Christmas & Post-Xmas Photos

 

                                              I wouldn't advise you to accept a drink from this young man

                                                     I'm already a little starey-eyed from that drink!

                                             Victoria's Cousin Julia, Zach & Victoria

                                                   Julz & Tobias tackle the bridge (Twoie did it too!)

                                                     Twoie, Silas & Heather

The Homestretch

 Just when I’m ready to delete that ol’ social media which wastes too much of my precious irreplaceable time, I come across some profundities - food for thought as I creak around, slowly & painfully, with dreadful awareness of my own mortality:

When I turned 67, I sat in my favorite chair, looked back at my life, and whispered to myself,

“So… this is the beginning of the final stretch.”

And slowly, the truths I had avoided all my life began to surface.

Kids? They’re busy writing their own story.

Health? Slips away faster than sand through open fingers.

The government? Just headlines, promises, and numbers that never change your daily reality.

Aging doesn’t hurt your body first — it hurts your illusions.

So I sat down with myself and carved out a handful of bitter but necessary truths.

⸻

Kids don’t save you from loneliness

Children grow, life pulls them in every direction, and you become a memory they visit when time allows.

You smile… and yet something inside you remains strangely hollow.

Kids bring joy — but they are not a shield against loneliness.

⸻

Health is not forever

One day, the outings you once jumped into with enthusiasm feel like a marathon.

You realize health was never a background character —

it was the main pillar holding your life steady.

⸻

Retirement and money

Retirement is not a reward — it’s a reality check.

Depending on the system is like standing on thin ice.

Bills grow, needs grow, prices grow… but support doesn't. 

⸻

So I rebuilt my life on new rules — honest, sharp, practical rules for living with dignity.

⸻

Rule 1: Money is more reliable than anything else. 

Love your kids, cherish them —

but don’t make them your retirement plan.

Save for yourself.

Even small savings create big freedom.

Financial independence is dignity.

⸻

Rule 2: Your health is your real job

Nothing else matters if your body refuses to cooperate.

Move. Walk. Stretch.

Guard your sleep like treasure.

Eat cleaner. Reduce the poison disguised as sugar and salt.

Illness doesn’t discriminate,

but it respects those who take responsibility for themselves.

⸻

Rule 3: Create your own joy

Waiting for others to make you happy is the fastest way to heartbreak.

So you learn to enjoy the small things —

a peaceful breakfast, a good book, music that warms the soul.

When you know how to make yourself happy, loneliness loses its power.

⸻

Rule 4: Aging is not an excuse to become helpless

Some people turn aging into a performance of complaints.

And slowly, even those who love them start stepping away.

Strength is attractive.

Resilience is magnetic.

People respect the ones who stay capable, not the ones who surrender.

⸻

Rule 5: Let go of the past

The good old days were beautiful — yes.

But they’re gone, and there is no return ticket.

Clinging to the past steals the present.

Life today may look different, but it still holds moments worth living.

⸻

Rule 6: Protect your peace like it’s your property

Not every argument needs your voice.

Not every insult needs your response.

Not every relative deserves access to your emotions.

Peace is expensive.

Protect it from drama, negativity, and draining people —

even if they're your close ones. 

⸻

Rule 7: Keep learning something — anything

The day you stop learning is the day you start aging.

A new recipe, a new word, a new app, a new hobby —

your brain needs movement just like your body does.

Learning keeps you young.

Stagnation makes you old.

⸻

Strength and freedom still belong to you

Aging is an exam no one can take for you.

You can adapt, rebuild, and rise stronger…

or sit back, complain, and wait for someone to rescue you.

And if ....

No one comes to rescue you ....

Stand up for yourself ...

Because  you still can.. 

And that single truth is enough to transform the rest of your life.

Unknown author

And there are horses. You can always find a horse that needs you as much as you need them.

-- Ruella Yates

Foofaraw

New vocabulary word for me: I’ve followed therapist Ann Koplow’s blog for several years now, each day she posts a “word of contemplation” => Foofaraw: A great deal of fuss or attention given to a minor matter

A 5 mile ride is hardly worth hitching the trailer up for, but I am proud of myself nevertheless for “getting ‘er done”: introducing Heather to Mr Reliable, good ol’ Silas… I had to move slowly, I had to take lots of ibuprofen**, but once I was astride Twoie, things weren’t bad at all. We ambled around in fresh air & sunshine on the familiar trails of Bear Creek Nature Preserve for an enjoyable hour & a half.

I think everyone is under the mistaken impression that here in Texas, we can just ride in open space for miles & miles wherever we want, but in reality, access to trails is quite limited. A lot of land is under private ownership, & there are only a handful of state parks that allow equestrian use. I know I posted about the loss of our beloved Pole Canyon ride in the Panhandle when that ranch was sold - Caprock Canyon State Park (about 12 mi away w/similar beautiful scenery) allows trail riding, but there’s only about 12 miles of trails so that’s not enough to put on an endurance event.

** last Saturday we trekked up to LBJ Grasslands N of Decatur for a very pleasant trail ride with my buddies. Unfortunately, in an outstanding example of poor judgment, I loped up to some boulders which I knew were problematic & Twoie unceremoniously unloaded me on the ground. I probably have some cracked ribs on my right side, but naught can be done except take my pain medicine & soldier on…

So it’s been a rough Christmas week, my friends! 

I was grateful I didn’t have to do a whole lot - we went over to Victoria‘s grandparents for Christmas dinner, where Adela had prepped a Tex-Mex feast of tamales, beans & rice, and nopales (sautéed cactus)

My son tried to poison me with a very large, very stiff drink - his own version of a White Russian 😳 - I will post photos as soon as I can.

Quick Photo Dump

 

Very pleased with my son's selection of our new couch - looks like that college investment is paying off ;-)

Last Saturday's ride - I am more conscious of my posture when riding with Sharon, since she's always got her camera out! I was leading out as "scout" so all photos were from the rear (I joked around that everyone got a good look at Baraq's butt since, in typical Arabian fashion, he carries his tail cocked up

& this is an artistic shot that Kristy took of Moonie, silhouetted against the setting sun the other night. She had asked me if Bo was out & I had to tell her that dear Bo has been dead & buried for a year & a half - that's Mr Moonie! So I made her a photo collage with everyone's name:

Obviously I need a recent photo of Katie-mule, but for now dear Silas gets 2 squares!

