Primum Non Nocere

 “First, Do No Harm”

I may have one of those hard decisions facing me today, if poor little Tina Fea made it through the night. I left her hospitalized at the clinic after throwing a few “Hail Mary” treatments at her, but I’m not gonna let her suffer. It’s remarkable how quickly one can get attached. It is my working theory that her former owners dumped her out of an inability to face these choices.

I think my all-time record is six euthanasias in one day, and there are many times when seems like it’s the topic of discussion several times a day. Folks think it’s the hardest part of my job but it is not - what’s hard are convenience euthanasias, behavioral cases or those of economic necessity… “Most” of the time it is a mercy, as I’m relieving suffering.

But this morning I’m dragging my feet - also hope my guy is well underway in fixing what he didn’t get hooked up correctly with repairs to my septic system! Just when I think I’m getting ahead, there goes almost $9000 for that, not to mention another $3000 in prep work for the new power pole/upgrades so I can get the X-ray machine reinstalled at long long last. I’ll have lots of excuses when I skulk around to talk to my CPA.

Dr. W is scheduled to pick up the surgery trailer December 5th; I think I can hang on by my fingernails until then.

Sisyphus’s Travels

 I hauled off for a mini-overnight horse camping trip, even though I shouldn’t have run (limped) headlong away from my duties for the weekend - “I’m so far behind I think I’m in first place!”

Little Bit (Tina Fea) didn’t adapt well to her first camping trip and has gone on a hunger strike. She vomited Saturday afternoon which I blamed on delayed carsickness, but I ran some bloodwork on her yesterday & uncovered some liver issues - great!!! that may be why she’s so skinny & why her owners dumped her (often times owners won’t take on the responsibility of euthanizing a pet with an incurable health problem - I guess they think slow starvation is better??)

I really hate the human race sometimes - but she ate a few bites of a different canned food last night, I got her meds down her even though this morning she didn’t want to eat again. We’ll struggle along for a bit longer, but if I can’t get her to eat consistently I will release her from her suffering.  The least I can do is give her a decent end of life - it’s amazing how quickly one gets attached. Aka “you can’t save ‘em all”; of course that’s the lesson that was drilled into me by cold hard experience from my very earliest days working in veterinary medicine…

But speaking of human medicine - we were shorthanded yesterday when Kristy had to go help her dad (staying with her mom while he had his own doctor’s appointment), and I suspect she’ll be out today as well. Kristy had shown me a picture of her mother last week: the poor woman is wasting away, & yesterday she showed Misti & me a candid snap of her parents, who look like the zombie apocalypse - a pair of ragged survivors! Kristy is praying that she is released from her suffering before the end of the year. Last week I went to the visitation for her adoptive grandma - seems like all I do these days is attend funerals and fill out sympathy cards.

But in the meantime we’ll struggle on and try to extract a few grams of joy from the experience - the weather was perfect at Lake Waco; I can’t believe in all these years I have never been to these trails? They are a little bit tricky since there is a single point of access and then many loops of interconnected trails (it’s not a very big park). I’m jealous of my friends who got to stay over for the Veterans Day holiday but look forward to going back to explore it some more.

I’m trying to store up as many good memories as I can for the days when I really can’t do this anymore

                                            "Behold the Lost Oak Lagoon!"

“The Life You Save Might Be Your Own”

 Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I did not haul off to the ride in Oklahoma this past weekend. It turned out to be a Perfect Storm of excuses - the most important being that I had a crew trimming trees at the clinic so Oncor can install my new power pole & transformer, upgrading our power so I can reinstall my X-ray machine! I could’ve just as well have titled this “The Never-ending Project”… (periodically, I’ll go back and skim entries from last year so I am well aware things could be far FAR worse)

And speaking of worse outcomes, I then attended the funeral for one of our animal control officers. Poor Drew requested a new assignment from his supervisor on Friday - of course he promised to get right on it, but Drew couldn’t make it through the weekend. It seemed almost surreal for the young pastor to be making the pitch for mental health services. I’m glad I went even though it was difficult; it seemed to mean a lot to Drew’s widow for me and Dr Brown (my young colleague from Red Oak who had also worked with Drew) to be there. Most of the local animal control services sent representation - they drove their trucks and had their lights flashing in the parking lot, lining up to form an honor guard of sorts when we went into the reception.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/legacyremembers/drewrey-daily-obituary?id=56589064&_gl=1*u49c5d*_gcl_au*NDAyNTczNTkwLjE3MzA0NzkzMjQ.

