Since I now have Friday to look forward to - Val is having a horrible time adulting this week! As no doubt I will for the next 5-6 wks, and that's presuming Dr M can come back a little early.
Once again I will utilize a multipronged technique: Z's superhydraion strategy (aka A Gallon A Day), extra electrolyte water, more fasting and less Tex-Mex ya idiota!
The Fun Never Stops...
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
If I were a truly vindictive ex-wife, I would post this statement on Facebook:
"Any man who would enlist his child to fight his battles is a truly despicable individual (i.e. no kind of 'man' at all)"
Unmistakably at the prompting of his father (M must fear getting his a$$ handed to him tomorrow in the child support hearing - since the AG's office has not warned me of any "counterclaim" filed**, I'm foreseeing a simple evaluation utilizing mathematical formulae... The current circumstances are either fair & reasonable or they're not!), poor Z started in on me again last night to "Please drop this case!"
I tried every way I knew how to reassure him that he shouldn't concern himself, his father & I were going to work this out - then Z dropped what he thought (I suppose) to be the bombshell: "Dad's gonna embarrass & humiliate you... He's been reading your blog!" & he recited the URL...
I have kept a Blogger.com blog for the past 8 yrs; a couple of years ago I felt a warning tingle that M might be reading it & almost shut it down. (It's semi-anonymous; a few friends/family members IRL have learned of it so other than earlier vents (circa '05 - '08) re: divorce & custody battle it's fairly innocuous.) As my friend K wrote: "...So...is there something in your blog I'm not seeing? Because it is not exactly scandalous."
Anyway, while it irritates the HELL outta me to think of my ex censoring my self-expression (let's pray he can't hack into this site), for the time being I've taken it off-line. I would hope the child support evaluator laughs him out of the room tomorrow if he comes in waving 5-yr old printouts from my blog! (Backstory: in our original divorce proceedings, M stole & Xeroxed a handwritten journal of mine, gave it to his lawyer to introduce as "evidence" that I was an unfit mother. Needless to say, he was shot down.)
**I don't know what this mysterious counterclaim might be; I didn't want to press Z too much for details - concentrate on LETTING THE GROWNUPS DO THEIR THANG, even though it may not make much sense...
"We've got plenty of money, Mom! I enjoy my life!" My poor child; I could rip M's head from his body for using our son as a pawn in his sick games.
"Any man who would enlist his child to fight his battles is a truly despicable individual (i.e. no kind of 'man' at all)"
Unmistakably at the prompting of his father (M must fear getting his a$$ handed to him tomorrow in the child support hearing - since the AG's office has not warned me of any "counterclaim" filed**, I'm foreseeing a simple evaluation utilizing mathematical formulae... The current circumstances are either fair & reasonable or they're not!), poor Z started in on me again last night to "Please drop this case!"
I tried every way I knew how to reassure him that he shouldn't concern himself, his father & I were going to work this out - then Z dropped what he thought (I suppose) to be the bombshell: "Dad's gonna embarrass & humiliate you... He's been reading your blog!" & he recited the URL...
I have kept a Blogger.com blog for the past 8 yrs; a couple of years ago I felt a warning tingle that M might be reading it & almost shut it down. (It's semi-anonymous; a few friends/family members IRL have learned of it so other than earlier vents (circa '05 - '08) re: divorce & custody battle it's fairly innocuous.) As my friend K wrote: "...So...is there something in your blog I'm not seeing? Because it is not exactly scandalous."
Anyway, while it irritates the HELL outta me to think of my ex censoring my self-expression (let's pray he can't hack into this site), for the time being I've taken it off-line. I would hope the child support evaluator laughs him out of the room tomorrow if he comes in waving 5-yr old printouts from my blog! (Backstory: in our original divorce proceedings, M stole & Xeroxed a handwritten journal of mine, gave it to his lawyer to introduce as "evidence" that I was an unfit mother. Needless to say, he was shot down.)
**I don't know what this mysterious counterclaim might be; I didn't want to press Z too much for details - concentrate on LETTING THE GROWNUPS DO THEIR THANG, even though it may not make much sense...
"We've got plenty of money, Mom! I enjoy my life!" My poor child; I could rip M's head from his body for using our son as a pawn in his sick games.
There Are No Words...
Sunday, December 23, 2012
...but I'll try to express myself through the bare recitation of facts:
Thurs afternoon, things went from bad to worse - A.) M dragged Z into the bldg (instructions had clearly stated NOT to bring your children or other family members, this was supposed to be an amiable way to resolve child support issues) - of course he wasn't allowed in, he had to sit in the lobby & play on his iPad... Then
B.) M let the poor woman go through entire process - probably thought he was being clever when he wrangled his way down on the outstanding balance: of course I agreed that the original amount agreed upon (when M initially fell behind 6 mos in child support while he was unemployed) was $2500. I said flat-out that I wasn't trying to bankrupt M or cause him undue hardship; I just wanted him to pay up what we had agreed upon over two and a half yrs ago!
She drew up new paperwork, recalculated child support at $1300/mon, let ME sign off on it, then M himself refused to sign!
The clerk just leaned back in her chair & stared at him a minute: "Well, you know that means you go back to court!" M claims "extenuating circumstances" he wants to put before the judge, and she started proceeding to book us into a court date...
Wed Feb 20th @ 10 AM - guess this means we waste a lot more precious resources that OUGHT to be invested in Z's future on another damned legal battle. I stayed afterwards to ask her what possible grounds M could have that would have any relevance, she just shrugged. I'm sure she sees it all...
Then my associate L called me Thurs evening to let me know her husband was hosp w/cardiac symptoms & had to have a pacemaker installed Fri! He may be the ripe ol' age of 55 - pretty scary. Obviously there ain't no guarantees.
(I changed my password on SP which is the sum total of my "security precautions"... I'm counting on this blog being as much off-limits in this upcoming battle as my old journal was - I honestly cannot imagine how M thinks he might spin this in his favor?!?!? The only grounds I could imagine would be the amount of visitation time -but the fact remains that we signed off on a standard possession order. Obviously this is what the damned lawyers are paid to wrangle over...)
Thurs afternoon, things went from bad to worse - A.) M dragged Z into the bldg (instructions had clearly stated NOT to bring your children or other family members, this was supposed to be an amiable way to resolve child support issues) - of course he wasn't allowed in, he had to sit in the lobby & play on his iPad... Then
B.) M let the poor woman go through entire process - probably thought he was being clever when he wrangled his way down on the outstanding balance: of course I agreed that the original amount agreed upon (when M initially fell behind 6 mos in child support while he was unemployed) was $2500. I said flat-out that I wasn't trying to bankrupt M or cause him undue hardship; I just wanted him to pay up what we had agreed upon over two and a half yrs ago!
She drew up new paperwork, recalculated child support at $1300/mon, let ME sign off on it, then M himself refused to sign!
The clerk just leaned back in her chair & stared at him a minute: "Well, you know that means you go back to court!" M claims "extenuating circumstances" he wants to put before the judge, and she started proceeding to book us into a court date...
Wed Feb 20th @ 10 AM - guess this means we waste a lot more precious resources that OUGHT to be invested in Z's future on another damned legal battle. I stayed afterwards to ask her what possible grounds M could have that would have any relevance, she just shrugged. I'm sure she sees it all...
Then my associate L called me Thurs evening to let me know her husband was hosp w/cardiac symptoms & had to have a pacemaker installed Fri! He may be the ripe ol' age of 55 - pretty scary. Obviously there ain't no guarantees.
(I changed my password on SP which is the sum total of my "security precautions"... I'm counting on this blog being as much off-limits in this upcoming battle as my old journal was - I honestly cannot imagine how M thinks he might spin this in his favor?!?!? The only grounds I could imagine would be the amount of visitation time -but the fact remains that we signed off on a standard possession order. Obviously this is what the damned lawyers are paid to wrangle over...)
Merry Bleepin' Xmas!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
First & foremost, that IS a sincere wish for all my SparkFriends to have a joyous holiday season - never mind MY mood ;-) !
And the weather matches perfectly - gray, chilly, rainy - the only thing that got me out of bed this AM was thinking of my poor ponies shivering in the downpour. We desperately need the rain of course, I just wish it wasn't given in such a torrential downpour! Several times I paused in my feed preparation to glance outside & see if there was any hail (thankfully NO) - but the rain was hammering so hard on the tin roof of my barn, it SOUNDED like hailstones! (I raced down to the barn, got everyone IN, then proceeded w/the feed mixing; they can stay in for a couple of hrs w/hay until this rain lets up a bit)
Things are only supposed to get more miserable - temps dropping throughout the day w/a chance of some snow & ice... Great! Just one more contingency to worry about: will M claim to be "snowed in" mañana when he's scheduled to bring Z back home?!?
I certainly wouldn't put it past him; M is probably itching to p!ss in my Cheerios at every opportunity now. (Good thing I don't eat Cheerios anymore ;-)
Well Hubby & the little dogs are up now, so I suppose I need to force some holiday spirit... To paraphrase what one of my cyber-friends just said, need to be thankful for what we have - oh heck, here's the exact quote:
"Have a special day and do not forget to hug all the people you love, if not today, then as soon (and as often!) as possible — whether you celebrate Christmas or not. And always remember what really matters in life. Put all other things aside by comparison. Try not to dwell on what you do not have because, if you do, you might miss the beauty of what you DO have."
I keep repeating to myself: just ONE MORE DAY, & I'll have my son in my arms again!
And the weather matches perfectly - gray, chilly, rainy - the only thing that got me out of bed this AM was thinking of my poor ponies shivering in the downpour. We desperately need the rain of course, I just wish it wasn't given in such a torrential downpour! Several times I paused in my feed preparation to glance outside & see if there was any hail (thankfully NO) - but the rain was hammering so hard on the tin roof of my barn, it SOUNDED like hailstones! (I raced down to the barn, got everyone IN, then proceeded w/the feed mixing; they can stay in for a couple of hrs w/hay until this rain lets up a bit)
Things are only supposed to get more miserable - temps dropping throughout the day w/a chance of some snow & ice... Great! Just one more contingency to worry about: will M claim to be "snowed in" mañana when he's scheduled to bring Z back home?!?
I certainly wouldn't put it past him; M is probably itching to p!ss in my Cheerios at every opportunity now. (Good thing I don't eat Cheerios anymore ;-)
Well Hubby & the little dogs are up now, so I suppose I need to force some holiday spirit... To paraphrase what one of my cyber-friends just said, need to be thankful for what we have - oh heck, here's the exact quote:
"Have a special day and do not forget to hug all the people you love, if not today, then as soon (and as often!) as possible — whether you celebrate Christmas or not. And always remember what really matters in life. Put all other things aside by comparison. Try not to dwell on what you do not have because, if you do, you might miss the beauty of what you DO have."
