Pyrrhic Victory

 It’s a cold hard fact of veterinary medicine (not to mention human medicine - no doubt this is part of the reason Victoria has had difficulty finding her niche in her nursing career) that “You can’t save ‘em all”

And ruthless Father Time is going to take every single one of them, sooner or later… I can’t dwell too much upon all my lost pets, family members, friends, acquaintances & patients or it’s just too damn depressing. But here goes another one - I have failed in my attempt to help Moonie along for what I hoped would be a few more years of relative comfort… The post-surgical complication I was warned about has occurred: the rupture of his deep digital flexor tendon in the right front. While a 3-legged dog or cat can adapt, a 3-legged horse cannot so I’ll have to make arrangements for him this week. I actually should’ve taken care of him yesterday but I was giving Zach an opportunity to come out & say goodbye to him…

Mijo stood me up - he has never handled death & dying well. I’ll let him off the hook one more time - it is only 4 weeks (3.5 wks actually!) until his wedding after all; we had a nice long phone conversation & he said he was dropping in on a friend’s birthday luncheon - obviously that took up too much of his precious weekend time! My snazzy purple boots came in - they are a little tight across the top of my crooked left toes - I want to see if I can devise some sort of stretching device to make them a little more comfortable.

But speaking of comfort, I was only comfortable for the first 15 miles of the 30-mi event I signed up for Friday - in retrospect, I should’ve kept marching along on Twoie even if we came in overtime! Instead I quit & came home to prepare to ride in the Fort Worth Stock show parade Saturday morning, where Twoie absolutely lost his mind! (I think it was the marching bands that did him in, although all the waiting around, stopping and starting didn’t help either!) We had our own personal escort of parade marshals because  they didn’t want to see that kind of stunt work in front of the cheering crowds downtown! 😜🤣

Seriously though, I did appreciate their help and as long as I could keep Twoie marching forwards,  he settled down so we just had to leave our little group behind and march on off into the midday sun as opposed to the sunset (The parade was at 11 AM; we made it back safely to my trailer around 12:20)

Obviously I took no pictures but there are lots of video clips floating around on social media - I kept on skimming to see if anybody had highlights of our rodeo preview 😉

(Another misrepresentation - I did take this preliminary photo of Twoie enjoying his cookie before the event!)

Recycling

 Fairly proud of myself for my latest “recycling/upcycling” project: dyeing my old wedding dress lavender to serve as my mother-of-the-groom regalia. I think it turned out nicely - a $4 bottle of RIT dye & a half-day investment of time & effort - now all I’m waiting for are my demi-boots (let’s pray they’re comfortable, or at least tolerable for a few hours!) & then I’ll need some new shapewear (in skimming Amazon reviews, it’s amazing how the same product can have 1-star as well as 5-star reviews - I guess I will just have to reluctantly go to the department store) I saved a significant amount of money, not having to buy a new dress so it isn’t as if I was shopping for cheap East Asian products; I was looking at familiar name brands like Maidenform!?! 

The last things I worry about will be my makeup (I wear makeup so seldom; I guess I will invest in a new bottle or jar of foundation!) & what to do about my shaggy mop of hair… I have tried to grow it out a bit but it’s not looking promising. Those calendar pages continue to flutter down like the fallen leaves 😳

Before...
 

During...

                                                                           After!

Still waiting for these snazzy little boots, but they've assured me of delivery within the next week

Absence of Malice

 …was a pretty decent flick “back in the day”: Paul Newman, Sally Field - what’s not to like? (I just skimmed the Wikipedia entry to refresh my memory on the plot, since the most memorable thing for me was the title! As I recall, it was played up at the time largely due to the romantic tension between the lead actors)

But speaking of romantic tension, I have a confession to make: that army guy has popped back up & I’ve been messaging him on Telegram. Super casual, “getting to know you” type stuff - he’s a widower, deployed in Iraq w/2 teenaged kids (he has not divulged which family member is taking care of the kids, but I haven’t pressed him on it either - as I said, our communications have been intermittent & superficial) I have a small, squirming underpinning of guilt about the whole situation - of course, I told him right up front that I’m married, with a brief synopsis of family history…

I was asking myself, as I lay awake in these predawn hours if I would be embarrassed for either my son or my husband to read our dialogue - no, I would not! Fundamentally, I’m ashamed of my neediness as I watch for those little checkmarks to pop up showing that he’s read my messages. There’s an old parable I used to quote in reference to my ex about a Russian farmer & his starving horse: each day, he would feed him less & less until one day, the horse died. I stood over Peran last night until he lifted his eyes from his phone screen - I told him those little videos were rotting his brain, which he denied as he promptly dropped his gaze back to that irresistible screen again…

Obviously I am no better, as I tap this little keyboard. In other news, in only 5 short weeks we’ll be in Vegas preparing to get Z & V married off… I rolled up my sleeves yesterday to dye my old wedding dress lavender - I will have to post some pictures because I think it turned out pretty well! And in another tribute to the power of advertising, I ordered a pair of orthopedic purple ankle boots off a FB ad which I hope will be comfortable for this occasion.

