Christmas & Post-Xmas Photos

 

                                              I wouldn't advise you to accept a drink from this young man

                                                     I'm already a little starey-eyed from that drink!

                                             Victoria's Cousin Julia, Zach & Victoria

                                                   Julz & Tobias tackle the bridge (Twoie did it too!)

                                                     Twoie, Silas & Heather

The Homestretch

 Just when I’m ready to delete that ol’ social media which wastes too much of my precious irreplaceable time, I come across some profundities - food for thought as I creak around, slowly & painfully, with dreadful awareness of my own mortality:

When I turned 67, I sat in my favorite chair, looked back at my life, and whispered to myself,

“So… this is the beginning of the final stretch.”

And slowly, the truths I had avoided all my life began to surface.

Kids? They’re busy writing their own story.

Health? Slips away faster than sand through open fingers.

The government? Just headlines, promises, and numbers that never change your daily reality.

Aging doesn’t hurt your body first — it hurts your illusions.

So I sat down with myself and carved out a handful of bitter but necessary truths.

⸻

Kids don’t save you from loneliness

Children grow, life pulls them in every direction, and you become a memory they visit when time allows.

You smile… and yet something inside you remains strangely hollow.

Kids bring joy — but they are not a shield against loneliness.

⸻

Health is not forever

One day, the outings you once jumped into with enthusiasm feel like a marathon.

You realize health was never a background character —

it was the main pillar holding your life steady.

⸻

Retirement and money

Retirement is not a reward — it’s a reality check.

Depending on the system is like standing on thin ice.

Bills grow, needs grow, prices grow… but support doesn't. 

⸻

So I rebuilt my life on new rules — honest, sharp, practical rules for living with dignity.

⸻

Rule 1: Money is more reliable than anything else. 

Love your kids, cherish them —

but don’t make them your retirement plan.

Save for yourself.

Even small savings create big freedom.

Financial independence is dignity.

⸻

Rule 2: Your health is your real job

Nothing else matters if your body refuses to cooperate.

Move. Walk. Stretch.

Guard your sleep like treasure.

Eat cleaner. Reduce the poison disguised as sugar and salt.

Illness doesn’t discriminate,

but it respects those who take responsibility for themselves.

⸻

Rule 3: Create your own joy

Waiting for others to make you happy is the fastest way to heartbreak.

So you learn to enjoy the small things —

a peaceful breakfast, a good book, music that warms the soul.

When you know how to make yourself happy, loneliness loses its power.

⸻

Rule 4: Aging is not an excuse to become helpless

Some people turn aging into a performance of complaints.

And slowly, even those who love them start stepping away.

Strength is attractive.

Resilience is magnetic.

People respect the ones who stay capable, not the ones who surrender.

⸻

Rule 5: Let go of the past

The good old days were beautiful — yes.

But they’re gone, and there is no return ticket.

Clinging to the past steals the present.

Life today may look different, but it still holds moments worth living.

⸻

Rule 6: Protect your peace like it’s your property

Not every argument needs your voice.

Not every insult needs your response.

Not every relative deserves access to your emotions.

Peace is expensive.

Protect it from drama, negativity, and draining people —

even if they're your close ones. 

⸻

Rule 7: Keep learning something — anything

The day you stop learning is the day you start aging.

A new recipe, a new word, a new app, a new hobby —

your brain needs movement just like your body does.

Learning keeps you young.

Stagnation makes you old.

⸻

Strength and freedom still belong to you

Aging is an exam no one can take for you.

You can adapt, rebuild, and rise stronger…

or sit back, complain, and wait for someone to rescue you.

And if ....

No one comes to rescue you ....

Stand up for yourself ...

Because  you still can.. 

And that single truth is enough to transform the rest of your life.

Unknown author

And there are horses. You can always find a horse that needs you as much as you need them.