9 Days of Xmas

 Once again, I’ve “messed around” as the last hectic week-before-Christmas barrels down upon me as I stagger around, feeling like a hideous underachiever… Gingerly patting the painful stye under my R eye, the scarlet “S” serving as a symbol of my stress. In years past, my eyelid would fester during periods of upheaval w/my ex-husband, the ordinary week-to-week aggravations as well as the tumultuous legal battles. Fortunately those times are behind me, but as the immortal Rosanne Rosannadanna says “It’s  always something!” These days I have the financial pit I continue to dig my way out of: my decimated retirement account, back taxes, regulatory red tape, and the ever-present challenge of keeping my skills relevant, clinic equipment up-to-date, staff motivated, etc. I went ahead & bought a therapeutic laser to stay abreast of the latest treatment modalities. (The sales rep demo’d it on the sore knuckles of my R hand; initially it intensified the aching stiffness, but today it seems better. Perhaps I’m confounding its benefits with part of the normal healing process in the hand I slammed against my stairwell banister 3 wks ago, but research & anecdotal reports from my colleagues have been favorable, so W-T-H!)

Watching one of the best Season 1 episodes of Star Trek tonight: “The Enemy Within”, where Captain Kirk is split into his good & evil halves by a malfunctioning transporter. No one is coming along to rescue me or to “make that decision”. I seem to lack my own strength of will to make any serious changes in my diet & exercise habits. I am dismayed by my physical deterioration but even more so by my mental lapses. I will awaken in the middle of the night profoundly disoriented, taking several minutes to realize where I am in the calendar - no doubt the reason for my clumsy stairwell fall. Obviously I’ll keep going until I can no longer function, there’s no other path. My receptionist’s eldest daughter Bayli has her admissions interview for the Texas Tech school of veterinary medicine tomorrow, but that still gives me 4 more years to survive until she graduates. Let me post another excerpt from Dr Deb, which both boosters my resolve & explains why I am unlikely to recruit help from any of my other young colleagues - not in today’s climate!

“I was always very easily triggered when I was young, shoot, I was easily triggered up until about four years ago.  Going through the sheer lies and fear mongering of covid forced me to really look inward as to why I felt like I did and why I was so offended at people who thought differently.  Thankfully for the past few years I have become an avid podcast listener and I have invested some of my time in listening to messages on how and why we think and feel and where those thoughts and feelings come from inside of us and I have been able to get rid of a lot of trash in my head.  Let me tell you something, getting to the place where you can read someones opinion that is opposite of yours and shrugging your mental shoulders and saying to yourself that that is an interesting view and then letting it go, that is a great place!

I wrote a post about how I feel we have gotten lost in veterinary medicine. We have gotten lost to the blinding lights of money and the notion that less is better.   I wrote about how I choose to make myself better and push myself to be better so that I can help more animals at a price that people can afford because I went into veterinary medicine to save animals, not turn them away to go home and suffer.  There were so many people who were very kind and generous with their comments and then there started to come the younger vet crowd with their anger and accusations.  If I take all the angry comments and upset comments and messages and boil it down it becomes obvious that the lie of work life balance has infiltrated the minds of young people to where they do not realize that work is not the enemy but rather what life is all about.

If you are a stay at home mom, you work your ever loving ass off taking care of your house and your kids.  My mom was a stay at home mom and it was not an easy job.  Shoot, I work like I do so that I can pay someone to clean my house because I hate cleaning house and doing laundry.  I loved my kids but I worked hard so that I could hire a nanny to watch them while I worked because taking care of small children is harder than working hard and I didn’t like it.   Work is not the enemy, work is what defines joy and happiness in life.  

One commenter typed out how I must not have spent time with my kids and how I have horses and I must not get to enjoy them because I am working 60+ hours a week.  She is wrong.  When my kids were young, I worked and then I spent all the rest of my time with my kids.  I never did the “I deserve a break” bullshit, I made those two heathen children and it was my job to take care of them.  I worked to provide for us and then I spent all the rest of my time with them.  When my son played sports, I was there not only for every game, no matter how far I had to drive but for every practice as well.  I was home every night and not out with the girls doing grown up things spending time away from my kids.  I bathed them and showered them and laid next to them for a very long time until they fell asleep.  I invested my life into my kids because they were a choice that I made to have just like my career.

The end of every day I go out and feed the horses and walk through them and rub the bellies of the pregnant mares and talk to the babies inside.  I walk around them and love on the now weanlings and talk to them and let them take away the stress that has been building up for the day.  On the weekends I sit with them and watch them and learn from them and allow them to heal the broken parts inside of me when possible.  We all get the same 24 hours every day, the only difference is how we choose to invest it.  It is that investment that is going to grow and produce fruit in the future.  If you are not actually working at growing good things, better things for yourself and your family, you have a problem and your bitterness towards those of us who know that it is hard work that allows one to enjoy life, is on you. 

Here is the thing, if your way, if your thoughts, if your opinion on work is really the best way, why do you care what us old people say about work?  If your thoughts and opinions are truth for you,  it shouldn’t bother you that we have a different truth for us!  If your life is really so great why do you even care what we write or say?  The real truth is that many people are miserable and that is why they keep spending more money and looking for more time off thinking that it is work that is making them miserable when the actual truth is it is their lack of worth ethic that is making them miserable.  

I listened to a podcast with Andrew Huberman and Twyla Tharp who is a ballet superstar that I know nothing about because I know nothing about dance but that woman is in her 80s and still going to the gym every day for two hours and still deeply involved in the world of dance and she had so many thoughts about hard work and the joy that it brings.   At 80+ years of age she is a force to be reckoned with and while her life has never been easy you can hear the joy in her words as she talks about what she did and how she does and what she has accomplished.  It is hard works that brings that to any life!  

If you are trying to get out of work and escape the anxiety of pressure because it feels like it is too much, it is not the job or your boss or your career, it is you!  You are weak and you are unwilling to do what it takes to be stronger so you are looking for excuses to do less instead of pushing yourself to become better.  You are mad at people like me because we shine a light on your weakness and you don’t like it.  You try to tear us down instead of working to build yourself up and get better.  You do not have to be like me but you should damn sure want to be the best you that you can be and you will never find that only working the bare minimum and expecting everyone else to do the same so you feel better about yourself.   Work is not the problem, mental weakness is the problem.  The lies told to you by the people who want to control you are the problem.

If you want to feel better about who you are and what you do, stop giving in to the fear of not being good enough and do the hard work to get better!  It isn’t fun!  Life isn’t about fun, it is about the legacy that you leave behind you when you die.   The people we admire and respect the most are the people who didn’t look for excuses to not do something but rather pushed through the fear and the anxiety and hardness and got better and did better.“

Little Green Men

 Here I perch, between the horns of my latest dilemma: I’ve been using MFP for my minor dopamine hits, logging in & posting on a couple of groups (it’s always been counterproductive for me to log my meals, it seems to trigger reflexive snacking!)

