...of sadness threaten to swamp me. Cumulative effects of losing several patients (prototypical "Can't save 'em all") coupled with ongoing deleterious effects of facing my mom's abysmal mood/failure to adjust to her assisted living sitch. Have I dealt her an irreversible injury by evicting her from her home?
Half A$$ Reboot
Monday, November 28, 2011
I really felt I was doing outstandingly well for a Thanksgiving weekend, until the time approached to return Hubs to the airport & the stress/strain blew my self-control apart (Sun afternoon & evening: we stopped for Indian food en route to the airport, then I met a GF for coffee & dessert on the way back)...
I made my Special Spicy Greens as well as a low-carb pumpkin pie for Turkey Day; both were very well received. I even logged what I ate on Thurs - yes, w/"a lil bit of everything" that topped out to be a 2300-cal day, but I got right back on track Fri & Sat. We hit the gym on Sat & took the puppies for a walk in the stiff cold wind.
I did not ride, tried not to dwell too much on my boy, stuck in horse camp up in OK afoot...(4 yrs ago, I moved heaven & earth to transport Z's Little Red Mule to his dad's so he would be able to ride at the MO event they were traveling to... Since M seems to be making every effort to ignore my existence these days, I'm certainly NOT going to let him get his hands on the new mule's lead rope!) How many of you think it's strange that after all these years on his own spread (10), my ex has never bothered to line up a mount for his own son?!? To me, that just shows the depth of his own narcissism & self-involvement. (Z told me that She Who Shall Not Be Named rode on Fri, his dad rode one of Aunt Patsy's horses on Sat. I hope he had a miserable time in Sat's cold rain! ;-)
I keep on looking at next year's ride calendar as if it's going to show me something better: virtually none of the spring rides line up w/"MY" weekends (esp since Ex will get Z for Spring Break). But if I want my B-boy or any of the other horses, for that matter! - to do their best, I need to reduce their workload by reducing my own weight... Even though the competitive field narrows out significantly up here amongst the Heavyweights, it's lonely at the top ;-) !
The cold hard facts are that an equine shouldn't be forced to carry more than 30% of their own body weight... That means I've been consistently overloading Mr B & his wiry lil' 750-lb frame (doing the math = 225 lbs). A 10% loss for me would get us down to a more manageable 25% load... No telling what we could do!
I made my Special Spicy Greens as well as a low-carb pumpkin pie for Turkey Day; both were very well received. I even logged what I ate on Thurs - yes, w/"a lil bit of everything" that topped out to be a 2300-cal day, but I got right back on track Fri & Sat. We hit the gym on Sat & took the puppies for a walk in the stiff cold wind.
I did not ride, tried not to dwell too much on my boy, stuck in horse camp up in OK afoot...(4 yrs ago, I moved heaven & earth to transport Z's Little Red Mule to his dad's so he would be able to ride at the MO event they were traveling to... Since M seems to be making every effort to ignore my existence these days, I'm certainly NOT going to let him get his hands on the new mule's lead rope!) How many of you think it's strange that after all these years on his own spread (10), my ex has never bothered to line up a mount for his own son?!? To me, that just shows the depth of his own narcissism & self-involvement. (Z told me that She Who Shall Not Be Named rode on Fri, his dad rode one of Aunt Patsy's horses on Sat. I hope he had a miserable time in Sat's cold rain! ;-)
I keep on looking at next year's ride calendar as if it's going to show me something better: virtually none of the spring rides line up w/"MY" weekends (esp since Ex will get Z for Spring Break). But if I want my B-boy or any of the other horses, for that matter! - to do their best, I need to reduce their workload by reducing my own weight... Even though the competitive field narrows out significantly up here amongst the Heavyweights, it's lonely at the top ;-) !
The cold hard facts are that an equine shouldn't be forced to carry more than 30% of their own body weight... That means I've been consistently overloading Mr B & his wiry lil' 750-lb frame (doing the math = 225 lbs). A 10% loss for me would get us down to a more manageable 25% load... No telling what we could do!
So I pick up the pieces again, to continue my half-a$$ reboot efforts. I have joined the 5% Dec challenge which will translate into 10.8 lbs. It doesn't seem so daunting in smaller increments.
Half a Loaf
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Well, not surprising I'm off to an inconsistent start w/this Winter Challenge...
Had the bad luck for Day 1 to coincide w/my 30th HS reunion last night - I saved over half my day's calories for the party last night & more than likely still went over my limit!
(Nope, didn't log it all - I caught enough flack when I pulled out my iPhone & one of my classmates yelled: "No work allowed Val!" ;-)
The best part of my reunion was the fact that I walked in wearing size 16 jeans! Who'd think that sounds like a desirable goal - but considering that my old jeans are size 20 & had gotten pretty baggy - I treated myself to what I hope are good short-term intermediary wear. (I tried on 3 pairs - the "skinny" style was still too tight... I need to take the advice I read somewhere: clean out my closet & get RID of everything that doesn't fit!)
Anyway, it was fun & today is a new day - even if it IS cold, rainy, & miserable! At least I made it by the gym & knocked out a couple of mi on the TM - I am THANKFUL that I'm not downtown trying to slog through another half-marathon; it would have been brutal! (When my reunion was scheduled for last night, that more or less put the nail in the coffin of those plans.) I didn't go too hog-wild last night, but slept in this morning, moving a lil' slowly w/a slight hung-over feeling...
I'm going to pick out a nice springtime destination half & try to talk one of my GF's into doing it w/me - she's complaining mightily about the (minor) amount of weight she's gained as the years have caught up w/her metabolism! (I can laugh at her now bcz she's always been one of those disgusting naturally-skinny types ;-)
Gotta take hubby back to the airport later on this afternoon - he has not heard anything about contract renewal (which in my book means "No"; he should have heard by 11/15) - which means he'll probably be driving back home from NC on Xmas Eve. This separation is a GOOD thing, since it gives me more time to concentrate on my own routine, hopefully get something healthier established by the time he gets back home "for good" (or at least for the time being). Best of all, I'll have my boy for the next 3 weekends in a row since I get that 1st wk of Xmas break! (His dad just got these last 3 w/Thanksgiving & all)
Had the bad luck for Day 1 to coincide w/my 30th HS reunion last night - I saved over half my day's calories for the party last night & more than likely still went over my limit!
(Nope, didn't log it all - I caught enough flack when I pulled out my iPhone & one of my classmates yelled: "No work allowed Val!" ;-)
The best part of my reunion was the fact that I walked in wearing size 16 jeans! Who'd think that sounds like a desirable goal - but considering that my old jeans are size 20 & had gotten pretty baggy - I treated myself to what I hope are good short-term intermediary wear. (I tried on 3 pairs - the "skinny" style was still too tight... I need to take the advice I read somewhere: clean out my closet & get RID of everything that doesn't fit!)
Anyway, it was fun & today is a new day - even if it IS cold, rainy, & miserable! At least I made it by the gym & knocked out a couple of mi on the TM - I am THANKFUL that I'm not downtown trying to slog through another half-marathon; it would have been brutal! (When my reunion was scheduled for last night, that more or less put the nail in the coffin of those plans.) I didn't go too hog-wild last night, but slept in this morning, moving a lil' slowly w/a slight hung-over feeling...
