Why on earth I do not SPEAK UP when I perceive a real or potential problem brewing? Is it the fact of Z's extreme volatility/similarity to his father - don't want to trigger his wrath?? At this rate he'll soon surmount a body count superior to your own between Sheila (baby boa escapee), Tripod (injury/sepsis beardie baby), Amal (gecko heat stress), Coyote (baby tegu, probably snatched by feral cat), new beardie female baked on porch, and baby beardie w/presumed impaction (necropsy pending).
Rock Bottom?
Sunday, July 01, 2012
If I only knew what "rock bottom" looked like, perhaps I could identify it... Maybe this means I haven't hit it (yet)?!?!?
But it was NOT a pretty sight, when I took my mom to the big sale at Dillard's & tried on a long flowing gauze dress (what I envisioned as nice "après ride" wear for NM).
"Oh my GOD, Becky, look at her BUTT!" (cue music here) except in my case it ain't my butt, it's the rolls around my torso... (Let's just say the semi-fitted bodice & delicate lil' elasticized cap sleeves were NOT flattering!) Now, if I could have detached the layered skirt & just found a flattering top?!? So I regretfully replaced it on the rack w/the thought that Something's Gotta Give...
Mom didn't see anything that suited her either, but I did drop by Ross on the way home & bought a couple of short gauze smocks WITHOUT trying 'em on. This morning I put on the purple Dashiki print which makes me resemble a big round eggplant but what the hey, it ain't a fashion show out there, lucky for me!
The stress of these past few mos has led to my regaining virtually every damn pound (OK all but 3!) that I had originally peeled off by diligent effort these past 2.5 yrs... I'm advertising to find my lost mojo, but she hasn't shown up yet.
Friday I filed my case w/TX Atty Gen's office against Ex to bring child support up to equitable levels. It's something I've been on the fence about for many mos now, but if anything his behavior is escalating - since he married long-term GF last yr, he's gotten MUCH worse! Ex refused to let me see my son this weekend as requested BECAUSE I SENT THE EMAIL ON THE 16th INSTEAD OF THE 15th!!! It's a completely effed up situation; you would think we've only been divorced for TWO yrs instead of TWELVE! & all those mos of court-ordered family therapy obviously weren't worth a bucket of warm spit either. I was going to go out this morning for a little "home therapy" w/my horse but couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it...
At least I made it by the gym for a short session - hard to force myself thru that door, but went alright once I got warmed up (25 min elliptical, about 5 min on weights)
Note to self: do NOT let over a month elapse between kettle bell workouts!
I know Ex is going to blow a gasket when he gets that notification, but I will take precautions. No melodrama, just the facts ma'am: he threatened me years ago when the fresh sh!t was hitting the fan (no I did not succeed in getting a restraining order at the time bcz of my lawyer's incompetence - she let it deteriorate into a "He Said/She Said" debacle). I wish I could predict which way this will turn out, but the man's a complete stranger to me now & he certainly doesn't have his son's best interests at heart (I indulged myself in a few dry sobs this AM on elliptical when I had the gym to myself; what's the diagnosis when you WANT to weep but cannot?)... It might be either:
A.) he lawyers up & countersues for full custody
B.) he comes after me (believe me, I've replayed many versions of his possible apocalyptic meltdown as I've laid awake at night)
C.) least likely of all, he sees the error of his ways & simply pays up (ha ha ha ha, thanks I needed a good laugh!)... We can SAVE those thousands of $$$ in legal fees that rightfully should be put away for my son's education.
I quite pointedly call Z "MY" son (which would get me in hot water, legally & psych-profile-wise, since of course he was not an Immaculate Conception!) since none of Ex's actions have been those of a caring father - hell, he started the fight w/me over this weekend right in front of Z! as I'm sure he has since devoted a great amount of time since in running me down & explaining to Z why (in his opinion) things "HAVE" to be this way (he's a great one for self-justification)...
My poor angel. 4 more weeks.
But it was NOT a pretty sight, when I took my mom to the big sale at Dillard's & tried on a long flowing gauze dress (what I envisioned as nice "après ride" wear for NM).
"Oh my GOD, Becky, look at her BUTT!" (cue music here) except in my case it ain't my butt, it's the rolls around my torso... (Let's just say the semi-fitted bodice & delicate lil' elasticized cap sleeves were NOT flattering!) Now, if I could have detached the layered skirt & just found a flattering top?!? So I regretfully replaced it on the rack w/the thought that Something's Gotta Give...
Mom didn't see anything that suited her either, but I did drop by Ross on the way home & bought a couple of short gauze smocks WITHOUT trying 'em on. This morning I put on the purple Dashiki print which makes me resemble a big round eggplant but what the hey, it ain't a fashion show out there, lucky for me!
The stress of these past few mos has led to my regaining virtually every damn pound (OK all but 3!) that I had originally peeled off by diligent effort these past 2.5 yrs... I'm advertising to find my lost mojo, but she hasn't shown up yet.
Friday I filed my case w/TX Atty Gen's office against Ex to bring child support up to equitable levels. It's something I've been on the fence about for many mos now, but if anything his behavior is escalating - since he married long-term GF last yr, he's gotten MUCH worse! Ex refused to let me see my son this weekend as requested BECAUSE I SENT THE EMAIL ON THE 16th INSTEAD OF THE 15th!!! It's a completely effed up situation; you would think we've only been divorced for TWO yrs instead of TWELVE! & all those mos of court-ordered family therapy obviously weren't worth a bucket of warm spit either. I was going to go out this morning for a little "home therapy" w/my horse but couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it...
At least I made it by the gym for a short session - hard to force myself thru that door, but went alright once I got warmed up (25 min elliptical, about 5 min on weights)
Note to self: do NOT let over a month elapse between kettle bell workouts!
