Autopilot II

 “Just the facts ma’am” - I need to type faster or scrutinize my voice dictation closely as I try to “spit it all out”:

As I mentioned, Janis befriended me in our undergraduate ornithology class as I was a good study partner. She & Charles had taken an apartment across the street from UT Arlington - a great place to hang out between & after classes (even though at the time she and Charles both smoked like chimneys). Their bohemian lifestyle was quite a revelation to this sheltered girl, fresh out of Catholic high school - I had my fake ID so we often went to the campus bar on the weekends & closed the place out. Both she & Charles had been art majors, so she was upgrading her teaching certificate while Charles seem to be constantly in search of his ideal position (i.e. Janis was the main breadwinner - another novel concept to me; this couple in their 40’s still living like impoverished college students). My dad sold C & J my mom’s little station wagon at a significant discount as a graduation gift of sorts to Janis, they drove it for years to come until Charles’s ship finally came in -

Charles became the personal assistant to a wealthy elderly Texas oil/ranchwoman when they were renting a house on Key Allegro, the artists’ enclave of Rockport. When she passed away (I just wasted a lot of time trying to look up the exact date, but it was in the early 2000’s), she left Charles a substantial bequest. This enabled them to buy the shell of an abandoned beach house on the north end of Rockport, which they then finished out. If memory serves, they moved in around 2005; as I mentioned before, Janis’s health problems began snowballing in 2010.

(Once again, too slow! so I’ll have to add onto this little memoir later)

Autopilot

 It’s a real treat for me to go to bed without setting an alarm - nevertheless, my eyelids popped open at 7:01! I slept fairly well (maybe because that pressure was off), but I’ve spent the last hour doodling  around on various philosophy websites trying to find an exact quotation…

Charles always reminded me of the Greek philosopher who joked that he “lived in search of good wine by land or sea”… Their lifestyle was such a revelation to me; Janis had come back to college (where we met when I was a undergraduate at UT Arlington) to upgrade her teachers’ certificate & ultimately wound up taking a position down on the coast where she spent the last 30 yrs of her life. We fell out of touch when I married Michael because they knew “way back when” that he was no good for me, but Charles reached out in 2011 - Janis had retired in the aftermath of a diabetic health calamity; she had had major surgery to repair the claudication of her aorta, resulting in life-threatening anemia, multiple blood clots in her legs (she was lucky not to have suffered amputations at that time, nor major organ damage), and struggled back in an amazing recovery… Janis could have very easily become dependent on a wheelchair or walker, but through regimented exercise & Charles’s meticulous attention to her diet, she was able to return to hiking, birdwatching, and yes even the short horseback ride she wanted to experience when I took the ponies down to the coast during Z’s Spring Break of 2011…

This “honeymoon period” lasted 8 yrs - Charles again called me in July of 2019 when Janis was struck down by a catastrophic spiral of blood clots & sepsis, resulting in progressive amputations of her legs & her death in October. I pray that things are less miserable for Charles, although he admits to significant pain & unrelenting hunger, even though he can eat next to nothing. His neighbor called me yesterday to say that hospice tried to deliver an electric wheelchair which he refused - it would almost be a hazard in his multilevel beach house! I was roaming around the upstairs Sunday morning since I couldn’t sleep - I pulled out a couple of the photo albums from their extensive travels (Spain, Morocco, Portugal). How quickly the time passes!

Catchup with Photos

 (As I mentioned, taking any photos in Rockport would've been cruel & unusual punishment, but I did snap a few at Lake Whitney & Z's BD dinner)

                            Dear darling Silas, toting Marina w/Cowboy Troy on his good paint mare

       Saturday afternoon (Loop 2) just before the equestrian wheels flew off the Carla's buses**

                                     Look at my handsome majestic Arabian - mighty Baraq at 23!!!

See Zach's halo? Love the chandeliers at his favorite steakhouse. Another fine dining experience

** Now I realize I never posted about that minor catastrophe: in what was kind of a last-minute decision, I hauled down to Lake Whitney the last weekend of May for our Texas trail riders benefit ride. Not a lot of folks came because it was hot! I had brought Silas for my friend JR's niece to ride again, but the 2 Carlas were running behind - Marina & I went out & did Loop 1 with the other cowboys n' cowgirls, then went out on Loop 2 with the 2 Carlas. Unfortunately we barely got 3 mi out when something spooked Carla 2.0's big goofy Thoroughbred - I heard the "pop" of her Hit-Air vest deploying as she was thrown. I had my hands full as Baraq started bouncing around, then I heard another "pop" as Carla Prime was unhorsed as well. When I got Baraq settled down, we circled back to assure ourselves that both Carlas were OK, then we backtracked their horses back to camp. "All's well that ends well" since fortunately no horses nor humans were injured, but it was a long hot walk back to camp for my friends. Cowboy Troy rode out to the rescue with extra water bottles...

The Hit-Air vests are the equivalent of a "wearable airbag" that protects riders from rib & spinal injuries - I admit they're pretty cool but my ego won't allow me to wear one until I eat dirt a few more times...

https://www.hitairequestrian.com/

Best-Laid Plans

 As if I didn’t have enough “Woe is me” evidence - I opened up FB last night to see that my beloved Ft Stanton ride next month has been canceled due to the lack of pre-entries. Seems a little odd when the ride manager had set a pre-entry deadline of June 20 & yesterday was the 16th, but of course that’s his prerogative! Managing an endurance event is hard, thankless, expensive work - perhaps the predictable umbrage & outrage will change Tommy’s mind, but I don’t blame him for noping out. Several folks are saying since they’ve already arranged for the time off, they’re going to go camp out & ride regardless, & I think I’ll do the same. I could be really self-sacrificing & return to Rockport but I think I need the saddle time worse…

After a long day of waiting around + multiple phone calls, Charles’s doctors finally released his medical records to hospice, & I’m happy to say their hospice nurse went out yesterday afternoon at 4:30. I was pleasantly surprised they were so proactive! Now I’ve got to be proactive & get my tail to work - I took 50 mg of trazodone last night to take the edge off, which helped me sleep but left me groggy & unfocused this morning. Guess I’d rather just be tired!