I'm going to pick out a nice springtime destination half & try to talk one of my GF's into doing it w/me - she's complaining mightily about the (minor) amount of weight she's gained as the years have caught up w/her metabolism! (I can laugh at her now bcz she's always been one of those disgusting naturally-skinny types ;-)
Gotta take hubby back to the airport later on this afternoon - he has not heard anything about contract renewal (which in my book means "No"; he should have heard by 11/15) - which means he'll probably be driving back home from NC on Xmas Eve. This separation is a GOOD thing, since it gives me more time to concentrate on my own routine, hopefully get something healthier established by the time he gets back home "for good" (or at least for the time being). Best of all, I'll have my boy for the next 3 weekends in a row since I get that 1st wk of Xmas break! (His dad just got these last 3 w/Thanksgiving & all)
The Power of Positive Thinking?
Saturday, December 10, 2011
I'm still reeling in shock this AM; I was dreading my first weigh-in for Winter Challenge since it hasn't FELT as if I've been especially consistent w/my diet... Hell, I didn't even make it by the grocery store till Thurs!
I don't go in for all that "Secret"-type, positive- thinking BS, but earlier in the week, as I succumbed to urges for things like chicken wings - I changed my ticker to reflect fitness minutes instead of my weight, since I HAVE been consistent w/exercise.
Yesterday, short on time & fortunately having the gym all to myself, I did a quick but intense HIIT session on the TM... (I ordinarily would not let anyone witness the sad spectacle of me sprinting on the TM!) It must have temporarily kicked my metabolism into overdrive; I was STARVING last night & now feel mild shin-splint type soreness. 20 short min, but my HR was spiking into 140's & I was dripping sweat. It must have also done something for diuresis, since last night I drank unsweetened tea at our movie (don't ask; Mom wanted Muppets but my boy & his friends wanted the goofy Harold & Kumar movie!) - then urinated what felt like gallons!
I was ridiculously proud of myself, only having a double handful of popcorn, vs my usual half-bucket.
But now my boys are stirring so it's time to make breakfast!
I don't go in for all that "Secret"-type, positive- thinking BS, but earlier in the week, as I succumbed to urges for things like chicken wings - I changed my ticker to reflect fitness minutes instead of my weight, since I HAVE been consistent w/exercise.
Yesterday, short on time & fortunately having the gym all to myself, I did a quick but intense HIIT session on the TM... (I ordinarily would not let anyone witness the sad spectacle of me sprinting on the TM!) It must have temporarily kicked my metabolism into overdrive; I was STARVING last night & now feel mild shin-splint type soreness. 20 short min, but my HR was spiking into 140's & I was dripping sweat. It must have also done something for diuresis, since last night I drank unsweetened tea at our movie (don't ask; Mom wanted Muppets but my boy & his friends wanted the goofy Harold & Kumar movie!) - then urinated what felt like gallons!
I was ridiculously proud of myself, only having a double handful of popcorn, vs my usual half-bucket.
But now my boys are stirring so it's time to make breakfast!
In a Nutshell
Monday, December 12, 2011
"Did you ride this weekend?" asked my friend last night, & it felt like a punch in the stomach...
No, I didn't ride, even though most of the weekend we had gorgeous but chilly weather. I gave my time away "for the greater good" once again; my boy had asked to have some friends over - so I spent my weekend driving everywhere: picking 'em up, ferrying 'em to the movies Fri night, going to Six Flags on Sat, delivering back home...
Heavy sigh... Yesterday I felt completely wrung out & exhausted, yet still had "more duties to perform": we met my mom at church, took her to lunch, then got a call from my friend Lisa - it's her boy's B/D so she invited Z to (another) movie...
By the time I delivered Z to the theatre, I SHOULD have put in an appearance at the gym, but what my body was screaming for was a NAP! So I took the dogs for a short stroll, found an isolated corner of the parking lot, & did just that. A nap in the car was far from perfect, but Buddy-dog curled up on my chest & kept me cozy & warm.
When I roused myself (I had set time on cell ph to awaken me 20 min before movie finished), clouds had scudded in, daylight was fading - by the time we got home it was pitch black - so there went my weekend. I console myself w/the thought of two days' good solid riding over New Year's weekend... I'm just going to take it easy, doing 25-mi rides & leaving myself the time & the energy to socialize w/my friends.
No, I didn't ride, even though most of the weekend we had gorgeous but chilly weather. I gave my time away "for the greater good" once again; my boy had asked to have some friends over - so I spent my weekend driving everywhere: picking 'em up, ferrying 'em to the movies Fri night, going to Six Flags on Sat, delivering back home...
Heavy sigh... Yesterday I felt completely wrung out & exhausted, yet still had "more duties to perform": we met my mom at church, took her to lunch, then got a call from my friend Lisa - it's her boy's B/D so she invited Z to (another) movie...
By the time I delivered Z to the theatre, I SHOULD have put in an appearance at the gym, but what my body was screaming for was a NAP! So I took the dogs for a short stroll, found an isolated corner of the parking lot, & did just that. A nap in the car was far from perfect, but Buddy-dog curled up on my chest & kept me cozy & warm.
When I roused myself (I had set time on cell ph to awaken me 20 min before movie finished), clouds had scudded in, daylight was fading - by the time we got home it was pitch black - so there went my weekend. I console myself w/the thought of two days' good solid riding over New Year's weekend... I'm just going to take it easy, doing 25-mi rides & leaving myself the time & the energy to socialize w/my friends.
Eventually Endocrine
Saturday, December 17, 2011
I knew cold hard reality was going to catch up to me, as I bloated up in the earlier part of this week - my body is likely preparing for another period that will not come...
Did I somehow consume 14700 extra calories over the course of last week, resulting in a 4.2 lb weight gain? No, I did not - I lay no claims to perfection this week, but I exercised consistently & ate sensibly. (That's not the rumble of thunder in the distance, either ;-)
My clients have inundated us w/Christmas goodies as is their usual custom: cookies, candy, fudge, tamales but it hasn't been as much of a challenge to bypass 'em... I have limited myself for the most part to 1 or 2 treats per day - I would be confessing my "sins" here if I HAD binged out. As I clean up my act, nutritionally speaking, the junk food has less & less appeal - my tastes grow more discerning: if I'm going to splurge, it's going to be on something luscious like a dark chocolate truffle or a sliver of Dulce de Leche cheesecake.
Anyway, the most value of all comes from the fact that I recognize this as a temporary blip on the scales; it doesn't trigger that depressive downward spiral of overindulgence & sloth that it used to... Maybe my monthly visitor will show up this month but maybe not - may have gotten all the bloat, chocolate cravings & depressed, hopeless mood for "nothing" so to speak.
I'll do my best to stay accountable here - this community is unbelievably helpful to me in that regard.
(It has rained off & on for most of the past week beside - once again no opportunities to ride. I'm holding out for decent weather New Year's weekend!)