Occasional friend requests pop up - I will generally approve them, because what the heck? (Several of my old SparkFriends have died, life is short, etc etc) My last half-a-dozen or so have all been from men, which I found a little unusual since my profile picture is my mule! Several have messaged me & when they found out I am married, I never hear from them again. Cool cool cool - I get that some of these dudes might be trolling for something more than a workout/nutritional buddy… seems like an odd tool to use instead of a dating app, but what do I know??

But this one guy started messaging me & has not stopped - he claims to be an Army guy stationed in Iraq. (Yes, Virginia, I also realize that some of these catfishers can make up elaborate backstories, but nothing he’s told me has sent up red flags (yet!)

Hubby butt-dialed my ex-husband last week, & in making some awkward small talk, he learned that Zach’s stepbrother Alex is completing basic training at Fort Moore in Georgia. The Army in reality may be the best possible placement for Alex: for Uncle Sam to direct every aspect of his life & help him figure things out. I found his new Facebook account & sent a friend request but he promptly blocked me. I told Robert (my new MFP friend) a few “highlights” (so to speak; even if it was more like a carousel, whirling round & round!) of the Alex saga. He claims to be a single dad of a 12 & 15-year-old after losing his wife to leukemia… I haven’t asked where these kids are - if he’s in Iraq, they must be with grandparents or other family in the States??

I realize as I type this, that should be my next question to see if his story remains consistent. Also need to check the time differential, since he’s been very prompt in replying to messages - there again, he could be an insomniac who sleeps with his phone (like Yours Truly!) Looks like a 9-hr difference (almost 11 AM here, almost 8 PM there)

So far no requests for money, just suggesting we move to WhatsApp or Google chat - I’m not too sure about that! Maybe Val’s normal suspicions are still functioning adequately…

In other news, my trail riding crew got together for a long-overdue pleasure ride yesterday. Tony rode Twoie while I piloted Baraq as our “scout”. We had perfect mild 65° weather, right before another cold front blew in last night - this morning it’s 34° with a stiff wind that makes it feel like 24°… Zach was going to bring one of his old college buddies out to ride today but I think they are opting out!

Addendum: yes, the kids opted out, I bundled up to go back down to the barn & let the ponies out. Baraq was shivering a little bit this morning, but I gave them all hay & he seems to be fine now (there’s a reason we called them “hay burners” - not only does good hay cost a pretty penny these days, the digestive process helps keep my little furballs warm) I won’t break out the horse blankets unless we have an ice storm or some such!

But for a little more feel-good news: yesterday was one of the biggest crowds I’ve seen at the trailhead outside of an organized event. I think everyone was anxious to get a ride before the bad weather blew in! But two little old ladies pulled in not long after we did - I would’ve judged them to be late 60’s - early 70’s? We were waiting around for a latecomer, so we watched as they brushed & saddled up to head out on their own trail ride… Caught a glimpse of them going up the fence line after we got through the first gate but we turned off into the woods to take a more challenging trail. We rode for about 2.5 hrs, covering 8.5 miles of trail - & as we were unsaddling, here came the little old ladies again. The older one of the pair was having a little bit of trouble dismounting,  so I trotted over  to help - she was short while her horse was tall & very round, but she worked things out by the time I got there. Her mare was an absolute angel, standing rock solid! Maybe I’ll buy me a horse that good one day 😉. It only took Baraq several months & about 350 trail miles before he learned to stand still & let me get my toe in the stirrup! I had despaired that I was going to need a valet for his entire career, but he can still spook at a scary-looking piece of deadwood! As long as I can still saddle my own horse, you’ll still see me out there…

Photo dump later…

Serious but not Dedicated

 How I miss our old SparkPeople website! I have been spending quite a bit of time on MyFitnessPal but it’s just not the same…

A friend has established her “group” there, which seems to consist of just the two of us - a few other MFP’ers have popped in, but nobody seems to hang around. It is likely that we are quite boring & neither one of us has made significant progress - but hey, maintenance counts for something, doesn’t it?!?

Watching clips of my ancient home videos makes me sad - in my 20’s & 30’s, I was about 40 lbs less than I am now, & yet I thought I was gargantuan… My stated goal when I joined SP was to get down to my pre-thyroidectomy weight, which was 175, 20 lbs less than what I am today. I’ve been stuck on this little plateau between 190-195 for almost 5 yrs now - “serious but not dedicated” is how my friend described us; that hit me like a cold bucket of water! The truth hurts & all that…

I did go to visit my mother yesterday, timing it just right with our tray of cookies as they were finishing up lunch! Yes, she knew me & yes, she seemed pleased to see me (no recriminations, she seems to be past those emotions) but she was incapable of carrying on conversation, & after less than an hour of my monologue of current events, she grew restive - fiddling with ribbons on her wheelchair & finally trying to pick debris off one of the wheels until I asked her to please stop, she was going to hurt herself… She’s  maneuvering quite well now, pulling herself along with her feet in her wheelchair. She escorted us to the elevator & that was that. I had taken her a new pack of cushy socks that she seemed to like, & a couple of Christmas decorations for her room. Merry Effin’ Christmas, as we like to exclaim to one another!

Symptom Checker

 Thanksgiving weekend was fairly miserable for me from a mental health standpoint - outside of the minor dopamine hit of “doing what I’d said I would do” as far as making all my side dishes & transporting them to Irving. It felt like the pilgrimage of the Magi, only bearing food instead of frankincense & myrrh! Cornbread dressing, deviled eggs, spicy Chex mix, apple & pecan pies… (both the pies were store-bought so it isn’t as if I could take any particular credit for labor)

But boy oh boy, talk about Black Friday - that described my mood to a T!!! The weather was chilly but beautiful on Friday, but when I can’t even roust myself to go for a ride, that tells you how deep & dark my depression is…

Part of it may be my prolonged recovery from my fall (aka “home bone density test”) - my right ankle remains edematous, stiff & painful as is my R hand, although I’m still walking & reasonably functional - I don’t think I’ve broken or torn anything. It must be some lymphatic damage; I’m using my vibration plate in small doses to try to stimulate healing. (I ought to be standing on it right now, but instead I’m sitting in the recliner with little dogs on my lap - they are also a healing force!) A bonus injury was discovered as the lower medial quadrant of my L breast has turned the lovely colors of deep bruising - obviously I mashed her up on the staircase, but didn’t notice at the time with my other injuries distracting me…

I continue to avoid visiting my mother; I just haven’t been able to face it since her birthday which, God help me, was 10 weeks ago. “No news is good news” I suppose. And, speaking of estranged mothers & daughters, my cousin Gina just moved back to Texas after living in California for the past 15 yrs or so. Her parents are my “surrogate brother” Clifford (my dad’s big sister’s middle son, his favorite nephew) & his wife Marilyn - Marilyn almost died after giving birth to Gina & favoritism towards her elder sister was always apparent. I also got a low-key “gaydar” vibe from Gina, which would not go over well in that fundamentalist branch of our family, so I completely understood her reasons for moving away.

