The timeclock continues ticking down - and I doubt I will preserve several years' worth of my invaluable dialogues (HA!) even though it all seems part and parcel of the same Sisyphean struggle sometimes. I have not QUITE achieved that "pre-surgical" weight range of 175 (scales stuck around 182-183 these days), at least I'm firmly in Onederland...
Achievement Unlocked
Friday, January 20, 2012
Forgive me for using gamer's analogies, but as I've mentioned before, sometimes the TITLE is the hardest part! Certainly no lack of material swirling around my foggy lil' brain...
For once I am looking forward to tomorrow AM's weigh-in; I'm trusting it will be good news. I've vowed time & time again to just stay OFF those flippin' scales at any other time than my Sat weigh-in for my Winter Challenge, but I always have to cheat mid-week. (According to office scales, I'm down 2 lbs, but I will once again follow The Routine: first thing Sat AM, empty bladder, strip off, & step on home scales. They may not be the most accurate, but they do seem to be consistent... Otherwise I'll drive myself stark raving mad: 214 at home, 218 at office - yes, fully dressed w/shoes on, something completely different at gym)
I had a VERY surreal moment on Wed, when I stepped onto the erratic electronic scale at my gym: 156?!?!? Do you have any idea of what joy that number might bring if it were TRUE?!?!?
But it's funny; by the next day those scales were GONE. This is their 3rd set of scales in the past year, guess we're just hard on 'em ;-) !
Another vote of confidence came from my friend/neighbor/massage therapist; yesterday she commented that I've lost weight, & this time instead of deferment, I could graciously assent "well, only about 5 lbs but I've been hitting the gym pretty hard". This woman has her hands on the ol' bod a couple of times a month so I know this is not just social nicety.
I admitted to Ginger that I had to drop a little freight or I was going to put my horse on the market; I wasn't going to risk ruining him. "But he's an ARAB!" was her reply (like me, she's a Big Girl, but her own Arab colt has almost 4" & probably 200 lbs on my scrawny lil' whippet; I've offered her a trade but for some reason she won't take me up on it ;-)
Hope springs eternal; maybe it will be at least a 2.5% Challenge for me after all (only 8 more days). That doesn't mean I won't soldier on, but most likely won't join another challenge; somehow it didn't quite live up to my expectations. I've picked up a few new friends, it's true, but I never seem to have the time to skim the message boards or participate much, other than logging in my weight & responding to weekly challenges.
For once I am looking forward to tomorrow AM's weigh-in; I'm trusting it will be good news. I've vowed time & time again to just stay OFF those flippin' scales at any other time than my Sat weigh-in for my Winter Challenge, but I always have to cheat mid-week. (According to office scales, I'm down 2 lbs, but I will once again follow The Routine: first thing Sat AM, empty bladder, strip off, & step on home scales. They may not be the most accurate, but they do seem to be consistent... Otherwise I'll drive myself stark raving mad: 214 at home, 218 at office - yes, fully dressed w/shoes on, something completely different at gym)
I had a VERY surreal moment on Wed, when I stepped onto the erratic electronic scale at my gym: 156?!?!? Do you have any idea of what joy that number might bring if it were TRUE?!?!?
But it's funny; by the next day those scales were GONE. This is their 3rd set of scales in the past year, guess we're just hard on 'em ;-) !
Another vote of confidence came from my friend/neighbor/massage therapist; yesterday she commented that I've lost weight, & this time instead of deferment, I could graciously assent "well, only about 5 lbs but I've been hitting the gym pretty hard". This woman has her hands on the ol' bod a couple of times a month so I know this is not just social nicety.
I admitted to Ginger that I had to drop a little freight or I was going to put my horse on the market; I wasn't going to risk ruining him. "But he's an ARAB!" was her reply (like me, she's a Big Girl, but her own Arab colt has almost 4" & probably 200 lbs on my scrawny lil' whippet; I've offered her a trade but for some reason she won't take me up on it ;-)
Hope springs eternal; maybe it will be at least a 2.5% Challenge for me after all (only 8 more days). That doesn't mean I won't soldier on, but most likely won't join another challenge; somehow it didn't quite live up to my expectations. I've picked up a few new friends, it's true, but I never seem to have the time to skim the message boards or participate much, other than logging in my weight & responding to weekly challenges.
Doing Everything Right, Yet Getting It All Wrong
Monday, January 23, 2012
Or in other words, a convoluted way of explaining my disastrous mood...
First things first - YIPPEE! This is the first chance I've had to log on & brag about last week's weight loss, 2 lbs! Go me! I'm sure Baraq-o-rama will appreciate every ounce, but yesterday I saddled up the mule for a nice relaxing Sun-afternoon ride w/my friend Annie.