Did I somehow consume 14700 extra calories over the course of last week, resulting in a 4.2 lb weight gain? No, I did not - I lay no claims to perfection this week, but I exercised consistently & ate sensibly. (That's not the rumble of thunder in the distance, either ;-)
My clients have inundated us w/Christmas goodies as is their usual custom: cookies, candy, fudge, tamales but it hasn't been as much of a challenge to bypass 'em... I have limited myself for the most part to 1 or 2 treats per day - I would be confessing my "sins" here if I HAD binged out. As I clean up my act, nutritionally speaking, the junk food has less & less appeal - my tastes grow more discerning: if I'm going to splurge, it's going to be on something luscious like a dark chocolate truffle or a sliver of Dulce de Leche cheesecake.
Anyway, the most value of all comes from the fact that I recognize this as a temporary blip on the scales; it doesn't trigger that depressive downward spiral of overindulgence & sloth that it used to... Maybe my monthly visitor will show up this month but maybe not - may have gotten all the bloat, chocolate cravings & depressed, hopeless mood for "nothing" so to speak.
I'll do my best to stay accountable here - this community is unbelievably helpful to me in that regard.
(It has rained off & on for most of the past week beside - once again no opportunities to ride. I'm holding out for decent weather New Year's weekend!)
Vitamin S
Friday, December 23, 2011
The simple sense of well-being that comes from nothing more than getting a few hrs' decent SLEEP is beyond price!
Z & I were lounging around yesterday morning (another all-but-unimaginable luxury: a day in which I'm not tied to the tyranny of the clock!) - so here it was, 9:30-ish, & I noticed the dogs becoming agitated... No one was barking so I didn't pay much attention - then, P's car came rolling down the drive!
Yes, folks, my DH drove ALL NIGHT LONG to get home safely - of course he had called me when he hit the road Wed afternoon, but I just presumed he would stop O/N somewhere in the vicinity of Mississippi to break that 1000 mi journey. Does this fall into the True Love, or the Dogged Determination category??!!?? Perhaps a little of both...
It was a pleasant surprise, but threw my entire day's plans off-kilter. P was still fairly well-caffeinated, so we went to town to grocery shop, run a couple of errands, have a celebratory lunch... By mid-afternoon, both of us were starting to fade, so it was time for a nap. I had planned to take Z into town for his karate lesson as well as a planned sleepover w/a buddy, but he fell asleep in the car (something he NEVER does, proving his complete exhaustion). I should have just taken him straight back home for a decent night's rest; I have a bad feeling about perpetuating Z's exhaustion w/a sleepover, but as a lot of you well know, it's impossible to reason w/a teenager.
The upside is this left Z's waterbed free when my exhausted HUSBAND begain snoring last night, leading us back to my title! I could have also titled it: "When Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't NOBODY Happy!" I was thinking our joint Xmas gift might be a massage chair, but it OUGHT to be a new mattress. (I loved my old waterbed but had to give it up w/my thyroid issues, as I was slowly parboiling my husband!)
Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday (doesn't feel like much of one on the weekend, but that's the way it goes)!
Z & I were lounging around yesterday morning (another all-but-unimaginable luxury: a day in which I'm not tied to the tyranny of the clock!) - so here it was, 9:30-ish, & I noticed the dogs becoming agitated... No one was barking so I didn't pay much attention - then, P's car came rolling down the drive!
Yes, folks, my DH drove ALL NIGHT LONG to get home safely - of course he had called me when he hit the road Wed afternoon, but I just presumed he would stop O/N somewhere in the vicinity of Mississippi to break that 1000 mi journey. Does this fall into the True Love, or the Dogged Determination category??!!?? Perhaps a little of both...
It was a pleasant surprise, but threw my entire day's plans off-kilter. P was still fairly well-caffeinated, so we went to town to grocery shop, run a couple of errands, have a celebratory lunch... By mid-afternoon, both of us were starting to fade, so it was time for a nap. I had planned to take Z into town for his karate lesson as well as a planned sleepover w/a buddy, but he fell asleep in the car (something he NEVER does, proving his complete exhaustion). I should have just taken him straight back home for a decent night's rest; I have a bad feeling about perpetuating Z's exhaustion w/a sleepover, but as a lot of you well know, it's impossible to reason w/a teenager.
The upside is this left Z's waterbed free when my exhausted HUSBAND begain snoring last night, leading us back to my title! I could have also titled it: "When Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't NOBODY Happy!" I was thinking our joint Xmas gift might be a massage chair, but it OUGHT to be a new mattress. (I loved my old waterbed but had to give it up w/my thyroid issues, as I was slowly parboiling my husband!)
Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday (doesn't feel like much of one on the weekend, but that's the way it goes)!
Hard Choices
Saturday, December 24, 2011
...when Hubby is snoring, yet you're tucked all snug & warm in bed w/your two little dogs, it's hard to force yourself to move! So the last few hrs of last night were spent gently poking DH to get him to change position, retreating to the far corner of the bed, jamming earplugs deeper into my ears (instead of sugarplums, I was visualizing a nice set of those Bose noise-canceling headphones & wondering if I could possibly sleep in 'em). Ai yi yi, another not-so-restful night.
This morning "getting it over with" - I trudged to the scales like a condemned prisoner to find that my wacky metabolism has taken another roller-coaster swing: UP 4.2 lbs last week, DOWN 4.8 lbs this week (The Phantom Period never showed up, of course)... It's enough to make your head spin! Net loss of 2.0 lbs for my Challenge, but running 1 kg behind schedule (for a 5% loss I calculated I needed to lose 1.4 lbs/wk). S's OK - ANY loss is good; I entered into this Challenge with great skepticism anyway, but even if I only lose 5 lbs (2.5%) I'll be happy w/it. I'm going to just keep doin' what I've been doing: eating sensibly & consistent exercise.
A blog I've been following for some time for general inspiration is Miriam "Princess Dieter":
happyweightafter.blogspo
t.com/
She set herself the sane & sensible goal of peeling off 170 lbs in 2 yrs; to this date she's lost 120 by eating clean while reforming her body w/Pilates (but somehow I still haven't found the time to fit in a few sessions myself).
The rest of my household is up now, so I'd better get on w/the whirlwind of things that still need to be done on this Christmas Eve...Happy Holidays!
This morning "getting it over with" - I trudged to the scales like a condemned prisoner to find that my wacky metabolism has taken another roller-coaster swing: UP 4.2 lbs last week, DOWN 4.8 lbs this week (The Phantom Period never showed up, of course)... It's enough to make your head spin! Net loss of 2.0 lbs for my Challenge, but running 1 kg behind schedule (for a 5% loss I calculated I needed to lose 1.4 lbs/wk). S's OK - ANY loss is good; I entered into this Challenge with great skepticism anyway, but even if I only lose 5 lbs (2.5%) I'll be happy w/it. I'm going to just keep doin' what I've been doing: eating sensibly & consistent exercise.