Since I stayed in town, I fulfilled another obligation Sunday - picking up Heather’s gelding to see what I can do with him. TwoFace reminds me a great deal of dear old Quigley and my sincere wish was to pawn him off on my cousin but he’s still working on fencing…

When I had to run into town last night (Hubby & I kept overlooking  the need for bleach), I stumbled into another rescue - a scrawny elderly little Chihuahua was running down the side of the road, darting into traffic! One lady had stopped, I pulled over to help but eventually it was a nice young Hispanic guy who ran her down. (on foot of course! I realize that wording sounded bad when I went back to proofread) No collar but I’ll scan her for a microchip** (Ha!) when I take her to work with me and a miracle might happen. Or God has sent me another dog…

**and of COURSE she doesn't have a microchip - but I've put her on my FB groups, maybe we will turn up her owner?!?

Duties & Obligations

 I have joked around with my endurance friends about the competitive trail bunch trying to recruit me to their side - it’s like an adult game of Red Rover! Last spring when I judged their 7iL event, Julie B asked me about judging her Oklahoma event which is this weekend (in other words, a good solid 7 months ago). I heard nothing more until about a month ago: as I was finalizing my schedule, I reached out to confirm. Julie said she had secured another veterinarian to be the head judge, but asked me to come help out anyway, much as I have done at Alice’s spring rides: hauling in with my gear to be there in case of emergencies, helping out wherever they need me. 

Part of me is relieved (it’s actually a hell of a lot of work to judge these rides, especially considering the minuscule compensation - last spring I don’t even think it covered the cost of my diesel), but part of me is offended, mostly by the fact that she didn’t tell me when she booked another veterinary judge. These arrangements are made months in advance, and if Julie had told me I probably would not have asked Dr. M to cover for me (that’s $850 right there). That’s a precious Friday I could’ve saved for my trail riders’ campout or another endurance event!

It’s really too late for me to back out now - Dr M is already booked; it wouldn’t be fair for me to jerk the rug out from under her! So I will go and I’m sure I’ll have a good time even though it looks like we’re gonna get long-awaited rain this weekend, hopefully that means it will dry up by the weekend of the eighth when I am supposed to meet my trail riders at nearby Lake Waco…

The state park where this OK ride will be held is also a site of historical significance to Yours Truly: we have had a long-standing endurance ride at this lake for many years, but I quit going 20 yrs ago since I ceded Oklahoma Territory to Ex & his slut (!!!). So part of this trip will be Auld Lange Syne for me as I recall several good rides Back in the Day...

Meanwhile, I pulled a couple of Victoria's Tulum photos off FB

                                                I commented "No, you can't have one!!!"

In Vino Non Veritas

 (What is this blog if not a place for true confessions & deep dark thoughts, not to mention reminiscence & retrospection??)

Back in the day when I felt as if I was frantically juggling my responsibilities as mother, wife & veterinary practice owner, I must admit I relied on alcohol as a minor crutch as well as self-medication. I met an old friend for a good ride yesterday - she’s been having health issues of her own, which can be partially traced to her sobriety issues. She had gastric bypass with significant weight loss but then struggled with malnutrition because she was drinking too many of her calories. I myself have come to the conclusion that I will gladly remain pleasantly plump if only I can get some of my stamina back!

Yesterday evening we celebrated my friend’s younger daughter‘s 21st birthday, and Courtney decided to tie one on! She was already urging her cousin to do shots with her and it wasn’t quite 6 PM… she poured me a cup (she picked out a coffee cup for me because it had a horse on it!) of sweet red wine which she forced into my hands. I can’t believe I’m nursing a minor headache this morning after that minor indulgence, but obviously I cannot drink the sweet varieties anymore. I had to give up white wine several years ago since it always gave me a headache - for the most part I can have a glass of a nice Malbec or Cab with dinner like a civilized person. Peran & I bowed out early when Courtney had retreated to her room to go through her old prom dresses. K reports she is alive if not well this morning - not surprisingly having thrown up several times! But she’s young so I’m sure she’ll recover quickly, ha ha! I’m very glad that Zach seems to have outgrown his binge drinking phase; I was very worried a couple of weeks ago when he took a bottle of tequila over to his friend’s as he plotted his proposal to Victoria.