                               Laurel & Hardy trying to squeeze through a gate simultaneously

                                                        New Year's resolutions anyone??

                                                       

Self Evidence

 This morning, I creaked through a very slow, relatively brief mini-yoga series: a greatly abbreviated version of what I try to do in the mornings. Fortunately only minor pain and stiffness - it felt really, really good because I haven’t even attempted to do anything yoga-related in these 2 weeks since I cracked my ribs. It appears I shall live 😊

My New Year’s resolution (such as it is) is to continue to try to drag myself out of this pit of injury & ill health. I already completed my first goodwill mission of the New Year, hauling Twoie & Baraq to our ride in order for Christina & Catie to successfully complete their first endurance event together. (My pre-injury plans were to sponsor Catie myself in another LD event, but I didn’t think my ribs could stand up to 25 mi; it wouldn’t have been fair to downgrade the boys to intros when they’re doing so well!)

It was a strange empty feeling to go through all the prep work: the hustle & bustle of getting them ready for the ride, only to wave goodbye as they headed out on the trail… but I enjoyed basking in the glow of their accomplishments as they Top Tenned - they popped in off their first loop after only 2 hrs 15 min when I was expecting closer to 3 hrs. I had just sat down with my breakfast taco…

Ride manager Kerry gave me a “Hard Luck award” - a cute little bedazzled purse with a Chihuahua on it! Catie immediately put on her T-shirt & (as the only junior rider on Sat) was thrilled to get a Breyer model as one of her awards. Her dad posted this thoughtful reminiscence on FB, as he stayed home as ranch manager: (Brownie is his mustang whom he rescued & trained; Blue is Catie’s cast-off barrel horse)

I moved the cows from pasture to pasture today on Brownie. Spent the rest of the day riding Blue. She's been running through the bit and probably never knew what a right lead was. Likes to throw her head up and run off, well she got to run off all day long, maybe tomorrow too. She never had any leg control til today. It's been a long time for me working on the horses, but it comes right back to me as I mess with them. While I'm riding I can't help to think about lost times and people. I was burning some circles in the ground on Blue and this song comes on. I was immediately taking back to my childhood near the Red River in McCurtain County. I don't know why, but living closer to the place where my Dad was born makes me feel lost and found at the same time. The past year with all the deer, cows, dogs and horses have made me think of times I spent hunting with friends and family. Herding and working cows and all the trail rides and people and horses I've known. I have missed it so much. It takes a while to build a good horse, even longer if the time is not there. After all these years trying to get back to it, I find it bitter sweet. You set goals in life and try your best to hit them, but there's no promises the people you thought would be there to share them with are no longer here. 

I'm riding horses everyday now.

                                              Christina & Twoie heading out on trail

Trailed by Catie piloting Baraq - although Christina let her lead much of the time :-)

                                                                 Post-ride vet check

                                              My Hard Luck award

 

Christmas & Post-Xmas Photos

 

                                              I wouldn't advise you to accept a drink from this young man

                                                     I'm already a little starey-eyed from that drink!

                                             Victoria's Cousin Julia, Zach & Victoria

                                                   Julz & Tobias tackle the bridge (Twoie did it too!)

                                                     Twoie, Silas & Heather

The Homestretch

 Just when I’m ready to delete that ol’ social media which wastes too much of my precious irreplaceable time, I come across some profundities - food for thought as I creak around, slowly & painfully, with dreadful awareness of my own mortality:

When I turned 67, I sat in my favorite chair, looked back at my life, and whispered to myself,

“So… this is the beginning of the final stretch.”

And slowly, the truths I had avoided all my life began to surface.

Kids? They’re busy writing their own story.

Health? Slips away faster than sand through open fingers.

The government? Just headlines, promises, and numbers that never change your daily reality.

Aging doesn’t hurt your body first — it hurts your illusions.

So I sat down with myself and carved out a handful of bitter but necessary truths.

⸻

Kids don’t save you from loneliness

Children grow, life pulls them in every direction, and you become a memory they visit when time allows.