I needed to get out in the fresh air (missed the sunshine; that was SAT) & try to get my head on straight. Feels like butting against a brick wall when Hubby & I have the SAME DAMN miscommunications over & over & OVER again.
The good news: P finally seems to be on board w/the dietary changes I'm trying to undertake. He's done the low-carb thing before, so paleo/primal style is not too big a shock to his system. We hit the gym Sat morning first thing on empty stomachs as recommended (this triggers a bigger GH surge for accelerated fat-burning) - yet I had not signed on for a TOTAL fast!
articles.mercola.com/sit
es/articles/archive/2011/0
6/19/innovative-revolution
ary-program-to-keep-your-b
ody-biologically-young.aspx
This was also my first "long run" - 3 puny mi which were nonetheless difficult; I got a little hypoglycemic near the end, not a full "boink" but almost... I never police P's efforts at the gym (I know he used the elliptical for a bit, then probably hit the weight machines) - after about 25 min, he told me he was stepping out to go to the pharmacy, I waved bye-bye! (still had 20 min to go)
I staggered out of the gym, weak & light-headed - as I swung my bag into the backseat, I exclaimed "Whew! Breakfast is gonna taste good!" but P stated emphatically that he was now avoiding restaurant food. OK then, TAKE ME HOME. And he did.
I think a husband who gave a crap about his wife might have offered to go by a drive-through or stop at a convenience store for a refreshing beverage +/- a snack, although of course it was true that waiting an extra 45 min for my breakfast did not kill me! (let's hope it made me stronger)
It just makes me sad, that's all - I thought the ones who love you would be a little more proactive. I sure know how to pick 'em.
First things first - YIPPEE! This is the first chance I've had to log on & brag about last week's weight loss, 2 lbs! Go me! I'm sure Baraq-o-rama will appreciate every ounce, but yesterday I saddled up the mule for a nice relaxing Sun-afternoon ride w/my friend Annie.
I needed to get out in the fresh air (missed the sunshine; that was SAT) & try to get my head on straight. Feels like butting against a brick wall when Hubby & I have the SAME DAMN miscommunications over & over & OVER again.
The good news: P finally seems to be on board w/the dietary changes I'm trying to undertake. He's done the low-carb thing before, so paleo/primal style is not too big a shock to his system. We hit the gym Sat morning first thing on empty stomachs as recommended (this triggers a bigger GH surge for accelerated fat-burning) - yet I had not signed on for a TOTAL fast!
articles.mercola.com/sit
es/articles/archive/2011/0
6/19/innovative-revolution
ary-program-to-keep-your-b
ody-biologically-young.aspx
This was also my first "long run" - 3 puny mi which were nonetheless difficult; I got a little hypoglycemic near the end, not a full "boink" but almost... I never police P's efforts at the gym (I know he used the elliptical for a bit, then probably hit the weight machines) - after about 25 min, he told me he was stepping out to go to the pharmacy, I waved bye-bye! (still had 20 min to go)
I staggered out of the gym, weak & light-headed - as I swung my bag into the backseat, I exclaimed "Whew! Breakfast is gonna taste good!" but P stated emphatically that he was now avoiding restaurant food. OK then, TAKE ME HOME. And he did.
I think a husband who gave a crap about his wife might have offered to go by a drive-through or stop at a convenience store for a refreshing beverage +/- a snack, although of course it was true that waiting an extra 45 min for my breakfast did not kill me! (let's hope it made me stronger)
It just makes me sad, that's all - I thought the ones who love you would be a little more proactive. I sure know how to pick 'em.
Reconciliation
Monday, January 30, 2012
So once again I slept poorly Fri night, arose early (7 AM) Sat morning & staggered to the scales... Had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, so it was a pleasant surprise to see that the scales had dipped another 0.4 lbs.
This gives me a net loss of 4 lbs ("2%") over my 8-wk Winter Challenge as a Firecracker. This also leaves me confused - while I sputtered vile threats to myself as my scales exhibited some really weird fluctuations (most of which did NOT seem to correspond to how I was eating & moving at the time), bottom-line I feel that ANY loss recorded over the holidays is a win-win situation!
(Here's a recap week-by-week: DOWN 1.4, UP 4.2, DOWN 4.6, UP 1.4, DOWN (finally, slow but consistent downward trend) 0.4, 0.6, 2.0, & 0.4)
I love rollercoasters, but not of this sort. Still on the fence as to whether or not I'll sign up for the Spring Challenge. More confusion ensued as I halfheartedly began to sort through my closet - I tried on an old pair of Land's End size 18 khakis which are still skintight. I could zip 'em which is progress, but still need to peel off another 8 - 10 lbs for them to look decent! This is in stark contrast to my Michael Kors size 14 jeans which are getting baggy...