Too Little Too Late

 I’ve learned to pay attention to that little naggling voice of conviction; the one that told me to “get my ass to Rockport” after Charles called to tell me he’d been diagnosed with metastatic esophageal carcinoma at the Texas Medical Center. (Recap: he had been vomiting since Thanksgiving & has lost a precipitous amount of weight. His sister came to visit in April, bundled him up to take him back to Houston for diagnostics but he insisted on returning to his home, where he wants to spend his final days)

I picked Father’s Day weekend which seemed apropos as Charles has been a positive masculine influence in Zach’s life. Unfortunately, Z stood me up because he got too far behind the 8-ball in preparation for his trip to Tampa today for the final phase of his training for his new job… Let me just say I’m so glad I went because it was desperately needed - I was even able to get Charles signed up for hospice care on Saturday. The nurse is supposed to come out today to do his evaluation - the first order of business will be to get him on oxygen, he gasps for breath with the slightest exertion. He kept on trying to help me as I cleaned up the kitchen or did this & that but he would run himself into oxygen debt & have to hit his inhaler. I went to Walmart and got him several of those handheld oxygen canisters, got him a few things in the way of groceries (which hopefully he can eat; the kitchen was stacked with picked-over portions of food). I made him one homemade meal** - that’s all I had time for as I had to come back home yesterday…

**pasta salad & air-fryer fish

I took no photos. It would’ve almost been cruel

Down the Rabbit Hole

 I was certain that I had posted about my once-in-a-lifetime, suboptimal experiences of pregnancy & childbirth, but fell down that proverbial rabbit hole when I searched this blog for references:  most of it concerned with teenage-Zach shenanigans & marital woes…

https://endurovetssparkjourney.blogspot.com/search?q=Childbirth

Basically I’ve wasted all my writing time this morning shambling along Memory Lane (yikes!). Today is Mijo’s 27th; we drove up into Big D last night to celebrate his birthday at his favorite steakhouse. I ate too much, too late in the day - between that & worrying about our upcoming errand of mercy to check on my friend Charles down at the coast, I didn’t sleep worth a damn. Was it the (single) glass of wine, the deep-fried lobster balls - surely it couldn’t have been the excellent steak? I have leftovers for tonight‘s dinner. How far we have come, I’m so proud of my fine young man!

When Doves Coo

 …a reference to the immortal Prince masterpiece “When Doves Cry”. My life is much less dramatic, staggering around at low amplitude with shortness of breath. After my disastrous experience at the sleep lab, I ordered a Vitavix cervical collar-type device for snoring/sleep apnea, but I couldn’t manage to fall asleep in it last night. The typical cycle for me seems to be a couple of weeks of ragged sleep, until I’m so exhausted I can string together a decent eight or nine hour night. I’m convinced it would be a complete waste of time, energy & effort to try to adapt to a CPAP, a BiPAP or any of these other forced-air devices that strap onto your face.

Another day has gone by and once again I did not call my friend Charles (I spoke to him Sunday). Zach has to fly to Tampa June 16 for on-site training for his new job; he is declining my offer to fly us down to the coast for what I fear will be our final visit - “Charles‘s last chance to torment Zach” (Charles’s words not mine! Luckily he has not lost his wicked sense of humor) Zach wants to do a road trip - now I’m all for road trips, but it will certainly be a quick turnaround as we’ll drive down Friday night, have one day of visitation, & have to return to the Metroplex Sunday morning. Of course I will never pass up this opportunity to have Prime Time with my boy - hopefully I will find a diplomatic way to talk to him about Bridezilla; against Zach’s expressed wishes, Victoria contracted with a wedding planner to the tune of $4300. I believe they are meeting with the priest at St Monica‘s next week, but Victoria vociferously rejected her grandmother’s suggestion to have the reception at the parish hall - she has been looking at hotel venues which run into the tens of thousands of dollars. This was one of my concerns about Zach leaving his job - while it’s all well & good to make more money, I’d  hate for it just to be funneled into a big dog & pony show of a wedding. Not to mention it’s a huge football field-sized red flag for her to splurge like that -  nevermind that she used her own credit card; when she and Zach are married he’ll be responsible for her debts.

Memorial Day Itself

 Feels really strange to be sitting here with coffee & little dogs & not going to work on this rainy Monday morning… Thunderstorms started rolling through about 3 AM; my sleep quality was marginal.

AT&T continues to provide me with exceptional customer service (snark): a voicemail that my friend Charles left me Saturday night didn’t come through till almost noon yesterday. He was dyspneic - sounded purely awful as I prepared emergency plans in my head - he is completely isolated now (quick recap: Charles recognized something was dreadfully wrong around Thanksgiving when he kept vomiting & lost 35 pounds before the end of the year. He was declining hospitalization for testing, yet couldn’t get in with a gastroenterologist until March? He wound up staying with his sister near Houston for a while; ultimately being diagnosed w/esophageal carcinoma (metastatic disease by that time of course) by the Texas Medical Center. Charles opted for palliative care only; they put in a stent so he has been able to eat soft foods & soups but insisted on coming back home. He had made that difficult decision to euthanize his elderly little poodle before he went to Houston)

Nothing wrong with Charles’s mentation; he knew full well what he was doing - going home to die. What I didn’t want was unnecessary suffering, and of course on this holiday weekend the visiting nurse wouldn’t be by to see him until Tuesday!?! No doubt in my mind that Charles was suffering from aspiration pneumonia - I called in prescriptions to Walgreen’s; a neighbor picked them up for him & he called me last night already sounding much better. No doubt most of that is the temporary boost of albuterol - there’s no way the oral antibiotics could work that quickly.