I know Ex is going to blow a gasket when he gets that notification, but I will take precautions. No melodrama, just the facts ma'am: he threatened me years ago when the fresh sh!t was hitting the fan (no I did not succeed in getting a restraining order at the time bcz of my lawyer's incompetence - she let it deteriorate into a "He Said/She Said" debacle). I wish I could predict which way this will turn out, but the man's a complete stranger to me now & he certainly doesn't have his son's best interests at heart (I indulged myself in a few dry sobs this AM on elliptical when I had the gym to myself; what's the diagnosis when you WANT to weep but cannot?)... It might be either:
A.) he lawyers up & countersues for full custody
B.) he comes after me (believe me, I've replayed many versions of his possible apocalyptic meltdown as I've laid awake at night)
C.) least likely of all, he sees the error of his ways & simply pays up (ha ha ha ha, thanks I needed a good laugh!)... We can SAVE those thousands of $$$ in legal fees that rightfully should be put away for my son's education.
I quite pointedly call Z "MY" son (which would get me in hot water, legally & psych-profile-wise, since of course he was not an Immaculate Conception!) since none of Ex's actions have been those of a caring father - hell, he started the fight w/me over this weekend right in front of Z! as I'm sure he has since devoted a great amount of time since in running me down & explaining to Z why (in his opinion) things "HAVE" to be this way (he's a great one for self-justification)...
My poor angel. 4 more weeks.
Readying for Departure
Sunday, July 08, 2012
Parents,
Just a reminder that we will NOT have 7 on 7 for the remainder of the summer. Your Monday nights are now free!
We will hold the Freshman Football Retreat this coming Friday the 13th at Bishop Lynch from 1:00-5:00. I will send more information about this event, but I first need to know if any players will not be able to attend. Please let me know if your son will be absent as soon as possible.
Thank you
(Coach D)
I read this morning's email w/the queerest mixture of elation & disgust... Of course since Z is at his father's this month, this falls completely w/in Michael's domain: he will either take Z or he won't, it's out of my hands. So far I'm happy to report that he HAS been taking Z to summer football practice & hopefully will continue to do so... He'll have this Freshman Football Camp Fri the 13th & mandatory sports-evaluation physicals on Sat the 21st (if Michael fails to take him, all Z's hard work will have been for naught). There again, fretting about it is counterproductive; I'll be hundreds of miles away on my annual pilgrimage in NM - therein lies the GUILT!
As much as I b!tch about my Ex, if he DIDN'T have Z this month, I wouldn't be able to go to NM w/such unfettered freedom (yeah, I know I could work it out w/P, but would likely cut trip short, there again out of GUILT). But there are no other such events, where I can take a week off work, & get in 6 d of riding: the most bang for my bucks! (when people ask me, I tell 'em I can have all the vacation I'm willing to pay for!)
I've been on pins & needles ever since I got those forms notarized & filed w/Attorney General to bring Z's child support up to equitable levels. It's the least I can do - I owe my boy that much! Those are funds I can squirrel away for Z's "car & college" fund - even as I grin evilly & think how much I would PREFER he continue to live at home after high school... Hopefully he will still be fond enough of Mom to see how good that will be - saving $$$ until he gets his career up to speed...
(AND HIS FATHER WON'T BE ABLE TO DRAG HIM AWAY ON THE WEEKENDS AGAINST HIS WILL)- it's GOOD to be able to purge those evil anti-co-parenting thoughts here, my dear SparkFriends, really clears out those bad vapors! If I'm extra-special lucky, Z will even be willing to accompany me on some travels (that my husband doesn't seem interested in): Machu Picchu, the Galapagos, the Middle East...
Meanwhile I'm perusing some destination half's - while I may wind up just staying right here for our Big D event in Dec**, I'm considering Anaheim or Phoenix in Jan? Carpe Diem, after all.
**my associate Lydia (looking disgustingly slender BTW ;-) may train for that marathon; her 2nd after sneaking out & doing her 1st in May! Yes I freely admit to jealousy, but a half is enough of a commitment for me... (breaking 3 hrs still sounds like an unachievable pinnacle)
Just a reminder that we will NOT have 7 on 7 for the remainder of the summer. Your Monday nights are now free!
We will hold the Freshman Football Retreat this coming Friday the 13th at Bishop Lynch from 1:00-5:00. I will send more information about this event, but I first need to know if any players will not be able to attend. Please let me know if your son will be absent as soon as possible.
Thank you
(Coach D)
I read this morning's email w/the queerest mixture of elation & disgust... Of course since Z is at his father's this month, this falls completely w/in Michael's domain: he will either take Z or he won't, it's out of my hands. So far I'm happy to report that he HAS been taking Z to summer football practice & hopefully will continue to do so... He'll have this Freshman Football Camp Fri the 13th & mandatory sports-evaluation physicals on Sat the 21st (if Michael fails to take him, all Z's hard work will have been for naught). There again, fretting about it is counterproductive; I'll be hundreds of miles away on my annual pilgrimage in NM - therein lies the GUILT!
As much as I b!tch about my Ex, if he DIDN'T have Z this month, I wouldn't be able to go to NM w/such unfettered freedom (yeah, I know I could work it out w/P, but would likely cut trip short, there again out of GUILT). But there are no other such events, where I can take a week off work, & get in 6 d of riding: the most bang for my bucks! (when people ask me, I tell 'em I can have all the vacation I'm willing to pay for!)
I've been on pins & needles ever since I got those forms notarized & filed w/Attorney General to bring Z's child support up to equitable levels. It's the least I can do - I owe my boy that much! Those are funds I can squirrel away for Z's "car & college" fund - even as I grin evilly & think how much I would PREFER he continue to live at home after high school... Hopefully he will still be fond enough of Mom to see how good that will be - saving $$$ until he gets his career up to speed...
