All too often I allow the weight of my real & perceived responsibilities to overwhelm me - hence I stay slumped in my recliner. Many worries piling upon me between my son, my cousins & my critters <= who, after all, are completely dependent upon me!
§ Cousin John hitched his wagon to his 2nd wife’s star almost 24 yrs ago after a disastrously brief first marriage; he is the very picture of devotion & I would do well to live by his example. He was the absolute soul of patience when Patty was having her navigational fiasco: never raising his voice, neither accusing nor complaining… & the next day when she once again didn’t make it (she had to go home to get some more sleep), never once did I hear any hint of rebuke in his voice when everyone was asking “Where’s Patty?”
§ Cousin Vanessa brought me her six cats for routine vaccinations last week - she looked even more frail, grey & waif-like than usual. I understand completely not wanting to delve into her marital woes in my office, but I’ve reached out to her several times - obviously I’m not the person she wants to talk to! (I’m 12 years older & have always been more of an aunt-like figure than a sisterly one) I just don’t know why she & her husband are maintaining this façade when he is posting on social media about his “soulmate”, yecccch!
& last Sunday I finally attended one of Cousin Mimi's memorial services for her son Carlos on this Day of the Dead. Carlos OD'd 7 yrs ago; on every anniversary, his BD, Day of the Dead, & every other major holiday, Mimi is at the cemetery setting up her Memento Mori's which I suppose she will do for time immemorial: how do you ever recover from the loss of your child? Lord knows I suffered through that valley when Z was going through his party-hearty phase (Stage 1 when we had shared custody, ages 16-18, then Stage II "this circus all belongs to you, mom", ages 18-22'ish), as well as prior to that whenever I had to entrust him to his father's distracted "care". The fact of the matter is that SWSNBN raised Z throughout toddlerhood & at some point he transitioned to a fairly "free-range" childhood, unsupervised on his father's farm.
Atlas as I've often referenced myself feeling like Atlas, supporting the weight of the world on my shoulders, and Axis, that second vertebra upon which everything must shift. Finally got in to see the pulmonologist (actually his NP) yesterday to find the consensus is leaning towards pulmonary fibrosis vs COPD. Further testing will commence in January - guess I can hang on till then.
