk - wooo, if ya heard some of my interior dialogue, your ears would be blistered! So instead of calling myself MOR-on, I call myself Ma-ROON w/heavy emphasis on that 2nd syllable - this is wordplay regarding The Texas A & M school colors (maroon & white) as well as that fabled Aggie reputation for idiotic behavior...
Perhaps things make a distorted type of sense only in my own universe, eh?!?
But in the short meditations I have tried to sit through over this past week, I try to visualize what our High School Routine is going to resemble... Obviously it's NOT going to conform to Mom's plan of having Z move on across to her old Alma Mater (less than a mile away from St E's; I think it's still a good school & it would be oh-so-CONVENIENT!), but having to be at St E's 50 min earlier could be a true gift for not only Mom's fitness routine, but her entire day: on pleasant outdoor-weather days I could go over to Kiest Park for a lap or two, on inclement weather days I would have that extra hr to go to the gym or run errands. Forced efficiency, get it?
So the bottom line is, I submitted Z's application to BL - the die is cast, not that I think there will be any problem w/acceptance of my straight-A student... They'll just want to see the color of my money ;-) - which will lead to the next challenge: child support will need to be re-negotiated! I am thrilled w/that prospect, as you can well imagine. With my ex's reversion (??? well it isn't as if he's EVER been a cooperative "co-parent", keeping those lines of communication open! It just seems as if he's even MORE secretive since his remarriage; I never even had a chance to blog about the latest snafu when he signed Z up for a "shadow day" at the Fancy New High School, not informing me until after the fact?!?!?) - but w/his miserly/reclusive tendencies, this could get real ugly real quick...
Wish me luck folks.
"What the hell, Ma-ROON**, you ain't sleeping anyway - might as well get up & try to give your son what he so desperately wants!"
**I'm making a sincere effort to cut out the negative self-talk - wooo, if ya heard some of my interior dialogue, your ears would be blistered! So instead of calling myself MOR-on, I call myself Ma-ROON w/heavy emphasis on that 2nd syllable - this is wordplay regarding The Texas A & M school colors (maroon & white) as well as that fabled Aggie reputation for idiotic behavior...
Perhaps things make a distorted type of sense only in my own universe, eh?!?
But in the short meditations I have tried to sit through over this past week, I try to visualize what our High School Routine is going to resemble... Obviously it's NOT going to conform to Mom's plan of having Z move on across to her old Alma Mater (less than a mile away from St E's; I think it's still a good school & it would be oh-so-CONVENIENT!), but having to be at St E's 50 min earlier could be a true gift for not only Mom's fitness routine, but her entire day: on pleasant outdoor-weather days I could go over to Kiest Park for a lap or two, on inclement weather days I would have that extra hr to go to the gym or run errands. Forced efficiency, get it?
So the bottom line is, I submitted Z's application to BL - the die is cast, not that I think there will be any problem w/acceptance of my straight-A student... They'll just want to see the color of my money ;-) - which will lead to the next challenge: child support will need to be re-negotiated! I am thrilled w/that prospect, as you can well imagine. With my ex's reversion (??? well it isn't as if he's EVER been a cooperative "co-parent", keeping those lines of communication open! It just seems as if he's even MORE secretive since his remarriage; I never even had a chance to blog about the latest snafu when he signed Z up for a "shadow day" at the Fancy New High School, not informing me until after the fact?!?!?) - but w/his miserly/reclusive tendencies, this could get real ugly real quick...
Wish me luck folks.
Just Do It
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
All I could think of after I left my friend's house was hitting the gym... Fortunately I was able to tack a lil' extra time onto my Extended Lunch Hour (sometimes it's Good to Be the Boss) & cranked up the TM for an hour. Let's just call it a moving meditation coupled w/burning off a couple of those Taco Bell specials I shouldn't have shared w/my boy. (He's been on a real Taco Bell kick here lately; go figure! The power of advertising, I guess)
Back up & start making sense: when I kissed my boy goodbye last Fri (going to school, being picked up by his dad for this 3rd weekend), I was potentially bidding him farewell for 12 long days. Don't think my ex didn't plot out this visitation schedule w/meticulous care: scheduling his weekday visits on Mon means he gets a 4-d
weekend; w/early dismissal today for Thanksgiving (it's M's year) he could have picked him up at noon & I wouldn't have seen Z again until NEXT Tues.