Obviously I soldier on - obsessing about numbers on a scale distracts me from more intense interpersonal relationship issues ;-)
Once again, MORE TO COME! Today's good news is that my bladder niggled at me during the final quarter-mile on the TM, but no embarrassment ensued. 76 days & counting.
This gives me a net loss of 4 lbs ("2%") over my 8-wk Winter Challenge as a Firecracker. This also leaves me confused - while I sputtered vile threats to myself as my scales exhibited some really weird fluctuations (most of which did NOT seem to correspond to how I was eating & moving at the time), bottom-line I feel that ANY loss recorded over the holidays is a win-win situation!
(Here's a recap week-by-week: DOWN 1.4, UP 4.2, DOWN 4.6, UP 1.4, DOWN (finally, slow but consistent downward trend) 0.4, 0.6, 2.0, & 0.4)
I love rollercoasters, but not of this sort. Still on the fence as to whether or not I'll sign up for the Spring Challenge. More confusion ensued as I halfheartedly began to sort through my closet - I tried on an old pair of Land's End size 18 khakis which are still skintight. I could zip 'em which is progress, but still need to peel off another 8 - 10 lbs for them to look decent! This is in stark contrast to my Michael Kors size 14 jeans which are getting baggy...
Obviously I soldier on - obsessing about numbers on a scale distracts me from more intense interpersonal relationship issues ;-)
Once again, MORE TO COME! Today's good news is that my bladder niggled at me during the final quarter-mile on the TM, but no embarrassment ensued. 76 days & counting.
(Wo)man on Ledge
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
(Even though the movie has gotten pretty abysmal reviews, I might go see it for the mindless entertainment value)
& believe me, I could use the distraction these days. My anxiety level is sky-high, I've tanked up on enough coffee that I may not sleep for days - I feel like a high-strung racehorse, chomping at the bit, only problem being there's NOWHERE TO RUN!
We've been so damned busy at work that I haven't been able to make it by the gym yesterday or today (actually a semi-truth about today - I COULD have gone, but chose to have lunch w/a friend instead - thought the emotional connection would do me more good than physical release!). I recognize a large part of this as pure caffeine overdose, a self-inflicted wound. I've run in & out of the bathroom so many times I should be dizzy.
My ex is being even MORE of a horse's a$$ than usual (w/sincere apologies to my sweet ponies; Darling Mule loves to turn her rump into ya for a nice butt-scratch) Z's Confirmation (kinda the Catholic equivalent of a bar mitzvah, so you **might** make the mistake of presuming that M would grant it the importance it deserves) is coming up in 10 short days, but there's a mandatory rehearsal/spiritual retreat THIS Sat, which is M's weekend... At this point in time he says he will take him, but truly it's anyone's guess. I've done all I can do so I just need to quit fretting about it. (Please tell my mother, she's Z's sponsor!)
(well I was TRYING to download a photo of my boy trying on suit jackets but machine is uncooperative - what can I say, Mom liked the charcoal gray but HE liked basic black! it may be MY money, but it's HIS suit ;-)
I pray for strength & tolerance, dear SparkFriends - the sanctuary of an endurance ride awaits me this weekend, but I feel great guilt about escaping which is completely illogical... As I've said, we've done all we can do - up to & including an offer by dear long-suffering P to drive Z all the way back to his father's house Sat afternoon, if only M will deliver him to church Sat morning (M declined). I wish I could explain the man's intolerant, bizarre behavior but alas, I'm only an animal doctor, NOT a psychiatrist.
& believe me, I could use the distraction these days. My anxiety level is sky-high, I've tanked up on enough coffee that I may not sleep for days - I feel like a high-strung racehorse, chomping at the bit, only problem being there's NOWHERE TO RUN!
We've been so damned busy at work that I haven't been able to make it by the gym yesterday or today (actually a semi-truth about today - I COULD have gone, but chose to have lunch w/a friend instead - thought the emotional connection would do me more good than physical release!). I recognize a large part of this as pure caffeine overdose, a self-inflicted wound. I've run in & out of the bathroom so many times I should be dizzy.
My ex is being even MORE of a horse's a$$ than usual (w/sincere apologies to my sweet ponies; Darling Mule loves to turn her rump into ya for a nice butt-scratch) Z's Confirmation (kinda the Catholic equivalent of a bar mitzvah, so you **might** make the mistake of presuming that M would grant it the importance it deserves) is coming up in 10 short days, but there's a mandatory rehearsal/spiritual retreat THIS Sat, which is M's weekend... At this point in time he says he will take him, but truly it's anyone's guess. I've done all I can do so I just need to quit fretting about it. (Please tell my mother, she's Z's sponsor!)
