Autopilot II

 “Just the facts ma’am” - I need to type faster or scrutinize my voice dictation closely as I try to “spit it all out”:

As I mentioned, Janis befriended me in our undergraduate ornithology class as I was a good study partner. She & Charles had taken an apartment across the street from UT Arlington - a great place to hang out between & after classes (even though at the time she and Charles both smoked like chimneys). Their bohemian lifestyle was quite a revelation to this sheltered girl, fresh out of Catholic high school - I had my fake ID so we often went to the campus bar on the weekends & closed the place out. Both she & Charles had been art majors, so she was upgrading her teaching certificate while Charles seem to be constantly in search of his ideal position (i.e. Janis was the main breadwinner - another novel concept to me; this couple in their 40’s still living like impoverished college students). My dad sold C & J my mom’s little station wagon at a significant discount as a graduation gift of sorts to Janis, they drove it for years to come until Charles’s ship finally came in -

Charles became the personal assistant to a wealthy elderly Texas oil/ranchwoman when they were renting a house on Key Allegro, the artists’ enclave of Rockport. When she passed away (I just wasted a lot of time trying to look up the exact date, but it was in the early 2000’s), she left Charles a substantial bequest. This enabled them to buy the shell of an abandoned beach house on the north end of Rockport, which they then finished out. If memory serves, they moved in around 2005; as I mentioned before, Janis’s health problems began snowballing in 2010.

(Once again, too slow! so I’ll have to add onto this little memoir later)

Autopilot

 It’s a real treat for me to go to bed without setting an alarm - nevertheless, my eyelids popped open at 7:01! I slept fairly well (maybe because that pressure was off), but I’ve spent the last hour doodling  around on various philosophy websites trying to find an exact quotation…

Charles always reminded me of the Greek philosopher who joked that he “lived in search of good wine by land or sea”… Their lifestyle was such a revelation to me; Janis had come back to college (where we met when I was a undergraduate at UT Arlington) to upgrade her teachers’ certificate & ultimately wound up taking a position down on the coast where she spent the last 30 yrs of her life. We fell out of touch when I married Michael because they knew “way back when” that he was no good for me, but Charles reached out in 2011 - Janis had retired in the aftermath of a diabetic health calamity; she had had major surgery to repair the claudication of her aorta, resulting in life-threatening anemia, multiple blood clots in her legs (she was lucky not to have suffered amputations at that time, nor major organ damage), and struggled back in an amazing recovery… Janis could have very easily become dependent on a wheelchair or walker, but through regimented exercise & Charles’s meticulous attention to her diet, she was able to return to hiking, birdwatching, and yes even the short horseback ride she wanted to experience when I took the ponies down to the coast during Z’s Spring Break of 2011…

This “honeymoon period” lasted 8 yrs - Charles again called me in July of 2019 when Janis was struck down by a catastrophic spiral of blood clots & sepsis, resulting in progressive amputations of her legs & her death in October. I pray that things are less miserable for Charles, although he admits to significant pain & unrelenting hunger, even though he can eat next to nothing. His neighbor called me yesterday to say that hospice tried to deliver an electric wheelchair which he refused - it would almost be a hazard in his multilevel beach house! I was roaming around the upstairs Sunday morning since I couldn’t sleep - I pulled out a couple of the photo albums from their extensive travels (Spain, Morocco, Portugal). How quickly the time passes!

Catchup with Photos

 (As I mentioned, taking any photos in Rockport would've been cruel & unusual punishment, but I did snap a few at Lake Whitney & Z's BD dinner)

                            Dear darling Silas, toting Marina w/Cowboy Troy on his good paint mare

       Saturday afternoon (Loop 2) just before the equestrian wheels flew off the Carla's buses**

                                     Look at my handsome majestic Arabian - mighty Baraq at 23!!!

See Zach's halo? Love the chandeliers at his favorite steakhouse. Another fine dining experience

** Now I realize I never posted about that minor catastrophe: in what was kind of a last-minute decision, I hauled down to Lake Whitney the last weekend of May for our Texas trail riders benefit ride. Not a lot of folks came because it was hot! I had brought Silas for my friend JR's niece to ride again, but the 2 Carlas were running behind - Marina & I went out & did Loop 1 with the other cowboys n' cowgirls, then went out on Loop 2 with the 2 Carlas. Unfortunately we barely got 3 mi out when something spooked Carla 2.0's big goofy Thoroughbred - I heard the "pop" of her Hit-Air vest deploying as she was thrown. I had my hands full as Baraq started bouncing around, then I heard another "pop" as Carla Prime was unhorsed as well. When I got Baraq settled down, we circled back to assure ourselves that both Carlas were OK, then we backtracked their horses back to camp. "All's well that ends well" since fortunately no horses nor humans were injured, but it was a long hot walk back to camp for my friends. Cowboy Troy rode out to the rescue with extra water bottles...