I don’t know if she’s returned because of her mother’s terminal illness, economic pressures or what - of course, it’s none of my effin’ business! 

Circle of Life & All That Jazz

It ain't so much that I have a lack of things to contemplate… Rubbing my various bruises since my “home bone density test”: I fell down my own staircase Thursday night when I got up about 4 AM to use the bathroom (a nightly occurrence for me! ain’t as if the geography of my own house should be unfamiliar to me?!.) but I didn’t walk quite far enough - in my half-asleep state, I turned down the staircase instead of walking 3 feet farther to the bathroom door. Talk about your rude awakenings!

This was the exact mistake my dear former FIL made about 28 yrs ago, when he was visiting with my SIL & her (at the time) 4-yr old… We jolted awake to her piercing screams, as Linda feared Dad had broken his neck! Thankfully he had not - just his wrist! but I never made a mistake in the future of letting an elderly guest sleep upstairs. When Peran’s folks visited, for instance, we vacated our master bedroom downstairs, regardless of his mom’s protests - no ifs, ands, or buts!

I count myself lucky to have broken nothing but my pride - for the first couple of days I was hobbling around, glad I didn’t have an upcoming riding event.

I am posting what my office manager’s husband related about their recent hunting experiences on our property. I am as proud as I can be, even though I’ve done nothing but provide the venue. I had no idea we had such a thriving deer population in the bottom land - I’ll get some pictures posted in the usual circuitous way. Justin asked me about a lease agreement & I told him the agreement was that Kristy keeps working for me until I’m ready to retire 😉

(Gunner is their 11-yr old; Justin set up their deer blind & put up a feeder only 2 wks ago, & he bagged his first doe Thurs night)

“Well my boy finally got his first harvest waited to post until the whole process was complete. Gunner is my ride or die. My hunting buddy always by my side not just in the stand but he puts his blood sweat and tears in the offseason and during season. I have made him learn patience when it comes to hunting for the last two years. He has had to pass on deer over and over and sometimes it hurt me telling him not that one. But this year I told him if we have a mature doe and a buck walk out this year he will get to take the shot. On Thursday after school we sat in the stand wind and rain, lighting and he had 2 mature does walk out. lol he was about to pull the trigger when the feeder goes off and there goes the does lol. Saw his heart break but after 5 minutes they came back and he got to take his first rifle shot. Proud dad moment to see your son harvest an animal honor that animal for its life. All while it’s lighting all around us. Then brind her home due to the weather and field dress, skin her, then process her. Raising a future man, father, provider. I am over the moon proud of you Gunner Smith. Congratulations on your first one, many more to come now. Time to get that buck now.”

Last night Justin harvested a beautiful 8-pt buck:

“Today my wife wanted to go hunting so we went and sat in the blind. Well she let me take a shot on this 8 point instead of her taking it. Always putting others before herself, she truly embodies selflessness, now it’s time to get you on one babe. Thank you baby for letting me get this beauty 16 1/2 inside spread. 2025 has been an incredible year for us.”

Salt Lake City?!?

 I’ve been recording my “horseback miles” in a 1900 mi Pony Express Challenge,  retracing the route of the original Pony Express Trail. Twoie’s success has put me (figuratively) over Emigrant Pass & into the heart of Salt Lake City. I’ve never been to Salt Lake City but I would like to visit someday - my folks spent about 6 months there as newlyweds (aka long before I came onto the scene!) since my father had a job opportunity there… One of my trail riding buddies & I actually signed up for it couple of years ago - you have 5 yrs to get this mileage done, but with all Carla‘s turmoil in getting her new house built, she has not recorded any mileage for many months now.

I actually feel “purty good” this morning, Twoie is much easier on ye olde carcass than Baraquinator! Has me sitting around & thinking how sometimes you can do a lot of things wrong but it still comes out right.

A.) I was in such a hurry loading up, I did not grab the boys’ bucket of pelleted feed so I had to feed them beet pulp & oats - fortunately I had a full bale of alfalfa hay. 

B.) I likewise failed to transfer the tub of my favorite Corona ointment, which I use to lubricate under the girth & saddle pad - luckily no evidence of chafing, rubs or pressure points.

C.) Both geldings got a little stocked up, standing around in a pen after all their hard work - so in the future I will have to be diligent about poulticing & wrapping legs “once again”. (Used to do it all the time, but was not necessary when I was only going shorter distances - I’ve gotten soft!)

Then I came across this great post in my FB feed this morning. (For some reason my iPad won’t do its normal copy & paste feature, but it’s about fear of failure) 

And as I finally got around to downloading & transferring some photos (!!!) - which is quite the process with my aging electronics! - I forgot the most glaring mistake of them all: I failed to grab my trusty helmet! So I rode bareheaded & "bulletproof" as we say ;-) Shock & awe around horse camp since Val is always one of those people who preach helmet safety. "Do as I say, not as I do!"

                                            Route of the old Pony Express Trail through SLC

The Fog Rolls In

 … as I sit here with my cooling cup of coffee, wondering what’s it all about, Alfie? I was too tired to continue the forced march to pack up and go home last night after hauling to West Texas Wednesday night, picking up Moonie Thursday, returning home, packing the big trailer Friday to haul to Killeen to fulfill my obligation to sponsor my niece in yesterday’s endurance ride…

We finished with 1.5 minutes to spare because we missed a turn, coming in on the final approach as we passed John the photographer - we trotted an extra half-mile, but as we emerged onto the road, I knew we had gone too far! But all’s well that ends well - the boys look great & Catie finished up full of vim & vigor…

Unfortunately Christina & Catie loaded up to return home before the awards meeting, where everybody clapped & cheered for me - now that was a good feeling! After all, it’s been almost 4 yrs since I’ve successfully completed a 25-mi event. Hopefully it’s the first of an understandably short but successful endurance career for Twoie (he’s 20, so if he can work for another 4 or 5 yrs, he’ll have earned his oats!)

Funny thing is, I related to Catie the story of Lucy & my “4-minute finish” when we did a 50-miler here probably 8 yrs ago - completing w/4 minutes to spare, earning that Madonna song a permanent place of honor on my playlist!

I had contemplated hauling from here up to Decatur - where my trail riders are today - but I’ve got a lot of laundry** to do & hopefully Z & V will come out so I can mount her up on Silas for a short introductory ride! More fun times!