I was planning to go down Father’s Day weekend to visit him, hoping against hope that Zach can come with me but obviously we’ll have to see. (I broke my own self-imposed silence yesterday to call Z & discuss this with him so he can make an informed decision) While I had hoped that we would have more time with my old friend/Z’s long-distance father figure, the time we did have was precious…

In Memorium

 Staring down the final day of this physically & emotionally challenging week… I have stayed completely hands (& phone)-off with my son as he completes his last week of employment with the City of Dallas.

Only time will tell if he’s making the right move, going to work for private industry: the Swiss-owned firm Metrohm (I can’t help kidding around, calling it “Metroid” which was one of his favorite video games as a kid. I think I had a mental block remembering the name - for the most part, Zach has been really happy during his time with the City)

But Mom has worked really really hard to keep her sticky fingers off the controls - I’ve only reminded him a couple of times that working for a boss that you like, with coworkers that you love & a favorable schedule can be worth more than a substantial amount of money… what I fear is that Z is folding to pressure from fiancée & in-laws to make mo’ money, just so they can turn around & sink it in a big dog & pony show of a wedding. “Adult choices have adult consequences” is what I keep repeating to myself.

Yesterday we attended my cousin’s eldest son’s HS graduation**, then I took P to see the new Mission Impossible movie. Not exactly “my thing”, but I knew P would enjoy it. Tom Cruise obviously wants us to see that he’s kept himself in shape (he’s 63, 2 yrs older than Yours Truly) since there were 2 stripped-down-to-his-underwear action & fight scenes - eye candy for those of us who remember his debut when he lip-synched to Bob Seeger as a teenager!!!

** it was a little awkward, since she has been separated from her husband of almost 25 years “for a while”… she has not shared any details with me, not that she owes me a damn thing! The father of her 4 children came, fortunately all by himself - he did not sit with his family, nor come to lunch with us afterwards. No doubt in my mind there must be someone else - middle-aged men don’t leave “just because” - but at least Robbie had the decency not to try to force the issue (not like my Ex-idiot, who truly acted for a while that my family should just wholeheartedly embrace the homewrecker) She knows most of the gory details of my messy divorce/custody battles since her parents & my parents were very close - I call her dad my surrogate brother. My dad was very fond of him, Clifford was undoubtedly the favorite of all his nieces & nephews

(Photos to be added later since Blogger still does not want to interface well w/my iPad)

Val vs The Universe

 …or the Multi-verse, the Mirror Universe (insert lame pop-culture reference here) or a Galaxy Far Far Away!?! I am feeling very small & insignificant as I struggle on, but I realize I never finished last weekend’s minor drama -

Tony was discouraged with our failure to secure a completion at our 5/10 ride, which really wasn’t a failure at all - remember our motto “To Finish is to Win”! I am all too familiar with the disillusionment of being pulled at the finish, but he requested we come home, so we did after allowing the ponies to rest up for a couple of hours. (The ponies looked great so that’s always a win in my book) I called Peran to tell him we were coming on back but he sounded terrible -

“Honey, what’s wrong??” - “The tortoise is missing!” At first, I thought that meant he just couldn’t find her in the upstairs bedroom where I’ve been letting her wander (most of the winter I had her pinned up like a veal calf in an aquarium tank which was too small), but no, P had taken her outside to the small wooden tortoise corral which she has also outgrown. She had busted out the side like the Kool-Aid man & he could not find her…

So when I got home, got Twoie safely put away in the pasture & the trailer parked, I dusted off my hands & settled in to “think like a tortoise”… Thankfully Peran had mowed the front yard so it was easy to scan those premises - I figured she would head for the shade/shelter of the flowerbeds.

I started by the garage to work my way around the house - thankfully I found her tucked under the rosebush by the front steps. Whoops, there’s some poison ivy! but it was a small price to pay to recover Athena. So whenever I start to be too down on myself, sinking into a morass of dog hair, dust & clutter, I remind myself that I do have a few skills.

Stumbling Onwards

 Another week has rushed on past me in fits & starts - while I was feeling bad juju about my sleep study last Wednesday night, I went ahead & got on with it… I was hoping for more of an academic exercise than the sleep center’s concerted effort to get me fitted for a CPAP. I term this “When your only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!” Or pulling up another gem from Cool Hand Luke: “What we have here is a failure to communicate”

The equipment I picked up for the home sleep study in April was not too bad - a nasal cannula, a chest strap, and an O2 sensor on my finger. They recommended an overnight stay in the sleep lab, where I presumed I would be wired up like a crash-test dummy (which I was), but the technician immediately started fitting me with a CPAP device. Seriously, you expect me to sleep with something like this?!? Not without heavy pharmaceuticals…

While the technician was very pleasant, she had her marching orders so I said I would try. I laid there for two hours with the first model; we switched out the subsequent two models for about an hour apiece. By 2 AM I told her this was pointless, so she disconnected me had me sign several forms saying I was “refusing treatment”/AMA & released me to go home to nap a few hours in my own bed… Silly me, I thought I was being so efficient by scheduling my follow-up with my GP at 8:30 AM!

Needless to say, Thursday was a Very Long Day since I had follow-up with dermatologist at 3 PM (neck has healed fine, what's another scar??) However, I managed to muddle through - crashing at 9:30 PM & getting what felt like my first decent night's sleep in I-don't-know-when...

