I haven’t been sleeping well for the past month or two. Those of you women who are on the top of the hill or falling down the other side can probably relate to what I am lamenting about. Menopause messes up so much in ones body that it seems to lose its ability to get good sleep. It is very frustrating and it makes each day a bit more difficult because after a few or more years of not getting consistent good sleep, you just struggle to have the same tenacity for the daily grind.
I love being a veterinarian and I would not trade what a I do for anything but there are times when it just feels heavier than usual. Sometimes there are reasons, cases that go bad, animals that you think should get better and they don’t, the inability to know what you need to know to save an animal, trying to be everything that everyone else needs you to be but you know that you can’t be. Then if you throw being a business owner on top of that with 35 employees and all their struggles and their desires or lack there of and it makes one very weary sometimes.
The past few months everything has felt heavier than usual. Not for any one reason, just the sheer desire to be able to do what needs done, to be what everyone needs me to be, and to try and not lose myself in all of it. If you are a veterinarian you live and work every single day in fear of upsetting someone and being turned into the veterinary board. You feel this constant need to be perfect for everyone so you don’t get into trouble and it is impossible to know everything you need to know, so it drains you of all joy and if you aren’t careful it destroys your life. If you want to know a huge part of the reason that veterinary medicine has become so outrageously priced, practicing to cover your ass is the second on the list! Force people to do everything so that you can defend yourself if something happens, if something goes wrong. It makes everyone feel bad, client and vet alike.
You have no idea the fear that exists in every veterinarian because of this. Animals aren’t like people and they can’t talk and they can’t tell you anything and it is impossible to know what they are feeling or where they are feeling it and yet clients and the vet board expect you to be perfect and never not know. I would suggest that this is probably the greatest reason that people leave the profession because it is just too much to worry about day after day after day. If you force clients to do everything so that you can defend your license, they can’t afford it and you have to kill their animal and that makes you feel like shit for killing something that you could have saved and if you try to save it by doing less and it doesn’t work out and the client gets pissed then the board disciplines you so heavily that it just doesn’t feel worth it any more.
It is very easy to get headed down a road that leads to misery and unhappiness when one starts to dwell too much on all that could happen! It is very easy to get depressed and upset when one chooses to worry about the potential for bad. It is very easy to end up in a ditch on the side of life and to give up because you allowed the weight of it all to stay and you got weak and crashed. It is very easy to get there but you don’t have to go there!
There are no perfect veterinarians. There are no perfect people. We are all just humans doing our best and that has to be enough! If you are at a spot in life where you are discouraged and everything feels heavy, stop and sit on the side of the road for a minute and choose to look for the good. Stop the negative, what could happens, feeling sorry for yourself, and think about all the good that you do with your life. It doesn’t matter what you do, you are doing good for someone. Your spouse, your kids, your fellow employees, your parents, your family, your boss, your employees, your clients, there is good that you do or you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing! You have a choice on what you choose to think about and how you choose to live each day.
We all get weary and tired and down, that is normal and it is ok. What is not ok is allowing yourself to get stuck there! It is a choice! You are choosing to dwell on the ugly, the negative, the hard, the failure, the struggle instead of the good. There is good in everything. Even as I type this I have so many thoughts of different patients that have turned out good, clients who are kind, people who appreciate what we do. Your mind is your greatest asset and yet so often we fail to use it for good for ourselves! We get tired and we get weak and we start dwelling on the negative and it all gets worse, take back control and choose your road and choose happiness on that road.
Life is heavy for everyone, life is hard for everyone, life gets overwhelming. It is not all of those things that matter but rather what you do with those things that matters. Feel the weight, invest the time in thinking about what you did and if you can change anything to be better and then make a plan and move on! One cannot carry with them all the failures of their life or it will crush you! One cannot go through life and spend it worrying about all that could happen! Instead of letting it all become too much, take a few moments, feel sorry for yourself, go through your burdens and then get rid of them and move on. Carrying it with you only makes your life harder and that is a choice that you are making. I will never be perfect and I will never get it right every time but I can do my best and I can do better at communicating and I can choose to find joy in what I do. And that my friends, is the best that I can do and it is enough and it can be enough for you too!
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(Back to Our Sponsor Val 😉)
I have decided to offer my bonus weekend as an opportunity to spend time with Mijo first & foremost - he was impressed by his brief drive-through Palo Duro Canyon a few weeks ago - I told him I’d be happy to haul his mule so we could ride through it. And of course, there are many other places we could go to for a nice weekend of riding. He said he would check with Victoria & let me know so I could make the appropriate reservations… before I know it, February’s gonna be here - he’ll be a married man & I certainly will make no demands on his time.
The worst of my soreness has faded away - last night I kept on thinking about the good old “banana stretch” in yoga, which I didn’t have room to do in my bed squeezed between three little dogs. Stretch your arms overhead, curve your body into a C shape, crossing the inner ankle over the outer leg to make the shape of a banana - it is an excellent stretch - felt so good this morning when I limped over to my yoga room to lie on my mat for a few minutes. I think that’s a little of the “joy” Dr. Deb was talking about
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