(AND HIS FATHER WON'T BE ABLE TO DRAG HIM AWAY ON THE WEEKENDS AGAINST HIS WILL)- it's GOOD to be able to purge those evil anti-co-parenting thoughts here, my dear SparkFriends, really clears out those bad vapors! If I'm extra-special lucky, Z will even be willing to accompany me on some travels (that my husband doesn't seem interested in): Machu Picchu, the Galapagos, the Middle East...
Meanwhile I'm perusing some destination half's - while I may wind up just staying right here for our Big D event in Dec**, I'm considering Anaheim or Phoenix in Jan? Carpe Diem, after all.
**my associate Lydia (looking disgustingly slender BTW ;-) may train for that marathon; her 2nd after sneaking out & doing her 1st in May! Yes I freely admit to jealousy, but a half is enough of a commitment for me... (breaking 3 hrs still sounds like an unachievable pinnacle)
Your Mileage May Vary
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Going over my mental packing list (CANNOT forget to go by pharmacy today & P/U refill of thyroid meds; that could make for a VERY UGLY week!) as my countdown for departure narrows, narrows, narrows...
(My friend Ann left last night, so she's probably approaching Roswell - 70 mi from Ft Stanton - as I type this)
Still shaking my head as I go over yesterday's Big Communication Bust w/hubby, but sorry - in this case I assign myself virtually NIL of the responsibility; how could any reasonable person perceive otherwise?
It has been hellaciously busy at work - if I know anything, I know I have EARNED this week's vacation! but I took a few moments yesterday afternoon to fire off an email to hubby (I had spoken to him briefly on the phone on lunchtime):
"Honey I forgot to mention - w/today's whacky schedule I am going to try to hit the gym for a lite workout tonight...
Hopefully 6:30'ish??
Call ya later, back into surgery for me now"
He replied w/in a short time w/a single letter: "K"
WWARPA: What Would A Reasonable Person Assume? (knowing full well what they say about ASSUMING) but I took that "K" as meaning OK, see ya there!
I dragged my poor tired carcass into the gym, climbed on the elliptical, and watched the clock. It ticked, the time scrolled down, there were no signs of Hubby. My 20 min elapsed, I paused & went to my phone - guess what, joke's on me, he ain't coming!
Maybe it's a minor thing to get upset about - I'm the first to admit, yes of course it is! After all, it doesn't affect MY own health & fitness in the slightest if Hubs skips a workout... but to me it's sad & upsetting bcz it just outlines the big smoking crater of miscommunication in the middle of our relationship.
I'll be glad to be getting out of town for a while to contemplate The Big Picture.
(My friend Ann left last night, so she's probably approaching Roswell - 70 mi from Ft Stanton - as I type this)
Still shaking my head as I go over yesterday's Big Communication Bust w/hubby, but sorry - in this case I assign myself virtually NIL of the responsibility; how could any reasonable person perceive otherwise?
It has been hellaciously busy at work - if I know anything, I know I have EARNED this week's vacation! but I took a few moments yesterday afternoon to fire off an email to hubby (I had spoken to him briefly on the phone on lunchtime):
"Honey I forgot to mention - w/today's whacky schedule I am going to try to hit the gym for a lite workout tonight...
Hopefully 6:30'ish??
Call ya later, back into surgery for me now"
He replied w/in a short time w/a single letter: "K"
WWARPA: What Would A Reasonable Person Assume? (knowing full well what they say about ASSUMING) but I took that "K" as meaning OK, see ya there!
I dragged my poor tired carcass into the gym, climbed on the elliptical, and watched the clock. It ticked, the time scrolled down, there were no signs of Hubby. My 20 min elapsed, I paused & went to my phone - guess what, joke's on me, he ain't coming!
Maybe it's a minor thing to get upset about - I'm the first to admit, yes of course it is! After all, it doesn't affect MY own health & fitness in the slightest if Hubs skips a workout... but to me it's sad & upsetting bcz it just outlines the big smoking crater of miscommunication in the middle of our relationship.
I'll be glad to be getting out of town for a while to contemplate The Big Picture.
Got What I Came For
Monday, July 23, 2012
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes it seems all my wayward surfing-around unearths one (or more) helpful pieces of information...
I came back early from my NM vacation (details to follow), proudly bearing proof of what I had set out to do: 3 days in a row on the Baraquinator, 100 mi yielded me an attractive blue fleece vest!
(Sahara, my QH mare, earned me the nylon jacket in '04, followed up w/MORE good luck in '07 - 3 d on my son's intrepid lil' red mule Midge earned me a hoodie)
But other than these happy occasions, it's seemed like long spells of drought - inevitably, something interferes w/me being able to (successfully) complete the whole week's event. Baraq's endurance career especially seems to be marred w/fitful starts n' stops! & of course, I'm sure in LARGE part (all puns intended) that can be blamed on a relatively small horse being forced to carry a big load (squints in mirror).
Anyway, so it made this minor victory especially poignant - I have threatened to "re-home" Baraq several times to even the playing field for him; no telling what he could accomplish carrying 40 or 50 less lbs of rider! He finished this 100 miles looking as if he'd barely trotted around the block, but my knees, lower back & ankles were about to give out. I'm certain he could have kept on going, but I decided to let the mule earn her oats on Day 4.