I keep repeating to myself: just ONE MORE DAY, & I'll have my son in my arms again!
Full Circle (Thought for the Day)
Monday, December 31, 2012
“Memory is a friend if you use it for progress
and refinement in your practice.
It is a hindrance when you brood over
and repeat past experiences.
See NEW light each time in your practice.”
B.K.S. Iyengar
Yesterday I broke new ground by taking time for ME, even in the midst of holiday celebration... I made it back over to new "Hot Yoga" studio for my 2nd Candlelight Warrior class! While I'm saddened that things didn't work out at the Iyengar studio in Big D (I loved instructors David & Gretchen, but never returned after feeling humiliated by Master Randy), I truly adore these hot yoga sessions! Especially these days, when it feels as if my internal thermostat is broken & I'm FREEZING TO DEATH all the time...
Last Call
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
This wasn't the way I envisioned it, but between numerous interruptions on this, my typical busy Wednesday, I posted what may be the last entry of my "Real World" blog - yep, the one my ex-husband thinks he'll be able to pull incriminating evidence in our upcoming child support dispute from!
(I'm interviewing Potential New Lawyer tomorrow with hopes of finding an honest man - one who won't fleece me at the very least! I'm really hoping not to squander too many resources that should rightfully be put aside for my son's future, but I wouldn't feel comfortable walking into this hearing without legal representation.)
Looking on the bright side, we might even be able to interject a motion to modify the damned visitation schedule... I was deeply hurt & offended when my old buddy J told me off last weekend as I was filling her in on "the latest" - while she's all for me trying to get what's fair for Z in the form of child support, she reprimanded me for alerting Z's guidance counselor: I should "let Z fight his own battles"?!?
I was so taken aback, I didn't think to ask J (a recently retired teacher but also a childless person) how many HIGH SCHOOL students she knew of who had to adhere to weeknight visitation? Z's guidance counselor never acknowledged my email - I take that to mean A.) she didn't care, B.) she doesn't have any other families in a similar situation, or C.) she, too, thinks Mom should butt out! I am happy that Z pulled up all his grades (w/the exception of Geometry, a low "B"), but I know life would be much easier for him w/out the stress & strain of Mon nights w/dear ol' Dad. (You should have seen how happy Z was last Mon - since it was the last day of Xmas break, he didn't have to go to M's!)
So any SparkFriends who would like to read more, email me: endurovet at gmail dot com and I will add you to the list of the privileged few ;-)
(I'm interviewing Potential New Lawyer tomorrow with hopes of finding an honest man - one who won't fleece me at the very least! I'm really hoping not to squander too many resources that should rightfully be put aside for my son's future, but I wouldn't feel comfortable walking into this hearing without legal representation.)
Looking on the bright side, we might even be able to interject a motion to modify the damned visitation schedule... I was deeply hurt & offended when my old buddy J told me off last weekend as I was filling her in on "the latest" - while she's all for me trying to get what's fair for Z in the form of child support, she reprimanded me for alerting Z's guidance counselor: I should "let Z fight his own battles"?!?
I was so taken aback, I didn't think to ask J (a recently retired teacher but also a childless person) how many HIGH SCHOOL students she knew of who had to adhere to weeknight visitation? Z's guidance counselor never acknowledged my email - I take that to mean A.) she didn't care, B.) she doesn't have any other families in a similar situation, or C.) she, too, thinks Mom should butt out! I am happy that Z pulled up all his grades (w/the exception of Geometry, a low "B"), but I know life would be much easier for him w/out the stress & strain of Mon nights w/dear ol' Dad. (You should have seen how happy Z was last Mon - since it was the last day of Xmas break, he didn't have to go to M's!)
So any SparkFriends who would like to read more, email me: endurovet at gmail dot com and I will add you to the list of the privileged few ;-)
Reality Check
Friday, January 11, 2013
Today I am sore in areas of my body that I never particularly thought of as being "muscled": hip flexors, glutes, ankles - as well as the usuals: shoulders, rectus abdominus, lats... I popped into the Thurs AM hot yoga class which was NOT the "Warrior" type class taught by relaxed, easygoing Mary - this was "Core Activation" taught by The Amazing Dan. (This was the guy I had spoken to on the phone prior to my 1st hot yoga session; he had tried to warn me off but graciously "allowed" me to attend w/the provision that I take breaks as needed & "not push myself too hard".)
It didn't appear to be a particularly strenuous workout, but the crunches, slides & other isometric exercises Dan led us through were deceiving... We did some floor exercises near the end which I didn't consider very "yogi-fied" - old-fashioned leg lifts and 2 min of bicycling - I held out until the last 7 seconds.
After class, Dan congratulated me on "never quitting". Let's hope that continues to hold true in more ways than one. I hired New Lawyer yesterday, a pleasant & affable young man. Let's hope this hearing is as "open & shut" as it seems to be. The only "trick" M might have up his sleeve might be filing to strip me of primary custody - wouldn't he love it if I had to pay child support to HIM?!? He would be in for a nasty surprise - I'm sure Z would fight it tooth & nail.
About 3 1/2 more years of this nonsense, then my boy turns 18 & will be able to chart his own path. "Never give up, never surrender!"
(10 points for nerd reference ;-)
It didn't appear to be a particularly strenuous workout, but the crunches, slides & other isometric exercises Dan led us through were deceiving... We did some floor exercises near the end which I didn't consider very "yogi-fied" - old-fashioned leg lifts and 2 min of bicycling - I held out until the last 7 seconds.
After class, Dan congratulated me on "never quitting". Let's hope that continues to hold true in more ways than one. I hired New Lawyer yesterday, a pleasant & affable young man. Let's hope this hearing is as "open & shut" as it seems to be. The only "trick" M might have up his sleeve might be filing to strip me of primary custody - wouldn't he love it if I had to pay child support to HIM?!? He would be in for a nasty surprise - I'm sure Z would fight it tooth & nail.
About 3 1/2 more years of this nonsense, then my boy turns 18 & will be able to chart his own path. "Never give up, never surrender!"
(10 points for nerd reference ;-)
Fog...
Sunday, January 20, 2013
A little surprising to see thick fog this AM when I rolled out of bed to let the dogs out (Buddy had jumped on my shoulder & licked my ear: "Mom, why are you sleeping so late??")
But Fri night I crashed early, slept in my usual cyclic fashion (several awakenings but drifted back to sleep) for 10 hrs, then took a 1.5 hr nap Sat afternoon... I know I had some catching-up to do! Basically a lazy, slothful day - although we did take little dogs for walksies after my nap, 25 min & prob 1.4 mi (but I didn't bother to carry my phone so I could use the nifty GPS app).
I've been trying to round up compadres for a ride today, but haven't had any luck: excuses are cheap & thick on the ground. Unfortunately it's not much fun to take the Baraquinator out by himself; he's a timid lil' soul who needs companionship. I could drive across town to meet my pal Lucy - she's riding each & every weekend if it's not raining - but last month (12/22) I was caught in a tremendous traffic jam on the way home which cost me almost an hr... I hate traffic, even more so w/a horse trailer! There are many good reasons I don't live on the N side of town.
And, most depressing of all, my minor slip-ups (new blog post formulating: "It's the SUGAR, Stupid!") have kept the scales frozen in place. You didn't really expect Hubs to notice the measly 5 lbs you've lost, did you?
I thought you were devoted to complete honesty here: I'm more depressed over handing Z over to his father for their weekend in Muskogee, OK for our Central Region convention. Somehow I knew She Who Shall Not Be Named wouldn't want to miss it - she finished up 6th Lightweight which will snag her an award. (Lots of competition in my Heavyweight Division, so I didn't place w/my 355 mi) At least Z's & my one ride together this season qualified him for 250 miles (in addition to annual mileage awards for each weight division, there is lifetime recognition at 250, 500, & 1000 mi, & each 1000 mi thereafter)... And lest I forget, Baraq just achieved his 1000 mi, not bad for 4 yrs! (I've got about 6700 lifetime miles, still quite a bit ahead of SWSNBN ;-)
So there are a few minor rays of sunshine for my foggy morning... My Qubester is braying bcz he detected motion in the house, so I'd better go feed 'em!
(I wish this iPad would let me download a photo, but no luck)
But Fri night I crashed early, slept in my usual cyclic fashion (several awakenings but drifted back to sleep) for 10 hrs, then took a 1.5 hr nap Sat afternoon... I know I had some catching-up to do! Basically a lazy, slothful day - although we did take little dogs for walksies after my nap, 25 min & prob 1.4 mi (but I didn't bother to carry my phone so I could use the nifty GPS app).
I've been trying to round up compadres for a ride today, but haven't had any luck: excuses are cheap & thick on the ground. Unfortunately it's not much fun to take the Baraquinator out by himself; he's a timid lil' soul who needs companionship. I could drive across town to meet my pal Lucy - she's riding each & every weekend if it's not raining - but last month (12/22) I was caught in a tremendous traffic jam on the way home which cost me almost an hr... I hate traffic, even more so w/a horse trailer! There are many good reasons I don't live on the N side of town.
And, most depressing of all, my minor slip-ups (new blog post formulating: "It's the SUGAR, Stupid!") have kept the scales frozen in place. You didn't really expect Hubs to notice the measly 5 lbs you've lost, did you?
I thought you were devoted to complete honesty here: I'm more depressed over handing Z over to his father for their weekend in Muskogee, OK for our Central Region convention. Somehow I knew She Who Shall Not Be Named wouldn't want to miss it - she finished up 6th Lightweight which will snag her an award. (Lots of competition in my Heavyweight Division, so I didn't place w/my 355 mi) At least Z's & my one ride together this season qualified him for 250 miles (in addition to annual mileage awards for each weight division, there is lifetime recognition at 250, 500, & 1000 mi, & each 1000 mi thereafter)... And lest I forget, Baraq just achieved his 1000 mi, not bad for 4 yrs! (I've got about 6700 lifetime miles, still quite a bit ahead of SWSNBN ;-)
So there are a few minor rays of sunshine for my foggy morning... My Qubester is braying bcz he detected motion in the house, so I'd better go feed 'em!
(I wish this iPad would let me download a photo, but no luck)
One More Day...
Monday, January 21, 2013
...until I get my boy home again.
"I had six days without the kids immediately after Christmas and I can hardly even write about it for the emptiness. My waking thought is a reckoning. The being-seen of integrity, the true extent of fictions, the true fictions of adversity. Fictions all around. It's only now, much too late, with six days to fill: a stripped tree, client offices closed, and orphaned manuscripts buried underneath me. I ran away to the ocean and the ocean was an empty horizon. I stared at it for a long time until, finally, I could see."