Fortunately my boy is smart - he asked for a sleepover w/his pal Josef, they will beworking on their Science Fair project together. Turns out that Ex called MY
husband yesterday to ask for Josef's mom's ph # - he was going to let him spend the afternoon w/Josef, but not stay overnight... (another irritation: since his remarriage, M seems to actively avoid speaking to me - he'll email or call P... It's as if he hopes if he ignores me, I'll quietly fade away)
(Apparently they're going to the ride in OK tomorrow - I reminded my boy to please pack lots of warm clothes!)
So I raced over to see him at lunchtime, bearing non-burnt offerings from Taco Bell. I got hugs & kisses from BOTH boys; pretty remarkable for teenagers! I managed to put on a happy face & keep up a lively patter of conversation while I was there, raced back to the sanctuary of the gym to work out my frustrations afterwards. You would think it might get a little easier after all these years, but I still HATE having to send my boy away...
Try to understand my position; this is the man who terrorized me for almost 14 yrs - who threatened me & my parents, tried to talk me into aborting this well-planned pregnancy (he'd already jumped ship, so to speak, & thrown his lot in w/the GF, but was still lying through his teeth to me that they were "just friends"... Hell, he kept up that sorry pretense even through a couple of yrs of court-ordered family therapy!) I both anticipate yet dread the day when Z finally gains the courage to speak his mind** - but w/Ex's explosive & unpredictable temper, who knows what might happen? I can't help but fear the worst.
(**to his dad, of course - he ALREADY speaks his mind to me ;-)
Anyway, so this also makes me dread the Thanksgiving holiday (in my family, it's always been a bigger deal than Xmas) - just knowing when I walk through the door of my aunt's house, I'll be met w/the usual questions: "Where's Zach?"
I'm going to start telling 'em we locked him in his closet at home - surely after all these years, they realize that if he ain't w/me, he's w/his father!
Happy holidays to my SparkFriends nonetheless.
Back up & start making sense: when I kissed my boy goodbye last Fri (going to school, being picked up by his dad for this 3rd weekend), I was potentially bidding him farewell for 12 long days. Don't think my ex didn't plot out this visitation schedule w/meticulous care: scheduling his weekday visits on Mon means he gets a 4-d
weekend; w/early dismissal today for Thanksgiving (it's M's year) he could have picked him up at noon & I wouldn't have seen Z again until NEXT Tues.
Fortunately my boy is smart - he asked for a sleepover w/his pal Josef, they will beworking on their Science Fair project together. Turns out that Ex called MY
husband yesterday to ask for Josef's mom's ph # - he was going to let him spend the afternoon w/Josef, but not stay overnight... (another irritation: since his remarriage, M seems to actively avoid speaking to me - he'll email or call P... It's as if he hopes if he ignores me, I'll quietly fade away)
(Apparently they're going to the ride in OK tomorrow - I reminded my boy to please pack lots of warm clothes!)
So I raced over to see him at lunchtime, bearing non-burnt offerings from Taco Bell. I got hugs & kisses from BOTH boys; pretty remarkable for teenagers! I managed to put on a happy face & keep up a lively patter of conversation while I was there, raced back to the sanctuary of the gym to work out my frustrations afterwards. You would think it might get a little easier after all these years, but I still HATE having to send my boy away...
Try to understand my position; this is the man who terrorized me for almost 14 yrs - who threatened me & my parents, tried to talk me into aborting this well-planned pregnancy (he'd already jumped ship, so to speak, & thrown his lot in w/the GF, but was still lying through his teeth to me that they were "just friends"... Hell, he kept up that sorry pretense even through a couple of yrs of court-ordered family therapy!) I both anticipate yet dread the day when Z finally gains the courage to speak his mind** - but w/Ex's explosive & unpredictable temper, who knows what might happen? I can't help but fear the worst.
(**to his dad, of course - he ALREADY speaks his mind to me ;-)
Anyway, so this also makes me dread the Thanksgiving holiday (in my family, it's always been a bigger deal than Xmas) - just knowing when I walk through the door of my aunt's house, I'll be met w/the usual questions: "Where's Zach?"
I'm going to start telling 'em we locked him in his closet at home - surely after all these years, they realize that if he ain't w/me, he's w/his father!
Happy holidays to my SparkFriends nonetheless.