** Darling Tina Fea wet the bed - thank goodness she’s a smol dog!!!

Deep’ish Thoughts

 I needed a chuckle before I stagger out to finish loading the big horse trailer to go commit my acts of irresponsibility this weekend (I’ll be sponsoring Catie aboard Baraq in the 25 with me - shouldn’t be any problem make our time limit! 😳 Instead, I’ll be begging her to slow down…)

IRRESPONSIBLE OLD HORSE RIDERS

Two years ago, my other half, Jan, took a tumble off her 17hh grey Irish draught mare, Cara and broke her left wrist, a rib and a bone in her right hand. Britain’s beleaguered National Health System rose to the challenge magnificently and repaired her after numerous scans, x-rays, a bunch of analgesics, bone manipulation and a two-hour long operation to put a titanium rod into her left wrist. Total cost zero. Actually, £10, for the car parking charge at Pembury Hospital in East Sussex, as we were there for about 30 hours in all.

But despite the wonderful care, kindness and skill involved there was a slight under current of unspoken wonder, surprise, and maybe just the slightest unstated criticism that someone over 60 was still riding and getting up to shenanigans like this. There was a sense that Jan was old enough to know better than to be horse riding at her age. The hospital would be better used looking after the truly sick and dying, not a bunch of old fools doing self inflicted wounds to themselves. The staff in A&E and the bone clinic mentioned that in the past 24 hours there had been three other horse-riding accidents they had attended to.

I can understand this feeling all too well. What the hell do we think we are up to? Are we irresponsible, stupid, crazy? I would have to plead guilty to all those things as I am a decade older than Jan and should be even more aware of my ‘irresponsible’ behaviour.

I hate to think what this accident would have cost us without the free healthcare in the UK. Maybe, I thought, sitting by Jan through that long night the time has come to bid farewell to riding?

But once home again, there was no talk of giving up. A smaller horse, yes, perhaps, but that was the sum of our forward planning.

Our grown-up children also think we are pushing our luck and making nuisances of ourselves with the medical fraternity. Our oft stated concern with our son’s motorbike riding elicits a ream of statistics which show conclusively that many more people are crippled or killed in horse riding accidents than in motorcycle crashes. We hang our heads a bit but carry on regardless, like junkies just out of rehab.

Are we mad? Is there something wrong with us? Yes, to both these charges. The problem is we’ve been mainlining this horse drug for six and seven decades respectively and in some ways, it Is one of our main reasons for living, our single greatest pleasure. We’ve fought off cancer and heart disease, so we are not unaware that this time on earth is a fragile thing, and it is drawing to a close. This makes us even more wedded to this so-called irresponsible behaviour called horse riding.

There seems to be an ever-greater unwillingness in the West to live a bit dangerously. But it is this very thing that adds salt and savour to what otherwise would be a very bland life. We are wedded to the adventure that awaits us in the woods, out in the landscape beyond people, even beyond help in some cases. We are not unaware of the risks and carry tracking devices in our phones. But it would be hard to land a paramedic helicopter where we disappear to in the forests.

It would appear that for better or worse we are indeed irresponsible old codgers. And all the better for being just that. The poem says: “When I am old I shall wear purple.” Stuff that, I hate purple. But riding a long striding horse into the sunset or sunrise for that matter, that is my drug of choice and I’m buggered if I’m giving it up to keep the medics happy. See you in A&E.

“Change or Die”

 I’ve been steadily working my way through Diamond Dallas Page’s latest production: a reality-themed miniseries titled “Change or Die”. I don’t recall where on my social media feeds that news of this popped up?

The wrestling world holds a space near & dear to my heart since watching “Saturday night rasslin” was a activity with my beloved Granddad. I eagerly jumped on the bandwagon with DDP when he started promoting his yoga programs about 15 years ago - bought his DVD’s, then subscribed to his app for quite a while until I let it lapse in 2017. In “Change or Die”, DDP brought together a small group for intensive rehab: a former boxer, another wrestler “wrestling” w/alcoholism & chronic injuries, a plus-sized model who’d outgrown her “specs”, a grandmother & a super-morbidly obese young man. I had a visceral reaction to Taylor Sowers (the young man) since he reminded me so much of my cousin Susie, whom we lost to complications from gastric bypass surgery when she was 26. 

Full of enthusiasm, I have reactivated my DDP app but I’m already behind on the workouts. I realize Rome wasn’t built in a day etc. etc. & there are those who are so much worse off than I am, but again, my shortness of breath & low energy levels are discouraging. Dr Abbi reports that surgery went well on Moonie’s RF foot so current plans remain for me to go pick him up next week to bring him home. Tony still awaits test results to determine whether he has cardiomyopathy.

Halfway There

 “…whoa-oh, living on a prayer!”

The soaring vocals of Bon Jovi filled my head yesterday morning after completing my phone call with Dr Abbi - Moonie came through his first surgery with flying colors, Dr Abbi is confident she did him a lot of good, even though he had “the worst impar ligament she’s ever seen”. That’s my boy, the overachiever! Heh heh - easy to make jokes now, but I have been seriously concerned - we’re not out of the woods yet. Current game plan is to do his right foot next Monday or Tuesday, keep him hospitalized for another 7-10 days, then he should be comfortable enough to travel home (which is a 6-hr trailer ride) That would land on Thurs 11/13, which is the day I planned on packing & loading for Twoie & I’s next attempt at a 25-mi ride 11/15. I may make it easier on myself by driving to Sweetwater Wednesday night & staying in a hotel to break up the trip somewhat. I shudder to think what Moonie’s “bail” is going to be, so what’s an extra hundred bucks for a hotel?!?

In other news, the immediate saga of Tamara is ended. She signed herself out of her skilled nursing facility last Monday (AMA), persuading an aide to drive her home, who also helped her get the power turned back on at her house. But at some point Tuesday night, she fell in her back hallway - the neighbors noticed the lights were on & fearing a break-in, they called the police. The police broke in to find her; she was taken to the hospital where she expired Sunday. Her daughter was understandably distraught, since she had not jumped up to run down here - she thought she had a little more time. I tried to console her by telephone - her first responsibility is to her own family & 4 young children after all! I called her ex-husband Monday afternoon who, being the good guy that he is, immediately volunteered to help however he could with securing her property until Alex is able to come down. Ron will also break the news to his 19-year-old grandson whom Tamara babysat a lot when he was younger… Alex told me Tamara will be cremated & that’s that, with no plans for a memorial service which seems to be the going thing, just as for Grandma Phu?