At first glance I thought it was an oil spill.. LOL! My fault... Hey you know what? Why won't you take advantage of the time while you're away from your kids, it's the best time to do what you want and enjoy it! It's a good way of a better self-care! :)
January 3, 2013 - Mamamia
www.kateinglis.com/
(From another one of my favorite blogs - Kate can always inspire Deep Thought)
I have lacked the energy to type anything, anywhere... Although I admit MM's comment had me going for a while: Do you know how moronic you sound? Yet I've read variations on the "better self-care" a$$vice virtually everywhere for the past 12 GD years... If you haven't been there, I don't want to hear it sister.
I was temporarily cheered at the Hostage Exchange last Fri by noticing how crappy M looked - let's send HIM a little of that "self-care" assvice! He has gained weight for one thing, his ruddy jowls slackening - won't it make me one of the Happiest Girls on Earth if he finally learns that weight control is not the simple CICO/ELMM formulae he thought it was... (at least I'm free of his lectures now) But it wasn't just the extra weight; his color was bad, his gaze lacked its usual focus - the Diagnostic Sense whispered: "Hypertension. Hypothyroidism. Metabolic disaster in the making!" Perhaps the chickens finally ARE coming home to roost. I strain to remember what diseases lurked in his family tree: morbid obesity, addictive behaviors (I could have blamed his early-morning dishevelment on being mildly hung-over; M had a tendency to drink too much when he was stressed), assorted mental illnesses, cardiovascular disease... Life with that b!tch must be harsh.
"I had six days without the kids immediately after Christmas and I can hardly even write about it for the emptiness. My waking thought is a reckoning. The being-seen of integrity, the true extent of fictions, the true fictions of adversity. Fictions all around. It's only now, much too late, with six days to fill: a stripped tree, client offices closed, and orphaned manuscripts buried underneath me. I ran away to the ocean and the ocean was an empty horizon. I stared at it for a long time until, finally, I could see."
At first glance I thought it was an oil spill.. LOL! My fault... Hey you know what? Why won't you take advantage of the time while you're away from your kids, it's the best time to do what you want and enjoy it! It's a good way of a better self-care! :)
January 3, 2013 - Mamamia
www.kateinglis.com/
(From another one of my favorite blogs - Kate can always inspire Deep Thought)
I have lacked the energy to type anything, anywhere... Although I admit MM's comment had me going for a while: Do you know how moronic you sound? Yet I've read variations on the "better self-care" a$$vice virtually everywhere for the past 12 GD years... If you haven't been there, I don't want to hear it sister.
I was temporarily cheered at the Hostage Exchange last Fri by noticing how crappy M looked - let's send HIM a little of that "self-care" assvice! He has gained weight for one thing, his ruddy jowls slackening - won't it make me one of the Happiest Girls on Earth if he finally learns that weight control is not the simple CICO/ELMM formulae he thought it was... (at least I'm free of his lectures now) But it wasn't just the extra weight; his color was bad, his gaze lacked its usual focus - the Diagnostic Sense whispered: "Hypertension. Hypothyroidism. Metabolic disaster in the making!" Perhaps the chickens finally ARE coming home to roost. I strain to remember what diseases lurked in his family tree: morbid obesity, addictive behaviors (I could have blamed his early-morning dishevelment on being mildly hung-over; M had a tendency to drink too much when he was stressed), assorted mental illnesses, cardiovascular disease... Life with that b!tch must be harsh.
I'll Credit the Ride...
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
...for my long-overdue reckoning this AM.
(Finally updated weight after almost 10 mos; it's been just too demoralizing. Last recorded weight = 210 lbs, 3/31/12
Shortly after that, the sh!t hit the fan - rapid regain of all my hard-lost poundage following by months of "mini-yo-yo-ing": I would flirt w/the "teens" & then regress into that ol' familiar "100-kg +" territory...
I wasn't going to post my weight until I was fairly well-anchored back in the teens: this AM's weight = 217.7 (clinic scales)
I think I briefly mentioned that I signed up w/my personal trainer's New Year weight-loss challenge; right now w/my loss of 7 lbs, I remain in 1st place of his field of 5... Usually it's counter-productive for me to butt heads w/"conventional wisdom" - the great Calories In/Calories Out, Eat Less Move More debate but Bill is a nice-enough guy & has shown me lots of nifty shortcuts to work harder in my limited time at the gym. All those years of wishing that I could be one of those Trophy Types who had hours to invest in exercise wasn't going to make it so.
(And of course, no one should be more aware than myself that you can't "out-work" poor dietary choices... It isn't as if I've made any sort of dramatic turnaround, but I think cumulatively I am making better dietary choices...)
I still credit my short backyard ride w/K's daughters Sun afternoon for elevating my mood AND my metabolism; I ain't looking the gift horse of a 2-lb loss in the mouth ;-) !
(Finally updated weight after almost 10 mos; it's been just too demoralizing. Last recorded weight = 210 lbs, 3/31/12
Shortly after that, the sh!t hit the fan - rapid regain of all my hard-lost poundage following by months of "mini-yo-yo-ing": I would flirt w/the "teens" & then regress into that ol' familiar "100-kg +" territory...
I wasn't going to post my weight until I was fairly well-anchored back in the teens: this AM's weight = 217.7 (clinic scales)
I think I briefly mentioned that I signed up w/my personal trainer's New Year weight-loss challenge; right now w/my loss of 7 lbs, I remain in 1st place of his field of 5... Usually it's counter-productive for me to butt heads w/"conventional wisdom" - the great Calories In/Calories Out, Eat Less Move More debate but Bill is a nice-enough guy & has shown me lots of nifty shortcuts to work harder in my limited time at the gym. All those years of wishing that I could be one of those Trophy Types who had hours to invest in exercise wasn't going to make it so.
(And of course, no one should be more aware than myself that you can't "out-work" poor dietary choices... It isn't as if I've made any sort of dramatic turnaround, but I think cumulatively I am making better dietary choices...)
I still credit my short backyard ride w/K's daughters Sun afternoon for elevating my mood AND my metabolism; I ain't looking the gift horse of a 2-lb loss in the mouth ;-) !
It's All Right Here...
Monday, January 28, 2013
I just failed to recognize it.
yama
niyama
asana
pranayama
pratyahara
dharana
dhyana
samadhi
These are the eight limbs of ashtanga:
Relationship to others
Self-purification
Postures
Breath control
Sense withdrawal
Concentration
Meditation
Contemplation
yama
niyama
asana
pranayama
pratyahara
dharana
dhyana
samadhi
These are the eight limbs of ashtanga:
Relationship to others
Self-purification
Postures
Breath control
Sense withdrawal
Concentration
Meditation
Contemplation
(speaking of which, no time for that today! but I hope to edit/brush up this crude post later)
No Time!!!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
...so I'm just copying and pasting the email I sent out to my Krewe (friends & family) followed by what I just sent to my attorney:
I'm forwarding this reasonably coherent message I just sent to my atty; I hardly slept last night worrying about this... It may be that I "take it on the chin" to avoid any more turmoil in Z's life. I really would like him to be able to settle into a routine & enjoy high school!
Val
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Val J
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2013 at 8:20 AM
Subject: Updates on TX AG v MRJ
To: Jeff E
Good morning Jeff:
I don't know if your process server has "served" M yet, but surprisingly enough he decided that last night's Freshman Parent conference was the perfect opportunity for us to talk things out. (This, after not speaking to me for almost 6 mos!)
Salient points:
A.) M threatens that he may be unemployed soon; claims his company is going bankrupt.
B.) He thought the mediation would be more open to discussion/negotiation; he doesn't think that $1300/mon is fair & reasonable (see above, "things may change soon anyway")
C.) While he couldn't really explain why he never got around to paying on that back child support of $2500, he claimed he didn't contribute to any of last summer or fall's extra expenses "because I didn't allow him to 'participate', I just submitted a list of expenses". When I told him I was afraid that if I left it up to HIM, Z would wind up just going without, missing deadlines, paying late fees & so forth, M just sputtered & fumed & claimed I needed to let him prove himself "so we could show Z that we can get along & work together".
I do not doubt that if the court hearing does not go M's way, he might immediately quit his job in retaliation... And it would be very difficult to verify income from The Widow P's (his new wife but old girlfriend's) rental properties. More than sparing M, I also must consider the repercussions to Z, since M has already proven that he has no compunctions about dragging Z through the muck & enlisting him to fight his father's battles. I'm sure Z would never hear the end of "your evil money-grubbing mother" for years to come.
M recoiled visibly when I suggested a compromise sum of $1200/mon, & countered w/$1000. (In original divorce decree when I was FOREGOING child support, it was calculated @ $1467/mon) I told him that was pretty ridiculous for a man making a 6-figure salary - he had no response other than to counter with the fact that I make a good income too! I wasn't going to stand there & argue with him anymore, nevermind that I'm supporting 8 employees with the income that I generate, so I said I'd have to run some figures... I expected him as a good-faith gesture to send $1000 to AG's office on that past due balance.
If that payment doesn't appear within the next week, I'll know he was just trying to play me & we might as well go to court. In the meantime, I appreciate your advice. I am tied up running errands most of today, but I will be available by cell phone & could come in next Thurs to go over our options.
Yours truly,
Val
I'm forwarding this reasonably coherent message I just sent to my atty; I hardly slept last night worrying about this... It may be that I "take it on the chin" to avoid any more turmoil in Z's life. I really would like him to be able to settle into a routine & enjoy high school!
Val
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Val J
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2013 at 8:20 AM
Subject: Updates on TX AG v MRJ
To: Jeff E
Good morning Jeff:
I don't know if your process server has "served" M yet, but surprisingly enough he decided that last night's Freshman Parent conference was the perfect opportunity for us to talk things out. (This, after not speaking to me for almost 6 mos!)
Salient points:
A.) M threatens that he may be unemployed soon; claims his company is going bankrupt.
B.) He thought the mediation would be more open to discussion/negotiation; he doesn't think that $1300/mon is fair & reasonable (see above, "things may change soon anyway")
C.) While he couldn't really explain why he never got around to paying on that back child support of $2500, he claimed he didn't contribute to any of last summer or fall's extra expenses "because I didn't allow him to 'participate', I just submitted a list of expenses". When I told him I was afraid that if I left it up to HIM, Z would wind up just going without, missing deadlines, paying late fees & so forth, M just sputtered & fumed & claimed I needed to let him prove himself "so we could show Z that we can get along & work together".
I do not doubt that if the court hearing does not go M's way, he might immediately quit his job in retaliation... And it would be very difficult to verify income from The Widow P's (his new wife but old girlfriend's) rental properties. More than sparing M, I also must consider the repercussions to Z, since M has already proven that he has no compunctions about dragging Z through the muck & enlisting him to fight his father's battles. I'm sure Z would never hear the end of "your evil money-grubbing mother" for years to come.