The Hit-Air vests are the equivalent of a "wearable airbag" that protects riders from rib & spinal injuries - I admit they're pretty cool but my ego won't allow me to wear one until I eat dirt a few more times...

https://www.hitairequestrian.com/

Best-Laid Plans

 As if I didn’t have enough “Woe is me” evidence - I opened up FB last night to see that my beloved Ft Stanton ride next month has been canceled due to the lack of pre-entries. Seems a little odd when the ride manager had set a pre-entry deadline of June 20 & yesterday was the 16th, but of course that’s his prerogative! Managing an endurance event is hard, thankless, expensive work - perhaps the predictable umbrage & outrage will change Tommy’s mind, but I don’t blame him for noping out. Several folks are saying since they’ve already arranged for the time off, they’re going to go camp out & ride regardless, & I think I’ll do the same. I could be really self-sacrificing & return to Rockport but I think I need the saddle time worse…

After a long day of waiting around + multiple phone calls, Charles’s doctors finally released his medical records to hospice, & I’m happy to say their hospice nurse went out yesterday afternoon at 4:30. I was pleasantly surprised they were so proactive! Now I’ve got to be proactive & get my tail to work - I took 50 mg of trazodone last night to take the edge off, which helped me sleep but left me groggy & unfocused this morning. Guess I’d rather just be tired!

Too Little Too Late

 I’ve learned to pay attention to that little naggling voice of conviction; the one that told me to “get my ass to Rockport” after Charles called to tell me he’d been diagnosed with metastatic esophageal carcinoma at the Texas Medical Center. (Recap: he had been vomiting since Thanksgiving & has lost a precipitous amount of weight. His sister came to visit in April, bundled him up to take him back to Houston for diagnostics but he insisted on returning to his home, where he wants to spend his final days)

I picked Father’s Day weekend which seemed apropos as Charles has been a positive masculine influence in Zach’s life. Unfortunately, Z stood me up because he got too far behind the 8-ball in preparation for his trip to Tampa today for the final phase of his training for his new job… Let me just say I’m so glad I went because it was desperately needed - I was even able to get Charles signed up for hospice care on Saturday. The nurse is supposed to come out today to do his evaluation - the first order of business will be to get him on oxygen, he gasps for breath with the slightest exertion. He kept on trying to help me as I cleaned up the kitchen or did this & that but he would run himself into oxygen debt & have to hit his inhaler. I went to Walmart and got him several of those handheld oxygen canisters, got him a few things in the way of groceries (which hopefully he can eat; the kitchen was stacked with picked-over portions of food). I made him one homemade meal** - that’s all I had time for as I had to come back home yesterday…

**pasta salad & air-fryer fish

I took no photos. It would’ve almost been cruel

Down the Rabbit Hole

 I was certain that I had posted about my once-in-a-lifetime, suboptimal experiences of pregnancy & childbirth, but fell down that proverbial rabbit hole when I searched this blog for references:  most of it concerned with teenage-Zach shenanigans & marital woes…

https://endurovetssparkjourney.blogspot.com/search?q=Childbirth

Basically I’ve wasted all my writing time this morning shambling along Memory Lane (yikes!). Today is Mijo’s 27th; we drove up into Big D last night to celebrate his birthday at his favorite steakhouse. I ate too much, too late in the day - between that & worrying about our upcoming errand of mercy to check on my friend Charles down at the coast, I didn’t sleep worth a damn. Was it the (single) glass of wine, the deep-fried lobster balls - surely it couldn’t have been the excellent steak? I have leftovers for tonight‘s dinner. How far we have come, I’m so proud of my fine young man!

When Doves Coo

 …a reference to the immortal Prince masterpiece “When Doves Cry”. My life is much less dramatic, staggering around at low amplitude with shortness of breath. After my disastrous experience at the sleep lab, I ordered a Vitavix cervical collar-type device for snoring/sleep apnea, but I couldn’t manage to fall asleep in it last night. The typical cycle for me seems to be a couple of weeks of ragged sleep, until I’m so exhausted I can string together a decent eight or nine hour night. I’m convinced it would be a complete waste of time, energy & effort to try to adapt to a CPAP, a BiPAP or any of these other forced-air devices that strap onto your face.

Another day has gone by and once again I did not call my friend Charles (I spoke to him Sunday). Zach has to fly to Tampa June 16 for on-site training for his new job; he is declining my offer to fly us down to the coast for what I fear will be our final visit - “Charles‘s last chance to torment Zach” (Charles’s words not mine! Luckily he has not lost his wicked sense of humor) Zach wants to do a road trip - now I’m all for road trips, but it will certainly be a quick turnaround as we’ll drive down Friday night, have one day of visitation, & have to return to the Metroplex Sunday morning. Of course I will never pass up this opportunity to have Prime Time with my boy - hopefully I will find a diplomatic way to talk to him about Bridezilla; against Zach’s expressed wishes, Victoria contracted with a wedding planner to the tune of $4300. I believe they are meeting with the priest at St Monica‘s next week, but Victoria vociferously rejected her grandmother’s suggestion to have the reception at the parish hall - she has been looking at hotel venues which run into the tens of thousands of dollars. This was one of my concerns about Zach leaving his job - while it’s all well & good to make more money, I’d  hate for it just to be funneled into a big dog & pony show of a wedding. Not to mention it’s a huge football field-sized red flag for her to splurge like that -  nevermind that she used her own credit card; when she and Zach are married he’ll be responsible for her debts.