At least we saved her animals, and poor Tamara herself did not die like a stray dog in her hoarder’s house. Corey is happy as a clam amongst his new dog pack - I told Peran I’m building a sled dog team 😉

“Relentless”

 “Way back when”, very early on in my blogging exploits, a cyber-friend described me as “relentless”, a description I found flattering at the time! Here lately I have been listening to podcasts during drive time, which seems to be a better use of my precious irreplaceable hours left on this earth than just listening to pop music. A favorite show is “The Rest is History”, 2 British dudes dissecting various topics - & here lately they’ve been going through the life & career of Admiral Horatio Nelson, he of the Battle of Trafalgar fame. Peran has an old framed poster celebrating Nelson which I suppose he bought on sale or something as part of a framed set, since I’ve never heard P mention any historical topics whatsoever! I can’t even get him to watch Ken Burns documentaries…

At any rate, I did a quick search to see if I have mentioned the latest drama (which I have not) - when I searched for cardiomyopathy, I pulled up my entry in the aftermath of dear Ken’s funeral 2 yrs ago: https://endurovetssparkjourney.blogspot.com/search?q=Cardiomyopathy+

Poor Tony has struggled w/heat intolerance & distressing spells of a racing heartbeat - he went to the cardiologist this week & must return next week for an echocardiogram to confirm a possible diagnosis of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy! Again, Val is dismayed at the fragmented nature of our so-called healthcare system which more & more seems to be a system of seeing specialists who throw various medications at your symptoms instead of looking at the whole picture. Tony quit riding with me as a teenager when he was diagnosed with epilepsy - needless to say, he won’t be riding with me for a while until we get this sorted out… I continue to be troubled by my own weakness with shortness of breath, but I think it’s obviously something I’ll just have to live with - my last scans showed evidence of COPD: between Covid & 2 rounds of radiation therapy, that damage has caught up to me.

Step-SIL Lisa-in-CO sent me a thick packet of photos which must’ve been Phu’s - I will try to post a few later. I look forward to passing the duplicates along to Z. Long-awaited thunderstorms rolled in last night, but if we have some dry time this weekend, tentative plans are to get Victoria mounted up on Silas.

Moonie’s MRI provided bad news about his poor crippled front feet (navicular disease), but more tentative plans are to proceed with surgery “one foot at a time” on Monday. How I miss My Pretty Pony!

Me & MSG

 Sometimes, I seem to be the best at finding new & creative ways to poison myself?!? The only successful way I got myself below 200 lbs (& stayed there!) 15 yrs ago was through a modified low-carb diet &  I’ve been trying to “clean up my act” ever since… I’ve cycled through Paleo, primal, & semi-carnivore - these days I’m trying to adhere to “whole foods”, although I admit I fall off the wagon quite frequently… I’ve been stuck around this 190-lb threshold for about 3 yrs now - I know nothing significant will change unless I make (more) significant changes in diet & exercise patterns. But damn, it’s hard to sacrifice the immediate rewards of chips & salsa when I survey even the relatively recent census of  “Memento Mori”: dear Charles (it still hits me like a physical blow when I realize I can no longer call him for a quick laugh/venting session), neighbor Terri (with whom I only got to ride on one precious occasion as I drive by & see her good horse “outstanding in the field”), Frenemy Mine’s husband (his daughter just posted a plaintive “six months gone” IG post), & the most recent loss, my ex-husband’s beloved Vietnamese stepmother, Grandma Phu. (I will try to sketch some more “convoluted family history” later; as much for Zach’s sake as my own clarity) Granted, she was 88 yrs old so it wasn’t as if this was a complete shock, but I’m disappointed that we didn’t get back for another visit. Her daughter just sent me a thick packet of old photos - I’ll try to figure out how to post a few of them…

So I had picked up a few comfort foods at Costco last week - for dinner Tuesday night I heated up the Zuppa Toscana sausage & potato soup. It is advertised as gluten-free, so I don’t know if it was just the excess sodium, MSG or something else but I got up Wednesday morning & not only had I bloated up by 4 lbs, every joint in my body hurt! I fasted for most of the day, drank lots of water & the magical diuresis occurred as well as a little, ahem, diarrhea! (sorry for the TMI) - & luckily this morning I’m back down to baseline. I’m going to take my friend to the Korean sauna for a little more “detox”.

My Lap Overflows

… with 3 little dogs on my lap this morning - life doesn’t get much better than this! My mood is a roiling mixed bag of emotions: while I’m satisfied that I’ve successfully completed my mission - delivering Moonie to Lamesa, going by San Angelo State Park for an all-too-brief return visit, a safe trip home & even a bonus ride yesterday! Since we came home a day early, I got up early yesterday morning to meet the trail riders in Rusk for a beautiful day at Train Robber Ranch…

But it was a profound disappointment not to get to see my son - I had high hopes for yesterday but when he blew off all my suggestions, I knew I wasn’t going to push the issue. “A son is a son ‘till he takes a wife” I will refocus my mission on getting Victoria in the saddle this week as Z had to take another regional business trip to Tampa. (I had offered to haul his mule to Caprock Canyon last weekend so we could ride together once again) Instead I was stuck with Tony - I had an ominous feeling about his aging gelding, but he had arranged to have him shod on the front in a cost-saving measure.

We took Moonie to my colleague’s clinic where, after initial evaluation & new X-rays, we left him in their care. He will have his MRI today & then we will make the final decision if he is a candidate for navicular surgery. Tony & I then turned south to camp out at San Angelo State Park Thurs & Fri nights. Unfortunately, Tony’s gelding went lame not quite halfway through our planned ride on Friday, so Baraq & I had to loop back to get the trailer to go rescue them. I’ll try to fill in more details later!

I’ll derail the my own meanderings to insert some more wise observations from Dr Deb Johnson:

You can not change the past and you can not completely control the future, you can only do your best for right now today.  I ruined all last week because I didn’t empty out my bag at the end of every day and let things go and start the next day empty and renewed.  There are some of you that are carrying years worth of life around with you every single day and it controls you and keeps you locked in a prison of fear, let it go!  Last week is gone and done and over and I can not change anything about it, I can only change today!  Today I am going to go and work on being the best me I can and not allow last week to ruin this week to.  It is all under my control!  I might have failed last week but I don’t have to fail this week.  

Life is way too important to just keep dragging along all the yesterdays and last weeks and previous years with you!  Do the hard work to figure out what you are getting from the negative self talk and choosing to overload and overwhelm yourself and then throw it out!  Today is a new day!  Quit thinking that people are going to think less of you if you actually man up and choose to become a happier, better, kinder person by letting go of all the shit from your past!  Your best days are today!  Choose to be your best, give your best, see the best in yourself and everyone around you and you just might actually start enjoying everything about your life!  You can’t change yesterday but you can dang sure change today!