(well I was TRYING to download a photo of my boy trying on suit jackets but machine is uncooperative - what can I say, Mom liked the charcoal gray but HE liked basic black! it may be MY money, but it's HIS suit ;-)
I pray for strength & tolerance, dear SparkFriends - the sanctuary of an endurance ride awaits me this weekend, but I feel great guilt about escaping which is completely illogical... As I've said, we've done all we can do - up to & including an offer by dear long-suffering P to drive Z all the way back to his father's house Sat afternoon, if only M will deliver him to church Sat morning (M declined). I wish I could explain the man's intolerant, bizarre behavior but alas, I'm only an animal doctor, NOT a psychiatrist.
Middleweight
Friday, February 03, 2012
I appreciated CBAILEYC's blog the other day about being "my scale's b*tch"...
Maybe we need a new SparkTeam, eh??? Bcz I don't seem to be able to stay away from mine - it seems fairly consistent although it's just an inexpensive WW model that P brought to our marriage (honestly don't remember when I discarded my old bathroom scales - in the aftermath of my divorce it became blatantly obvious that the number on the scales didn't matter: I lost all my baby weight & it STILL didn't matter. M had chosen a woman 10 yrs older, but at least 6 in shorter & a good 70 lbs lighter than me. I had NEVER been skinny, but it left me scratching my head... After all, I could lose weight but not HEIGHT if that was truly his preferred "type"?!?)
Anyway, after Winter Challenge I have been in the habit of weighing-in on Sat AM, but couldn't resist a sneak preview this AM: 209.2!!! (Yes, I repeated it for consistency)
I'm not logging this in until I'm sure it "sticks" for a few days, but WOW! Can't tell ya how good it feels to be an official Middleweight again! (MW 186 - 210, Heavyweight 211 +)
Too bad my sinuses have exploded this week, so I can thank No Appetite for this recent loss... I didn't even feel like loading up & hauling to the ride this weekend, which is absolute proof of how bad I feel. Bottom line is that I'm stressed out & spread too thin, I'm resentful of the fact that I couldn't take Z (when we had so much fun last year at this event; I don't know WHY they moved it back to FEB?!?!?)
So I need to lose another 30 lbs or so to be able to change my "official" status (our riding divisions are rider PLUS tack); still a couple more steps in the right direction.
(now Hubby's ready to hit they gym; I'm gonna do a light workout w/lots of Kleenex)
Maybe we need a new SparkTeam, eh??? Bcz I don't seem to be able to stay away from mine - it seems fairly consistent although it's just an inexpensive WW model that P brought to our marriage (honestly don't remember when I discarded my old bathroom scales - in the aftermath of my divorce it became blatantly obvious that the number on the scales didn't matter: I lost all my baby weight & it STILL didn't matter. M had chosen a woman 10 yrs older, but at least 6 in shorter & a good 70 lbs lighter than me. I had NEVER been skinny, but it left me scratching my head... After all, I could lose weight but not HEIGHT if that was truly his preferred "type"?!?)
Anyway, after Winter Challenge I have been in the habit of weighing-in on Sat AM, but couldn't resist a sneak preview this AM: 209.2!!! (Yes, I repeated it for consistency)
I'm not logging this in until I'm sure it "sticks" for a few days, but WOW! Can't tell ya how good it feels to be an official Middleweight again! (MW 186 - 210, Heavyweight 211 +)
Too bad my sinuses have exploded this week, so I can thank No Appetite for this recent loss... I didn't even feel like loading up & hauling to the ride this weekend, which is absolute proof of how bad I feel. Bottom line is that I'm stressed out & spread too thin, I'm resentful of the fact that I couldn't take Z (when we had so much fun last year at this event; I don't know WHY they moved it back to FEB?!?!?)
So I need to lose another 30 lbs or so to be able to change my "official" status (our riding divisions are rider PLUS tack); still a couple more steps in the right direction.
(now Hubby's ready to hit they gym; I'm gonna do a light workout w/lots of Kleenex)
Truth in Advertising...
Friday, February 03, 2012
...What a concept!
Hopefully I can get these photos to download, dear SparkFriends, bcz this is a brief cautionary tale reminding you to always "RFL": READ those EFFIN' LABELS!!!
I felt much better this afternoon after a Chihuahua nap, even put in a brief gym appearance w/Hubby (we played nice this time, no fighting ;-) & when we got home my appetite had perked up, I was sniffing around the kitchen for somethin' to eat...