Endurovet Rides Again, After All

 No Great Thoughts this morning as I work through the DOMS after my first 25-mi event in 3 yrs… The good news is, we did it - Twoie performed admirably after some minor Early Morning shenanigans* - & the bad news is, we were overtime! (6 hr time limit to complete 25 mi; we plodded in about 40 min over)

I’m still bursting with pride while second-guessing myself as to what I could’ve done differently - but the trails are challenging, there’s a lot of rock & our ponies were barefoot - picking up the pace risks a lame horse. (What would’ve been the “best” choice would’ve been to have shoes or boots put on, but on Thursday I was tied up all day getting the basal cell carcinoma carved off my neck - that turned out to be a whole-day ordeal since it took her 3 excisions to get it all) The deck was further stacked against us since I had a miscommunication with my girls - they did not clear my schedule so I could get out a little early Friday afternoon - I had to work straight up until 6:00. Thankfully horse camp is only a couple of hours away, so Tony & I pulled in with enough daylight to vet our ponies in Friday night, sparing us the stress of an early morning exam…

* I had gotten Twoie’s new purple headstall which I proudly put on him Saturday morning - however something was bothering him: he was throwing his head around & trying to crow hop,  so I finally went back to the trailer and put his old blue bitless rig on him. He still gave me a little bit of guff getting out the gate but we were finally on trail. It was great to be riding with the Real Krewe again.

Tony always has problems rating Cowboy early in the ride - I held Twoie back & let him go on ahead… I caught up with him about 3/4 of the way through that first 16-mi loop, we stayed together for the rest of the ride. He was saddle-sore enough to ask about cutting things short as it became apparent we were not gonna make the cut-off time, but I jollied him along, spinning that it would be great to have the training miles even if we didn’t get credit for it. (We actually did opt out of the last pasture loop which was probably about a mile - my friend Debbie said she had measured it at 28 miles so I don’t feel bad)

Both ponies demonstrated excellent recoveries, so after about an hour & a half’s rest, we loaded up to come home for Saturday night - we celebrated with dinner at the Rocket Café where I had not been since Zach was an infant. The Rest of The Story later!

Belated Birthdays etc

 aka “Giving It All Away” - Val is indulging in another episode of self-pity as I look out at gray dreary skies this morning. We had glorious weather at last weekend’s NATRC ride near Waco but returned to more thunderstorms - “May showers”, apparently!

My Decatur ride (April 27) was canceled with our torrential rains/muddy conditions: the Forest Service feared we would damage the trails, folks were getting stuck on Thursday just trying to get parked in camp. This Saturday’s AERC ride near Cleburne will be slightly more challenging, but I already pledged to Tony that we would enter the 25-miler…

And speaking of pledges, I’m also falling far behind on any obligations I had as a halfway decent daughter - I haven’t visited my mother in three weeks! I diagnose myself with a severe case of caregiver fatigue; I just had to step back a bit & trust the facility to care for her as her decline into dementia steepens. She still recognizes me, she’s just getting increasingly disoriented as to time & place & exactly what we’re doing round here! She roams the halls searching for my dad or Aunt Mary Sue, wondering when they’re going to board the train or when we shall arrive, wherever it is that we’re going??

I feel as if I’m just plodding wearily through my days myself, but I was able to take Victoria & Zach out last night for her belated birthday dinner. It appears they’ve settled on a wedding date of 8/08/26 - I don’t know if V’s grandfather will survive that long (I haven’t visited V’s grandparents recently either - I need to make my own evaluation, but Andy is down to 140-some-odd pounds, still relying on a feeding tube) Z also announced he’s not inviting his father, which of course is his decision to make but I was trying to gently nudge him into being the bigger person. He’s finally fed up with doing 200% of the work to keep their relationship alive. (Maybe more later, gotta get on into work)

I’m All for Spontaneity BUT…

 … when your friend texts you at 7:20 asking about dinner plans, just as you’ve pulled out of the Mickey D’s drive-through with your happy meal?!? - kinda throws a monkey wrench into one’s own end-of-the-weekend plans!

So I made that sacrifice, ha ha! even though that meant overeating, leading to another poor night’s sleep. P couldn’t be persuaded to join us - he’d already eaten & is adhering to his rigid dietary/exercise schedule (looks like he’s peeled off a few of the pounds he’s regained, good for him!). I’ve been trying to celebrate K & W’s belated 39th anniversary, that’s quite the accomplishment! Poor K is getting over walking pneumonia; W is fighting miserable side effects of his Metformin/statin combination**, and Baby Daddy drama continues over their coming-on-5-yr old granddaughter…

** W was beset w/intractable hiccups right after his big beautiful steak was placed before him; he had to excuse himself & go stroll around a bit to ensure this didn’t cause regurgitation 

I managed a 2-hr ride yesterday morning w/Tony & Sam; my entire stiff spine was crackling this morning when I stretched out in my brief yoga routine. (I had invited K but of course things weren’t going to work for her on a Sunday morning - can’t miss church don’t ya know! - & she worries about parking her rig “in da hood” where we connect w/the AT&T Trail)

Tony picked some winecups for Twoie’s halter - I’ll have to add those photos later 

 I keep dawdling around, distracting myself with busywork when I ought to be organizing my thoughts… I had everything planned out for my next blog entry right down to the title: “Endurovet Rides Again”!!!** I’ll just pull my initial effort straight from the transcription I wrote for my cousin:

Karen was my mentor when Michael & I latched on to endurance riding as “our sport” after picking up a flyer at the feed store in 1990. “Way back when” she was a schoolteacher in Grapevine: I was witness as K worked out her relationship with Mark. He was 10 years older than Karen & had gotten out of a messy 1st marriage himself, fortunately without any children involved…
(This summarizing is quite helpful - what just occurred to me is another disparity in our relationship; while I considered Karen to be one of my closest friends, she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid? Hmmm, maybe it was just that pesky religious difference - her family is very evangelical/verging on fundamentalist?)
Anyway, I got the impression early on that Mark was trying to isolate Karen from her family - going to NB, then returning to TX to settle near Amarillo, “just far enough” to make visiting difficult!
But over the years, I got the distinct impression that I was doing the heavy lifting in our relationship - by the time Zach was a teenager, I had withdrawn quite a bit, but I still considered her a close friend - I just didn’t reach out as often. Guess that’s why it felt like such a betrayal when I was unburdening my soul during that final disastrous custody battle - as it turned out, she was sharing this with Mark, who was then passing intel along to Michael!
When this truth came to light, she justified their actions by framing as some sort of intervention, since I was “too permissive” with Zach - needless to say,  our relationship has never recovered. We are now passing acquaintances at the rare rides K attends, which are few & far between (after she married Mark, it was obvious he was trying to isolate her from that too!)
It will be curious to see if she now starts going to more rides as a widow?

** I had planned to shepherd Tony through his first 25-mi event in 7 yrs, & mine in 3 - however Texas weather had other plans! Torrential rains flooded the trails & the Forest Service feared too much potential damage, so our ride was canceled. Endurovet will have to delay “feeling like a genuine endurance rider” until 5/11…

https://www.robertsonfuneral.com/obituaries/mark-schrader/#!/TributeWall

Death & Taxes

 …”the only inevitabilities” as Val continues to flounder around in this maelstrom of my own making!

I started to title this “Best-Laid Plans” - if there’s anything that endurance riding teaches you, it should be adaptability! Off Tony & I went to Priefert Ranch last weekend, with a brief stop at the clinic Friday morning since there had been a scheduling problem & I had to see a couple of clients. But fortunately it all worked out, no major delays, and we were setting up camp around 3 PM…

The next monkey wrench came flying out of left field when we took the ponies over for their check-in exam & Twoie was lame with heat & swelling in his left front tendon sheath?!? So we had to do a swap & trade, with me appropriating dear Silas while Catie’s dad hauled in one of their “sale barn mares” for Catie to ride instead. (Marty bought these mares last summer - good solid quarter horses - but was uncertain of Blue’s ability to hang tough for a long distance event? Spoiler alert - she did great! Catie’s riding skills have greatly improved, as Blue is an ex-playday pony, ready to go-go-go! So Catie had to do a lot of circles)

The Rest of this Story to follow as my next inevitability arises - the necessity of going to work!

************************************************************************

"The Things We Do for Love”

Of course I didn’t have the opportunity to add anything to this, even at the tail end of my workday - as my friend William loves to exclaim: “Everybody wants a piece of me!”

I was going to type earlier this afternoon that my son was in the process taking the GMAT… I trekked up to Irving last night to buy him a good-luck dinner. He has studied so hard for this test, and had his hopes pinned on a high-percentile score which might qualify him for some scholarships. Zach just called me in dejection, because he “merely” scored a 615 which ranks him in about the 75th percentile. When he first began taking practice exams, he was scoring in the 500’s but had high hopes of scoring above 700. I remain amazed that they get their scores immediately as I recall waiting anxiously for weeks for the results of some of my higher level exams! Admittedly, I have not done much research but I would think Zach could gain admittance to the UT-Dallas MBA program with that score? I would think there is some small advantage to the fact that he just graduated from there with his bachelor’s almost a year ago…

At any rate, I would count last weekend’s expedition as “qualified” success: while I’m disappointed that Twoie hurt himself, I got my crew through the ride successfully & even managed to teach Tony a thing or two about pacing, so he was much more comfortable upon completion of the ride. Tony & I continued up to Clarksville Sat afternoon to visit my cousins, where we enjoyed a homemade lasagne dinner with them. (One thing you can say about my family is that you will never leave hungry ;-) It was a very pleasant evening to camp out, and we headed back home Sunday morning.

I’ll have to add some photos mañana, since this iPad is not cooperating in these endeavors.

"The power of advertising" - I bought this glitter stencil kit from a FB ad, so Cowboy got to be Gator Boy! (Twoie didn't earn any bling bcz he was crippled!)

                                          The backroads of the beautiful Priefert Ranch

                                                                  My crew & I setting out

W.Y.H.I.W.Y.G.

 (What You Have Is What You Get)

I am slowly coming into the acceptance that this is the current status of my relationship with my son -   don’t get me wrong, it’s all good & I appreciate every time he calls to ask me a random question, vents to me about this, that, or the other thing, bouncing various ideas off of me** but still I miss him - I miss his physical presence; I know I “spousified” him far too much as far as getting my minor hits of affection. “A son is a son till he takes a wife”; I know Z’s got to invest himself in his relationship with Victoria if there’s any hope of him having a successful marriage. That leaves Mommy out in the cold like the little match girl - pressing my nose to the glass, trying not to say too much nor do too much! As currently Z & V are trying to thrash out their compromises for the wedding… I understand that Victoria wants her day in the spotlight, but I agree with my son that it’s foolish to invest as much as $20 - 30K in such an event. Looks like we could easily drop $10K just by renting a couple of tents to pitch on the hillside & having everything down here on the farm, but at least that would solve the problem of the $10K rental fee just for the venue! That’s a generous wedding gift in my opinion (obviously, that’s not the only wedding gift I would give them)

** Z is currently studying to take the GMAT because he wants to go back and get an MBA. Continued education is never a bad thing, & if he thinks it will help his career I’m all for it! T minus 48 hrs - he’s been burning the midnight oil studying for this and goes to take the exam Friday evening. Fingers crossed, but I’m confident my boy is (still) a good test taker just as I was…

But my cousin has decided Holy Cross is not the retirement community for her - fortunately no one has made an offer on her house so back we go to California over Easter weekend. Keeps my mind off my current troubles which continue to be my mom’s insidious decline, and the loss of most of her clothes when they moved her to long-term care! It’s irritating because I had bought her a pile of new things since she has lost significant weight. So that’s this afternoon‘s project, combined with starting to repack & load for this weekend where Tony and I are going up to Mount Pleasant (the beautiful Priefert Ranch). The bluebonnets are blooming & it should be a beautiful weekend!