The Road Goes On Forever

 Lying here dully in my recliner, trying to get my blood moving after a rough night - unfortunately I fell back into a fitful sleep at 6 AM, which made it really hard to peel myself off the mattress…

But “peel” I must as I contemplate my long “To Do” list today. First disappointment is that Mijo signed himself up for a Warhammer tournament this weekend - he forgot or conveniently ignored all the suggestions I sent him about things we could do on this upcoming weekend. So I have shifted lanes, deciding to take poor Moonshine to my colleague in the Panhandle for a consultation about surgery for his navicular disease. It’s time to quit avoiding the reality: I’ve got him on the maximum dose of anti-inflammatory medications, yet he’s still profoundly crippled. If I can’t get him more comfortable, I’m gonna have to put him down…

Of course I will take advantage of the travel to go by San Angelo State Park & revisit those lovely trails, but while I was envisioning a revitalizing solo trip, Tony got wind of my plans & has basically invited himself along. I thought I had an easy out because his gelding was very tender-footed on the rocks we traversed last weekend at Glen Rose - but whaddaya know? he’s having the farrier out this afternoon. I wish he was this proactive about his job search!

I could’ve titled this “in for a penny, in for a pound” - a little bit of Tony goes a long way but I feel obligated because of my long friendship with his dad Rodney to play my minor part in helping show Tony a little bit of the big broad world as he (hopefully) launches himself into adulthood. I can feel the edge of Rodney’s anxiety - I felt the same way several years ago, when I honestly didn’t know if my son was ever going to make it off the launch pad to complete his college degree & make something of himself.

Last weekend's expedition - a return to the beautiful Wyatt Ranch

A FB Post courtesy of Dr Deb Johnson

I haven’t been sleeping well for the past month or two.  Those of you women who are on the top of the hill or falling down the other side can probably relate to what I am lamenting about.  Menopause messes up so much in ones body that it seems to lose its ability to get good sleep.  It is very frustrating and it makes each day a bit more difficult because after a few or more years of not getting consistent good sleep, you just struggle to have the same tenacity for the daily grind.

I love being a veterinarian and I would not trade what a I do for anything but there are times when it just feels heavier than usual. Sometimes there are reasons, cases that go bad, animals that you think should get better and they don’t, the inability to know what you need to know to save an animal, trying to be everything that everyone else needs you to be but you know that you can’t be.  Then if you throw being a business owner on top of that with 35 employees and all their struggles and their desires or lack there of and it makes one very weary sometimes.  

The past few months everything has felt heavier than usual.  Not for any one reason, just the sheer desire to be able to do what needs done, to be what everyone needs me to be, and to try and not lose myself in all of it.  If you are a veterinarian you live and work every single day in fear of upsetting someone and being turned into the veterinary board.  You feel this constant need to be perfect for everyone so you don’t get into trouble and it is impossible to know everything you need to know, so it drains you of all joy and if you aren’t careful it destroys your life.  If you want to know a huge part of the reason that veterinary medicine has become so outrageously priced, practicing to cover your ass is the second on the list!  Force people to do everything so that you can defend yourself if something happens, if something goes wrong.  It makes everyone feel bad, client and vet alike. 

You have no idea the fear that exists in every veterinarian because of this.  Animals aren’t like people and they can’t talk and they can’t tell you anything and it is impossible to know what they are feeling or where they are feeling it and yet clients and the vet board expect you to be perfect and never not know.  I would suggest that this is probably the greatest reason that people leave the profession because it is just too much to worry about day after day after day.  If you force clients to do everything so that you can defend your license, they can’t afford it and you have to kill their animal and that makes you feel like shit for killing something that you could have saved and if you try to save it by doing less and it doesn’t work out and the client gets pissed then the board disciplines you so heavily that it just doesn’t feel worth it any more.  

It is very easy to get headed down a road that leads to misery and unhappiness when one starts to dwell too much on all that could happen!  It is very easy to get depressed and upset when one chooses to worry about the potential for bad.  It is very easy to end up in a ditch on the side of life and to give up because you allowed the weight of it all to stay and you got weak and crashed.  It is very easy to get there but you don’t have to go there!  

There are no perfect veterinarians.  There are no perfect people.  We are all just humans doing our best and that has to be enough!  If you are at a spot in life where you are discouraged and everything feels heavy, stop and sit on the side of the road for a minute and choose to look for the good.  Stop the negative, what could happens, feeling sorry for yourself, and think about all the good that you do with your life.  It doesn’t matter what you do, you are doing good for someone.  Your spouse, your kids, your fellow employees, your parents, your family, your boss, your employees, your clients, there is good that you do or you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing!  You have a choice on what you choose to think about and how you choose to live each day.

We all get weary and tired and down, that is normal and it is ok.  What is not ok is allowing yourself to get stuck there!  It is a choice!  You are choosing to dwell on the ugly, the negative, the hard, the failure, the struggle instead of the good.  There is good in everything.  Even as I type this I have so many thoughts of different patients that have turned out good, clients who are kind, people who appreciate what we do.  Your mind is your greatest asset and yet so often we fail to use it for good for ourselves!   We get tired and we get weak and we start dwelling on the negative and it all gets worse, take back control and choose your road and choose happiness on that road.

Life is heavy for everyone, life is hard for everyone, life gets overwhelming.  It is not all of those things that matter but rather what you do with those things that matters.  Feel the weight, invest the time in thinking about what you did and if you can change anything to be better and then make a plan and move on!  One cannot carry with them all the failures of their life or it will crush you!  One cannot go through life and spend it worrying about all that could happen!  Instead of letting it all become too much, take a few moments, feel sorry for yourself, go through your burdens and then get rid of them and move on.  Carrying it with you only makes your life harder and that is a choice that you are making.  I will never be perfect and I will never get it right every time but I can do my best and I can do better at communicating and I can choose to find joy in what I do.  And that my friends, is the best that I can do and it is enough and it can be enough for you too! 

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(Back to Our Sponsor Val 😉)

I have decided to offer my bonus weekend as an opportunity to spend time with Mijo first & foremost - he was impressed by his brief drive-through Palo Duro Canyon  a few weeks ago - I told him I’d be happy to haul his mule so we could ride through it. And of course, there are many other places we could go to for a nice weekend of riding. He said he would check with Victoria & let me know so I could make the appropriate reservations… before I know it, February’s gonna be here - he’ll be a married man & I certainly will make no demands on his time.