M recoiled visibly when I suggested a compromise sum of $1200/mon, & countered w/$1000. (In original divorce decree when I was FOREGOING child support, it was calculated @ $1467/mon) I told him that was pretty ridiculous for a man making a 6-figure salary - he had no response other than to counter with the fact that I make a good income too! I wasn't going to stand there & argue with him anymore, nevermind that I'm supporting 8 employees with the income that I generate, so I said I'd have to run some figures... I expected him as a good-faith gesture to send $1000 to AG's office on that past due balance.
If that payment doesn't appear within the next week, I'll know he was just trying to play me & we might as well go to court. In the meantime, I appreciate your advice. I am tied up running errands most of today, but I will be available by cell phone & could come in next Thurs to go over our options.
Yours truly,
Val
Not a Super Sunday
Sunday, February 03, 2013
... Don't get me wrong, it isn't as if I've overindulged on Superbowl Sunday (I'm still sitting here trying to figure out what I may or may not eat for dinner; I'm getting steadily hungrier so I'll make a sensible choice soon)
What I've got to figure out is WHY hauling off to do the activity that I love (riding) here lately has been knocking me out for the rest of the day. I went up to Lake Lavon to ride w/friends, a little over an hr away since my local trails at Lake Bardwell (30 min away) are closed at the discretion of the CoE... They seem to shut 'em down at the slightest provocation. Only rode for a couple of hrs, but came home & had to lie down & take a nap to feel like a human being again. Between 2.5 hrs of hauling, a couple of hrs' riding, another couple of hrs of prep (AM feeding, loading & hitching trailer, grooming, saddling & unsaddling) & a 2-hr nap, that pretty much wraps up my day!
My sinuses have blown up between crazy TX weather (heater in the AM, AC in the PM) & stress of recent drama w/M (see previous entry) - I have an appt w/atty next Thurs to discuss options. Consensus is that - surprise, surprise! - M is trying to play me; I need to ignore his overtures & just take his a$$ back to court. Le sigh... I still wonder what the eff I ever did to that man to make him hate me so?!?!? As I've told Z many many times, the man CHANGED - I can't pinpoint what soured M on life, maybe I'll take time to explore it here...
I know none of that backstory really matters - I've got to concentrate on doing the best I can for Z & I here & now; I cannot let sentiment derail me! "Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards" - a poor paraphrase of Erica Jong
What I've got to figure out is WHY hauling off to do the activity that I love (riding) here lately has been knocking me out for the rest of the day. I went up to Lake Lavon to ride w/friends, a little over an hr away since my local trails at Lake Bardwell (30 min away) are closed at the discretion of the CoE... They seem to shut 'em down at the slightest provocation. Only rode for a couple of hrs, but came home & had to lie down & take a nap to feel like a human being again. Between 2.5 hrs of hauling, a couple of hrs' riding, another couple of hrs of prep (AM feeding, loading & hitching trailer, grooming, saddling & unsaddling) & a 2-hr nap, that pretty much wraps up my day!
My sinuses have blown up between crazy TX weather (heater in the AM, AC in the PM) & stress of recent drama w/M (see previous entry) - I have an appt w/atty next Thurs to discuss options. Consensus is that - surprise, surprise! - M is trying to play me; I need to ignore his overtures & just take his a$$ back to court. Le sigh... I still wonder what the eff I ever did to that man to make him hate me so?!?!? As I've told Z many many times, the man CHANGED - I can't pinpoint what soured M on life, maybe I'll take time to explore it here...
I know none of that backstory really matters - I've got to concentrate on doing the best I can for Z & I here & now; I cannot let sentiment derail me! "Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards" - a poor paraphrase of Erica Jong
Suiting Up
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I can justify logging on this AM for the motivation from Friend Amber: to prepare for adversity bcz Lord knows, it's gonna happen! (sic)
Friday afternoon I went out to work some cows, & the very FIRST crazy beast through the chute mashed my R (dominant) wrist against the pipes as I was vaccinating her... I was just damn lucky that I managed to yank my hand free before she broke it; I joked later that it was my DIM (do-it-myself) bone density test. As it was, I applied an ice pack & did the rest of the vacc left-handed. But to me, it just symbolized the culmination of another round of stress & bad luck for Val.
We lost our fat middle-aged housecat a couple of wks ago when he slipped out of the house & young rambunctious big dogs "played too rough" & killed him.
I lost my son's new puppy when I left him out on the porch unattended for 20 min - I went to take my shower & he VANISHED. Unbelievably bad luck, gone baby gone.
I took my son to animal shelter, not for a "replacement" but as atonement, trying to succeed by saving a life... Surprisingly enough, Z didn't pick a puppy; he selected a 5-yr old pit bull named Curtis! (Yep, he's well-socialized & gets along w/the rest of our mini wolf pack; even lets Buddy the Chihuahua boss him around!)
And Thurs I met w/my attorney, he reassured me that I'm taking the best course of action for my son. Did M follow through by paying anything on that delinquent child support? Of course not!
Friday afternoon I went out to work some cows, & the very FIRST crazy beast through the chute mashed my R (dominant) wrist against the pipes as I was vaccinating her... I was just damn lucky that I managed to yank my hand free before she broke it; I joked later that it was my DIM (do-it-myself) bone density test. As it was, I applied an ice pack & did the rest of the vacc left-handed. But to me, it just symbolized the culmination of another round of stress & bad luck for Val.
We lost our fat middle-aged housecat a couple of wks ago when he slipped out of the house & young rambunctious big dogs "played too rough" & killed him.
I lost my son's new puppy when I left him out on the porch unattended for 20 min - I went to take my shower & he VANISHED. Unbelievably bad luck, gone baby gone.
I took my son to animal shelter, not for a "replacement" but as atonement, trying to succeed by saving a life... Surprisingly enough, Z didn't pick a puppy; he selected a 5-yr old pit bull named Curtis! (Yep, he's well-socialized & gets along w/the rest of our mini wolf pack; even lets Buddy the Chihuahua boss him around!)
And Thurs I met w/my attorney, he reassured me that I'm taking the best course of action for my son. Did M follow through by paying anything on that delinquent child support? Of course not!
Down for the Count
Sunday, February 17, 2013
“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”
Thanks to new SparkFriend Dutch_Pearl for the inspiration of her quote... That's exactly what I SHOULD have done this weekend, & I'd be able to hold my head up proudly today instead of skulking around, waiting to outstrip that ugly feeling of failure.
We had a ride in E TX which had not worked out for me to attend these past couple of yrs... I had once again offered to shepherd my groomer's stepdaughter H: I had given her the choice of this ride, or the one at the end of March. Not only can I do a "good deed", she can exercise Z's mule when he is not at home! Anyway, when I arrived Friday to find cold, muddy, miserable conditions, my "little voice" was whispering to me: "Downgrade to the 25!"
Nope, I did not listen... This ride was on a private ranch so most of the trail consisted of tracing the perimeters of their pastures, slopping through ankle-deep mud most of the way. Baraq was beside himself, pulling my arms out of their sockets since he could SEE horses ahead of us most of the time. ("I can catch 'em, Mom, just let me GO!") I kept myself braced in the saddle & fought the Good Fight for 18 long, tedious miles. I could hardly spare a glance for H & Alex, but fortunately Alex was her usual Sweet Mule self (H told me later that she felt as though she were riding an Olympic jumper - Alex sailed over most of the little "cricks")
I always come in off the trail w/Baraq w/stiff back, but my sinews were SCREAMING at me from my heels to the nape of my neck after 2 hrs 45 min/18 mi... My feet were soaked from a long stretch of wading thru water (did I tell you how wet & muddy it was?), I was chilled & cramping up. So I quit, w/profuse apologies to H, who took it quite well. I would have traded her off to another sponsor (children 16 & under must ride w/adult), but I knew it would be exceedingly difficult if not impossible to persuade Alex to leave camp w/out Baraq (see broken-nose entry from July ;-) It took a good solid hour wrapped up in quilts for me to feel warm again... I just have ZERO cold tolerance these days!
18 mi is a perfectly respectable training ride so I know all is not lost on my quest to get back to the Ozark Trail at the end of April. I know I had lots of company, my friend G who was camped next to us didn't even go out; she had loaded up & pulled out by the time we got off that 1st loop. I'll be anxious to see the (bad) stats - misery loves company after all!
As I told my mom, when the misery & risk outweighs the "Fun", it's time to quit! (She told me I'm getting old ;-) & now it's time to take Hubby to breakfast - w/this little confession I feel better already (but it only took a few sec of tug o' war w/Mr Curtis to have my arms & shoulders screaming for mercy - I was trying to give him 30 sec, he sure does love his new rope toy!)
Thanks to new SparkFriend Dutch_Pearl for the inspiration of her quote... That's exactly what I SHOULD have done this weekend, & I'd be able to hold my head up proudly today instead of skulking around, waiting to outstrip that ugly feeling of failure.
We had a ride in E TX which had not worked out for me to attend these past couple of yrs... I had once again offered to shepherd my groomer's stepdaughter H: I had given her the choice of this ride, or the one at the end of March. Not only can I do a "good deed", she can exercise Z's mule when he is not at home! Anyway, when I arrived Friday to find cold, muddy, miserable conditions, my "little voice" was whispering to me: "Downgrade to the 25!"
Nope, I did not listen... This ride was on a private ranch so most of the trail consisted of tracing the perimeters of their pastures, slopping through ankle-deep mud most of the way. Baraq was beside himself, pulling my arms out of their sockets since he could SEE horses ahead of us most of the time. ("I can catch 'em, Mom, just let me GO!") I kept myself braced in the saddle & fought the Good Fight for 18 long, tedious miles. I could hardly spare a glance for H & Alex, but fortunately Alex was her usual Sweet Mule self (H told me later that she felt as though she were riding an Olympic jumper - Alex sailed over most of the little "cricks")
I always come in off the trail w/Baraq w/stiff back, but my sinews were SCREAMING at me from my heels to the nape of my neck after 2 hrs 45 min/18 mi... My feet were soaked from a long stretch of wading thru water (did I tell you how wet & muddy it was?), I was chilled & cramping up. So I quit, w/profuse apologies to H, who took it quite well. I would have traded her off to another sponsor (children 16 & under must ride w/adult), but I knew it would be exceedingly difficult if not impossible to persuade Alex to leave camp w/out Baraq (see broken-nose entry from July ;-) It took a good solid hour wrapped up in quilts for me to feel warm again... I just have ZERO cold tolerance these days!
18 mi is a perfectly respectable training ride so I know all is not lost on my quest to get back to the Ozark Trail at the end of April. I know I had lots of company, my friend G who was camped next to us didn't even go out; she had loaded up & pulled out by the time we got off that 1st loop. I'll be anxious to see the (bad) stats - misery loves company after all!