Unfortunately standing around in camp & growing bonded to her surroundings did NOT improve her cooperation - she was acting up as I tried to sweep her into the flow leaving camp Thurs morning... I even asked my friend Carol to lead Baraq out & across the road as "bait" (Alex LOVES Baraq, even though he acts as if he'd like to kick & bite her ;-)
When the object of her undying affection was taken away, Alex continued to plunge & rear - & finally her head swung back as I was leaning forward, & she smacked me square in the nose! My poor mashed snozz promptly began to bleed freely, saturating my shirt, sports bra, & saddle cover - so I had to call it a day & trudge back to camp. (Thanks goodness dear Carol promptly made me an ice pack) So I came back triumphant, but sporting a nice black eye! I'll try to post a photo tomorrow, it's been another day at the races back at work today (between many explanations of "What Happened").
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes it seems all my wayward surfing-around unearths one (or more) helpful pieces of information...
I came back early from my NM vacation (details to follow), proudly bearing proof of what I had set out to do: 3 days in a row on the Baraquinator, 100 mi yielded me an attractive blue fleece vest!
(Sahara, my QH mare, earned me the nylon jacket in '04, followed up w/MORE good luck in '07 - 3 d on my son's intrepid lil' red mule Midge earned me a hoodie)
But other than these happy occasions, it's seemed like long spells of drought - inevitably, something interferes w/me being able to (successfully) complete the whole week's event. Baraq's endurance career especially seems to be marred w/fitful starts n' stops! & of course, I'm sure in LARGE part (all puns intended) that can be blamed on a relatively small horse being forced to carry a big load (squints in mirror).
Anyway, so it made this minor victory especially poignant - I have threatened to "re-home" Baraq several times to even the playing field for him; no telling what he could accomplish carrying 40 or 50 less lbs of rider! He finished this 100 miles looking as if he'd barely trotted around the block, but my knees, lower back & ankles were about to give out. I'm certain he could have kept on going, but I decided to let the mule earn her oats on Day 4.
Unfortunately standing around in camp & growing bonded to her surroundings did NOT improve her cooperation - she was acting up as I tried to sweep her into the flow leaving camp Thurs morning... I even asked my friend Carol to lead Baraq out & across the road as "bait" (Alex LOVES Baraq, even though he acts as if he'd like to kick & bite her ;-)
When the object of her undying affection was taken away, Alex continued to plunge & rear - & finally her head swung back as I was leaning forward, & she smacked me square in the nose! My poor mashed snozz promptly began to bleed freely, saturating my shirt, sports bra, & saddle cover - so I had to call it a day & trudge back to camp. (Thanks goodness dear Carol promptly made me an ice pack) So I came back triumphant, but sporting a nice black eye! I'll try to post a photo tomorrow, it's been another day at the races back at work today (between many explanations of "What Happened").
Pictures Speak Louder than Words
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Looking across camp from the shade of my horse trailer...
Sunset over Capitan Gap
I wish these all hadn't turned out sideways, but here I am 12 hrs post injury
(I'll post 7 d followup mañana)
One Week Later...
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Buddy-dog woke me from VERY deep sleep @ 7:40 AM & I am still having a hard time getting my rump in gear. Fairly decent night's rest, only had to get up once to pee around 2 AM (Rule One of chronic insomniacs is don't watch the clock, but I invariably must glance at it to verify how exact my internal clock remains... Most of the time it's pretty darn close!)
Added a lil' Folger's instant to my AM protein shake; let's hope that props my eyelids open so I can finish what I started - getting the house ready for my son's return TOMORROW!
In many ways, these last few days have been more stressful than the entire interminable 5-wk period; the anticipation is KILLING me! Another mirthless laugh is forced from my lips as I read the email from Ex:
On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 10:49 Mike wrote:
Val,
As you know my summer visit with Zach ends this Friday at 6p. I am planning on spending Friday with the boys trying to make progress on some repairs to Zach's old farm truck. We can meet somewhere between us at 6p for you to pick him up. Do you have a preference on meeting spots?
Mike
Never mind that he originally collected Z at noontime on Fri 6/22; he's going to draw things out & make me wait until the proscribed 6 PM "standard pickup time". (& believe me, the only reason he's not forcing me to drive the 85 mi out to HIS place is bcz it would upset She Who Must Not Be Named to see my smilin' face!!!)
That's OK, it's all good... Simplifies a lot of potential maneuvering if I had needed to pick Z up earlier in the day, although I'm sure I will be an irritable short-tempered wreck by Fri afternoon as I count off the final hrs!
M's time will come - I've received letters from AG confirming receipt of my paperwork, assigning our case # & delegated office; now the only thing to do is WAIT.
I'm pretty good at that. Seems I've been putting off "MY time in the sun" for years & years now; all this has accomplished is to WASTE a whole lot of that precious irreplaceable sands-through-the-hourglass. (random memory: my mom was an inveterate soap opera fan so I have that theme from "Days of Our Lives" burned indelibly into my subconscious ;-)
For once I made the time to attend two of my NM friend Jake's yoga classes & they were AWESOME! He works in Iyengar yoga, which is much more concerned w/proper form & breathing technique than the calisthenic-like routines of more Westernized classes I have attended... We only worked on a handful of postures but spent about 10 min on each one, until everyone was as close to optimal as they could achieve. (Jake complimented me on my downward dog ;-) He also gave me the name of a good yoga studio which as it turns out, won't be too far from my son's new HS - karma, anyone?
www.iyengar-yoga.com/iye
ngaryoga/
iPad is NOT cooperating w/photo download; I was going to show you a picture of my almost-back-to-normal face (one dark bruise under R eye)... I have had the strangest fleeting-headachy pains which I trust are bone & cartilage knitting back together, & these past couple of days my nose ITCHES, which is annoying since of course to scratch is to cause pain! But I reiterate, there's a lot worse things that mule could have broken on me than my NOSE; we'll get back to work this weekend. As I was mentioning to one of my friends, w/my boy entering into the mad rush of high school, I will have to be very selective about the (few) rides we'll be able to attend (page update to follow!) But there will be a new 3-d ride in NM in Oct that I think I will be just selfish enough to haul back for - it doesn't fall on a "Z weekend" but this opportunity may not repeat itself. We spent a little time re-living old rides, & bemoaning those that we missed out on.