Steeplechase

 Why does it seem as though the goalposts are constantly shifting?? It isn’t as if Val “only” gets run off the road in a serious car wreck - destroying my little Nissan & putting me in the ER with a concussion, lacerated lip, and broken rib. And then get dragged into a lawsuit by my neighbor, who is looking for some mythical big insurance payout (he & his wife were in their Suburban behind Mr A**, who turned in front of me, forcing me into the guardrail which I bounced off & rebounded into their truck)

** this was his employer’s work truck, which he supposedly did not have permission to drive? & strangely enough, Mr A has vanished into the sunset (the sunset in Mexico, that is) so we’ll never know his side of the story. I suspect it would be the Mexican-standoff driving theory, which is that the first vehicle at an intersection (even if only by fractions of a second) gets to proceed on through…

ANYWAY, I had to book Dr. M to cover for me yesterday so I could go up to Frisco for mandatory mediation. (There have been multiple continuances - I had to hire my own personal injury lawyer in 2023 since the lawsuit exceeded my car insurance boundaries). We have filed our own countersuit in what I consider a case of “self-defense”: I do have evidence of a TBI; the argument will be how much of that can be attributed to the accident, and how much could be the aftereffects of long Covid? It will prove to be a case of whose experts prevail - I think we’ve got good ones.

At any rate, mediation was unsuccessful because they were being ridiculous - they started with an offer of $5K (I have no idea where that figure came from?), then  an increase to $17K which was the price tag they attributed to my medical bills - again, I don’t know where those figures came from; I’m sure my day in the ER cost considerably more than that? So “we’ll see ya in court” which is scheduled for June 17th - perhaps we can finally get this BS settled. It’s stressful - I came home yesterday in desperate need of a nap.

Photo Dump (Part ???)

 

                                      Awe-inspiring Basilica of the Sacred Heart at Notre Dame

                                           Idling around at Pat Mayse Lake (Catie & her dad Marty)

   A long-perspective shot of Tony & I on the trails at Reynolds Creek (if you zoom in, you can see the next riders, stopped ahead of us at the water trough)

Captain Dunsel

 I was going to tie this into yesterday’s “Restart” post but I didn’t have enough time in my idle ramblings… I missed the tail end of Season 3 (no big loss) in my endless saga of Star Trek reruns during Catie’s visit; this week it swings back around to the excellence that is the 1st season! Captain Kirk faces redundancy when they install “The Ultimate Computer” to take command of the Enterprise; I likewise feel a little bit useless as Zach & Victoria wheel out in their wedding planning…

I don’t want to rain on their lil’ newlywed parade, but to me, spending upwards of $10K on a wedding venue sounds like a poor thing to pin your marital hopes on?? And of course that’s far from the bulk of the expense - by the time they cater the party, buy flowers & clothing & arrange all the other activities, they could easily spend $30K!!??!! Yikes! Not that I want to sit back here saying “I got mine” - while I greatly appreciated my folks throwing us a nice reception when Peran & I got back from our pseudo-elopement wedding in Scotland, but A.) they didn’t have to do it, & B.) as I recall, they spent maybe $3K - granted, this was 22.5 yrs ago - let me plug those figures into an inflation calculator; maybe at today’s prices, that is pushing $25 - 30K??!!?? Again, yikes! But of course, my main concern is not the money so much as the glaring gap that I perceive in their financial management strategies - this money might be better invested on premarital counseling. Yes, I know - pot, meet the kettle!

Restart

 Trees are beginning to bud out (although I haven’t seen the pecan trees budding out yet; they are never fooled by a false spring) as we head back into another bluebonnet season! I had a whirlwind trip to California, followed by a bounce to Indiana to get my cousin & her kitty cats settled in - Zach was almost in tears when I sent him pictures of her beautiful backyard: “Why would she ever leave that, Mom?” Well, let me break it down for ya, son:

A.) Isolated hilltop location which she’s never been fond of - her ex-husband picked out these lots

B.) $20K as an annual property tax burden; the cost of living overall in California has gotten outrageous (it made my eyes water to see gas at $6/gal & I didn’t even see a diesel pump!)

C.) As I mentioned earlier, Heida fears that her ex is now going to build on the lot next door; talk about being forced into in-house confinement! 

I’ll have to dump photos later since this iPad still isn’t cooperating with that function…

My Cousin’s Keeper

 (A gross exaggeration of course, but I have to come up with a title and I’ve made many jokes over the years that I don’t have siblings**, I have cousins!)