As I told my mom, when the misery & risk outweighs the "Fun", it's time to quit! (She told me I'm getting old ;-) & now it's time to take Hubby to breakfast - w/this little confession I feel better already (but it only took a few sec of tug o' war w/Mr Curtis to have my arms & shoulders screaming for mercy - I was trying to give him 30 sec, he sure does love his new rope toy!)
All's Well that Ends Well
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Sorry to rely on such a worn-out old cliche, but pure exhaustion has my imagination running on fumes!
You cannot say the Texas AG doesn't give parents multiple opportunities to step up to the plate & do what's right: yesterday morning, a young lady escorted M, myself, & my attorney to a back room to offer us ONE MORE TIME the chance to sign off on the mediated agreement... When of course M wanted to continue to argue, she said well, we'll have to wait for the judge.
So we did - but it was well worth it. I had a feeling that Judge Martinez would have granted me every penny of what AG had calculated ($4800) in past due support, as well as current calculated support obligation of $1300/mon, but I continued to be "the nicest girl in Ellis Co" (according to my attorney ;-) - we "compromised" by me sticking to original amount agreed upon of $2500, and $1200/mon thereafter.
What was absolutely PRICELESS was the dressing-down Judge Martinez gave M - the incredulous looks! The very careful, concise yet complete explanation of what the custodial parent (that's ME) is responsible for: residence, education, medical care, transportation, right down to the clothes on Z's back. As to anything else M wants to "participate" in (he brought up the football fees; Judge Martinez asked: Who paid them? - when M answered that I did, the Judge said well even if you HAD paid them, if SHE (gesturing to me) did not want our son playing football, then he most likely wouldn't be playing football!
Right down to explaining it flat-out to M that our son's high school auditorium was NOT the venue to discuss our issues, and how I had likely hired my attorney bcz I felt "ambushed" (that isn't the term I used at the time, but it is apt)... M flushed several shades of red, but as my atty says, we must pray for his continued good health & gainful employment.
Z had a minor meltdown when I picked him up yesterday afternoon - apparently M has warned him certain disaster will ensue if he has to start fulfilling his obligations (sarcasm)... After some discussion (most of which centered on the fact that Z SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE ADULTS' FINANCIAL AFFAIRS), Z seemed in a better state of mind, but time alone will tell.
Of course, I know I won't get any credit - I'll remain that evil, money-grubbing *&%$# until the end of time, but I can hold my head up & feel that I acted w/integrity. That's all that matters.
Thanks for all your support. (Being able to vent here is quite therapeutic)
You cannot say the Texas AG doesn't give parents multiple opportunities to step up to the plate & do what's right: yesterday morning, a young lady escorted M, myself, & my attorney to a back room to offer us ONE MORE TIME the chance to sign off on the mediated agreement... When of course M wanted to continue to argue, she said well, we'll have to wait for the judge.
So we did - but it was well worth it. I had a feeling that Judge Martinez would have granted me every penny of what AG had calculated ($4800) in past due support, as well as current calculated support obligation of $1300/mon, but I continued to be "the nicest girl in Ellis Co" (according to my attorney ;-) - we "compromised" by me sticking to original amount agreed upon of $2500, and $1200/mon thereafter.
What was absolutely PRICELESS was the dressing-down Judge Martinez gave M - the incredulous looks! The very careful, concise yet complete explanation of what the custodial parent (that's ME) is responsible for: residence, education, medical care, transportation, right down to the clothes on Z's back. As to anything else M wants to "participate" in (he brought up the football fees; Judge Martinez asked: Who paid them? - when M answered that I did, the Judge said well even if you HAD paid them, if SHE (gesturing to me) did not want our son playing football, then he most likely wouldn't be playing football!
Right down to explaining it flat-out to M that our son's high school auditorium was NOT the venue to discuss our issues, and how I had likely hired my attorney bcz I felt "ambushed" (that isn't the term I used at the time, but it is apt)... M flushed several shades of red, but as my atty says, we must pray for his continued good health & gainful employment.
Z had a minor meltdown when I picked him up yesterday afternoon - apparently M has warned him certain disaster will ensue if he has to start fulfilling his obligations (sarcasm)... After some discussion (most of which centered on the fact that Z SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE ADULTS' FINANCIAL AFFAIRS), Z seemed in a better state of mind, but time alone will tell.
Of course, I know I won't get any credit - I'll remain that evil, money-grubbing *&%$# until the end of time, but I can hold my head up & feel that I acted w/integrity. That's all that matters.
Thanks for all your support. (Being able to vent here is quite therapeutic)
The Lion's Den
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
My son came home today, virtually staggering w/exhaustion (I can relate), dark circles rimming his eyes...
I'm anxious to know "IF" M said or did anything, but I know asking would be against The Standard Co-Parenting Axioms (nevermind that M has obviously not adhered to his side of the bargain). Picked him up from FB, fed him Chipotle, brought him home so he can complete homework & we'll both collapse into bed.
Is. This. All. There. Is???
I'm too tired to make coherent sense, my head is throbbing - must try to post update mañana
I'm anxious to know "IF" M said or did anything, but I know asking would be against The Standard Co-Parenting Axioms (nevermind that M has obviously not adhered to his side of the bargain). Picked him up from FB, fed him Chipotle, brought him home so he can complete homework & we'll both collapse into bed.
Is. This. All. There. Is???
I'm too tired to make coherent sense, my head is throbbing - must try to post update mañana
Atlas Shrugged
Friday, March 08, 2013
Metaphor for the day/week/month/year: Atlas, bearing the weight of the world upon his burly shoulders, longs to set aside his burden & just stretch out in the cool grass for a short (nah, let's make that a LONG) nap...
I've made jokes about juggling balls & spinning plates, but today that weight pressing down upon me seems most apt. Seems like I barely put one crisis behind me (see child support battle) & something else pops up.
No friggin' time to get into it now, so let's concentrate on bullet points:
Same ol' challenges being strung out between aging parents/teenaged son. New conflict in the form that as my dad's condition deteriorates, mom grows more stressed out, their grandson wants to simply avoid the whole situation. Can't say that I blame him there. Hard decisions may soon have to be made re: placement in assisted living/retirement home type situation. My cousin whom we had hoped to rely upon to supplement home health care had to pull up stakes & relocate to her son's in MO (another huge can o' worms there).
Friend/client/neighbor in deteriorating health reached crisis point a couple of weeks ago: it is TRAGIC that a 66-yr old woman suffering permanent disability in part through her attempts to comply w/obesity-control standards (I refuse to dignify those procedures by connecting them in any way, shape, or form to "health") cannot secure basic health care needs for herself without having to wait for hours & hours being belittled & humiliated by overworked ER personnel.
L had gastric bypass surgery almost 20 yrs ago & has suffered through a "revision surgery" w/ongoing problems ever since. I'm boarding her two dogs; we've been working towards getting her home environment cleaned up & manageable under her current limitations but this outcome remains doubtful. Hospital is discharging her today to local rehab facility when she can't even eat solid food yet (liquids, milk & yogurt have been OK but she regurgitates any solid food). Since she has no one else, caretaker role has reverted to me. Le sigh
I've made jokes about juggling balls & spinning plates, but today that weight pressing down upon me seems most apt. Seems like I barely put one crisis behind me (see child support battle) & something else pops up.
No friggin' time to get into it now, so let's concentrate on bullet points:
Same ol' challenges being strung out between aging parents/teenaged son. New conflict in the form that as my dad's condition deteriorates, mom grows more stressed out, their grandson wants to simply avoid the whole situation. Can't say that I blame him there. Hard decisions may soon have to be made re: placement in assisted living/retirement home type situation. My cousin whom we had hoped to rely upon to supplement home health care had to pull up stakes & relocate to her son's in MO (another huge can o' worms there).
Friend/client/neighbor in deteriorating health reached crisis point a couple of weeks ago: it is TRAGIC that a 66-yr old woman suffering permanent disability in part through her attempts to comply w/obesity-control standards (I refuse to dignify those procedures by connecting them in any way, shape, or form to "health") cannot secure basic health care needs for herself without having to wait for hours & hours being belittled & humiliated by overworked ER personnel.
L had gastric bypass surgery almost 20 yrs ago & has suffered through a "revision surgery" w/ongoing problems ever since. I'm boarding her two dogs; we've been working towards getting her home environment cleaned up & manageable under her current limitations but this outcome remains doubtful. Hospital is discharging her today to local rehab facility when she can't even eat solid food yet (liquids, milk & yogurt have been OK but she regurgitates any solid food). Since she has no one else, caretaker role has reverted to me. Le sigh
Forced Leisure
Saturday, March 16, 2013
I'll have to say, this has been one of my most atypical vacations...
A.) Pre-existing condition: aforementioned health crisis of friend/client/neighbor, leaving me "Large & In Charge"; I was literally having nightmares about her house (it's a disaster area - I told social worker it was not fit for human habitation due to years of hoarding)... My team of 5 (myself & 4 of my employees who volunteered for this humanitarian mission) spent half a day barely getting kitchen, living room, & 1 bathroom cleaned out. Several were going to keep plugging away at it bit by bit, but we've still got a tremendous amount of work to be done. I finally had to tell myself I'd done all I could do at the time; I've had Spring Break planned for weeks in advance, & since I wouldn't get another for two years (Ex & I alternate school holidays) - by the time Z's a junior, he probably won't want to hang out w/Mom, so I'd better out these worries aside & make the best of it.
B.) Canoeing when weather is still fairly frigid would not be MY first choice, but I wanted to see my cousin (sketching out blog post "My Three Sons")... Can't say I was completely disappointed when we were rained out; our lil' cabin in the woods was cozy & it was great just to hang out. (I kept telling myself: this is 'forced leisure' - there is no crime in laying around reading books & playing board games)
C.) Part B of this week was coming to Washington DC to meet hubby - again, if it were a few degrees warmer I would have been a happier camper! Thurs Z put us off our train about a mile before it was necessary - hiking into that cold gusty wind was miserable.
Fri I bundled up in my lined wool pants & heavy sweater - that meant outdoors I was fine, in the museums I quickly grew stuffy esp if we walked briskly! Today is grey & drizzly, Z is sleeping in but I think I'll wear my sweats as for Thurs since we'll be hiking down by Washington Monument/Lincoln Memorial... Meeting P in "Vienna" (last stop on red line) for dinner but he'll just have to accept Casual Me ;-)
& now Z is up so gotta feed my boy & enjoy our last full day in DC... I'll whine about self-sabotage on weight loss challenge later (perhaps) ;-)
A.) Pre-existing condition: aforementioned health crisis of friend/client/neighbor, leaving me "Large & In Charge"; I was literally having nightmares about her house (it's a disaster area - I told social worker it was not fit for human habitation due to years of hoarding)... My team of 5 (myself & 4 of my employees who volunteered for this humanitarian mission) spent half a day barely getting kitchen, living room, & 1 bathroom cleaned out. Several were going to keep plugging away at it bit by bit, but we've still got a tremendous amount of work to be done. I finally had to tell myself I'd done all I could do at the time; I've had Spring Break planned for weeks in advance, & since I wouldn't get another for two years (Ex & I alternate school holidays) - by the time Z's a junior, he probably won't want to hang out w/Mom, so I'd better out these worries aside & make the best of it.