A blog I've been following for some time for general inspiration is Miriam "Princess Dieter":
happyweightafter.blogspo
t.com/
She set herself the sane & sensible goal of peeling off 170 lbs in 2 yrs; to this date she's lost 120 by eating clean while reforming her body w/Pilates (but somehow I still haven't found the time to fit in a few sessions myself).
The rest of my household is up now, so I'd better get on w/the whirlwind of things that still need to be done on this Christmas Eve...Happy Holidays!
Mountains Out of Molehills...
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
...seems to be one of my not-so-hidden talents. My all-too-brief Xmas vacation sojourn w/my boy passed in an eyeblink; he had to go to his dad's yesterday. The court-designated time is noon but in years past we have made the exchange in the AM on the way to work - this year, however, I took a holiday & closed the clinic on Boxing Day (sometimes it's good to be the boss)
Christmas Day came & went & I had heard nothing from Ex; it was worrying me. Silence from that man usually means nothing good. We carried on as usual; picked up one of Z's buddies & took 'em to the movies Christmas evening (the boys saw Mission Improbable but I saw Sherlock Holmes, two thumbs up!). I had worked myself into a lather of apprehension; would the SOB show up on our doorstep Mon morning?!? but I refused to call him - it's not MY job to serve as his social secretary any more. In the end, I turned off phones & we turned in for the night. I took 1/6 of a sleeping pill so I actually slept fairly well!
Ex texted me about 11 o'clock but I didn't see it until almost 11:30... Turned out I had to make an emergency farm call, an errand of mercy to put down an elderly horse who had gone down & couldn't get up, so it was w/complete legitimacy that I replied to Ex, telling him I was near "W", I could swing around & meet him in "Y" when I got free. I even invited him to meet us for lunch (see, I DO remember some things from those hours of family therapy + the mandatory parenting classes we BOTH had to take ;-) ! In the end, as I expected, Ex did NOT join us for lunch, he came by the house & picked Z up a little before 2:30. We were both grateful for those 2.5 extra hrs of family time together - I only wish I hadn't have gotten so stressed out.
BREATHE, MOVE... It's still good advice. We got 2 XBox Kinect games for Xmas: UFC Fighter Trainer & Dance Central. I passed all 4 parts of the trainer fitness test except for push-ups w/A's; it's a good solid workout although the sensor was not picking up all of my (lightning fast) punches!
Christmas Day came & went & I had heard nothing from Ex; it was worrying me. Silence from that man usually means nothing good. We carried on as usual; picked up one of Z's buddies & took 'em to the movies Christmas evening (the boys saw Mission Improbable but I saw Sherlock Holmes, two thumbs up!). I had worked myself into a lather of apprehension; would the SOB show up on our doorstep Mon morning?!? but I refused to call him - it's not MY job to serve as his social secretary any more. In the end, I turned off phones & we turned in for the night. I took 1/6 of a sleeping pill so I actually slept fairly well!
Ex texted me about 11 o'clock but I didn't see it until almost 11:30... Turned out I had to make an emergency farm call, an errand of mercy to put down an elderly horse who had gone down & couldn't get up, so it was w/complete legitimacy that I replied to Ex, telling him I was near "W", I could swing around & meet him in "Y" when I got free. I even invited him to meet us for lunch (see, I DO remember some things from those hours of family therapy + the mandatory parenting classes we BOTH had to take ;-) ! In the end, as I expected, Ex did NOT join us for lunch, he came by the house & picked Z up a little before 2:30. We were both grateful for those 2.5 extra hrs of family time together - I only wish I hadn't have gotten so stressed out.
BREATHE, MOVE... It's still good advice. We got 2 XBox Kinect games for Xmas: UFC Fighter Trainer & Dance Central. I passed all 4 parts of the trainer fitness test except for push-ups w/A's; it's a good solid workout although the sensor was not picking up all of my (lightning fast) punches!
Redeeming Myself
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Well I decided to start my New Year off right - like a dedicated endurance rider instead of compliant hostess ;-)
My MIL arrived for her 1st visit in a lil over 2 yrs (she flew to PHX 1st, spent a week w/P's youngest brother, then came to DFW last Wed). Turned out I made absolutely the RIGHT decision, moving out of our downstairs master BR for her... She was diagnosed w/Parkinson's shortly after her last visit here & is growing increasingly frail. She has always been thin, now alarmingly so w/a pretty severe tremor despite medication.
(Trying to upload photo but obviously don't have the hang of it on this iPhone!)
Try try again - here we go:
Z & Granny watching the ice-skaters at the Galleria
I was afraid there would be great controversy about the master BR/guest room upstairs swap but once again it was another one of Val's imaginary mtns. (but you should have heard the caterwauling 6 or 7 yrs ago - P's folks accompanied us on campout; I insisted they take the big bed in motorhome, Z & I slept in bunk & I put P on couch... You'd have thought I was forcing poor darling to sleep out under the stars w/the ponies!)
I felt as if yesterday was my make-up ride for last month's failure... Originally I had registered for back-to-back 25-mi rides (gonna kick back & take it easy! ;-) but then my friend Deb couldn't make it Fri & I decided to be "productive" while racking up my 1st 50-miler of the 2012 season. (25 mi rides are tabulated in their own separate category; they are not considered "true endurance" by many old-timers, like me!)
This ranch puts on a nice event, but obviously the trails are limited: for the 50, one rides a 17-mi loop forward, then backwards, then one more time same as the 1st. I rode Loop 1 at a fairly fast clip w/a couple of friends until my L stirrup self-destructed about 15 mi in... I jiggled along awkwardly on my bouncing Baraq-o-rama for about 1.5 mi, then gave up & dismounted to lead him in (in that horrible deep sand, ugh!) for the last half- mile. Hey, there's MY exercise for the day ;-) ! But hey, I challenge anyone who might think that equestrian sports only exercise the HORSE to come check it out... Today I'm stiff & sore from the nape o' my neck to my sacroiliac - I can FEEL IT when I haven't done any competitive riding in a while! Hell I haven't ridden at ALL since 11/12; that tells you how low my mood has been.
I fell behind after that minor mishap & set out alone on Loop 2 & was soon joined by a slower-riding mother/daughter team whom I've known since my early days in endurance (this will be my 21st season). But about 3 mi from camp, Baraq decided he needed a walking break, so I lost another set of trail buddies. (it was an unseasonably warm 74 degrees yesterday, & most of the ponies had grown their winter coats. It's a miracle we didn't have to treat any metabolic issues.)
We slowed WAY down on that 3rd loop, walking most of it. Baraq was feeling sorely put upon since he HATES to be alone, & I wasn't feeling much better when I ran out of water... I had visions of my friends coming out to search for my desiccated carcass, so we kept moving, especially when we saw the buzzards circling overhead! Didn't hurt that I also tormented myself w/the thought of She Who Shall Not Be Named's delight in my failure (yep, she was there, w/out my Ex & obviously w/out my son).
We stumbled back into camp a little before 5 PM... unfortunately the caterer served spaghetti for dinner, so my New Year's Eve "feast" consisted of sliced turkey + pepper jack cheese, w/a single glass of wine! (honest to God). We tired puppies were in bed by 10 PM.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my Sparkfriends!!!