-- Ruella Yates

Foofaraw

New vocabulary word for me: I’ve followed therapist Ann Koplow’s blog for several years now, each day she posts a “word of contemplation” => Foofaraw: A great deal of fuss or attention given to a minor matter

A 5 mile ride is hardly worth hitching the trailer up for, but I am proud of myself nevertheless for “getting ‘er done”: introducing Heather to Mr Reliable, good ol’ Silas… I had to move slowly, I had to take lots of ibuprofen**, but once I was astride Twoie, things weren’t bad at all. We ambled around in fresh air & sunshine on the familiar trails of Bear Creek Nature Preserve for an enjoyable hour & a half.

I think everyone is under the mistaken impression that here in Texas, we can just ride in open space for miles & miles wherever we want, but in reality, access to trails is quite limited. A lot of land is under private ownership, & there are only a handful of state parks that allow equestrian use. I know I posted about the loss of our beloved Pole Canyon ride in the Panhandle when that ranch was sold - Caprock Canyon State Park (about 12 mi away w/similar beautiful scenery) allows trail riding, but there’s only about 12 miles of trails so that’s not enough to put on an endurance event.

** last Saturday we trekked up to LBJ Grasslands N of Decatur for a very pleasant trail ride with my buddies. Unfortunately, in an outstanding example of poor judgment, I loped up to some boulders which I knew were problematic & Twoie unceremoniously unloaded me on the ground. I probably have some cracked ribs on my right side, but naught can be done except take my pain medicine & soldier on…

So it’s been a rough Christmas week, my friends! 

I was grateful I didn’t have to do a whole lot - we went over to Victoria‘s grandparents for Christmas dinner, where Adela had prepped a Tex-Mex feast of tamales, beans & rice, and nopales (sautéed cactus)

My son tried to poison me with a very large, very stiff drink - his own version of a White Russian 😳 - I will post photos as soon as I can.

Quick Photo Dump

 

Very pleased with my son's selection of our new couch - looks like that college investment is paying off ;-)

Last Saturday's ride - I am more conscious of my posture when riding with Sharon, since she's always got her camera out! I was leading out as "scout" so all photos were from the rear (I joked around that everyone got a good look at Baraq's butt since, in typical Arabian fashion, he carries his tail cocked up

& this is an artistic shot that Kristy took of Moonie, silhouetted against the setting sun the other night. She had asked me if Bo was out & I had to tell her that dear Bo has been dead & buried for a year & a half - that's Mr Moonie! So I made her a photo collage with everyone's name:

Obviously I need a recent photo of Katie-mule, but for now dear Silas gets 2 squares!

9 Days of Xmas

 Once again, I’ve “messed around” as the last hectic week-before-Christmas barrels down upon me as I stagger around, feeling like a hideous underachiever… Gingerly patting the painful stye under my R eye, the scarlet “S” serving as a symbol of my stress. In years past, my eyelid would fester during periods of upheaval w/my ex-husband, the ordinary week-to-week aggravations as well as the tumultuous legal battles. Fortunately those times are behind me, but as the immortal Rosanne Rosannadanna says “It’s  always something!” These days I have the financial pit I continue to dig my way out of: my decimated retirement account, back taxes, regulatory red tape, and the ever-present challenge of keeping my skills relevant, clinic equipment up-to-date, staff motivated, etc. I went ahead & bought a therapeutic laser to stay abreast of the latest treatment modalities. (The sales rep demo’d it on the sore knuckles of my R hand; initially it intensified the aching stiffness, but today it seems better. Perhaps I’m confounding its benefits with part of the normal healing process in the hand I slammed against my stairwell banister 3 wks ago, but research & anecdotal reports from my colleagues have been favorable, so W-T-H!)

Watching one of the best Season 1 episodes of Star Trek tonight: “The Enemy Within”, where Captain Kirk is split into his good & evil halves by a malfunctioning transporter. No one is coming along to rescue me or to “make that decision”. I seem to lack my own strength of will to make any serious changes in my diet & exercise habits. I am dismayed by my physical deterioration but even more so by my mental lapses. I will awaken in the middle of the night profoundly disoriented, taking several minutes to realize where I am in the calendar - no doubt the reason for my clumsy stairwell fall. Obviously I’ll keep going until I can no longer function, there’s no other path. My receptionist’s eldest daughter Bayli has her admissions interview for the Texas Tech school of veterinary medicine tomorrow, but that still gives me 4 more years to survive until she graduates. Let me post another excerpt from Dr Deb, which both boosters my resolve & explains why I am unlikely to recruit help from any of my other young colleagues - not in today’s climate!