(Home computer could do it - here I am 7 d after "close encounter of the nasal kind" w/darling lil' Alex's forehead!)
Added a lil' Folger's instant to my AM protein shake; let's hope that props my eyelids open so I can finish what I started - getting the house ready for my son's return TOMORROW!
In many ways, these last few days have been more stressful than the entire interminable 5-wk period; the anticipation is KILLING me! Another mirthless laugh is forced from my lips as I read the email from Ex:
On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 10:49 Mike wrote:
Val,
As you know my summer visit with Zach ends this Friday at 6p. I am planning on spending Friday with the boys trying to make progress on some repairs to Zach's old farm truck. We can meet somewhere between us at 6p for you to pick him up. Do you have a preference on meeting spots?
Mike
Never mind that he originally collected Z at noontime on Fri 6/22; he's going to draw things out & make me wait until the proscribed 6 PM "standard pickup time". (& believe me, the only reason he's not forcing me to drive the 85 mi out to HIS place is bcz it would upset She Who Must Not Be Named to see my smilin' face!!!)
That's OK, it's all good... Simplifies a lot of potential maneuvering if I had needed to pick Z up earlier in the day, although I'm sure I will be an irritable short-tempered wreck by Fri afternoon as I count off the final hrs!
M's time will come - I've received letters from AG confirming receipt of my paperwork, assigning our case # & delegated office; now the only thing to do is WAIT.
I'm pretty good at that. Seems I've been putting off "MY time in the sun" for years & years now; all this has accomplished is to WASTE a whole lot of that precious irreplaceable sands-through-the-hourglass. (random memory: my mom was an inveterate soap opera fan so I have that theme from "Days of Our Lives" burned indelibly into my subconscious ;-)
For once I made the time to attend two of my NM friend Jake's yoga classes & they were AWESOME! He works in Iyengar yoga, which is much more concerned w/proper form & breathing technique than the calisthenic-like routines of more Westernized classes I have attended... We only worked on a handful of postures but spent about 10 min on each one, until everyone was as close to optimal as they could achieve. (Jake complimented me on my downward dog ;-) He also gave me the name of a good yoga studio which as it turns out, won't be too far from my son's new HS - karma, anyone?
www.iyengar-yoga.com/iye
ngaryoga/
iPad is NOT cooperating w/photo download; I was going to show you a picture of my almost-back-to-normal face (one dark bruise under R eye)... I have had the strangest fleeting-headachy pains which I trust are bone & cartilage knitting back together, & these past couple of days my nose ITCHES, which is annoying since of course to scratch is to cause pain! But I reiterate, there's a lot worse things that mule could have broken on me than my NOSE; we'll get back to work this weekend. As I was mentioning to one of my friends, w/my boy entering into the mad rush of high school, I will have to be very selective about the (few) rides we'll be able to attend (page update to follow!) But there will be a new 3-d ride in NM in Oct that I think I will be just selfish enough to haul back for - it doesn't fall on a "Z weekend" but this opportunity may not repeat itself. We spent a little time re-living old rides, & bemoaning those that we missed out on.
(Home computer could do it - here I am 7 d after "close encounter of the nasal kind" w/darling lil' Alex's forehead!)
Are You Lonely Tonight?
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Great, another attack of insomnia, & I'm supposed to be enjoying my vacation!
Not the easiest thing to do when I feel like the walking dead...
Filled w/self-doubt & trepidation: I changed up our original plans; mentioned to coastal chum Janis earlier this summer that I would "share" Z during this ONE precious week of NO football practices... However, as these interminable weeks have dragged on, I reneged - went ahead & arranged to take this week off so I could drive Z down to Rockport myself, spend a couple of days w/J & her husband Charles (whom Z has really taken a shine to; I figure he needs all the positive male role models in his life that he can get) - & now we've swung out W to revisit a couple of our favorite places, Ft Davis & Balmorhea.
I'm sure I hurt Janis's feelings somewhat - they were planning on having Z for this entire week, but I hope she understood. As I told her, I already feel as if great bleeding chunks of Z's childhood have been torn away from me; I'll take advantage of every iota of "Mommy & Me" time Z will tolerate! Who knows, after a few months of high school, he may not WANT to hang out w/boring ol' Mom anymore...
Tonight M called Z on my cell phone; 3.5 min which filled me w/inexplicable fury**... I'm really really tired at this point, which has made me especially short-tempered - could easily envision myself having a mini-meltdown, screaming "You've had him for FIVE SOLID WEEKS, LEAVE US ALONE!" I only have these 7 precious days until we're back to the grind of my work, & Z's football practices.
**not so inexplicable when I overheard the whine of She Who Shall Not Be Named when SHE got on the line w/Z - I definitely wanted to scream, b!tch-slap, pull hair! I must "co-parent" w/Z's father (have I told you how much I HATE that term, my dear SparkFriends?!?!?), but I shouldn't have to share w/that creature.
Life is quite definitely not fair! But now I'm going to try to lie down & at least close my eyes; this mini-vent did me some good...
Not the easiest thing to do when I feel like the walking dead...
Filled w/self-doubt & trepidation: I changed up our original plans; mentioned to coastal chum Janis earlier this summer that I would "share" Z during this ONE precious week of NO football practices... However, as these interminable weeks have dragged on, I reneged - went ahead & arranged to take this week off so I could drive Z down to Rockport myself, spend a couple of days w/J & her husband Charles (whom Z has really taken a shine to; I figure he needs all the positive male role models in his life that he can get) - & now we've swung out W to revisit a couple of our favorite places, Ft Davis & Balmorhea.
