Thanksgiving weekend was fairly miserable for me from a mental health standpoint - outside of the minor dopamine hit of “doing what I’d said I would do” as far as making all my side dishes & transporting them to Irving. It felt like the pilgrimage of the Magi, only bearing food instead of frankincense & myrrh! Cornbread dressing, deviled eggs, spicy Chex mix, apple & pecan pies… (both the pies were store-bought so it isn’t as if I could take any particular credit for labor)
But boy oh boy, talk about Black Friday - that described my mood to a T!!! The weather was chilly but beautiful on Friday, but when I can’t even roust myself to go for a ride, that tells you how deep & dark my depression is…
Part of it may be my prolonged recovery from my fall (aka “home bone density test”) - my right ankle remains edematous, stiff & painful as is my R hand, although I’m still walking & reasonably functional - I don’t think I’ve broken or torn anything. It must be some lymphatic damage; I’m using my vibration plate in small doses to try to stimulate healing. (I ought to be standing on it right now, but instead I’m sitting in the recliner with little dogs on my lap - they are also a healing force!) A bonus injury was discovered as the lower medial quadrant of my L breast has turned the lovely colors of deep bruising - obviously I mashed her up on the staircase, but didn’t notice at the time with my other injuries distracting me…
I continue to avoid visiting my mother; I just haven’t been able to face it since her birthday which, God help me, was 10 weeks ago. “No news is good news” I suppose. And, speaking of estranged mothers & daughters, my cousin Gina just moved back to Texas after living in California for the past 15 yrs or so. Her parents are my “surrogate brother” Clifford (my dad’s big sister’s middle son, his favorite nephew) & his wife Marilyn - Marilyn almost died after giving birth to Gina & favoritism towards her elder sister was always apparent. I also got a low-key “gaydar” vibe from Gina, which would not go over well in that fundamentalist branch of our family, so I completely understood her reasons for moving away.
I don’t know if she’s returned because of her mother’s terminal illness, economic pressures or what - of course, it’s none of my effin’ business!
Gentle virtual hugs for your woes, Val! Add mental lows to physical ones and it's a very dark place indeed. I hope that writing about it help exorcise at least part of it!
ReplyDeleteI had some bug or other over the weekend myself, which made dealing with our version of weather challenging. In fact, on Sunday I just stayed inside and hoped the neighbors would come through with some help, and they did, thank goodness. But the symptoms seem to be in the rearview now, and you're still "working on it" so I'll shut up about that!
Sending hopeful and peace-inducing vibes for the family issues. Don't we all have a few of those in the periphery that are exactly as you said, none of my business!
May you have a gentle week, bringing better happenings to your life.
Treat yourself nice and allow yourself a few moments, then "mount up" and carry on. Stick your foot in a bucket of hot water. Those injuries sound ouchy. Even minor ones take time. My ankle made a loud snap when I struggled to get off the G-kids' floor (darned hip) and it's take 3 weeks to stop aching.
ReplyDeleteAs for your mom, I get it. She may not even realize the time that's gone by. I'll stick my nose in your business and tell you to go see her and get it done. The future you will be kicking yourself for not making that "last visit" if something goes south. Trust me on that one. Hugs.