“I was always very easily triggered when I was young, shoot, I was easily triggered up until about four years ago.  Going through the sheer lies and fear mongering of covid forced me to really look inward as to why I felt like I did and why I was so offended at people who thought differently.  Thankfully for the past few years I have become an avid podcast listener and I have invested some of my time in listening to messages on how and why we think and feel and where those thoughts and feelings come from inside of us and I have been able to get rid of a lot of trash in my head.  Let me tell you something, getting to the place where you can read someones opinion that is opposite of yours and shrugging your mental shoulders and saying to yourself that that is an interesting view and then letting it go, that is a great place!

I wrote a post about how I feel we have gotten lost in veterinary medicine. We have gotten lost to the blinding lights of money and the notion that less is better.   I wrote about how I choose to make myself better and push myself to be better so that I can help more animals at a price that people can afford because I went into veterinary medicine to save animals, not turn them away to go home and suffer.  There were so many people who were very kind and generous with their comments and then there started to come the younger vet crowd with their anger and accusations.  If I take all the angry comments and upset comments and messages and boil it down it becomes obvious that the lie of work life balance has infiltrated the minds of young people to where they do not realize that work is not the enemy but rather what life is all about.

If you are a stay at home mom, you work your ever loving ass off taking care of your house and your kids.  My mom was a stay at home mom and it was not an easy job.  Shoot, I work like I do so that I can pay someone to clean my house because I hate cleaning house and doing laundry.  I loved my kids but I worked hard so that I could hire a nanny to watch them while I worked because taking care of small children is harder than working hard and I didn’t like it.   Work is not the enemy, work is what defines joy and happiness in life.  

One commenter typed out how I must not have spent time with my kids and how I have horses and I must not get to enjoy them because I am working 60+ hours a week.  She is wrong.  When my kids were young, I worked and then I spent all the rest of my time with my kids.  I never did the “I deserve a break” bullshit, I made those two heathen children and it was my job to take care of them.  I worked to provide for us and then I spent all the rest of my time with them.  When my son played sports, I was there not only for every game, no matter how far I had to drive but for every practice as well.  I was home every night and not out with the girls doing grown up things spending time away from my kids.  I bathed them and showered them and laid next to them for a very long time until they fell asleep.  I invested my life into my kids because they were a choice that I made to have just like my career.

The end of every day I go out and feed the horses and walk through them and rub the bellies of the pregnant mares and talk to the babies inside.  I walk around them and love on the now weanlings and talk to them and let them take away the stress that has been building up for the day.  On the weekends I sit with them and watch them and learn from them and allow them to heal the broken parts inside of me when possible.  We all get the same 24 hours every day, the only difference is how we choose to invest it.  It is that investment that is going to grow and produce fruit in the future.  If you are not actually working at growing good things, better things for yourself and your family, you have a problem and your bitterness towards those of us who know that it is hard work that allows one to enjoy life, is on you. 

Here is the thing, if your way, if your thoughts, if your opinion on work is really the best way, why do you care what us old people say about work?  If your thoughts and opinions are truth for you,  it shouldn’t bother you that we have a different truth for us!  If your life is really so great why do you even care what we write or say?  The real truth is that many people are miserable and that is why they keep spending more money and looking for more time off thinking that it is work that is making them miserable when the actual truth is it is their lack of worth ethic that is making them miserable.  

I listened to a podcast with Andrew Huberman and Twyla Tharp who is a ballet superstar that I know nothing about because I know nothing about dance but that woman is in her 80s and still going to the gym every day for two hours and still deeply involved in the world of dance and she had so many thoughts about hard work and the joy that it brings.   At 80+ years of age she is a force to be reckoned with and while her life has never been easy you can hear the joy in her words as she talks about what she did and how she does and what she has accomplished.  It is hard works that brings that to any life!  