My MIL arrived for her 1st visit in a lil over 2 yrs (she flew to PHX 1st, spent a week w/P's youngest brother, then came to DFW last Wed). Turned out I made absolutely the RIGHT decision, moving out of our downstairs master BR for her... She was diagnosed w/Parkinson's shortly after her last visit here & is growing increasingly frail. She has always been thin, now alarmingly so w/a pretty severe tremor despite medication.
(Trying to upload photo but obviously don't have the hang of it on this iPhone!)
Try try again - here we go:
Z & Granny watching the ice-skaters at the Galleria
I was afraid there would be great controversy about the master BR/guest room upstairs swap but once again it was another one of Val's imaginary mtns. (but you should have heard the caterwauling 6 or 7 yrs ago - P's folks accompanied us on campout; I insisted they take the big bed in motorhome, Z & I slept in bunk & I put P on couch... You'd have thought I was forcing poor darling to sleep out under the stars w/the ponies!)
I felt as if yesterday was my make-up ride for last month's failure... Originally I had registered for back-to-back 25-mi rides (gonna kick back & take it easy! ;-) but then my friend Deb couldn't make it Fri & I decided to be "productive" while racking up my 1st 50-miler of the 2012 season. (25 mi rides are tabulated in their own separate category; they are not considered "true endurance" by many old-timers, like me!)
This ranch puts on a nice event, but obviously the trails are limited: for the 50, one rides a 17-mi loop forward, then backwards, then one more time same as the 1st. I rode Loop 1 at a fairly fast clip w/a couple of friends until my L stirrup self-destructed about 15 mi in... I jiggled along awkwardly on my bouncing Baraq-o-rama for about 1.5 mi, then gave up & dismounted to lead him in (in that horrible deep sand, ugh!) for the last half- mile. Hey, there's MY exercise for the day ;-) ! But hey, I challenge anyone who might think that equestrian sports only exercise the HORSE to come check it out... Today I'm stiff & sore from the nape o' my neck to my sacroiliac - I can FEEL IT when I haven't done any competitive riding in a while! Hell I haven't ridden at ALL since 11/12; that tells you how low my mood has been.
I fell behind after that minor mishap & set out alone on Loop 2 & was soon joined by a slower-riding mother/daughter team whom I've known since my early days in endurance (this will be my 21st season). But about 3 mi from camp, Baraq decided he needed a walking break, so I lost another set of trail buddies. (it was an unseasonably warm 74 degrees yesterday, & most of the ponies had grown their winter coats. It's a miracle we didn't have to treat any metabolic issues.)
We slowed WAY down on that 3rd loop, walking most of it. Baraq was feeling sorely put upon since he HATES to be alone, & I wasn't feeling much better when I ran out of water... I had visions of my friends coming out to search for my desiccated carcass, so we kept moving, especially when we saw the buzzards circling overhead! Didn't hurt that I also tormented myself w/the thought of She Who Shall Not Be Named's delight in my failure (yep, she was there, w/out my Ex & obviously w/out my son).
We stumbled back into camp a little before 5 PM... unfortunately the caterer served spaghetti for dinner, so my New Year's Eve "feast" consisted of sliced turkey + pepper jack cheese, w/a single glass of wine! (honest to God). We tired puppies were in bed by 10 PM.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my Sparkfriends!!!
Vitamin Y
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Well I managed to out-drink an incipient headache earlier today... I've read somewhere-or-other than most headaches can be traced to dehydration. (Maybe I shouldn't have had that big ol' iced coffee this AM but WHATEVER) I kept chugging along - drank 10 oz before & after my lunchtime workout to finally escape that uncomfortable squeezing sensation near the base of my skull.
I also reset my ticker to 600 min this month since I easily exceeded last month's goal of 500 min, go me! It's amazing how the habit feeds upon itself & the time seems to multiply, it's like MAGIC!!!
Of course I'm counting the elementary yoga sessions I've been doing each evening - it is really helping work out my residual stiffness & soreness from last weekend's ride, even though I have one last nagging loci of pain in my L sacroiliac. Went by the chiropractor today which was helpful, but I really think I can blame it on the Dropped Stirrup; it really torqued my lower back out of alignment for just the short time I had to rely solely upon my R stirrup for balance. I count it as a big "Win" that I've only taken 2 doses of "Vit I" (ibuprofen) - once on Sun, once on Mon - for this lower back pain of mine. The rest of the time, when it twinges I make a conscious effort to realign my posture, tighten my core, yadda yadda...
I won't say this past week has "flown by" w/my MIL's visit, but it hasn't been too exquisitely awkward & painful ;-) ! I'll tell ya, though, I will never for the life of me understand why visit at all if you're not going to have any conversation? Night after night mother & son sit side-by-side on the couch, each w/their own reading material & MIL possibly working on some knitting - ABSOLUTE SILENCE prevails! On Sun night, I was going stir-crazy - I offered television (no thanks) & fidgeted around until I finally escaped upstairs to do my yoga... What a lifesaver!
I also reset my ticker to 600 min this month since I easily exceeded last month's goal of 500 min, go me! It's amazing how the habit feeds upon itself & the time seems to multiply, it's like MAGIC!!!
Of course I'm counting the elementary yoga sessions I've been doing each evening - it is really helping work out my residual stiffness & soreness from last weekend's ride, even though I have one last nagging loci of pain in my L sacroiliac. Went by the chiropractor today which was helpful, but I really think I can blame it on the Dropped Stirrup; it really torqued my lower back out of alignment for just the short time I had to rely solely upon my R stirrup for balance. I count it as a big "Win" that I've only taken 2 doses of "Vit I" (ibuprofen) - once on Sun, once on Mon - for this lower back pain of mine. The rest of the time, when it twinges I make a conscious effort to realign my posture, tighten my core, yadda yadda...
I won't say this past week has "flown by" w/my MIL's visit, but it hasn't been too exquisitely awkward & painful ;-) ! I'll tell ya, though, I will never for the life of me understand why visit at all if you're not going to have any conversation? Night after night mother & son sit side-by-side on the couch, each w/their own reading material & MIL possibly working on some knitting - ABSOLUTE SILENCE prevails! On Sun night, I was going stir-crazy - I offered television (no thanks) & fidgeted around until I finally escaped upstairs to do my yoga... What a lifesaver!
The Stand
Friday, January 06, 2012
The one constant in life is change, & the sooner I get on board w/that, the better-off I'll be... Staying stuck in one position, keeping my head in the sand while obstinately trying to hold onto my comfortable lifestyle is NOT working.
I gave my boy a day off from school yesterday so we could escort Granny to the museum: I emailed all his teachers on Wed, they loaded him up w/his homework & all seemed right w/the world. Yesterday was a glorious mild winter day; it seemed that Mother Nature herself was smiling on my decisions - I think a good time was had by all.
I need to focus on those good times when I get into the bad stuff.
During the morning commute, Z needed to finish up a couple of math probs & then checked on a vocabulary project. Uh-oh - he presumed that teacher would give them an extension w/Monday's spelling bee coming up, but no - he had to finish his online worksheets by 4 PM TODAY. He started to panic.