B.) Canoeing when weather is still fairly frigid would not be MY first choice, but I wanted to see my cousin (sketching out blog post "My Three Sons")... Can't say I was completely disappointed when we were rained out; our lil' cabin in the woods was cozy & it was great just to hang out. (I kept telling myself: this is 'forced leisure' - there is no crime in laying around reading books & playing board games)
C.) Part B of this week was coming to Washington DC to meet hubby - again, if it were a few degrees warmer I would have been a happier camper! Thurs Z put us off our train about a mile before it was necessary - hiking into that cold gusty wind was miserable.
Fri I bundled up in my lined wool pants & heavy sweater - that meant outdoors I was fine, in the museums I quickly grew stuffy esp if we walked briskly! Today is grey & drizzly, Z is sleeping in but I think I'll wear my sweats as for Thurs since we'll be hiking down by Washington Monument/Lincoln Memorial... Meeting P in "Vienna" (last stop on red line) for dinner but he'll just have to accept Casual Me ;-)
& now Z is up so gotta feed my boy & enjoy our last full day in DC... I'll whine about self-sabotage on weight loss challenge later (perhaps) ;-)
Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Monday, March 18, 2013
I had a BAD feeling about this March weight-loss challenge from the start... First & foremost, my SON seems more invested in my success than I am - giving me my strict marching orders that I needed to "WIN WIN WIN" - while it's great to have a cheering section (& who doesn't love the admiration & support of your nearest & dearest?), it was downright IRRITATING those first few days when Z was prone to lecturing me: "Don't eat that Mom!"
It reminded me in all-too-glorious Instant Recall of his father, who b!tched at griped at me incessantly when I gained stubborn weight which couldn't be peeled off after my thyroidectomy. (At first it was touching when he queried my doctors endlessly about my treatments & subsequently, my life expectancy; then it turned creepy as the years passed & I realized it was bcz M had developed his own little "Love Story" in his own mind - he seemed bitterly disappointed that I wasn't DYING to live up to his expectations! After years of wrangling w/his motivations, that's my story & I'm sticking to it...)
Anyway, I finally had to tell Z that while I appreciated his concern, "I GOT THIS!" - he had to quit nagging as it was having a completely opposite effect! I was UP 1.2 lbs 2 wks into the challenge. It was Big Fun last week when Z & I had a joint training session w/Bill the Trainer (Z was out of school for Spring Break so he came to my regularly-scheduled Tues session). Bill worked us w/medicine ball passes, then w/resistance tubing - if you have to hold it for your partner, you BOTH get a workout!
Amazingly enough, I seem to be DOWN 2 lbs (at least according to clinic scales) which must be thanks to all the exercise we got hiking & biking around Washington DC... let's just say my diet was "less than optimal". The hot breakfast at our hotel consisted of scrambled eggs & doughy pancakes; we passed on those options after Day 1 (Thurs). Day 2's breakfast was Starbucks (their version of Egg McMuffin), Day 3 was IHOP (now THEY know how to make pancakes!), our last day (yesterday) was Panera (I can't resist their bagels).
So I solemnly swear to record my accurate body weight TOMORROW (when I weigh in on Bill the Trainer's scales).
I've been telling myself that it's pointless to even THINK about making that big haul for the Ozark Trail ride in MO at the end of April (NEXT MONTH??!!??) if I can't manage to shave off another measly 5 lbs over the course of this 6-wk weight loss challenge, but I have to quit shooting myself in the foot (figuratively speaking). My feet were so sore after pounding pavement in DC, I went out & bought a new pair of Asics. They helped, but it was too little, too late. Guess my flat-feet rehabilitation exercises have not been as successful as I'd hoped... but granted, I haven't exceeded 2 mi on gym TM in many many months.
It reminded me in all-too-glorious Instant Recall of his father, who b!tched at griped at me incessantly when I gained stubborn weight which couldn't be peeled off after my thyroidectomy. (At first it was touching when he queried my doctors endlessly about my treatments & subsequently, my life expectancy; then it turned creepy as the years passed & I realized it was bcz M had developed his own little "Love Story" in his own mind - he seemed bitterly disappointed that I wasn't DYING to live up to his expectations! After years of wrangling w/his motivations, that's my story & I'm sticking to it...)
Anyway, I finally had to tell Z that while I appreciated his concern, "I GOT THIS!" - he had to quit nagging as it was having a completely opposite effect! I was UP 1.2 lbs 2 wks into the challenge. It was Big Fun last week when Z & I had a joint training session w/Bill the Trainer (Z was out of school for Spring Break so he came to my regularly-scheduled Tues session). Bill worked us w/medicine ball passes, then w/resistance tubing - if you have to hold it for your partner, you BOTH get a workout!
Amazingly enough, I seem to be DOWN 2 lbs (at least according to clinic scales) which must be thanks to all the exercise we got hiking & biking around Washington DC... let's just say my diet was "less than optimal". The hot breakfast at our hotel consisted of scrambled eggs & doughy pancakes; we passed on those options after Day 1 (Thurs). Day 2's breakfast was Starbucks (their version of Egg McMuffin), Day 3 was IHOP (now THEY know how to make pancakes!), our last day (yesterday) was Panera (I can't resist their bagels).
So I solemnly swear to record my accurate body weight TOMORROW (when I weigh in on Bill the Trainer's scales).
I've been telling myself that it's pointless to even THINK about making that big haul for the Ozark Trail ride in MO at the end of April (NEXT MONTH??!!??) if I can't manage to shave off another measly 5 lbs over the course of this 6-wk weight loss challenge, but I have to quit shooting myself in the foot (figuratively speaking). My feet were so sore after pounding pavement in DC, I went out & bought a new pair of Asics. They helped, but it was too little, too late. Guess my flat-feet rehabilitation exercises have not been as successful as I'd hoped... but granted, I haven't exceeded 2 mi on gym TM in many many months.
Quit Freaking Out
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
First of all, you did NOT gain 2 lbs overnight by indulging a whim for pizza yesterday... All you did was bloat yourself up w/that gluten & excess sodium, gave yourself a rip-roaring case of indigestion culminating in unpleasantness in the bathroom this AM (sorry for the TMI).
My re-entry into Real Life has not been too terribly stressful, so I'm having a hard time understanding raging insomnia which hit HARD last night (ugh), coupled w/today's heart palpatations & dull lower-abdominal pain. Could it all be PMS? My monthly visitor has grown increasingly irregular; Aunt Flo hasn't paid a visit since ??? January if memory serves. I keep on hoping I'm done for good. But PMS would give me something to blame the b!tchiness on...
Today served as a brilliant reminder of why I don't comment on many blogs outside of SparkFriends...
danceswithfat.wordpress.
com/2013/03/20/too-much-pu
blic-in-my-public-health/#
comment-39797
I enjoy following Ragen's blog as she fights the good fight for HAES/size acceptance, even if I disagree w/some of her "true facts":
A.) while she herself may be perfectly healthy & happy around 300 lbs (she's a professional dancer & activist), the odds are complications of obesity will eventually catch up to her
B.) then again, she may truly be the exception that proves the rule! I'm fully aware that the statistics for long-term weight loss are miserable for cases of full-blown obesity (don't remember which specialist I'm paraphrasing here, but Rule 1 is "don't get fat in the first place")
But I jumped in w/what I thought was a perfectly understandable gripe about calorie counts on the IHOP menu (this triggered my son's reluctance to order ANYTHING, thanks to indoctrination by his father!) - & I start getting combative replies about "persuading your child to engage in gluttony" & throwing around a "mental health diagnosis" of orthorexia (ahem, it is NOT listed in the DSM yet, so it remains a descriptive term of overly-restricted eating patterns)... Let's refer to the MD who coined the term:
www.orthorexia.com/origi
nal-orthorexia-essay/
I needed the humor contained in this essay - didn't feel like getting into a flamewar! Just chill, folks... Today's final comment (thus far) made me smile:
"Things are getting rough here… I’m going to take a break."
To which I would reply sarcastically about heat & kitchens, but once again - screw it, I'm going HOME!
My re-entry into Real Life has not been too terribly stressful, so I'm having a hard time understanding raging insomnia which hit HARD last night (ugh), coupled w/today's heart palpatations & dull lower-abdominal pain. Could it all be PMS? My monthly visitor has grown increasingly irregular; Aunt Flo hasn't paid a visit since ??? January if memory serves. I keep on hoping I'm done for good. But PMS would give me something to blame the b!tchiness on...
Today served as a brilliant reminder of why I don't comment on many blogs outside of SparkFriends...
danceswithfat.wordpress.
com/2013/03/20/too-much-pu
blic-in-my-public-health/#
comment-39797
I enjoy following Ragen's blog as she fights the good fight for HAES/size acceptance, even if I disagree w/some of her "true facts":
A.) while she herself may be perfectly healthy & happy around 300 lbs (she's a professional dancer & activist), the odds are complications of obesity will eventually catch up to her
B.) then again, she may truly be the exception that proves the rule! I'm fully aware that the statistics for long-term weight loss are miserable for cases of full-blown obesity (don't remember which specialist I'm paraphrasing here, but Rule 1 is "don't get fat in the first place")
But I jumped in w/what I thought was a perfectly understandable gripe about calorie counts on the IHOP menu (this triggered my son's reluctance to order ANYTHING, thanks to indoctrination by his father!) - & I start getting combative replies about "persuading your child to engage in gluttony" & throwing around a "mental health diagnosis" of orthorexia (ahem, it is NOT listed in the DSM yet, so it remains a descriptive term of overly-restricted eating patterns)... Let's refer to the MD who coined the term:
www.orthorexia.com/origi
nal-orthorexia-essay/
I needed the humor contained in this essay - didn't feel like getting into a flamewar! Just chill, folks... Today's final comment (thus far) made me smile:
"Things are getting rough here… I’m going to take a break."
To which I would reply sarcastically about heat & kitchens, but once again - screw it, I'm going HOME!
Facing Facts
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I'll have to admit, it stung quite a bit when Z picked our favorite family Tex-Mex as the place to continue harassing Mom about her failure to step up to the plate and act responsibly during this weight-loss challenge... Yadda yadda yadda, him being the "child" (creeping up a little taller than me now) & me being the parent & all - not to mention the echoing repercussions of Z sounding like a less-cruel version of his father - wow, he even apologized! It was probably a good thing that he took the crunch out of the (few) tortilla chips that I DID eat, not to mention the zing from the salsa...