If you are trying to get out of work and escape the anxiety of pressure because it feels like it is too much, it is not the job or your boss or your career, it is you!  You are weak and you are unwilling to do what it takes to be stronger so you are looking for excuses to do less instead of pushing yourself to become better.  You are mad at people like me because we shine a light on your weakness and you don’t like it.  You try to tear us down instead of working to build yourself up and get better.  You do not have to be like me but you should damn sure want to be the best you that you can be and you will never find that only working the bare minimum and expecting everyone else to do the same so you feel better about yourself.   Work is not the problem, mental weakness is the problem.  The lies told to you by the people who want to control you are the problem.

If you want to feel better about who you are and what you do, stop giving in to the fear of not being good enough and do the hard work to get better!  It isn’t fun!  Life isn’t about fun, it is about the legacy that you leave behind you when you die.   The people we admire and respect the most are the people who didn’t look for excuses to not do something but rather pushed through the fear and the anxiety and hardness and got better and did better.“

Little Green Men

 Here I perch, between the horns of my latest dilemma: I’ve been using MFP for my minor dopamine hits, logging in & posting on a couple of groups (it’s always been counterproductive for me to log my meals, it seems to trigger reflexive snacking!)

Occasional friend requests pop up - I will generally approve them, because what the heck? (Several of my old SparkFriends have died, life is short, etc etc) My last half-a-dozen or so have all been from men, which I found a little unusual since my profile picture is my mule! Several have messaged me & when they found out I am married, I never hear from them again. Cool cool cool - I get that some of these dudes might be trolling for something more than a workout/nutritional buddy… seems like an odd tool to use instead of a dating app, but what do I know??

But this one guy started messaging me & has not stopped - he claims to be an Army guy stationed in Iraq. (Yes, Virginia, I also realize that some of these catfishers can make up elaborate backstories, but nothing he’s told me has sent up red flags (yet!)

Hubby butt-dialed my ex-husband last week, & in making some awkward small talk, he learned that Zach’s stepbrother Alex is completing basic training at Fort Moore in Georgia. The Army in reality may be the best possible placement for Alex: for Uncle Sam to direct every aspect of his life & help him figure things out. I found his new Facebook account & sent a friend request but he promptly blocked me. I told Robert (my new MFP friend) a few “highlights” (so to speak; even if it was more like a carousel, whirling round & round!) of the Alex saga. He claims to be a single dad of a 12 & 15-year-old after losing his wife to leukemia… I haven’t asked where these kids are - if he’s in Iraq, they must be with grandparents or other family in the States??

I realize as I type this, that should be my next question to see if his story remains consistent. Also need to check the time differential, since he’s been very prompt in replying to messages - there again, he could be an insomniac who sleeps with his phone (like Yours Truly!) Looks like a 9-hr difference (almost 11 AM here, almost 8 PM there)

So far no requests for money, just suggesting we move to WhatsApp or Google chat - I’m not too sure about that! Maybe Val’s normal suspicions are still functioning adequately…

In other news, my trail riding crew got together for a long-overdue pleasure ride yesterday. Tony rode Twoie while I piloted Baraq as our “scout”. We had perfect mild 65° weather, right before another cold front blew in last night - this morning it’s 34° with a stiff wind that makes it feel like 24°… Zach was going to bring one of his old college buddies out to ride today but I think they are opting out!

Addendum: yes, the kids opted out, I bundled up to go back down to the barn & let the ponies out. Baraq was shivering a little bit this morning, but I gave them all hay & he seems to be fine now (there’s a reason we called them “hay burners” - not only does good hay cost a pretty penny these days, the digestive process helps keep my little furballs warm) I won’t break out the horse blankets unless we have an ice storm or some such!