I said, "It's OK, honey, I'll just tell your dad to pick you up at 4 o'clock, you can go to the (school) computer lab & finish it off." & I picked up my phone to do just that. M grumbled a bit but acquiesced... Then Z brought up the fact that school computers are slow, he'd be sure of finishing everything on time if he could just go over to Grandma's (my mom) after school & utilize her high-speed internet.
My brave boy took my phone: "I'll call Dad, I know he won't listen to you Mom." (Sad but true)
A$$hole had Z in tears w/in a couple of minutes - I couldn't stand it, I snatched the phone back & got an earful of my "manipulation" & "undermining behavior", interfering w/The Patriarch's sovereign visitation - bottom line, no, he would NOT allow Z to go to his grandparents' after school, he was just going to have to suck it up & accept the consequences of not planning ahead. Honestly, I did try to reason w/the man - after all, Z hadn't done one G-d-damned thing to deserve punishment, why does M think everything is all about HIM?!? but I finally lost my cool too & had to hang up on him.
I only had a few precious minutes left to try to restore my son's equanimity, release him to school in a better frame of mind, so I gave him a quick pep-rally talk about working better under pressure (just like his mom) & besides it wouldn't be the end of the world, ONE bad grade in Literature - he managed to pull himself together but I continued to boil w/repressed fury at his sire.
I've got no choice, I've GOT to explore Z's legal options. It's not fair for a young man his age to STILL have no say in the way his life is organized. For years we waited for that magical age of "12" only to find that the Great State of Texas has removed that option from the family law code. I may gain nothing more than a better child support settlement if we have to go back to court, but I can't just sit on the sidelines anymore, wringing my hands.
I gave my boy a day off from school yesterday so we could escort Granny to the museum: I emailed all his teachers on Wed, they loaded him up w/his homework & all seemed right w/the world. Yesterday was a glorious mild winter day; it seemed that Mother Nature herself was smiling on my decisions - I think a good time was had by all.
I need to focus on those good times when I get into the bad stuff.
During the morning commute, Z needed to finish up a couple of math probs & then checked on a vocabulary project. Uh-oh - he presumed that teacher would give them an extension w/Monday's spelling bee coming up, but no - he had to finish his online worksheets by 4 PM TODAY. He started to panic.
I said, "It's OK, honey, I'll just tell your dad to pick you up at 4 o'clock, you can go to the (school) computer lab & finish it off." & I picked up my phone to do just that. M grumbled a bit but acquiesced... Then Z brought up the fact that school computers are slow, he'd be sure of finishing everything on time if he could just go over to Grandma's (my mom) after school & utilize her high-speed internet.
My brave boy took my phone: "I'll call Dad, I know he won't listen to you Mom." (Sad but true)
A$$hole had Z in tears w/in a couple of minutes - I couldn't stand it, I snatched the phone back & got an earful of my "manipulation" & "undermining behavior", interfering w/The Patriarch's sovereign visitation - bottom line, no, he would NOT allow Z to go to his grandparents' after school, he was just going to have to suck it up & accept the consequences of not planning ahead. Honestly, I did try to reason w/the man - after all, Z hadn't done one G-d-damned thing to deserve punishment, why does M think everything is all about HIM?!? but I finally lost my cool too & had to hang up on him.
I only had a few precious minutes left to try to restore my son's equanimity, release him to school in a better frame of mind, so I gave him a quick pep-rally talk about working better under pressure (just like his mom) & besides it wouldn't be the end of the world, ONE bad grade in Literature - he managed to pull himself together but I continued to boil w/repressed fury at his sire.
I've got no choice, I've GOT to explore Z's legal options. It's not fair for a young man his age to STILL have no say in the way his life is organized. For years we waited for that magical age of "12" only to find that the Great State of Texas has removed that option from the family law code. I may gain nothing more than a better child support settlement if we have to go back to court, but I can't just sit on the sidelines anymore, wringing my hands.
Marking Time
Monday, January 09, 2012
...feels like my modus operandi these days. Friday's fiasco took a lot out of me (always does), & I've spent most of the weekend avoiding reality. Took MIL shopping on Sat, made my last dinner contribution (a great primal stew; I'll post a link) Sat night, sneaked out for a few hrs Sun AM to get in a ride on da mule, saw her off Sun afternoon; we returned home to reclaim our BR & start slogging through the laundry...
(I made my version w/stew meat & let it simmer an extra 25 min - the meat came out slightly tough but the flavors were DELISH! Next time I'm making it in the crock pot.)
thewildwomanproject.word
press.com/2012/01/02/indep
endence-day-soup-and-its-primal/
In my aimless web-surfing, I diagnosed myself w/a dread disease: "F**karounditis"
www.leangains.com/
(Uptight SP wouldn't let me post the direct link, so if you're interested in reading more about this epidemic, you must search from the main website!)
Certainly feels appropriate, since I've frittered away most of my Winter Challenge for a net GAIN of 1 lb! (Down 1.4, up 4.2, down 4.8, up 1.4, down 0.6) Wheeeee, welcome to my metabolism, it's like a friggin' rollercoaster! Although not NEARLY as exciting...
Now I have less than 3 wks to prove that I'm serious about CHANGE - at least where it concerns my body size. Otherwise at the end of Jan I will completely purge my closet of clothes which I'll never wear again (no more wishful thinking) & see about placing my scrawny Arab pony in a more suitable home. (One of my riding buddies thinks he's just the CUTEST thang - just wait till she rides him, she may feel differently ;-)
One bright spot in my current existence? is that She Who Shall Not Be Named failed to complete last weekend's tough 50-mi slog through the sand... Her poor lil' mare went lame. (Another funny story: when I mentioned this to Z, he told me how she has to chase this mare down on the four-wheeler, somehow she doesn't seem to enjoy her work too much! Now mine, OTOH, shove each other aside for the privilege of getting in the trailer & going places w/Momma...What does that tell you about our respective personalities?)
The weather has also done a 180 - from a mild, sunny, beautiful weekend to cold dreary rain today. Another piece of good news is the fact that DH has found a J*O*B; let's hope this contract runs longer than the last one (no offense, honey, I know things are tough all over)!
(I made my version w/stew meat & let it simmer an extra 25 min - the meat came out slightly tough but the flavors were DELISH! Next time I'm making it in the crock pot.)
thewildwomanproject.word
press.com/2012/01/02/indep
endence-day-soup-and-its-primal/
In my aimless web-surfing, I diagnosed myself w/a dread disease: "F**karounditis"
www.leangains.com/
(Uptight SP wouldn't let me post the direct link, so if you're interested in reading more about this epidemic, you must search from the main website!)
Certainly feels appropriate, since I've frittered away most of my Winter Challenge for a net GAIN of 1 lb! (Down 1.4, up 4.2, down 4.8, up 1.4, down 0.6) Wheeeee, welcome to my metabolism, it's like a friggin' rollercoaster! Although not NEARLY as exciting...