You smile… and yet something inside you remains strangely hollow.

Kids bring joy — but they are not a shield against loneliness.

⸻

Health is not forever

One day, the outings you once jumped into with enthusiasm feel like a marathon.

You realize health was never a background character —

it was the main pillar holding your life steady.

⸻

Retirement and money

Retirement is not a reward — it’s a reality check.

Depending on the system is like standing on thin ice.

Bills grow, needs grow, prices grow… but support doesn't. 

⸻

So I rebuilt my life on new rules — honest, sharp, practical rules for living with dignity.

⸻

Rule 1: Money is more reliable than anything else. 

Love your kids, cherish them —

but don’t make them your retirement plan.

Save for yourself.

Even small savings create big freedom.

Financial independence is dignity.

⸻

Rule 2: Your health is your real job

Nothing else matters if your body refuses to cooperate.

Move. Walk. Stretch.

Guard your sleep like treasure.

Eat cleaner. Reduce the poison disguised as sugar and salt.

Illness doesn’t discriminate,

but it respects those who take responsibility for themselves.

⸻

Rule 3: Create your own joy

Waiting for others to make you happy is the fastest way to heartbreak.

So you learn to enjoy the small things —

a peaceful breakfast, a good book, music that warms the soul.

When you know how to make yourself happy, loneliness loses its power.

⸻

Rule 4: Aging is not an excuse to become helpless

Some people turn aging into a performance of complaints.

And slowly, even those who love them start stepping away.

Strength is attractive.

Resilience is magnetic.

People respect the ones who stay capable, not the ones who surrender.

⸻

Rule 5: Let go of the past

The good old days were beautiful — yes.

But they’re gone, and there is no return ticket.

Clinging to the past steals the present.

Life today may look different, but it still holds moments worth living.

⸻

Rule 6: Protect your peace like it’s your property

Not every argument needs your voice.

Not every insult needs your response.

Not every relative deserves access to your emotions.

Peace is expensive.

Protect it from drama, negativity, and draining people —

even if they're your close ones. 

⸻

Rule 7: Keep learning something — anything

The day you stop learning is the day you start aging.

A new recipe, a new word, a new app, a new hobby —

your brain needs movement just like your body does.

Learning keeps you young.

Stagnation makes you old.

⸻

Strength and freedom still belong to you

Aging is an exam no one can take for you.

You can adapt, rebuild, and rise stronger…

or sit back, complain, and wait for someone to rescue you.

And if ....

No one comes to rescue you ....

Stand up for yourself ...

Because  you still can.. 

And that single truth is enough to transform the rest of your life.

Unknown author

And there are horses. You can always find a horse that needs you as much as you need them.

-- Ruella Yates

Foofaraw

New vocabulary word for me: I’ve followed therapist Ann Koplow’s blog for several years now, each day she posts a “word of contemplation” => Foofaraw: A great deal of fuss or attention given to a minor matter

A 5 mile ride is hardly worth hitching the trailer up for, but I am proud of myself nevertheless for “getting ‘er done”: introducing Heather to Mr Reliable, good ol’ Silas… I had to move slowly, I had to take lots of ibuprofen**, but once I was astride Twoie, things weren’t bad at all. We ambled around in fresh air & sunshine on the familiar trails of Bear Creek Nature Preserve for an enjoyable hour & a half.

I think everyone is under the mistaken impression that here in Texas, we can just ride in open space for miles & miles wherever we want, but in reality, access to trails is quite limited. A lot of land is under private ownership, & there are only a handful of state parks that allow equestrian use. I know I posted about the loss of our beloved Pole Canyon ride in the Panhandle when that ranch was sold - Caprock Canyon State Park (about 12 mi away w/similar beautiful scenery) allows trail riding, but there’s only about 12 miles of trails so that’s not enough to put on an endurance event.

** last Saturday we trekked up to LBJ Grasslands N of Decatur for a very pleasant trail ride with my buddies. Unfortunately, in an outstanding example of poor judgment, I loped up to some boulders which I knew were problematic & Twoie unceremoniously unloaded me on the ground. I probably have some cracked ribs on my right side, but naught can be done except take my pain medicine & soldier on…

So it’s been a rough Christmas week, my friends! 

I was grateful I didn’t have to do a whole lot - we went over to Victoria‘s grandparents for Christmas dinner, where Adela had prepped a Tex-Mex feast of tamales, beans & rice, and nopales (sautéed cactus)

My son tried to poison me with a very large, very stiff drink - his own version of a White Russian 😳 - I will post photos as soon as I can.