** not entirely true - God rest your soul, sweet Linda! I’ll come back to write more about that later, but for now I’m concentrating on my cousins…

My dad was the youngest of 3, the only son of George Sr whom I never knew (he died when I was 2). He was raised in close proximity to his cousin James - nicknamed “Tag” because he tagged along with the Lewis family every chance he got…  Kind of sad because it looks to me like his mother pawned him off on other family members quite often - at any rate, Tag enlisted in the Army, was sent to post-war Germany & came home with a German war bride. He went to work in the aerospace industry (Lockheed & Martin Marietta, he was a real rocket scientist!) & moved to California. They had a single daughter, five years older than me - we didn’t get to spend a lot of time together, but we were always kept appraised of each other’s accomplishments. Heida married her high school sweetheart & worked as a medical librarian at Stanford University for over 30 yrs. Her marriage imploded about 10 years after mine with many parallels to my situation, in that her husband gaslit her, trying to persuade her that he was not cheating even when it was blatantly obvious! (In Ian’s case, it was the Burning Man festival instead of endurance rides)

Heida’s decision to retire and move away was expedited by her former father-in-law‘s passing - he owned the lot next door to her: her ex-husband inherited it and she is convinced that he will build there.  Heida is a devout Catholic (much more devout than me, ha ha!) which is why she settled on this retirement community at Notre Dame. Tonight I can get out my suitcase and start packing!

The Best-Laid Plans

 (Fill in the blank: “can go to waste”, “can be for naught”, etc)

My problem is, these days I feel like I have NO plans - these last couple of years has been a desperate struggle just to keep my nose above water between the forced implosion of my clinic, the relocation/remodeling struggles, trying to get my son to the finish line in college, and my own health issues. Nevermind any other minor complications like my mother’s slow insidious health decline & my sterile marriage-between-amiable-roommates (at least I can give thanks that we’re amiable!)

I can chirp in my best Marty Feldman imitation “Could be worse - could be raining!” & then it does… I was scheduled to work a day/ride a day at Dr. Conway’s memorial ride on the southeast side of San Antonio during what I hope is our last gasp of wintry weather. I was not dismayed in the least not to saddle up Saturday because it was drizzly & cold - however, Sunday dried out & turned into a beautiful day. Unfortunately the 3rd vet Eron had lined up to spell me out was rear-ended by a dump truck on 410 when traffic came to a standstill - thank the Lord she was not hauling horses in her trailer (she was just bringing it as her RV to sleep in); they would’ve been seriously injured or killed! So there again it could’ve been much worse: all I had to do was work, everything went smoothly, we had no treatments & I was able to hook Tony up with our neighbor so he got in a ride. Twoie got a nice camping trip & extra grub!

This weekend we had a work day out on the trails on Lake Bardwell so hopefully we can get them re-opened; I managed to get in a 10 mi ride yesterday on Mr. Silas since Twoie had taken himself down to the bottom pasture - he would not come when I called & rattled a feed bucket. I needed to make sure Silas was uninjured after his recent ordeal - he’s fine, just mildly deconditioned! Unfortunately I’ve never figured out how to ride more than one at a time…

Zach had invited me to go to church yesterday, & while I was flattered, I had to decline because I told him I had already made plans to go riding. I am pleased that he & Victoria are investigating their options for having a church wedding.  Momma must’ve done something right!

                                                Checking ponies in the fog

                                                         Tony & Cowboy

                                                      Hard-working trail crew

Begin Again

 (Insert one of those convoluted infographics: the linear progress you expect to make, versus the convoluted mess life generally is!)

I went back & skimmed a few “ancient history” SP entries from 2014 - thank the Lord I am no longer having to “co-parent” with my ex-husband; talk about exhaustion!!! Then reviewed a few desperate entries from ‘21 when I was seriously concerned about Z’s “failure to launch”… Fun times! (not)

But yesterday I couldn’t face another Texas swing in the weather, with bitter cold & icy wind - it was like a game of chicken with my friend Sam texting to cancel first! But my consolation prize was meeting my son for a late lunch/early dinner; I hadn’t shared a meal with him for quite a while. And I mean “share” quite literally because he wanted to order appetizers off their happy hour menu; Z wouldn’t even let me look at the regular menu… I shouldn’t have indulged in that Moscow Mule; Zach said I was “moving like a zombie” when we left. Z was a little disillusioned, being reprimanded after correcting his boss’s mistake. I told him in large part that’s why I didn’t go to work at the zoo; I didn’t care to deal with the city bureaucracy. Thankfully he’s still getting on well with his coworkers & shouldn’t have to deal with a lot of daily interaction with this particular supervisor.

Meanwhile my only supervisor is me, myself & I, so I’ve got to get moving!

Edited postscript: the "Begin Again" title is derived from the fact that I finally peeled my rump out of my recliner last night, to stretch out on my yoga mat with my old "yoga crush" Robert - he has made some new videos for my YogaAnytime app; intermediate level is still a little beyond me, but dammit I TRIED..

My Ex-Mule's Lifetime Achievement

 ...as the first mule to successfully compete in & complete the Pan-American Championship Ride in 1999! Quite the accomplishment, even finishing dead last counts as a success. As you can see, this ride had a 50% completion rate...

100 Mile Pan American Championships 1999

Midwest RegionManager:Myna Margetts08/07/199990 starting, 46 finishing100 milesWinner:DML Smoke Silver ridden by Constance Walker in 09:32BC:
ridden by in , points