I'm sure I hurt Janis's feelings somewhat - they were planning on having Z for this entire week, but I hope she understood. As I told her, I already feel as if great bleeding chunks of Z's childhood have been torn away from me; I'll take advantage of every iota of "Mommy & Me" time Z will tolerate! Who knows, after a few months of high school, he may not WANT to hang out w/boring ol' Mom anymore...
Tonight M called Z on my cell phone; 3.5 min which filled me w/inexplicable fury**... I'm really really tired at this point, which has made me especially short-tempered - could easily envision myself having a mini-meltdown, screaming "You've had him for FIVE SOLID WEEKS, LEAVE US ALONE!" I only have these 7 precious days until we're back to the grind of my work, & Z's football practices.
**not so inexplicable when I overheard the whine of She Who Shall Not Be Named when SHE got on the line w/Z - I definitely wanted to scream, b!tch-slap, pull hair! I must "co-parent" w/Z's father (have I told you how much I HATE that term, my dear SparkFriends?!?!?), but I shouldn't have to share w/that creature.
Life is quite definitely not fair! But now I'm going to try to lie down & at least close my eyes; this mini-vent did me some good...
All Good Things Must Come to an End...
Sunday, August 05, 2012
Well, folks, I'm sitting in the nice sparklin' new Holiday Inn Express in Sweetwater, TX (where I could use a regular computer terminal - much faster typing for moi than on the iPad!) - getting ready to go back upstairs in a few min, wake up my boy, & take the final leg of our Big Texas Road Trip on home...
I indulged myself in a few minutes of silent weeping** when Z "hooded up" yesterday evening as we left Balmorhea to drive East as far as my stamina would hold up. (That setting sun was blazing low through the truck windows; Z couldn't see his laptop screen so he used one of my horse coolers - the brand new, clean one that has never been placed on an equine yet! Are you kidding, in 100+ degree weather?!? to cover himself up & create a mini-"man/boy cave") If need be, I could have driven all the way in - but I would have gotten in about 2 AM & my mommy cheerfully volunteered to spring for this night's lodging! I used that as an example to Z that "Mommies NEVER stop worrying about their children!"
Thanks Mom!
I stumbled into the lobby of this Holiday Inn last night shortly after 9 PM - at that stage of fatigue where I COULD have gone on if I had started heavily caffeinating - but the young desk clerk had everything ready: "YOU'RE the one whose mom called to set everything up for ya!" It made me feel about 16 again :-)
I got another greatly needed boost to my self-esteem when we stopped at a truck stop in Stanton for dinner: after a couple of hrs' swimming at Balmorhea (Google it; absolutely BEAUTIFUL natural springs w/a man-made CCC swimming pool, circa 1940? We'd never get away w/that kind of unnatural manipulation of the environment in this day & age ;-) - we had climbed into the truck still in our swimsuits to start driving... I was walking back to the ladies' room to change & couldn't help checking myself out in a full-length mirror. I actually thought I looked OKAY - bigger around through the torso than I'd like, but my posture was good & my legs looked great! The short time in the sun had given my skin a nice glow...
I haven't climbed on the scales for several weeks now; plan on avoiding them for at least another week until we settle back into our routine. It would be counterproductive.
**I was tired, feeling stressed out after haggling w/Z - after only about an hour of swim time at Balmorhea, he was hassling me to GO! yes, it's true the pool was more crowded than we've ever seen it; in years past we've been spoiled by having it (by comparison) virtually to ourselves - but I thought the spectacle of many many sweet young things in bikinis would keep Z distracted! He only snorkeled w/me for a short time, wouldn't wear his wetsuit (the water is a chilly 72 degrees so you need to keep strokin' or wear a wetsuit), & sat sullenly on the edge when I said I wanted to complete my circuit of the perimeter of the pool... I love to observe the pupfish, could also float out to the peaceful center (30' deep), doing a dead man's float & pretending to be in glorious solitude. One thing I CAN do is FLOAT like a cork (in calm water); this also did wonders for my self-esteem after my "head above water" scare at the lake for Z's BD in June...
I was actually starting to rub blisters on my feet in my ill-fitting rented swim fins, so I satisfied myself w/1 hr 45 min of precious water time; we'll definitely be back! Next time I'll plan farther in advance, so we can stay at the state park & I can soak up all the 'water therapy' this Pisces needs!
I indulged myself in a few minutes of silent weeping** when Z "hooded up" yesterday evening as we left Balmorhea to drive East as far as my stamina would hold up. (That setting sun was blazing low through the truck windows; Z couldn't see his laptop screen so he used one of my horse coolers - the brand new, clean one that has never been placed on an equine yet! Are you kidding, in 100+ degree weather?!? to cover himself up & create a mini-"man/boy cave") If need be, I could have driven all the way in - but I would have gotten in about 2 AM & my mommy cheerfully volunteered to spring for this night's lodging! I used that as an example to Z that "Mommies NEVER stop worrying about their children!"
Thanks Mom!
I stumbled into the lobby of this Holiday Inn last night shortly after 9 PM - at that stage of fatigue where I COULD have gone on if I had started heavily caffeinating - but the young desk clerk had everything ready: "YOU'RE the one whose mom called to set everything up for ya!" It made me feel about 16 again :-)
I got another greatly needed boost to my self-esteem when we stopped at a truck stop in Stanton for dinner: after a couple of hrs' swimming at Balmorhea (Google it; absolutely BEAUTIFUL natural springs w/a man-made CCC swimming pool, circa 1940? We'd never get away w/that kind of unnatural manipulation of the environment in this day & age ;-) - we had climbed into the truck still in our swimsuits to start driving... I was walking back to the ladies' room to change & couldn't help checking myself out in a full-length mirror. I actually thought I looked OKAY - bigger around through the torso than I'd like, but my posture was good & my legs looked great! The short time in the sun had given my skin a nice glow...