The worst of my soreness has faded away - last night I kept on thinking about the good old “banana stretch” in yoga, which I didn’t have room to do in my bed squeezed between three little dogs. Stretch your arms overhead, curve your body into a C shape, crossing the inner ankle over the outer leg to make the shape of a banana -  it is an excellent stretch - felt so good this morning when I limped over to my yoga room to lie on my mat for a few minutes. I think that’s a little of the “joy” Dr. Deb was talking about

Bon Voyage

 Of course the PEM hits hardest on Day 2, but today’s gonna be ruff, my friends! While yesterday I was bragging that Twoie is so much easier on this ol’ carcass than Baraquinator, this morning I am sore “from nose to toes” - I feel like one of those unfortunate souls who have been beaten & left for dead… But I’ve taken my ibuprofen, it’ll start kicking in soon - I’ll steam myself in the shower & get moving on this fine  Monday morning. (Even P slept in this morning, he said he was “a little bit tired”)

But I gave dear Twoie a rubdown & once again, he is fantastic! - no soreness, no swelling, bright-eyed & bushy-tailed as he dug into his breakfast. Now it’s Decision Time - to haul off to Mississippi & tilt at my next windmill, or take it easy on myself by doing something closer to home? The thought even crossed my mind that I could take advantage of my upcoming 4-day weekend by doing something non-horse related like a quick beach trip…

Of course my trail riding friends are talking about their own upcoming plans as we gave JR his “Bon Voyage barbecue” last night at my friend Susie’s house. While we were in a festive mood (I don’t think we have had any official non-riding gatherings since last fall?), in many ways it had somber undertones. JR of course was looking forward to the future - talking about the mules he would buy & breed as he settles into his brother’s ranch. His estranged wife Carla showed up with their two young adult sons, Carla‘s niece & her three young kids who had a great time splashing in the pool. To me, it looked like Judas’s kiss when they embraced & settled down to socialize, but perhaps I’m just jealous over my own bitter divorce. (However, Tony commented also that it was an odd & awkward situation/presentation)

I was also bitter because the other Carla basically brushed me off & seemed to be avoiding me also - she & her husband sold JR‘s wife the piece of property on which she has built her barndominium, so maybe it is a soft “choosing of the sides”?  I own my feelings; even though it seems very middle-schoolish, I thought Carla Prime was “my” friend!?!

Time to get to work!!!

Two Strikes

 (Not a fair framing of the sitch at all, but ya can’t publish the blog entry without a title!)

After all, it is 100% my fault that Twoie & I failed to secure a completion in yesterday’s 25-mi event…

It’s hard enough trying to mentor one person, let alone two! I’ve been a little bit annoyed with Tony & the self-defeating behaviors he exhibits: two weeks ago, when we were going out for our final training ride (because last weekend was the state veterinary conference = no riding for Val!), he emerged from his house dressed head-to-toe in black, as if he were channeling Johnny Cash? Needless to say, it was not a pleasant ride for him, as temperatures are still pushing into the low 90’s. So I sent him an explicit text message telling him to wear something bright or light-colored - John the ride manager had already warned us it’s bowhunting season so I wore my blaze orange T-shirt.

My second duckling was Terry, a nice lady I met at our camp-out about 6 wks ago - a competitive trail rider who wants to cross over to endurance & see how the other half lives! When Tony & I arrived in camp Friday afternoon, she was all a-flutter because she had ridden a loop with Alice & her mare had a hard time recovering. NBD in actuality - they had been setting a faster pace than I intended to maintain. Terry took her mare back to the vet check & they pronounced her A-OK… but then just to complicate things slightly, Tony announced that he wanted to try the 25 miler too, after he spent most of the trip to camp explaining that he was only doing an Intro (one loop).

Things got off to an awkward start when Tony broke the billet on my Specialized saddle after he didn’t thread the roller buckle correctly - fortunately I had Peran’s old western saddle so we swapped tack around, all seemed well. But our pace flagged, as Terry had to stop on trail for tack adjustments, a potty break halfway, & fixing a loose boot… Tony called it quits after that first 15 mi, so then Terry & I had 2 hrs to complete 11 mi - challenging but doable. But then I allowed Terry to detour to offer the horses water from a shallow pond - I KNEW BETTER!!! I know that many of the ponds at the Grasslands are boggy and we were not that far from camp, maybe 3 miles? Sure enough, Terry’s mare bogged down & gave her an unexpected bath  - poor Twoie almost bogged down too but I had not let him go in that deep!

We wound up overtime by 12 minutes. “Another good training ride” - I am exquisitely proud of Twoie; he performed admirably & I’m sure the 3rd try will be the charm. Poor Terry apologized profusely - of course I shrugged it off & said we had to file it under that “Shit happening” folder.

This afternoon my trail riders are hosting a Bon Voyage BBQ for JR - “one more duty to perform”. I know I see in JR & Carla‘s separation a reflection of my own estrangement & that’s in large part why I’m taking it so hard. But my dear husband wouldn’t even lift his eyes from his phone screen to look at me when I was trying to tell him about our adventures, so I finally just gave up.

Points Well Taken

 This was posted by a FB friend/fellow aged endurance rider who's got about a decade on me..."Hello, pain, my old friend!" - 

100 Miles to Auburn

2d ·

For one reason or another, I have been in a lot of pain much of this year, back pain, leg pain, pain the source of which I have no idea, and pains that are at this point old friends, but occasionally come and stay a little bit longer than I would like. At first, I thought the source was the weight I gained when I quit dieting to get my weight down for Tevis. Make no mistake. I gained quite a bit of that weight back and enjoyed putting on almost every pound but when I realize that it might be causing the pain I was in, I went back on the diet and I’m now just about back down to my Tevis weight. I’m happy about the weight loss, but the pain hasn’t gone away.

The next stop was my pain doc, who didn’t have anything to offer except stuff I’m not willing to undergo yet, strike two. In August, it had gotten so bad that I began to despair of being able to ride endurance anymore, at least at the 50 mile distance. When I didn’t finish the Detroit Horsepower ride, although the pain wasn’t the primary cause, I did sit down and have a long discussion with the riding buddy to see if he had any idea of things that I might do.

Along with the previously stated suggestions to improve my riding style, he did make one rather surprising suggestion. He told me I needed to ride more, not less. As the pain began to take over my thoughts, I had begun adding “rest days“ into my routine until I was barely riding enough to keep myself in some sort of shape, and the horses were only marginally ready to do 50 mile rides. He thought that was a mistake. He suggested that I ride at least 5 to 6 days a week and attempted to do it for longer and longer periods of time. You should treat it like your job. He said “I know you. When you were a doctor you went to work if you didn’t feel good. You went to work if you were sore from working on the farm the day before. You went to work no matter. Well, I think you need to ride through this, not rest through it. Settle down and go to work.”

So that’s what I’ve been trying to do. Today, for the first time, I think I saw some improvement from it. I took Shiloh out today for a 17 1/2 mile ride out on a trail just 15 minutes from my house. We covered it in two hours and 35 minutes. Shiloh was darn near perfect . He stayed smooth. He stayed round, He pushed with his back end. He covered rough ground like it wasn’t there. In short, he felt like every fantasy I’ve ever had of him. I had worked Max over the same trail yesterday and close to the same distance. But I noticed this morning when I got out of bed hat I wasn’t particularly sore. I had no more pain than usual when I mounted Shiloh and when we finished our workout, I was able to care for him without great difficulty. These may sound like small triumphs but triumphs they are, make no mistake. Maybe the riding buddy’s onto something. He’s going to be insufferable.