Now I have less than 3 wks to prove that I'm serious about CHANGE - at least where it concerns my body size. Otherwise at the end of Jan I will completely purge my closet of clothes which I'll never wear again (no more wishful thinking) & see about placing my scrawny Arab pony in a more suitable home. (One of my riding buddies thinks he's just the CUTEST thang - just wait till she rides him, she may feel differently ;-)
One bright spot in my current existence? is that She Who Shall Not Be Named failed to complete last weekend's tough 50-mi slog through the sand... Her poor lil' mare went lame. (Another funny story: when I mentioned this to Z, he told me how she has to chase this mare down on the four-wheeler, somehow she doesn't seem to enjoy her work too much! Now mine, OTOH, shove each other aside for the privilege of getting in the trailer & going places w/Momma...What does that tell you about our respective personalities?)
The weather has also done a 180 - from a mild, sunny, beautiful weekend to cold dreary rain today. Another piece of good news is the fact that DH has found a J*O*B; let's hope this contract runs longer than the last one (no offense, honey, I know things are tough all over)!
A Minor Relief
Thursday, January 12, 2012
...for my peace of mind came last night, when I painfully extracted my R foot from my shoe & saw a bruise at the base of my big toe. I honestly don't REMEMBER getting bruised, but what is most likely is that I banged my foot loading ponies in the horse trailer Sun morning, or one of my darlings struck my foot a glancing blow. Guess that's what I get for sneaking away from my hostess duties ;-)
I had taken it as a VERY bad omen when I hit the gym Tues for my 1st official training session for my next half (I'll get to it, don't worry!) & limped through my puny 2 mi half-crippled w/a deep ache centered in that 1st metatarsal joint... My friend Karen & I had just selected a "destination" half in NM for her 1st & my 7th:
nmcentennial.org/events/
new-mexico-texas-challenge
-centennial-marathon/
My Dallas RNR Half falls on 3/25 this year: my sole Z weekend for the month since his dad gets Spring Break, & I'm afraid asking him to train & do it w/me would be a bust just as it was last year (who would have time to train when he's away from home so much?). not to mention K needs a lil' more time to train as well (Who am I kidding? Odds are that she'll leave me panting in her wake, just like my old gym bud Maria, cranking out her 10-min mi but graciously waiting for me.)
Another cyber-friend whose blog I follow for inspiration swears by the Hanson training protocol, but that high mileage on an almost-daily basis would surely ruin my fragile feet. So I'll stick w/my good ol' tried & true RW program, relying on EOD running & probably just squeaking by as usual...
gymnotes.org/2012/01/07/
renewed-promise/#entry
Just look at that mileage! Of course Linda's training for a full marathon, but even the half calls for 6 d/wk running.
I overcame multiple self-destructive urges this morning (& it's barely 11 AM! ;-) to Stay On Plan (fasting until dinnertime today in penance for last night's pizza)... Even turned into the parking lot of my favorite local Tex-Mex but SAVED by the fact that they're no longer open for breakfast - joke's on you! Visited the big-box store, bought some bulk carrots & celery for juicing, came home to make myself a protein shake. I'm scheduled to weigh in Sat for my Winter Challenge but in between, I need to just stay the hell away from those scales! (Example: I only ate 2 slices of pizza last night, SCOUT'S HONOR! but my weight jumped up 1 lb. Yep, I know - sodium & gluten, my metabolic enemies)
I'm saddened when I read about my friends' constant struggles - the naturally thin (my ex-husband, for instance) can never truly understand our grim battle. I've accepted at this point in my life that I likely won't get below my '05 weight @ which I ran my 1st half (my weight was fluctuating between 200 - 205 then; I recall my HORROR at leaving Onederland!), but I'm going to concentrate on HEALTH above all else. The rest will fall into place as it may.
I had taken it as a VERY bad omen when I hit the gym Tues for my 1st official training session for my next half (I'll get to it, don't worry!) & limped through my puny 2 mi half-crippled w/a deep ache centered in that 1st metatarsal joint... My friend Karen & I had just selected a "destination" half in NM for her 1st & my 7th:
nmcentennial.org/events/
new-mexico-texas-challenge
-centennial-marathon/
My Dallas RNR Half falls on 3/25 this year: my sole Z weekend for the month since his dad gets Spring Break, & I'm afraid asking him to train & do it w/me would be a bust just as it was last year (who would have time to train when he's away from home so much?). not to mention K needs a lil' more time to train as well (Who am I kidding? Odds are that she'll leave me panting in her wake, just like my old gym bud Maria, cranking out her 10-min mi but graciously waiting for me.)
Another cyber-friend whose blog I follow for inspiration swears by the Hanson training protocol, but that high mileage on an almost-daily basis would surely ruin my fragile feet. So I'll stick w/my good ol' tried & true RW program, relying on EOD running & probably just squeaking by as usual...
gymnotes.org/2012/01/07/
renewed-promise/#entry
Just look at that mileage! Of course Linda's training for a full marathon, but even the half calls for 6 d/wk running.
I overcame multiple self-destructive urges this morning (& it's barely 11 AM! ;-) to Stay On Plan (fasting until dinnertime today in penance for last night's pizza)... Even turned into the parking lot of my favorite local Tex-Mex but SAVED by the fact that they're no longer open for breakfast - joke's on you! Visited the big-box store, bought some bulk carrots & celery for juicing, came home to make myself a protein shake. I'm scheduled to weigh in Sat for my Winter Challenge but in between, I need to just stay the hell away from those scales! (Example: I only ate 2 slices of pizza last night, SCOUT'S HONOR! but my weight jumped up 1 lb. Yep, I know - sodium & gluten, my metabolic enemies)
I'm saddened when I read about my friends' constant struggles - the naturally thin (my ex-husband, for instance) can never truly understand our grim battle. I've accepted at this point in my life that I likely won't get below my '05 weight @ which I ran my 1st half (my weight was fluctuating between 200 - 205 then; I recall my HORROR at leaving Onederland!), but I'm going to concentrate on HEALTH above all else. The rest will fall into place as it may.
Hard-headedness
Friday, January 13, 2012
I am SO SICK & TIRED of being stuck in the same yo-yo pattern; my metabolic setpoint seems to be so ultra-sensitive that I no longer have the luxury of that fleeting "You look great, how much weight have you lost?" window...
I've been playing fast & loose w/Sisson & Wolf's "80% Rule" ("Get it right 80% of the time") - but if I were brutally honest w/myself, that would likely be closer to 60/40 - i.e. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Those measly two slices of pizza I ate Wed night triggered horrendous cravings which I've mostly avoided - but why oh why do I punish myself by having to resort to these white-knuckle methods?!? IT'S THE CARBS STUPID.
"- the time I spent dallying with carbohydrates over the previous couple of weeks has reinvigorated my long dormant urge to eat even more carbs" - this excerpt from Dr Eades blog, a great post which I would do well to take heed of:
www.proteinpower.com/drm
ike/weight-loss/resolving-
to-diet-in-2012/
I can already tell that gluten does bad things to me: I belch, I fart, I suffer reflux & indigestion. My abdomen is bloated & uncomfortable; my clothes fit poorly. I'm going back to read all of Dr Eades helpful hints in this week's blog to see if anything penetrates my thick skull... I feel as if I could only rack up a few decent days, my improved vitality would give me the impetus to keep the change going. There's light at the end of the tunnel & I must strain to reach it.