I haven't climbed on the scales for several weeks now; plan on avoiding them for at least another week until we settle back into our routine. It would be counterproductive.
**I was tired, feeling stressed out after haggling w/Z - after only about an hour of swim time at Balmorhea, he was hassling me to GO! yes, it's true the pool was more crowded than we've ever seen it; in years past we've been spoiled by having it (by comparison) virtually to ourselves - but I thought the spectacle of many many sweet young things in bikinis would keep Z distracted! He only snorkeled w/me for a short time, wouldn't wear his wetsuit (the water is a chilly 72 degrees so you need to keep strokin' or wear a wetsuit), & sat sullenly on the edge when I said I wanted to complete my circuit of the perimeter of the pool... I love to observe the pupfish, could also float out to the peaceful center (30' deep), doing a dead man's float & pretending to be in glorious solitude. One thing I CAN do is FLOAT like a cork (in calm water); this also did wonders for my self-esteem after my "head above water" scare at the lake for Z's BD in June...
I was actually starting to rub blisters on my feet in my ill-fitting rented swim fins, so I satisfied myself w/1 hr 45 min of precious water time; we'll definitely be back! Next time I'll plan farther in advance, so we can stay at the state park & I can soak up all the 'water therapy' this Pisces needs!
A Few Photos from our Trip (aka the Tour de Tejas)
Monday, August 06, 2012
Mommy & Me photo, on jeep tour of Ft Davis (Sproul Ranch)
I shouldn't have bragged earlier about my POSTURE?!?!?
Lion's Head rock, hiking near Ft Davis (Chihuahuan Desert Institute)
This is one of the EASY sections of the trail; it was extremely rough & challenging - I thought I was doing GREAT to average 2.6 MPH! (using neat-o new "All-Sport GPS" app on my iPhone)
My sullen teenager at Balmorhea State Park: "Can we go now?"
Hitting the home stretch; happy dog & hooded teen
Misery Loves Company
Thursday, August 09, 2012
(subtitle: will Val NEVER learn?!?!?)
I love Garrison Keillor (although I'll have to admit, he's grown a little boring & repetitious these past few yrs - but hell, if I had to write his show every wk for 35+ yrs, I would burn out even more quickly!) - in one of his Lake Woebegone monologues, he said: "Nothing takes the starch out of a man [sic] like diarrhea!"
Eventually I WILL teach myself that I cannot eat this fast food K*R*A*P anymore; it brings me misery! But schedule has been disrupted w/evening football practices - in a very real sense, I will be happy for school to start so Z can start riding that bus...
Yeah I know - excuses, excuses, that's all I seem to be good for these days. At least I dragged my carcass into the gym yesterday, cranked out 20 min on TM & about 10 min on weight machines...
Unfortunately I haven't swung ANY of my kettlebells since I picked up my new 20-pounder almost TWO MONTHS ago!?!?!? I don't get my self-defeatist tendencies sometimes... Same ol', same ol' perfectionism - if I can't have everything "MY" way, then the hell w/it!
I came across this by one of my favorite bloggers (fellow survivor of Divorce Wars; as I titled this post: "Misery loves company"!) which resonated w/me:
"I am mad that some kids are doomed before they’re born, while other kids are born into charmed lives.
I am mad at those members of the 1% who sit on their yachts and in their golf carts, clueless about the lives those at the bottom of the 99% endure.
I am mad that some people will never get ahead, no matter how hard they toil, while others will fail up, effortlessly.
I am mad that people die because they don’t have health insurance, or because they don’t have air conditioning in a heat wave, or because they have the wrong skin color and cross paths with a bigot with a gun.
I am mad at the needless chaos of my ridiculous divorce, mad that I have to work full-time in a grueling job for so little money, mad that I have been so consumed the last nine years trying to fend off a vengeful ex — who is now off somewhere in Europe for two months, blissfully unaffected by anything except his own wants — and keep my head above water, that I haven’t been able to give my kids the childhood they deserve.
I am stupidly, pointlessly mad at injustice. It’s times like these that I wish I had religion, intelligent, irreverent, Anne Lamott religion. I wish I could believe that things happened for a reason, or that I could fix things that are broken."
Here's the link to her blog if anyone wants to read the entire entry:
perilsofdivorcedpauline.
com/
At least I made some progress by going by (nice upscale) grocery store on N side of town (i.e. killing time before picking up Z from football) - buying chicken breasts, pork chops, veggies so I can get back in the habit of cooking at HOME... I'm no Julia Child, but the food I prepare is vastly superior to most of what is readily available "on the road"!
My GI tract will appreciate it anyway ;-)
I love Garrison Keillor (although I'll have to admit, he's grown a little boring & repetitious these past few yrs - but hell, if I had to write his show every wk for 35+ yrs, I would burn out even more quickly!) - in one of his Lake Woebegone monologues, he said: "Nothing takes the starch out of a man [sic] like diarrhea!"
Eventually I WILL teach myself that I cannot eat this fast food K*R*A*P anymore; it brings me misery! But schedule has been disrupted w/evening football practices - in a very real sense, I will be happy for school to start so Z can start riding that bus...
Yeah I know - excuses, excuses, that's all I seem to be good for these days. At least I dragged my carcass into the gym yesterday, cranked out 20 min on TM & about 10 min on weight machines...
Unfortunately I haven't swung ANY of my kettlebells since I picked up my new 20-pounder almost TWO MONTHS ago!?!?!? I don't get my self-defeatist tendencies sometimes... Same ol', same ol' perfectionism - if I can't have everything "MY" way, then the hell w/it!