But the cold hard truth of the matter is that I'm exactly the same as when I officially signed on to this event 4 wks ago; I've got 2 wks to "put up or shut up" - I've dusted off my juicer so I can at least juice breakfast & lunch for a few days. This morning's repast is carrot/apple/radish w/a slice of ginger (didn't have any greens but can stop by store tonight). Here is my inspiration:
This young man of mine has put on an impressive amount of pure muscle this winter - strength training for football! He will have to work hard to make the JV team - it's not "no-cut" like the freshman team was... He makes me one proud momma, but I want to give him cause to be proud of ME as well.
I've been reading some weight loss blogs for inspiration, here's Alan (he warns you right up front that he has "no filter":
"Stop reading into bullsh!t, and stop commenting on how great it is that someone lost 2/10ths of a pound. I just farted more than 2/10ths of a pound. A full blown bowel movement could weigh 4 pounds."
(Alan lost almost everything in Hurricane Sandy; talk about obstacles to your success!)
almostgastricbypass2.blo
gspot.com/
But in between reading blogs & meditating on my own self-destructive tendencies, I have a little work to do - so I hope my SparkFriends have a great week!
But the cold hard truth of the matter is that I'm exactly the same as when I officially signed on to this event 4 wks ago; I've got 2 wks to "put up or shut up" - I've dusted off my juicer so I can at least juice breakfast & lunch for a few days. This morning's repast is carrot/apple/radish w/a slice of ginger (didn't have any greens but can stop by store tonight). Here is my inspiration:
This young man of mine has put on an impressive amount of pure muscle this winter - strength training for football! He will have to work hard to make the JV team - it's not "no-cut" like the freshman team was... He makes me one proud momma, but I want to give him cause to be proud of ME as well.
I've been reading some weight loss blogs for inspiration, here's Alan (he warns you right up front that he has "no filter":
"Stop reading into bullsh!t, and stop commenting on how great it is that someone lost 2/10ths of a pound. I just farted more than 2/10ths of a pound. A full blown bowel movement could weigh 4 pounds."
(Alan lost almost everything in Hurricane Sandy; talk about obstacles to your success!)
almostgastricbypass2.blo
gspot.com/
But in between reading blogs & meditating on my own self-destructive tendencies, I have a little work to do - so I hope my SparkFriends have a great week!
A Mare, led reluctantly to water
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
You know what they say folks! How many times have I pointed my equines at the pond or water trough but believe me, they won't DRINK until they are darn good & READY!!!
Here I have been Sparking off-and-on for almost THREE years, yet my totals for SparkPoints are PITIFUL... I know it's bcz I don't use the nutritional tracker. Yet every success story I read seems without exception to give credit to some sort of system along those lines.
(I intermittantly use the "Lose It" app on my iPhone which seems more comprehensive/user-friendly than SP - but there again, 2.5 yrs invested in that, yet I remain almost exactly unchanged!)
Part of what stung me so much when Z was griping at me about my weight-loss challenge the other day (at our favorite Tex-Mex hangout) was his statement: "You & Dad are just alike; you never do what you say you will!"
It was like a spur in my flank to be compared to that lying, cheating SOB, so I had to ask Z: "Well, what has your father failed to do?" - all Z wanted to talk about at that time was self-improvement: M said he was going to lose weight, but has only lost "one pound" (according to Z). At least I could puff myself up a bit and say, "Well, baby, I've lost 8 lbs which is quite an accomplishment w/my metabolism!"
I can do better - but on Day 2 of my juicing challenge, I am STARVING TO DEATH & will have to eat some sort of solid food to make it through this afternoon's appointments! I should have packed more than my lil' thermos of juice, but that's where I thank my friend Lisa for cluing me into the fact that FF restaurants will sell you a kid's meal EVEN IF YOUR KID IS BIGGER THAN YOU ARE NOW!
(The moral of this story is, I'm going to start playing around w/SP tracker; let's see if it helps)
Here I have been Sparking off-and-on for almost THREE years, yet my totals for SparkPoints are PITIFUL... I know it's bcz I don't use the nutritional tracker. Yet every success story I read seems without exception to give credit to some sort of system along those lines.
(I intermittantly use the "Lose It" app on my iPhone which seems more comprehensive/user-friendly than SP - but there again, 2.5 yrs invested in that, yet I remain almost exactly unchanged!)
Part of what stung me so much when Z was griping at me about my weight-loss challenge the other day (at our favorite Tex-Mex hangout) was his statement: "You & Dad are just alike; you never do what you say you will!"
It was like a spur in my flank to be compared to that lying, cheating SOB, so I had to ask Z: "Well, what has your father failed to do?" - all Z wanted to talk about at that time was self-improvement: M said he was going to lose weight, but has only lost "one pound" (according to Z). At least I could puff myself up a bit and say, "Well, baby, I've lost 8 lbs which is quite an accomplishment w/my metabolism!"
I can do better - but on Day 2 of my juicing challenge, I am STARVING TO DEATH & will have to eat some sort of solid food to make it through this afternoon's appointments! I should have packed more than my lil' thermos of juice, but that's where I thank my friend Lisa for cluing me into the fact that FF restaurants will sell you a kid's meal EVEN IF YOUR KID IS BIGGER THAN YOU ARE NOW!
(The moral of this story is, I'm going to start playing around w/SP tracker; let's see if it helps)
It Never Gets Any Easier
Friday, March 29, 2013
...you would think, after almost 13 yrs of these "practices", that these ordinary alternate-weekend Hostage Exchanges wouldn't get to me anymore...
You would be wrong.
My son packed up his double backpacks of school gear plus an overflowing gym bag; I met M at the Usual Place (McD's roughly halfway) this AM (no school for Good Friday holiday, plus they have no school on Mon either - an unused "snow day"). He stayed up later than he should have last night despite my nagging; Z was haggard w/dark circles under his eyes. M once again was not speaking to me - I know last week's "enhanced" child support payment probably stung, but that extra $$$ will go a long way towards plugging the holes in my savings account, allowing me to get back to concentrating on Z's college fund, not to mention my own savings & (eventual) retirement.
Maybe I will never in a million years understand the male of our species.
One of my oldest/dearest friends' (K from Amarillo, not to be confused w/local K, my neighbor & infrequent riding buddy!) mother is hosp in critical condition; P had enough airmiles to get her a roundtrip ticket so she flew in last night & will return Easter morning. They are all like "adopted family" and have been stalwart supporters of me & Z throughout this whole nasty divorce/custody battle & aftermath, so as soon as last surgical patient is picked up here shortly, I'll trek out across town to show my face & see if I can offer some moral support if nothing else.
What I don't understand why my husband is declining to accompany me. I've forwarded emails & messages all week, so he's aware of the gravity of the situation. Why SHOULD it surprise me when this is the man who returned home only as his dad was breathing his last (literally)... My FIL suffered & died from a cruel ultimately undiagnosed neurological condition that robbed him first of the power of speech, then slowly & surely of everything else over the course of 7 or 8 yrs. (He died in early Dec '09) But I ain't the man's mother so I refuse to nag or rebuke him. It's his conscience.
As a distraction I've found a couple of other blogs which bolster my resolve to crack down & go seriously low-carb (warning! lotsa biochemistry in there):
itsthewooo.blogspot.com/
hereditarian.wordpress.c
om/
It's a good day to fast - I won't wish you a happy Good Friday, SparkFriends, but I DO wish ya a Happy Easter!
You would be wrong.
My son packed up his double backpacks of school gear plus an overflowing gym bag; I met M at the Usual Place (McD's roughly halfway) this AM (no school for Good Friday holiday, plus they have no school on Mon either - an unused "snow day"). He stayed up later than he should have last night despite my nagging; Z was haggard w/dark circles under his eyes. M once again was not speaking to me - I know last week's "enhanced" child support payment probably stung, but that extra $$$ will go a long way towards plugging the holes in my savings account, allowing me to get back to concentrating on Z's college fund, not to mention my own savings & (eventual) retirement.
Maybe I will never in a million years understand the male of our species.
One of my oldest/dearest friends' (K from Amarillo, not to be confused w/local K, my neighbor & infrequent riding buddy!) mother is hosp in critical condition; P had enough airmiles to get her a roundtrip ticket so she flew in last night & will return Easter morning. They are all like "adopted family" and have been stalwart supporters of me & Z throughout this whole nasty divorce/custody battle & aftermath, so as soon as last surgical patient is picked up here shortly, I'll trek out across town to show my face & see if I can offer some moral support if nothing else.
What I don't understand why my husband is declining to accompany me. I've forwarded emails & messages all week, so he's aware of the gravity of the situation. Why SHOULD it surprise me when this is the man who returned home only as his dad was breathing his last (literally)... My FIL suffered & died from a cruel ultimately undiagnosed neurological condition that robbed him first of the power of speech, then slowly & surely of everything else over the course of 7 or 8 yrs. (He died in early Dec '09) But I ain't the man's mother so I refuse to nag or rebuke him. It's his conscience.
As a distraction I've found a couple of other blogs which bolster my resolve to crack down & go seriously low-carb (warning! lotsa biochemistry in there):
itsthewooo.blogspot.com/
hereditarian.wordpress.c
om/
It's a good day to fast - I won't wish you a happy Good Friday, SparkFriends, but I DO wish ya a Happy Easter!
Meet the Sucker
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Haven't even had the chance to (bloggingly) process dear Delores's death, & here I sit confronted w/another challenge... (There were no arrangements made; family visitation will be tomorrow night w/funeral being held Thurs. P rescheduled my friend's return flight for next weekend)
I marched into the gym for my weekly PT session to find Bill hobbling around stiffly after some idjit tried to run him off the road on his scooter! (I've told him I fear for him riding the mean streets of DFW; I've had 3 friends widowed by motorcycles - I don't care HOW careful you are, the fact is you don't stand much chance on a cycle if you wreck!) Thanks goodness he was wearing a heavy leather jacket, full-face helmet, and reinforced cycling gloves... He's bruised up but no serious harm done.
Here's where the "sucker" part comes in: I'm tempted to offer Bill "First Natl Bank of Val" financing, fronting him the downpayment for a 4-wheeled vehicle... He has jokingly showed me bikes he'd like to "upgrade" to: "Think how many sessions that would buy ya!" but I told him I wouldn't contribute to his suicide fund. I'm still turning it over in my brain. Whaddaya think SparkFriends? So many ways this could go wrong; I could get screwed over for anywhere from $0 - 4K (that's as much as I would front him; if he wants a more expensive vehicle he'd have to dig into his OWN funds, from what he's indicated that would be "not much"!) I'll be giving it some Deep Thought & Contemplation...
