Absolving myself of the guilt from lazing around yesterday - treating Sunday like a true “day of rest”. My sole accomplishments were laundering my bed clothes (including the mattress pad) & clearing the kitchen counter of junk mail so it’s actually a usable surface. My subconscious rewarded me with a pleasant dream about my mother early this morning (I awakened at 5 AM but stayed in bed dozing lightly since I didn’t want to disturb mah little dogs!), even as the guilt over my increasingly rare visits towers over me like a tidal wave…
Z’s relationship seems to be in the ICU after what he described to me as “cheating”, which he later explained was “emotional but not physical” on V’s part. That roller coaster whipsaws around the tracks - they went on Z’s mini-birthday trip back to Vegas (6/06 - 09). Z had to hop a plane for a business trip to Midland Wed & Thurs, but started texting me as he was boarding his plane Thursday evening that he was “done”; he was coming home to evict V & be done with it. Yet they reconciled & immediately took another tiny staycation at a downtown Dallas hotel Fri & Sat. I met them for an early dinner Saturday to give Zach his belated birthday gifts - but most of all I wanted to see him with my own eyes to assess the situation. Z looked pale & haggard, but in a few brief moments I got w/him when Ms V went to the ladies room, he swore things were alright & they were trying to work it out.
Barely four months in & this prognosis appears grave to me... Of course I cannot fix these issues for my son, all I can do is "be here" as a semi-neutral sounding board. I carried on with my plans to ride w/Julz at the beautiful Wyatt Ranch Sat morning. I can only pray that Zach might experience the therapeutic benefits of a nice ride sometime soon.
Oh, dear, the mother in us never stops, does it? I do hope things work out for your Z! I woke from a dream in the night with a voice on a phone that I first identified as my brother (gone sine 2019) and then corrected myself on the identification as my son. The phone call was inside the dream, mind you, but it stuck with me into my waking time. "Voices from beyond" is something I've experienced at rare moments in my life. I'll feel better once I confirm son is OK, but I'll also note the time in case it was one of those "wake in the night as an alert to pray" things. Sorry, I have gone down the rabbit hole there!
ReplyDeleteGlad you took a day of rest, and glad you are not guilting yourself over it! We all need those. Hang in there!
It's strange - my dear departed friend Charles was a big believer in prophetic dreams & he had some that were doozies!
DeleteI just came across a dream journal for Jungian-style investigation & I'm strongly tempted to buy it...
Ditto to OKM. No guilt for your me-time. When do you really do something for you?
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