I came across this by one of my favorite bloggers (fellow survivor of Divorce Wars; as I titled this post: "Misery loves company"!) which resonated w/me:
"I am mad that some kids are doomed before they’re born, while other kids are born into charmed lives.
I am mad at those members of the 1% who sit on their yachts and in their golf carts, clueless about the lives those at the bottom of the 99% endure.
I am mad that some people will never get ahead, no matter how hard they toil, while others will fail up, effortlessly.
I am mad that people die because they don’t have health insurance, or because they don’t have air conditioning in a heat wave, or because they have the wrong skin color and cross paths with a bigot with a gun.
I am mad at the needless chaos of my ridiculous divorce, mad that I have to work full-time in a grueling job for so little money, mad that I have been so consumed the last nine years trying to fend off a vengeful ex — who is now off somewhere in Europe for two months, blissfully unaffected by anything except his own wants — and keep my head above water, that I haven’t been able to give my kids the childhood they deserve.
I am stupidly, pointlessly mad at injustice. It’s times like these that I wish I had religion, intelligent, irreverent, Anne Lamott religion. I wish I could believe that things happened for a reason, or that I could fix things that are broken."
Here's the link to her blog if anyone wants to read the entire entry:
perilsofdivorcedpauline.
com/
At least I made some progress by going by (nice upscale) grocery store on N side of town (i.e. killing time before picking up Z from football) - buying chicken breasts, pork chops, veggies so I can get back in the habit of cooking at HOME... I'm no Julia Child, but the food I prepare is vastly superior to most of what is readily available "on the road"!
My GI tract will appreciate it anyway ;-)
Build Your Vocabulary
Friday, August 10, 2012
I suppose most folks have stumbled across the term schadenfreude, the German word meaning happiness at another's misfortunes... However, I seem to be more often afflicted by a worse tongue-twister: erfolgtraurigkeit, a hybridized Germanic term to explain SADNESS brought about by another's successes.
It filled me w/inexplicable fury mixed w/corrosive jealousy when I saw that former compadre L had succeeded in her Tevis quest; I thought it was in even poorer taste when she taunted her ex openly on FB:
"U have do it! at least once in your life you have to experience the tevis trail with ur horse. Practice in hills like bandra*! Bubba chance can do it! I'll crew 4 u! Full body clip (for bubba not you!). practice in the hill country, and lots on electrolytes bring lianne with u and well crew together! Do it for YOU! You'll absolutely love it!!! Don't let your life go by without this experience. You have absolutely no idea how amazing it Is! Leave 7IL** behind for a couple weeks... You'll never regret it, I promise you!"
*[sic] she means BANDERA (TX Hill Country); her grammar/spelling make me cringe but that's another critique
**the 7iL is her ex-husband's 2000 ac family ranch in SE Texas
Her ex-husband found her awesome TWH horse after L abandoned her search for "The Perfect Mule" in '03 (I should tone down the snark, since if it weren't for L, we never would have had the privilege of owning our nearly-perfectly angel Midge) - her photos clearly display the 7iL brand on Bono's hip. I myself would have modified it - I don't think I could live w/that constant reminder of the life that Might Have Been...
Of course, I was never one of L's closest friends or confidantes, but many of us were flabbergasted when she abruptly pulled up stakes, left her husband of 6 or 7 yrs, & emigrated to CA. Perhaps I take marriage far too seriously - although D was too much of an all-around Nice Guy to appeal to me ;-) - we really couldn't understand what made L jump & run...
Until we saw the FB photos of her new beau, w/whom she almost immediately seemed to be cohabitating. Yeah, yeah, blame it all on jealousy - NOT!
I am too much a creature of habit, I guess - all this drama & excitement appeal to me not at all.
This post has taken far too much of a dog-in-the-manger turn; I ought to delete it but instead I'll let it stand.
It filled me w/inexplicable fury mixed w/corrosive jealousy when I saw that former compadre L had succeeded in her Tevis quest; I thought it was in even poorer taste when she taunted her ex openly on FB:
"U have do it! at least once in your life you have to experience the tevis trail with ur horse. Practice in hills like bandra*! Bubba chance can do it! I'll crew 4 u! Full body clip (for bubba not you!). practice in the hill country, and lots on electrolytes bring lianne with u and well crew together! Do it for YOU! You'll absolutely love it!!! Don't let your life go by without this experience. You have absolutely no idea how amazing it Is! Leave 7IL** behind for a couple weeks... You'll never regret it, I promise you!"
*[sic] she means BANDERA (TX Hill Country); her grammar/spelling make me cringe but that's another critique
**the 7iL is her ex-husband's 2000 ac family ranch in SE Texas
Her ex-husband found her awesome TWH horse after L abandoned her search for "The Perfect Mule" in '03 (I should tone down the snark, since if it weren't for L, we never would have had the privilege of owning our nearly-perfectly angel Midge) - her photos clearly display the 7iL brand on Bono's hip. I myself would have modified it - I don't think I could live w/that constant reminder of the life that Might Have Been...
Of course, I was never one of L's closest friends or confidantes, but many of us were flabbergasted when she abruptly pulled up stakes, left her husband of 6 or 7 yrs, & emigrated to CA. Perhaps I take marriage far too seriously - although D was too much of an all-around Nice Guy to appeal to me ;-) - we really couldn't understand what made L jump & run...
Until we saw the FB photos of her new beau, w/whom she almost immediately seemed to be cohabitating. Yeah, yeah, blame it all on jealousy - NOT!
I am too much a creature of habit, I guess - all this drama & excitement appeal to me not at all.
This post has taken far too much of a dog-in-the-manger turn; I ought to delete it but instead I'll let it stand.
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