(I could even squeeze in a few extra sessions here & there; I actually have until 4/15 to log in my official weigh-in on the weight loss challenge. On my unofficial work scales, I'm down 4 lbs... I've been scared to step onto Bill's official one!)
I marched into the gym for my weekly PT session to find Bill hobbling around stiffly after some idjit tried to run him off the road on his scooter! (I've told him I fear for him riding the mean streets of DFW; I've had 3 friends widowed by motorcycles - I don't care HOW careful you are, the fact is you don't stand much chance on a cycle if you wreck!) Thanks goodness he was wearing a heavy leather jacket, full-face helmet, and reinforced cycling gloves... He's bruised up but no serious harm done.
Here's where the "sucker" part comes in: I'm tempted to offer Bill "First Natl Bank of Val" financing, fronting him the downpayment for a 4-wheeled vehicle... He has jokingly showed me bikes he'd like to "upgrade" to: "Think how many sessions that would buy ya!" but I told him I wouldn't contribute to his suicide fund. I'm still turning it over in my brain. Whaddaya think SparkFriends? So many ways this could go wrong; I could get screwed over for anywhere from $0 - 4K (that's as much as I would front him; if he wants a more expensive vehicle he'd have to dig into his OWN funds, from what he's indicated that would be "not much"!) I'll be giving it some Deep Thought & Contemplation...
(I could even squeeze in a few extra sessions here & there; I actually have until 4/15 to log in my official weigh-in on the weight loss challenge. On my unofficial work scales, I'm down 4 lbs... I've been scared to step onto Bill's official one!)
Research Distilled
Friday, April 05, 2013
I continue to noodle around, surfing various websites for nutritional insight...
Several mos ago, I signed up for Ray Cronise's Thermogenex website (it's free, although he's frustrating the you-know-WHAT out of many - me included! - beating about the bush about what his "Master Plan" may be! (from what I can glean, it seems to be a modification of Joel Fuhrman's "Eat to Live" plan: almost completely vegetarian) Ray's "what a twist" aspect is cold adaptation; maybe he should term it "Shivering Yourself Skinny" when he markets it to the masses!
hypothermics.com/home/
It's heartbreaking to read comments from desperate folk whom I have no doubt are telling the truth: not only has standard caloric restriction failed them, so has LC, VLC, even a "fat fast":
"Also, I was on a 1000 calorie fat fast. Literally. I would eat a single stick of butter and 200 calories worth of other stuff (mostly shirataki noodles and beef or chicken stock) and I didn’t lose a pound for a week straight.
How do you explain that? It’s pretty hard to underestimate how much you eat when you literally eat just a stick of butter and a pack of shirataki noodles. My weight at the time was 350 pounds. I should have lost almost a pound per day.
I’m not trying to be argumentative, just trying to understand."
Yet Ray gives this poor soul nothing concrete: "The best is yet to come!"
I do appreciate some of his aphorisms (which of course I already KNOW, it's just helpful to type 'em out here:
"No one stays thin eating anything they want.
No one eats anything they want and stays thin."
"You can't out-exercise your mouth."
Near the end of the comment thread, one person takes pity on the beggars & posts his interpretation: (sic)
"1. Start the potatoe experiment just for two weeks to detoxify your body.
2. Then loose weight by eating only real food (do not remove meat) and DO NOT lift weights. Walking everyday is almost a must.
3. When you reach your desired weight, if you want some muscles start training once or no more than twice a week and eat only real food in little calorie surplus.
You must not complicate things and do not remove starches or meat from your diet."
So this is my long-winded way of admitting that I MAY try the potato hack again, being more of a purist this time. I continue to push my Ozark Trail entry form around on my desk - do I try to tackle it so woefully unprepared? I've got to make up my mind by next week. I was putting off decision until I rated my success or failure on this weight-loss challenge, but that ends 4/15 while ride manager requests all entries by 4/13.
Several mos ago, I signed up for Ray Cronise's Thermogenex website (it's free, although he's frustrating the you-know-WHAT out of many - me included! - beating about the bush about what his "Master Plan" may be! (from what I can glean, it seems to be a modification of Joel Fuhrman's "Eat to Live" plan: almost completely vegetarian) Ray's "what a twist" aspect is cold adaptation; maybe he should term it "Shivering Yourself Skinny" when he markets it to the masses!
hypothermics.com/home/
It's heartbreaking to read comments from desperate folk whom I have no doubt are telling the truth: not only has standard caloric restriction failed them, so has LC, VLC, even a "fat fast":
"Also, I was on a 1000 calorie fat fast. Literally. I would eat a single stick of butter and 200 calories worth of other stuff (mostly shirataki noodles and beef or chicken stock) and I didn’t lose a pound for a week straight.
How do you explain that? It’s pretty hard to underestimate how much you eat when you literally eat just a stick of butter and a pack of shirataki noodles. My weight at the time was 350 pounds. I should have lost almost a pound per day.
I’m not trying to be argumentative, just trying to understand."
Yet Ray gives this poor soul nothing concrete: "The best is yet to come!"
I do appreciate some of his aphorisms (which of course I already KNOW, it's just helpful to type 'em out here:
"No one stays thin eating anything they want.
No one eats anything they want and stays thin."
"You can't out-exercise your mouth."
Near the end of the comment thread, one person takes pity on the beggars & posts his interpretation: (sic)
"1. Start the potatoe experiment just for two weeks to detoxify your body.
2. Then loose weight by eating only real food (do not remove meat) and DO NOT lift weights. Walking everyday is almost a must.
3. When you reach your desired weight, if you want some muscles start training once or no more than twice a week and eat only real food in little calorie surplus.
You must not complicate things and do not remove starches or meat from your diet."
So this is my long-winded way of admitting that I MAY try the potato hack again, being more of a purist this time. I continue to push my Ozark Trail entry form around on my desk - do I try to tackle it so woefully unprepared? I've got to make up my mind by next week. I was putting off decision until I rated my success or failure on this weight-loss challenge, but that ends 4/15 while ride manager requests all entries by 4/13.
Le Sigh
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
...It's one of THOSE days! Long-awaited rains rolled in early this AM; I was trying to let my poor tired boy sleep in as long as possible - so not only did I miss 1st school bus stop at St E, after hitting EVERY SINGLE TRAFFIC LIGHT ON HAMPTON RD, we missed its 2nd stop at St C! So I resigned myself to following it slowly across town to BL...
(Typically I have my schedule worked out w/pinpoint precision; I knew we'd likely miss the St E stop but would have made St C if it hadn't been for our bad luck w/traffic lights - the bus was pulling out as we pulled into the final block! but Z had been griping at me "Why don't I just drive him straight in?" as I explained that WED is the worst possible day of the week to have to do this!)
But anyway, I made it! (trumpet fanfare) as I nervously count up the days remaining (5) in my weight loss challenge, the scale remaining stubbornly STUCK as I contemplate my next move... Yesterday's attempt to return to "previously scheduled programming" of protein shakes for BF failed miserably as I was starving & irritable by 10 AM. Maybe next time I'll add a little more coconut oil? Worked my a$$ off in personal training session yesterday, as trainer Bill taunted me for my dominant-side imbalance (my L side is ridiculously weak as I struggled w/dumbbells)... Finished up on elliptical, dripping sweat on the floor doing intervals. According to my clinic scales I've lost a whopping 1.5 lbs (sarcasm), while on stubborn gym scales (the cheapo model in the women's restroom) I'm exactly the same! Of course I haven't set foot on the "official" weigh-in scales in Bill's office.
Much easier to obsess about my stingy, penny-pinching metabolism than more pressing concerns: for YEARS now I've typically felt slowly-building anxiety on the days when Z is due back home, the tension building up until I hear from Grandma... When I know he is "safe" I can mentally relax, but usually feel quite drained afterwards.
Yesterday I felt the typical tension, but it was not relieved - my heart raced & stomach churned as I picked Z up, we had dinner & headed on home... I seriously contemplated an alcoholic beverage, but opted instead to make myself a big mug of herbal "Tension Tamer" tea. Placebo effect or not, it helped - but this has made me wonder - have I transferred my PTSD triggers onto my beloved son? He has acquired many of his father's mannerisms, right down to the condescending tone of voice.
But I went ahead & mailed off our entries for the Ozark Trail ride on 4/27 - I'm far from the consummate optimist who can tell myself: "You can do anything you set your mind to!" but if we get through this weekend's local ride, this should be doable. I've got to concentrate on those matters within my control - even if I've only lost 10 lbs since Jan, that adds up over 50 or 75 mi; at least it's very small steps in the right direction.
(Typically I have my schedule worked out w/pinpoint precision; I knew we'd likely miss the St E stop but would have made St C if it hadn't been for our bad luck w/traffic lights - the bus was pulling out as we pulled into the final block! but Z had been griping at me "Why don't I just drive him straight in?" as I explained that WED is the worst possible day of the week to have to do this!)
But anyway, I made it! (trumpet fanfare) as I nervously count up the days remaining (5) in my weight loss challenge, the scale remaining stubbornly STUCK as I contemplate my next move... Yesterday's attempt to return to "previously scheduled programming" of protein shakes for BF failed miserably as I was starving & irritable by 10 AM. Maybe next time I'll add a little more coconut oil? Worked my a$$ off in personal training session yesterday, as trainer Bill taunted me for my dominant-side imbalance (my L side is ridiculously weak as I struggled w/dumbbells)... Finished up on elliptical, dripping sweat on the floor doing intervals. According to my clinic scales I've lost a whopping 1.5 lbs (sarcasm), while on stubborn gym scales (the cheapo model in the women's restroom) I'm exactly the same! Of course I haven't set foot on the "official" weigh-in scales in Bill's office.
Much easier to obsess about my stingy, penny-pinching metabolism than more pressing concerns: for YEARS now I've typically felt slowly-building anxiety on the days when Z is due back home, the tension building up until I hear from Grandma... When I know he is "safe" I can mentally relax, but usually feel quite drained afterwards.
Yesterday I felt the typical tension, but it was not relieved - my heart raced & stomach churned as I picked Z up, we had dinner & headed on home... I seriously contemplated an alcoholic beverage, but opted instead to make myself a big mug of herbal "Tension Tamer" tea. Placebo effect or not, it helped - but this has made me wonder - have I transferred my PTSD triggers onto my beloved son? He has acquired many of his father's mannerisms, right down to the condescending tone of voice.
But I went ahead & mailed off our entries for the Ozark Trail ride on 4/27 - I'm far from the consummate optimist who can tell myself: "You can do anything you set your mind to!" but if we get through this weekend's local ride, this should be doable. I've got to concentrate on those matters within my control - even if I've only lost 10 lbs since Jan, that adds up over 50 or 75 mi; at least it's very small steps in the right direction.