I've been playing fast & loose w/Sisson & Wolf's "80% Rule" ("Get it right 80% of the time") - but if I were brutally honest w/myself, that would likely be closer to 60/40 - i.e. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Those measly two slices of pizza I ate Wed night triggered horrendous cravings which I've mostly avoided - but why oh why do I punish myself by having to resort to these white-knuckle methods?!? IT'S THE CARBS STUPID.
"- the time I spent dallying with carbohydrates over the previous couple of weeks has reinvigorated my long dormant urge to eat even more carbs" - this excerpt from Dr Eades blog, a great post which I would do well to take heed of:
www.proteinpower.com/drm
ike/weight-loss/resolving-
to-diet-in-2012/
I can already tell that gluten does bad things to me: I belch, I fart, I suffer reflux & indigestion. My abdomen is bloated & uncomfortable; my clothes fit poorly. I'm going back to read all of Dr Eades helpful hints in this week's blog to see if anything penetrates my thick skull... I feel as if I could only rack up a few decent days, my improved vitality would give me the impetus to keep the change going. There's light at the end of the tunnel & I must strain to reach it.
Frenemies
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
...should be my new term for those "food" items of dubious nutritional value w/which I continually sabotage myself: the pizza, ice cream, cookies, & chips (i.e. gluten & refined carbs)
Now I must add alcohol to that list - Sat night I had a measly TWO glasses of red wine, not even enough to get a decent buzz on, since I was sipping throughout the evening as we played a board game**. Sun AM I woke up w/that miserable foggy-headed not-quite-a-hangover feeling that dogged me well into the afternoon. SO not worth it!
**It was a Monopoly marathon w/my boy & his friend: Sat night we played our UK version "Cornwall Challenge" (a gift from my MIL; it's like a trip down memory lane for Hubby since the properties represented are real entities in & around his hometown... The problem is it drags on interminably; we generally call a halt when we get bored & whomever has the most assets wins - in this case Z's friend Josef!)
boardgamegeek.com/boardg
ame/19405/cornwall-challenge
Sun AM around the breakfast table, Z bragged that he would have beaten us all at REGULAR Monopoly, so what else could I do? We set up our "Indiana Jones" Monopoly & played until we were too late to make it to church (oops)... I acquired the high-rent properties which are the equiv of Broadway & Park Place & bankrupted Josef & my hubby; Z & I finished the rest of our game that evening. (Yes, Mom finally won & I'm sorry to say the boys were MUCH better sports about losing than my husband!)
boardgamegeek.com/boardg
ame/35254/monopoly-indiana
-jones
Somewhere we also have the "Nintendo" edition of Monopoly & my parents still have an original 1952 edition; it's well-worn but might be worth something to a serious collector?
Of course it's easier to babble on about distractions like this, than focusing on my self-destructive impulses. Today I'm hydrating myself past an MSG headache (my boy requested Panda Express last night but I should have made a better choice for myself), & I've set up a Longhorn beef pot roast for tonight's dinner... The more reading I do, I'm convinced that I need to just STAY AWAY from restaurant food. Big duh.
Now I must add alcohol to that list - Sat night I had a measly TWO glasses of red wine, not even enough to get a decent buzz on, since I was sipping throughout the evening as we played a board game**. Sun AM I woke up w/that miserable foggy-headed not-quite-a-hangover feeling that dogged me well into the afternoon. SO not worth it!
**It was a Monopoly marathon w/my boy & his friend: Sat night we played our UK version "Cornwall Challenge" (a gift from my MIL; it's like a trip down memory lane for Hubby since the properties represented are real entities in & around his hometown... The problem is it drags on interminably; we generally call a halt when we get bored & whomever has the most assets wins - in this case Z's friend Josef!)
boardgamegeek.com/boardg
ame/19405/cornwall-challenge
Sun AM around the breakfast table, Z bragged that he would have beaten us all at REGULAR Monopoly, so what else could I do? We set up our "Indiana Jones" Monopoly & played until we were too late to make it to church (oops)... I acquired the high-rent properties which are the equiv of Broadway & Park Place & bankrupted Josef & my hubby; Z & I finished the rest of our game that evening. (Yes, Mom finally won & I'm sorry to say the boys were MUCH better sports about losing than my husband!)
boardgamegeek.com/boardg
ame/35254/monopoly-indiana
-jones
Somewhere we also have the "Nintendo" edition of Monopoly & my parents still have an original 1952 edition; it's well-worn but might be worth something to a serious collector?
Of course it's easier to babble on about distractions like this, than focusing on my self-destructive impulses. Today I'm hydrating myself past an MSG headache (my boy requested Panda Express last night but I should have made a better choice for myself), & I've set up a Longhorn beef pot roast for tonight's dinner... The more reading I do, I'm convinced that I need to just STAY AWAY from restaurant food. Big duh.
Shame & Humiliation
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Everything was going SWIMMINGLY on my 2-mi "easy run" on gym TM this AM (yes, on Thurs - my day off - I can actually work out in the MORNING as most experts recommend).
Then, with only 2 min left to go, an overwhelming urge to empty my bladder hit me; I had to jump off & walk stiffly to the bathroom. Yes, Virginia, there was major leakage involved.
I can't quite figure it out - was it my iced coffee? Damn, I hate to give up that minor luxury. Really nothing else varied from the norm. A similar episode happened to me several yrs ago when I was out on the Kiest Park trail; I had to scurry into the bushes. I blamed that episode on over-hydration... I'm generally careful to void before my workout (which I had done today), so go figure.
So now I'm soaking in a warm bath, getting ready to wash gym clothes w/lots o'bleach... No harm done except to my fragile psyche ;-)
& Jenn, my program is a Runner's World training app for the iPhone, very simple & straightforward. I bet you can access it thru their website too. You enter your pace & calculate # of weeks until your event (the app goes up to 16 wks out) & it lays out a nice neat schedule for ya. 89 d out for me now!
Then, with only 2 min left to go, an overwhelming urge to empty my bladder hit me; I had to jump off & walk stiffly to the bathroom. Yes, Virginia, there was major leakage involved.
I can't quite figure it out - was it my iced coffee? Damn, I hate to give up that minor luxury. Really nothing else varied from the norm. A similar episode happened to me several yrs ago when I was out on the Kiest Park trail; I had to scurry into the bushes. I blamed that episode on over-hydration... I'm generally careful to void before my workout (which I had done today), so go figure.
So now I'm soaking in a warm bath, getting ready to wash gym clothes w/lots o'bleach... No harm done except to my fragile psyche ;-)
& Jenn, my program is a Runner's World training app for the iPhone, very simple & straightforward. I bet you can access it thru their website too. You enter your pace & calculate # of weeks until your event (the app goes up to 16 wks out) & it lays out a nice neat schedule for ya. 89 d out for me now!
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