1	L	09:32	Constance Walker	on	DML Smoke Silver	450/450
2	L	09:32	Darla Westlake	on	MC Rams Z	375/375
3	F	09:43	Christy Janzen	on	Tais	450/330
4	F	10:03	Amanda M. Taylor	on	VP Bojtok	375/300
5	L	10:13	Patti Pizzo	on	Savaq	330/270
6	L	10:13	Linda Crandell	on	LR Forgeym	300/240		*R*
7	M	10:50	Stephanie Teeter	on	Nature's Khruschev	450/210
8	L	11:08	Julie A. Bullock	on	Ashara Neferititi	270/195
9	F	11:15	Marcia Smith	on	Saamson	330/180
10	N	11:16	Kevin Bohm	on	Ns Fay Royale	/		*RH*
11	L	11:17	Roberta Harms	on	Sha-win	240/150
12	M	11:29	Dana Reeder	on	Wyle-a-way Iris	375/150
13	L	11:55	Jan Worthington	on	LM Master Mind	210/150
14	L	11:55	Melissa Crain	on	Charbiel	195/150
15	H	11:56	Linda Fisher	on	FC Extreme	450/150
16	N	11:57	Larry Handziuk	on	Misty	/		*RH*
17	F	12:06	Candy Barbo	on	Augustus	300/150
18	L	12:23	Carol Steiner	on	MX Tio Vivo+/	180/150
19	N	12:28	Diane Duperron	on	Coralina	/		*RH*
20	F	12:35	Wendy Benns	on	Flirt With Ecstacy	270/150
21	F	12:46	Shellie Hatfield	on	Major Attraction	240/150
22	F	13:03	Genie Wunderlich	on	Twister	210/150
23	M	13:05	Harriet Aiken	on	MC Raptor	330/150
24	L	13:14	Teresa McHugh	on	Spring Nevada	165/150
25	N	13:17	Renata De Siqueira	on	Nature's Sungari	/		*RH*
26	L	13:26	Suzanne Hayes	on	Ssa Csea Dream	150/150
27	F	13:32	Ruth Sturley	on	River Dancer	195/150
28	L	13:32	Shirley Dennis	on	Faust	150/150
29	F	13:36	Carol Lewin	on	Csardas Ryptide	180/150
30	M	13:36	Jim D. Wiseman	on	Cyrano HC	300/150
31	F	14:30	Karen Binns-DiCamillo	on	RGS Zazarr	165/150
32	M	14:30	Debi Sanger	on	Novah PR	270/150
33	N	14:45	Silvia Assi Vaccari	on	Corkey	/		*RH*
34	N	14:45	Henrique Garcia	on	Nature's Nikita	/		*R*
35	M	14:45	Dory Jackson	on	DHC Nassahr	240/150
36	L	14:58	Anita Fiondella	on	CF Precarious	150/150
37	L	15:01	Juanita Gibney	on	Sir Bazharr	150/150
38	L	15:02	Joan Harris	on	Gallager	/		*R*
39	M	15:09	Gary Ceragioli	on	Desert Roses Raz	210/150
40	N	15:09	Bob Toothill	on	Bg Tazim	/		*RH*
41	L	15:43	Joan Storrey	on	Soaring Eagle	150/150
42	L	16:34	Claudia Harper	on	Castanea Cavalette	150/150
43	L	16:35	Barbara J. Cameron	on	Zoneyna	/		*R*
44	H	17:57	Joaquin G. Avellan	on	DJB Chaser	375/150
45	F	17:57	Jennifer Noblin	on	DAF Bobbi Sox	150/150
46	H	17:58	Mike Jaffe	on	El Cascabel Coyote Waits	330/150
RO			Nancy Beacon	on	Traverston Cob
RO			Cynthia Bell	on	Wameco
RO			Cecilia Butler	on	DJB Conquistador
L			Lisa Baker	on	Sassy			*H*
RO			Conrad E. Briggs	on	Blaze
L			Bruce Burnham	on	J Joqhuir			*H*
RO			Darolyn Butler	on	DJB Bab Razzmatazz
L			B. Jane Cloud	on	Ezer's Cloud
L			Earle Baxter	on	CH Catch Me If You Can
RO			Joseph Sandy Brown	on	Ruby
RO			Prue Critchley	on	Fort William+/
RO			Gail Fiebelman	on	HK Obsyssion
RO			Mary Fields	on	Christiansen10
M			Len Fox	on	Markoss//
RO			Janet Fredrickson	on	Sharteka
L			Dominique Freeman	on	Fire Mt Fancy
RO			Jack Enderle	on	Fad Silver
RO			Kim Hofmarks	on	Dakota
RO			Robert Gielen	on	Dvj Cassels Marcus			*H*
RO			Bianca MacKenzie	on	Kukuyu
RO			Susie Morrill	on	McFyre Flyte
RO			Eliana Rocha Leao	on	Tashi Samr			*RH*
RO			Amanda Winder	on	Dark Shadow			*R*
RO			Karen Badger	on	N.s. Sahiba			*RH*
RO			Rachel Bohm	on	My Bonny Ladd			*RH*
M			Luciana M. Doria Grande	on	Dragon Slayer			*RH*
M			Valorie Reeves	on	Copper
RO			Tricia Mellor	on	Keylyn TH Censor+/			*R*
L			Jose S. Marino	on	Brown R Winston			*R*
RO			Lari Shea	on	Avantii
RO			Laura Stoicescu	on	Windswift Barak			*H*
RO			Joe Mattingley	on	Ja Flair
RO			Sandy Skinner	on	Sha Hasans Asadd
RO			Joyce Sousa	on	Mc Dillon
RO			Clark Palfreyman	on	Sloan			*R*
RO			Jim Peters	on	El Alarib
RO			Rita Swift	on	Just Cass
RO			Kathy Majors Thompson	on	LS Zane Grey+/ /
RO			Stephen Rojek	on	Perigrine
RO			Yvette Vinton	on	Ww Due Me
RO			Brian Reeves	on	RB Royale Brand
M			Bob Spoor	on	Brown R Riseyn
RO			Lana Wright	on	Ll Stardom
RO			Margaret Wade	on	Fbs Silver Bucy			*R*

The data in this website originates from the AERC National Office. Updates can and do occur. The official record source is the AERC National Office.