But for a little more feel-good news: yesterday was one of the biggest crowds I’ve seen at the trailhead outside of an organized event. I think everyone was anxious to get a ride before the bad weather blew in! But two little old ladies pulled in not long after we did - I would’ve judged them to be late 60’s - early 70’s? We were waiting around for a latecomer, so we watched as they brushed & saddled up to head out on their own trail ride… Caught a glimpse of them going up the fence line after we got through the first gate but we turned off into the woods to take a more challenging trail. We rode for about 2.5 hrs, covering 8.5 miles of trail - & as we were unsaddling, here came the little old ladies again. The older one of the pair was having a little bit of trouble dismounting,  so I trotted over  to help - she was short while her horse was tall & very round, but she worked things out by the time I got there. Her mare was an absolute angel, standing rock solid! Maybe I’ll buy me a horse that good one day 😉. It only took Baraq several months & about 350 trail miles before he learned to stand still & let me get my toe in the stirrup! I had despaired that I was going to need a valet for his entire career, but he can still spook at a scary-looking piece of deadwood! As long as I can still saddle my own horse, you’ll still see me out there…

Photo dump later…

Serious but not Dedicated

 How I miss our old SparkPeople website! I have been spending quite a bit of time on MyFitnessPal but it’s just not the same…

A friend has established her “group” there, which seems to consist of just the two of us - a few other MFP’ers have popped in, but nobody seems to hang around. It is likely that we are quite boring & neither one of us has made significant progress - but hey, maintenance counts for something, doesn’t it?!?

Watching clips of my ancient home videos makes me sad - in my 20’s & 30’s, I was about 40 lbs less than I am now, & yet I thought I was gargantuan… My stated goal when I joined SP was to get down to my pre-thyroidectomy weight, which was 175, 20 lbs less than what I am today. I’ve been stuck on this little plateau between 190-195 for almost 5 yrs now - “serious but not dedicated” is how my friend described us; that hit me like a cold bucket of water! The truth hurts & all that…

I did go to visit my mother yesterday, timing it just right with our tray of cookies as they were finishing up lunch! Yes, she knew me & yes, she seemed pleased to see me (no recriminations, she seems to be past those emotions) but she was incapable of carrying on conversation, & after less than an hour of my monologue of current events, she grew restive - fiddling with ribbons on her wheelchair & finally trying to pick debris off one of the wheels until I asked her to please stop, she was going to hurt herself… She’s  maneuvering quite well now, pulling herself along with her feet in her wheelchair. She escorted us to the elevator & that was that. I had taken her a new pack of cushy socks that she seemed to like, & a couple of Christmas decorations for her room. Merry Effin’ Christmas, as we like to exclaim to one another!

Symptom Checker

 Thanksgiving weekend was fairly miserable for me from a mental health standpoint - outside of the minor dopamine hit of “doing what I’d said I would do” as far as making all my side dishes & transporting them to Irving. It felt like the pilgrimage of the Magi, only bearing food instead of frankincense & myrrh! Cornbread dressing, deviled eggs, spicy Chex mix, apple & pecan pies… (both the pies were store-bought so it isn’t as if I could take any particular credit for labor)

But boy oh boy, talk about Black Friday - that described my mood to a T!!! The weather was chilly but beautiful on Friday, but when I can’t even roust myself to go for a ride, that tells you how deep & dark my depression is…

Part of it may be my prolonged recovery from my fall (aka “home bone density test”) - my right ankle remains edematous, stiff & painful as is my R hand, although I’m still walking & reasonably functional - I don’t think I’ve broken or torn anything. It must be some lymphatic damage; I’m using my vibration plate in small doses to try to stimulate healing. (I ought to be standing on it right now, but instead I’m sitting in the recliner with little dogs on my lap - they are also a healing force!) A bonus injury was discovered as the lower medial quadrant of my L breast has turned the lovely colors of deep bruising - obviously I mashed her up on the staircase, but didn’t notice at the time with my other injuries distracting me…

I continue to avoid visiting my mother; I just haven’t been able to face it since her birthday which, God help me, was 10 weeks ago. “No news is good news” I suppose. And, speaking of estranged mothers & daughters, my cousin Gina just moved back to Texas after living in California for the past 15 yrs or so. Her parents are my “surrogate brother” Clifford (my dad’s big sister’s middle son, his favorite nephew) & his wife Marilyn - Marilyn almost died after giving birth to Gina & favoritism towards her elder sister was always apparent. I also got a low-key “gaydar” vibe from Gina, which would not go over well in that fundamentalist branch of our family, so I completely understood her reasons for moving away.

I don’t know if she’s returned because of her mother’s terminal illness, economic pressures or what - of course, it’s none of my effin’ business!