I had a few frozen dinners which need to be consumed, Primal or not, so when I selected this
I thought Hmmm, not too bad - 230 calories & 27 g of carbs... Then unfortunately I read the nutrition label:
Serving size ONE-HALF burrito!?!? Ya gotta be kidding me; it is NOT a big tray! I'm sure Hubby got sick & tired of hearing me rant & rave about it; he had the last piece of crustless quiche from yesterday (Primal-compliant & pretty darn good if I DO say so myself)
liveoncejuicy.com/2011/0
2/18/gf-spinach-quiche/
So yes as a matter of fact I DID eat the whole thing - considering I'd eaten next to nothing (drank a Frappuccino, had a few scattered handfuls of almonds), I felt perfectly justified..
Hopefully I can get these photos to download, dear SparkFriends, bcz this is a brief cautionary tale reminding you to always "RFL": READ those EFFIN' LABELS!!!
I felt much better this afternoon after a Chihuahua nap, even put in a brief gym appearance w/Hubby (we played nice this time, no fighting ;-) & when we got home my appetite had perked up, I was sniffing around the kitchen for somethin' to eat...
I had a few frozen dinners which need to be consumed, Primal or not, so when I selected this
I thought Hmmm, not too bad - 230 calories & 27 g of carbs... Then unfortunately I read the nutrition label:
Serving size ONE-HALF burrito!?!? Ya gotta be kidding me; it is NOT a big tray! I'm sure Hubby got sick & tired of hearing me rant & rave about it; he had the last piece of crustless quiche from yesterday (Primal-compliant & pretty darn good if I DO say so myself)
liveoncejuicy.com/2011/0
2/18/gf-spinach-quiche/
So yes as a matter of fact I DID eat the whole thing - considering I'd eaten next to nothing (drank a Frappuccino, had a few scattered handfuls of almonds), I felt perfectly justified..
Self-Inflicted Wounds
Friday, February 10, 2012
An alternate title is "Slow Learner", but I think I've previously used that one!
Yes, it's true, something about success must just scare the ever-living daylights outta me...Seeing that back side of 210 has triggered a sequence of poor choices, as a result of which today, I'm barely hanging on to my Middleweight status @ 210.6 lbs. (Yep, I'll go ahead & log that - it IS Fri after all, even though I've been compulsively pulling the scale out of the bathroom closet almost every day this week)
Z is fighting off the same sort of sinus crud that sidelined me last weekend; Ex called me Tues morning (wonders will never cease!) to inform me that he had dosed Z w/Dayquil & delivered him to school... By Tues evening he was feverish w/copious drainage. This earned him 2 days home sick, w/lots of TLC from Grandma on Wed, & Yours Truly yesterday (my day off, ah well). This morning he got a good night's sleep, had a normal temp so off to school we went. I want him to look & feel good for Confirmation tomorrow & our "party weekend"!
I've felt as though I'm bouncing around like a pinball - did not make it to the gym Wed or Thurs, TODAY'S THE DAY!!! May have to lay off the caffeine, though; I can tell part of this "high-stress" feeling is a self-inflicted wound... I did a mere 20 min of yoga last night which as usual, did me a world of good; I seemed to sleep better than average.
My new set of "A Guide to Meditation" CD's remain in their shrink-wrap; that should be next week's self-improvement project!
Yes, it's true, something about success must just scare the ever-living daylights outta me...Seeing that back side of 210 has triggered a sequence of poor choices, as a result of which today, I'm barely hanging on to my Middleweight status @ 210.6 lbs. (Yep, I'll go ahead & log that - it IS Fri after all, even though I've been compulsively pulling the scale out of the bathroom closet almost every day this week)
Z is fighting off the same sort of sinus crud that sidelined me last weekend; Ex called me Tues morning (wonders will never cease!) to inform me that he had dosed Z w/Dayquil & delivered him to school... By Tues evening he was feverish w/copious drainage. This earned him 2 days home sick, w/lots of TLC from Grandma on Wed, & Yours Truly yesterday (my day off, ah well). This morning he got a good night's sleep, had a normal temp so off to school we went. I want him to look & feel good for Confirmation tomorrow & our "party weekend"!
I've felt as though I'm bouncing around like a pinball - did not make it to the gym Wed or Thurs, TODAY'S THE DAY!!! May have to lay off the caffeine, though; I can tell part of this "high-stress" feeling is a self-inflicted wound... I did a mere 20 min of yoga last night which as usual, did me a world of good; I seemed to sleep better than average.
My new set of "A Guide to Meditation" CD's remain in their shrink-wrap; that should be next week's self-improvement project!
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