Sounds like they had a great betrothal trip - I took Tyson back to Zach’s house Friday night with an invoice detailing all his veterinary care during the week: between boarding, bathing, treating his minor ear infection, updating his vaccinations and heartworm protection, it was a little over $600 and that didn’t even include ambulance service for Grandma to pick him up and return him safely home! Zach was very appreciative and hopefully I’ll get to see him this afternoon where he can show me vacation photos. (He sent me a few but I want the narration)

The Moth & The Flame

 Once again Val has screwed up - I did not cancel my monthly membership to the acupuncture clinic, so I’m on the hook for another month’s worth of these treatments. While I can’t discern any earth-shattering health improvements, it does seem to help my sleep quality. Unfortunately the clinic changed their schedule & is no longer open on Thursdays, which is the main reason I signed up! So I have been trekking up there on Tuesday nights and either Saturday or Sunday…

Last night when I emerged from the soothing dim lights & mellow music, I saw that I had a missed call from my son (of course NO CELL PHONES in the treatment area, which is a great thing - I need to set aside the technology more often!). A short game of cat & mouse ensued because of course, when I tried to call him back he didn’t answer, but I could see his location so I headed thataway… we finally linked up at Aldi where I accompanied him on a short stroll browsing through the store. I couldn’t bring myself to buy anything even though I’ve been daydreaming about what I might have for dinner as I lay on the acupuncture table - now nothing sounded good! The fundamental problem was that I didn’t feel like cooking - I wound up going through a drive-through and buying a couple of tacos; not the best nutrition but far from the worst.

Zach is getting stressed out about my financial predicament - I appreciate his concern but him coming up with what I consider harebrained schemes (like selling off rental properties) would be counterproductive. Mea culpa for oversharing - it isn’t that I expect him to solve any of these problems; I’m just trying to use myself as a prime example of how not to manage your money.

He called me as I was getting ready for bed and talked my ear off for another half an hour until I told him we both needed to get some sleep: worrying about these things was no longer helpful! I have to hold on until the first week of December when Dr. W is coming to pick up the surgery trailer…”Every day in every way I’m getting better and better!” (10 points if you can identify that quote)

Just Another Manic Monday

 (I realize that today is Tuesday, but I damn sure didn’t have a chance to blog anything yesterday!)

I got an unprecedented 3 calls from my son yesterday - the first two were appreciated but unremarkable; just routine stuff. Zach is dealing with the aftermath of his car accident: fortunately the other party is accepting complete responsibility which means he was able to pick up a rental car yesterday & return Andy’s old Lexus. The old reliable warhorse of the Impala is fixable with Andy’s help in finding a body shop, which is great news…

But when he called me at the end of the day asking me if I wanted to meet for dinner, Z’s voice sounded funny - of course I would come meet him even though Monday night would be something out of the ordinary. I was glad I had completed my errand of mercy over lunchtime, making a house call for a friend to euthanize their elderly Doberman. Fortunately traffic coming from the south (going into town) is minimal in the evenings; Zach asked me to rendezvous at Andy & Adela’s house which there again was perfectly reasonable since Andy has been struggling - I had tried to take them some Chinese food on Sunday, but Adela had taken him back to the VA.

It came as a complete shock when Zach walked into their kitchen with his little bag from the high-end jewelers - his surprise was that he had gotten Victoria‘s rings paid off! He had not mentioned a word about it for months & months; with their recent “little bumps in the road”, I’d been afraid to ask. Of course I’ll post photos when I can - I don’t want to rain on my son’s parade, but as much as he would love to propose to her when they go to Mexico next week, all three of us (Andy, Adela & myself) advised him not to take the rings into Mexico. Andy said it best: that Z might make an honest man a thief. Fortunately Zach seemed to get where we were coming from, but he rushed off shortly thereafter to talk to his friend & former roomie Brooks. Adela loaded me up with leftover birthday cake so Peran & I could have our own little celebration when I got home. This does make me glad to be the mother of the groom with less financial obligations - I had offered to sell my old rings and contribute those meager funds towards the cause, but there’s not a market for small, mid-quality natural diamonds when you can obtain these huge, flawless laboratory-grown ones for a fraction of the cost.

Today’s gonna be a terrible Tuesday in its own way, so I’d better start getting ready. My dogs woke me up barking at something around 2 AM but I managed to shut down my anxious brain and drift off back to sleep until shortly after 6:00.